The Adelaide scene: to many of you it may be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctional splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
ONE QUIET NIGHT IN OCTOBER... "SHARKS, CATS & BIRDS" @ THE METRO / Saturday October 8th 2011
I tell you what maaan but Adelaide can be a "tough crowd" to please, A TOUGH CROWD TO PLEASE (and that's if you can actually get more than 10-20 of them to attend in the first place...FUUUCK!!) as much as I surely don't need to tell you ANY of this shit, I mean pfft...it's every reason why so many international touring acts fly straight from Melbourne to Perth to AVOID us; we're a disgrace!We're the ficklest of fickle fans, the fairest of fairweather friends, the very definition of "Goldilocks" in gig attendances! "Oh it's way too cold! it's way too hot, way too wet, too windy, too dry! we've got work tomorrow (yes even on a Sunday morning). It's a week night, it's a school night, it's the long weekend (and we've all buggered off to Melbourne...yipeee!). It's the Royal Adelaide Show, it's the Grand Final, it's the OTHER grand final, we can't get our friends to go, we've got NO friends; they all moved to Sydney! We're sick, we're broke, we're morbidly depressed, we've got no weed, we've got way too much weed...no wait, who IS this band? why should we care? we only listen to dubstep and R&B now, and we've just bought that boxset/bittorrented a season's worth of whatever-the-fuck and that couch is looking mighty tempting all of a sudden (especially when we should be writing up that essay/assignment or studying for those end of year exams) and OOOOH CRAP IS IT END OF YEAR EXAMS AGAIN!?" (except wait didn't we drop out/graduate already...back in 1998?). Only now we've got some "serious business to attend to" with our Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, 3DS, DS, SNES, C64, Atari whatever-the-fuck, or we're celebrating "All Horses Birthday" belatedly (from two months ago), or we just recently declared ourselves "deceased" for tax reasons, or...we've become born again Mormonists, or we STILL haven't gotten over seeing that Snowtown movie or that Lost series finale from a year ago, or we suddenly can't handle the colour yellow, we're having a blah day, or maybe we've been wandering the city streets earlier tonight as the "living dead" (it's a yearly tradition!), we're thinking of hitting up the after party; only now we gotta go home early because we've had an allergic response to all that blood, theatrical paint and pig viscera, and maybe we're beginning to suspect our bus driver's a paedophile? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS!? All this nightlife, all this a-grade insanity on offer, and we keep coming up with 99 reasons!? aaaah Adelaide, YOU SO CRAAAZY!
I mean don't get me wrong...I get it! I understand it! I've even used a few of those myself! I totally know where you're coming from. Yup as much as any OTHER city (yes even Canberra) might be shaking their heads slowly and laughing at us for even daring to suggest them! But nooo we're a conservative city, a pragmatic city, a city of mindnumbing grids and squares: where everyone's 35 going on 75 living in an ever more ridiculous, ever expanding suburban sprawl rivalling that of Los Angeles (at 1/10th the population!?) worshipping their MasterChef, Glee, X-Factor blah-di-blah whatever-the-fucks from the comfort of their own homes (because who wants to leave the couch?) and hell can you blame them? when it takes two hours or more to travel from the outer reaches to the city centre by bus, only for all those same buses to stop running at midnight, only to be hit by taxi-fares nearing the triple digits for the return trip...and all for what? so you can leave your car at home, escape the suburban grind with all the plastic shopping malls and the pokie lounges and the cover bands and laugh it up like a "fashionable twat" drinking yourself blind at an illustrious live venue in the CBD featuring "original up and coming bands"; only next to nobody's even heard of them before, at least not on Triple J, and they may even blow a goat!? HA HA HA FUCK THAT!!
So you're wondering why I'M here then? shit...why else duuude! to show you what's what, where to find it and maybe even when it's happening too; Spoz's Rant is all the motivation I'll ever need! (as much as we know all that's merely a flimsy excuse for me to get retardingly drunk every week, legitimise it as a career, thus providing me with the "solid gold" means by which I can barely afford it...HELL YES!!) but how do I find these gigs worthy of leaving the house for? no more importantly, HOW DO I CHOOSE!? Well obviously I cover only but the very platinum pinnacle of "fuck yeaaah!" excellence for this blog...and that's according to my utmost "unbiased opinion" too I might add (wait...why are you looking at me like that!?). And yes you truly should consider yourself honoured, humbled, or...largely ambivalent or perhaps even mildly flatulent if ever I choose YOURS because yes I truly do put a lot of thought into it! and I might as well considering I "work" anywhere upto 50-90 hours a week on this shit, for at best $100-200 in advertising revenue (I'M RICH BIAAATCH!! only...why are my shoes falling apart?) but yes there's a certain checklist I almost always abide by. As much as I'll readily admit I chose this show tonight The Metro INSTEAD because: (a) I designed the poster art, (b) someone here owes me $50 for it, and (c) I can use that $50 to get me drunk; which let's face it I haven't been doing nearly enough of lately, AND THAT SHIT SO AIN'T PRETTY!! but y'know what IS...? this poster maaan! I mean look at it all glass front framey, glowey and shit, FUCK YEAH!! LET'S ALL BASK IN MY OVERBLOWN EGO AND SENSE OF SELF ENTITLEMENT, WOOOO!! and no that isn't the sound of crickets chirping at me just now for making this decision HA HA HA *ahem* (unbiased my arse!) nooo that's the sound of a thousand teeny tiny people applauding!
SURVIVING SHARKS (****) - Yup to put it bluntly? it was freaking DEAD here at The Metro tonight. HA HA HA duuude it was whistling tumbleweeds over tombstones to the sound of one hand clapping, it was nothing short of a post apocalyptic wasteland starring Viggo Mortensen in a serious need of a "happy meal" and a shotgun! As much you were totally mad bonkers for missing out on this shit, no really WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!? well obviously you weren't here for THIS band, or maybe you were? only in the quasi-invisible astrally projected sense...aaaah who the fuck knows!? either way they're still one helluva opening act! Surviving Sharks. Now if the name's not familiar? maybe that's because this is only their second show tonight; as much as they packed out their first show to the ceiling (and then some!) when they played at The Ed a month ago; as much as they already got a "mad buzz" going for them courtesy of that video clip they shot for their first single "Bleed & See", before they'd even played a show, that somehow got picked up by NME (no really, take all the time you need to absorb that nugget!) as much as many of you in the Adelaide scene should be WELL familiar with this band thanks to the infamous Sean Kemp: as chances are he's either added you on facebook already, you've already repeatedly REJECTED his offers to add you on facebook (pleading for the insanity to stop), or you've already been part of one of his upteen billion OTHER bands he's ever associated with (and yes there's far too many of them to list now). But before you flee screaming from the mere mention of his presence? he's NOT the lead singer of this band, his brother Drew is, and it's that mad sibling dynamic between them: especially with the rich vocal harmonies, that really sells it. And it's not the first time they've ever teamed up, they've had a long history of it stretching back to the mid 90's: from Blindside, Tendahook, The Castonets (which then became The Kemp Brothers) to ABlackwell. But it HAS been a good nine years or more since they've both been in a raucous "rock & roll band" and not just some semi acoustic/semi folk act playing whimsically obscure nights and venues you likely never heard about. But more than just being all about the brothers Kemp? Surviving Sharks is a rich ensemble. Featuring Josh Biggs on bass (formerly from Booster and Fighterpilot) who not only adds effortlessly to the harmonies/gang vocals with Drew and Sean but also works a diabolical rapid fire rhythm section with Sean on drums (that rather resembles what a herd of elephants would sound like breakdancing to a shitstorm of cinderblocks...only eerily precise) only to be made all the MORE diabolical by the inclusion of Dan Cava on lead guitar (from Your Motive For), who doesn't so much as shred the living shit out of the solos like he's channelled both Joe Satriani by way of Carlos Santana on a mad methamphetamine binge gone horribly right? but goes a few steps well beyond that like he's been challenged by the Devil himself to an "old timey fiddle contest" for his mortal soul, only to walk away with the keys to Heaven and Hell and perhaps a gold plated flying Ferrari for his troubles without even breaking a sweat...duuude he's a FREAKING MACHINE!! Yet it's all in the artful combination that truly makes this band so much greater than the sum of its parts. In sound you could figure them as a bar brawl between Them Crooked Vultures, Foo Fighters and an exceptionally chunky sounding You Am I, perhaps even a little Split Endz in the vocals. As much as there's also an overall 80's blues/new wave feel to them (dare I mention Dire Straits?) and a real willingness to dive right off the deep end in regards to the songwriting. I mean they're not just slumming it with verse/chorus "pop"; they're experimenting with all manner of shitcrazy twists, turns and tangents, there's never a dull moment in all the eclectic territory they cover, as much as they almost never waver in delivering a nonstop onslaught of giddy all singing, guitars buzzing, bass and beats aggression; in short if you like your shit loud? you'll LOVE this! Surviving Sharks. No really...WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!?
THE AMCATS (****) - Now before you ask in following? YES Surviving Sharks do usually have a fifth member: Matt Newton on keys; only he "wasn't here" tonight. And yes I asked, maybe even got a straight answer: "something something interstate"? yeaaah I forget (and to be honest they might've sounded a little less "cluttered" as a result?) and in the end they may've entertained say a dozen or so people? (well it was their second show, a "sophomore slump" was to be expected) all mad hooting and flailing in applause...only for most of THOSE (short of a handful) to suddenly find a convenient excuse to be elsewhere at the sight of THIS our second act..."SHIT YEAAAH, IT'S THE AMCATS!!". Now obviously no introductions should be necessary, I HAVE been writing about 'em for what, four years now!? exhausted just about every lame joke comparing them to The White Stripes (as much as they prefer to think themselves as being influenced by The Black Keys, but pfft...who are we kidding!?) duuude they are nothing less than an Adelaide institution! Personally I'm quite fond of them, don't let my "frustration" attempting to review them over and over again expecting different results fool you (definition of insanity anyone!?) just as they DO have a faithful following; especially amongst those of the psychedelic persuasion...only none of them could be here tonight (bit of a recurring theme I suspect?) just as I CAN appreciate why the mere mention of their name could drive some of you...(especially those of you of the more "hipster fashionista" persuasion) to gouge out your eyes and ears screaming begging for the pain to stop. Why? because they're NOT a fashion...at least not a current one, they're a tradition; or more accurately a well studied ritual. They've performed this "ritual" again and again, it has a very particular "sound", they've been very faithful in "exploring" THAT sound (well...save for the occassional coppertone mic/gang vocal mad "experiment") in fact you could consider them the Adelaide scene equivalent of the Model T Ford. "You can have it in any colour; as long as it's black!"...yup love 'em or hate 'em they're not gonna change for anyone. And as such? tonight's set proves to be more of the same...right down to the telepathic call and response between Shane McIntyre on guitar and Renee Andrighetto on drums, as they all but tune out the "crowd" (or lack thereof) in weaving their signature sound; replete with the same extended jams, the same trad covers (that we might struggle to recognise through all of Shane's howling guitar distortion and exciteable yammerings) the same sprinkling of three or four songs we might recognise as the "singles". But to give credit where credit is due: they have honed their craft considerably (yes even in the past year or so) and they've also found a new lease on life thanks to their latest music video for "Peggy Sue" getting high rotation on Rage...and not in the graveyard sense (no mean feat!) only to be handpicked to play at the CMJ Music Marathon in New York just this month as part of their "Sounds Australia" showcase (along with the likes of Gotye, The Grates and Art Vs Science to name but a few) and you can't blame them really; I mean for the blues? they're such an infectiously "upbeat" buzz! as much as all that is kinda falling on deaf ears, or more accurately "absent" ears, at The Metro tonight. But still The Amcats make the best of a "blah" situation, by ripping through the entirety of their set like they're ripping a bandaid, I mean it's almost dizzying to watch! In fact in that one 9 minute video I shot below? they managed to fit in three songs: "Had Enough (I Want More)", "Truck Stop", "When I Wake Up" and a cover of 13th Floor Elevator's "You're Gonna Miss Me" (plus who knows what else they crammed into a full 30 minutes?) and all before fleeing the stage? yup I guess this was just one of THOSE nights, huh?
ANYA ANASTASIA (****) - Which then brings us...possibly a little awkwardly, to the third and final chapter of our "Sharks, Cats & Birds" whizzbang extravaganza (look at that poster! LOOK AT IT!! MARVEL AT ITS RESPLENDENT GLORY!! AAAUAUAUGGHH!! *cough* wait, where was I again?) with what was originally billed to be our headlining act, Bird Wizdom...only instead? what we get is their lead singer Anya Anastasia as a solo act on ukulele and keyboard. Now there's two, possibly three reasons why this may've happened. Firstly the band "Bird Wizdom", outside of any fullblown theatrical production, likes to keep things loose: as in they have an extended ensemble cast and whoever shows up on the night THAT'S the band (and believe me it's worked wonders in the past); only most if not ALL of this "band" are currently in hiding studying for their final year uni exams. Secondly there's the trivial matter of Anya being invited to audition for "Australia's Got Talent", yes INVITED (as in she already auditioned this morning and got a whole lot of "positive feedback") and yeaaah...the less we say about that shit? the better! as in: perhaps any other band members who might've joined her? are currently screaming in a shower cubicle in "recovery". And thirdly...well, have you met Anya!? HA HA HA DUUUDE!! (she's just a teeny bit nuts!). Of course all this shouldn't matter a hoot tonight, since The Metro's been "whistling on empty" all night, and even more so by the time she arrives on stage, and aaaah fuck it she could probably write this whole thing off as a glorified "rehearsal"...but then something "odd" happens. And I'm not talking about her live act (more on that later) nooo it's more to do with the "crowd"; as in against all improbable odds? she actually wins herself one! As little by little they come: at first in numbers singularly, then in pairs as if out of nowhere, then a gathering swarm...all bug-eyed and befuddled and in dumbstruck awe at what they were witness to (sheeiiit, there might've even been a few overseas tourists!) she gathers her "audience"; and all of them hanging to her every word. It's quite the remarkable feat really, as much as we shouldn't be all that surprised if ever we'd seen her play live. For Anya Anastasia, even as a solo act, is a shitcrazy force to be reckoned with. I mean if you wanna massively sell it short? you could call her a cross between say Regina Spector and Amanda Palmer (the warbling voice and the lyrical wit/warmth of the former with the batshit eccentricities/whizzbang theatrics of the latter) but it's more the energy and the awkward authenticity in which she projects it as a concoction all of her own. Dressed as a circus explosion: corset, suspenders and skirt with missmatch coloured curtain tassles flailing about (yeaaah you know those "fuzzy things" you get on those old timey whimy ones? she totally nicked two of them and made them into an outfit) and a wild bird's nest of black hair (including two drinking straws she stuffed into there to look like "chopsticks" for that all important oriental touch). I mean she doesn't just perform here tonight as a bohemian freak gone horribly wrong, she IS that bohemian freak gone horribly RIGHT...duuude she's what the perverted lovechild between Winona Ryder and Edward Scissorhands would look like; only on a lot more acid! Each one of her songs is a heartfelt "confessional" in being howlingly socially insecure about just about everything and everyone, only in lyrical witticisms wraught increasingly hallucinogenic. She's endlessly endearing in all her whimsical malfunction, she lights up a room! As much as I've seen her do this schtick countless times before...and yet I still can't help but be inspired anew each and every time? Yup that's Anya Anastasia. Quite possibly not of this earth, and I dare say she saved the night too, only to sell next to every copy of her album she had on her possession to the giddy flock of newfound fans after the show (including a CD she had spinning in her car stereo that she didn't even have a proper case for?) FUCK DAMN, HOW DOES THIS FANTASTICAL FREAK DO IT!?
12:58AM - And then, just when it got "good" here...? and I'm speaking of the crowds of course, not so much the bands (who've also been good, possibly even exceptional...I mean those crickets don't just chirp for anyone!) everybody had to get "gone". Yup for even my grasp of the English language was starting to fail me...it's been one of THOSE nights! So I lingered for a while, soaking up what little I could (of what could've been SO MUCH MORE) only there isn't really all that much you can do to "entertain yourself" at The Metro after the bandroom clears and they start propping up those windows panes again (and you've long since swiped all the "free" choc-chip cookies from the pokies lounge)...all save for THIS: this photo frame picture of Luke Eygenraam, left here after Central Deli Band threw a secret reunion show as "The Koalas" back in August; only to continue to amuse, confuse and befuddle passersby when they see it hanging up on the wall in the bandroom and wonder "no seriously, WHO THE FUCK IS THAT GUY!?" as the awesomest in-joke the Adelaide scene has ever seen, that only a handful to a hundred people would truly appreciate the rarefied humour of, that only seems to make it "cooler"; and the endless photo opportunities it can provide for ME in ruining it for everyone, by getting Sean Kemp to pose with it. YEAAAS!! Like remember when planking used to be cool? until that kid fell off a balcony, and then it wound up in the papers and then it got mentioned in parliament!? HA HA HA yeaaah I don't quite get the analogy either...
1:22AM - Which is possibly why I found myself here at The Ed Castle soon after. And it wasn't for the bands...if that's what you're asking; as much as they've already played, as much as I wouldn't have a clue WHO they were (or could've cared less for that matter) but hey if you're still curious? apparently it was Pluto Jonz, Apolarbear and The Aves (wait...The Aves played!? AWWW CRAP!!). No it was more that I was wondering if the "audience" we got at The Metro tonight was indicative of the Adelaide scene as a whole...or merely an isolated incident, or yeaaah maybe I was looking for a few familiar faces to get hilariously drunk with because it's been waaay too long since I've been drunk...like proper "laughing my tits off" drunk, and I sure as shit ain't doing it alone. NUH UH!! Or in other words maybe I'm hoping to prove a point, whilst simultaneously easing a guilty conscience over the fact that my shit hot poster didn't nearly bring in the screaming fans I thought it would?
1:28AM - And yup as it turns out? I was right, it was a total tumbleweed tournament here tonight *phew* or at least there was nobody here that I recognised; save for one Nick Bastiras from the All Night Girls going shit beserk on the DJ decks to a giddy dancefloor of...aaaah who the fuck cares!? and Toothbrush here laughing it up in a near deserted beergarden. Yes...Toothbrush. And if you're perhaps wondering WHY he's called "Toothbrush"? HA HA HA yeaaah it's a hell of a story! You see there was this toothbrush, that was floating in the men's urinal in Supermild, for two whole weeks in 2009 and...no wait, why does that make this guy "Toothbrush" again...? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS!?
1:44AM - Yup clearly The Ed wasn't happening tonight...and I was a little too late for The Grace Emily, still too early for Supermild and I was nowhere near "adventurous" and/or bored enough to attempt either Cuckoo or CasaBlaBla...so there was only other option; especially if I was looking to get shitfaced drunk in ways I haven't been shitfaced drunk in weeks, perhaps even months: LET'S GO TO THE EXETER!! and so here I am about to cross King William and all the traffic lights are out? Woweee if that ain't the perfect summation of Adelaide's "nightlife" tonight...I DUNNO WHAT IS!!
1:59AM - Because yup...you guessed it! nothing's happening at The Exeter either. FUCK DAMN!! Which possibly explains why I'm desperate/insane enough to hit The Crown & Anchor in following...
2:02AM - And yeaaah do I need to say this again...? Although at the very least I did bump into one Steeny Pants and Tabby Sexpanther here (obviously not their real names) otherwise known as Adelaide's answer to "Kath & Kim" only all the trashier (and yet they're all the more awesome for it I SWEAR) both sporting "Money For Rope" merch: as the Melbourne band in question may've just finished headlining a show here with Tea at The Crown & Anchor earlier tonight. In fact that "wall of hair" you see there on the right? may in fact be their lead singer Jules McKenzie, or shit maybe it's just a dwarf Yeti impersonating Tex Perkins? or yeaaah...you can never be too sure sometimes.
2:34AM - And since I'm not nearly piss catatonic enough to handle all that just yet? it's back to The Ed; only to all but "confirm" that our annual Zombie Walk had all but wiped out anyone who would've normally been there tonight (or perhaps it was a hepatitis outbreak? no wait...herpies!?) only to hit up Supermild soon after; because yeaaah I've clearly wasted enough time in between; only to find myself waiting in line outside for a "good half hour" before they let me in. AWESOME!! Now I know what you may be thinking...if I was so intent on getting drunk tonight? why in the hell did I just waste the past hour walking the length and breadth of this city, taking retardarse photos of empty streets, instead of just pissing it in the one joint? pfft...WHERE'D BE THE FUN IN THAT!?
3:15AM - Still as luck would have it, no sooner did I walk in here...? than I bumped into the ever infamous Dave Blumberg from Tea (who's disturbingly looking slightly less "certifiable" this week). Or more accurately I DID: half an hour into downing my first longneck for the night, only to check my watch and wonder out loud "hmmm should I stick around for another?", only to see that he was ordering up a round of shots for Money For Rope; or perhaps it's just for their drummer Chris Valdemarin, and yeaaah screw it...I don't care how I bullshit this? I want in! FREE SHOTS BIATCH!!
And I know it's not the first time I'd seen Supermild serve up these "red dealies"; it might even be their house specialty...only I'm never the "wiser" over just what they put them. Save that I once heard the "contents" may include: orange juice, ginger ale, whatever they put into a bag of burger rings (ground car tires? emptied ashtrays? asbestos? depleted plutonium rods? DDT? GBH? bird droppings? oh I dunno...vitamin C!?) yet do you see me hesitating? FUCK NO! NECK THAT SHIT!!
3:28AM - Only it's moments later; and in my defense there may've been a "miscommunication" in the particulars (yeaaah okay, it was the longneck I had just prior) that I was then informed, that the shot I just had, was ACTUALLY intended for Dave's sister. OOOPS!! That's her there on the left, and everyone else there on the right? is apparently every member of Money For Rope that Dave could drunkenly round up at short notice (plus a few photobombing ring-ins I suspect) all looking for a group shot, and heeey...it was the least I could do to oblige; and I mean the very least too! I mean what did I do? not fall over and press a button!? pfft...A MONKEY COULD DO THAT!! *ahem* no wait, it's an "invaluable service" I provide for the Adelaide scene...MOAAAR BOOZE FER MEEE!!
3:58AM - And speaking of having absolutely no segue linking that last photo to this one...it's then I bump into Gavin De Almeida from The Scarlet Ives...errr half an hour later (yeaaah okay beats me what the hell I'd been doing in all that time too). And before you ask WHY I'm including this photo? (besides the fact it's my blog and I really don't give a shit) it's mostly to point out the black jacket he's wearing, that's slightly similar (but not really) to the black jacket I'M wearing, and yeaaah okay, perhaps we'll need some backstory here? Remember that "Wolverine" jacket I got? brown? skeezy looking? leather (okay PVC)? has those motorcycle racing stripes? the one I wear all the fucking time when I'm NOT wearing my black jacket!? Back when I bought that shit in 2009: Gavin, who'd previously been wearing a similar leather jacket, freaked the fuck out realising I had one, stopped wearing it, in fact he's never worn it since. And thus I thought it'd be funny to point that shit out again with his NEW black jacket because yeaaah, I'm really ever so helpful like that!
4:31AM - One which is made all the more incoherent and harder to recollect at this point...and not just thanks to the two longnecks I've downed, or when I was at the bar midway into the second and the bartender offered me up a spare drink he just happened to have lying around, only for me to ask what was in it...only to quickly correct myself "WHY AM I EVEN ASKING!?" and downing it, only to be told it was a vodka something or other (crap, it's my kryptonite!) that I'm THEN randomly shouted this scotch and coke, for reasons I can't quite remember, but pfft...does it really matter!?
Only to be told to scull that drink, only to be offered up a subsequent, then told to scull that one too: because they'd bought like ten of them...and yes I realise it sounds rather juvenile of me to list my drinking exploits in such "detail" as this, but hey I DID want to get drunk tonight didn't I? OOO-HO-HO-HO *FUUUCK* I think I'm gonna be crapping my liver out sideways come morning!
4:45AM - Yeaaah I tell you what but I miss nights like these: stumbling blindly out of Supermild, staggering, yammering, laughing to my bus stop (5AM late night service FTW!!). Brief detour as I duck around a corner, taking a whizz on a doorstep (my apologies if it was yours, it might've even been an apartment complex!? eeeeee!). Only to spot this incidental piece of street art on a stobie poll and remarking just how apt it is to my deteriorating state of mind or my entire Saturday night taken as a whole: me having a few too many drinks celebrating a city lying dead in a ditch crawling with ants...wait, what was the point I was trying to make with this shit!? HA HA HA GOOD TIMES!!
Yup, for all you "idiots" who stayed home tonight? let this be a lesson!
