The Adelaide scene: to many of you it may be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctional splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
HUXLEY "THE SOUNDTRACK TO MAKING MISTAKES" ALBUM LAUNCH @ THE JADE MONKEY / Friday September 30th 2011
Hi everyone...how've you all been? like how was your weekend and shit? no seriously I'm curious! Oh I bet you got up to all kinds of wacky adventures didn't you? maybe even hit up a live show or two, or five, had a laugh, maybe a few too many, woke up somewhere shitcrazy unfamiliar pissing yourself laughing missing your pants (ooooh you lucky bugger!); or at least I kinda HOPE you did. I mean pfft...why ELSE would I write this shit ridiculous blog if not to encourage you crapweasels to sample some of Adelaide's finest as the "soundtrack" to your regular Friday to Saturday night's drunken obliteration, Sundays to Thursdays optional? toasting your misbegotten youth well beyond the point you could still be classified as such!? I mean I certainly ain't doing it for my OWN benefit. Well okay I AM! I can't lie, I've practically made a "career" out of me living/breathing this clownshit insanity day and night well beyond a bona-fide medical diagnosis for a mental illness; despite how bad the pay might be (HA HA HA nooo I'm doing it for the lifestyle!) the point is? I'm probably the last person who should be writing this now. Why? because I'm not YOU maaan! I'm not a mad up for it "party animal"...and yet I still keep pretending I AM: this "music fan" who sees every night as an exciting new adventure, still writing this blog as a laugh (albeit in tones increasingly sarcastic) attempting to keep it all "fresh and exciting", and yet I AIN'T doing this for the adventure; duuude it stopped being one years ago! I'm doing this for my job now! It's my "nine to five daily grind", it's my retardingly dysfunctional definition of normal, it's my LIFE. And granted I still enjoy the shit out of it (I mean why else would I've chosen it?) but do we really need to read about it? FUCK NO!! I'd much rather read about YOUR life instead...I bet it's exciting right!? HA HA HA YOU BET IT IS!! No seriously the only peeps who should be "entertained" by what I really think about this shit now, are those terminally jaded S.O.B's you see toiling week in week out making the "magic" happen: house mixers, barstaff, career musicians living off the whiff of a drinks rider forever teetering on the brink of fullblown insanity from the numbing tedium of it all; hmmm come to think of it they're probably a majority of my "viewing audience" now anyways...so what the hell! let's ditch the "rose coloured glasses" once and for all and give you THAT instead: the blog not from the perspective of a regular piss punter laughing it up but as a cynical "scene veteran". It might not be pretty but hey at least I won't run out of "material", I mean...I might as well write about "what I know" riiight!?
So why am I really here tonight? to get hilariously shitballs drunk that's what! HA HA HA SQUEEEEEE *ahem* I wish! to be honest I'm far too broke for that, have been now for the past few months. Although I'll be doing my utmost to get piss drunk REGARDLESS...cash savings be damned, simply because if I stay too "straight edge" for far too many weekends in a row running this blog I realise just how pointless this shit is, I mean ALL OF THIS SHIT, I have an existentialist crisis bordering on the terminally nihilistic (duuude, don't get me started!) and yeaaah suffice to say...without alcohol? I'm a "workaholic insomniac" with no sense of humour, and without a "sense of humour" I have no reason to live. But this ISN'T a "personal blog" of mine, it stopped being that the minute it became an increasingly and weirdly legitimate live music blog; only sometimes I forget that. So I'm here to take photographs. Hopefully "bitchingly dopeass photos" of live bands pulling mad shapes under ridiculously epic stage lighting...OOOOH SHIT YEAAAH!! Except yeaaah it's the Jade Monkey, and there is no actual "stage lighting". So maybe I'm here to cover an album launch for Huxley? well that's definitely the official reason; except most of you likely don't know who "Huxley" are, they're brand new, they debuted here in support of The Sea Thieves a month ago, ummm anyone? or it's more for who's IN Huxley: namely lead singer Zoe Behan who used to front The British Robots, and perhaps I owe her one because her former band weren't half bad; only I almost never saw them live...ooops! Or failing that, it's for their support acts: two of which I've never covered before so I'm totally "clocking points" tonight (would you believe they'll up my kill tally in 2011 to 186?) and hey having ...So Yeah on the bill will always be a barrel of laughs too right? as much as I'm mostly here because it's the Jade Monkey and we all know I'm retarded for this joint (I mean who doesn't want to party down at Zac's place? aye? aye!?) yeaaah okay I admit it it's because I'm bored. I've spent the past week twiddling thumbs recovering from a nasty head cold watching Freaks & Geeks; this's pretty much all my life's been reduced to now, WHO WANTS TO SHOOT SOME LIVE BANDS!?
THE WARRING SIGHS (***) - Which brings us all too "enthusiastically" to our opening act. I mean don't get me wrong my sarcastic tone of voice here has nothing to do with The Warring Sighs and how pleased or otherwise I am to see them...no seriously!? I gave them three stars duuude! THREE STARS!! THAT'S TOTALLY (like sorta, kinda?) A "GLOWING ENDORSEMENT". No it's more that over the years I've somehow become this bona-fide "live reviewing guy" for you people, you've come to rely upon me as this "authority" on all things Adelaide scene, and let's face it I'm the last person you should ever trust in providing such a thing, and yeaaah to be honest I'm kinda sick of it too! I mean me taking photos is one thing, I fucking LOVE taking photos! providing a retardarse commentary where I proceed to "take the piss" out of these bands is another thing (and you give me so much "gold" to work with too...squeeeeee!). But then you start confusing the jokes for being actual "critique", and you start quoting me in all your press releases, and then you start wanting all these star ratings too, so you can rank each other like it's some kinda pissing contest even though it's all "apples and oranges" and it's only MY opinion anyways, and then I get all confused about what you actually want from me: is it still a joke or is it a "live music blog"? I DON'T KNOW, STOP ENCOURAGING ME!! *ahem* but again this's got nothing to do with The Warring Sighs...I'm sorry, I must sound like a crazy person (or okay maybe even more like one) you want a live review? I'll give you a live review! This is a four piece band from Melbourne (playing as a three piece tonight) featuring Mark Curtis and Paddy Montgomery: both you may recognise as being members of The British Robots and Oh Minor; both singing vocals and playing the acoustic, the former occassionally on electric, the latter occassionally on mandolin. There's also a Hannah Pelka-Caven in attendance who besides being all kinds of ridiculously cute (or perhaps I'm just being retarded) also happens to sing and play the violin. Just like Paddy is being weirdly distracting in his own way by channelling what could best be described as a cross between "starving Brunswick junkie" and a Dan Crannitch from Leader Cheetah (ummm Melbourne hipster anyone!? *ahem*). They're also missing a fourth member Tom Krieg from The Battery Kids...but I suppose we can be thankful for small mercies. And no I don't know quite what to make of the music itself: save that it appears to be some kinda pleasingly inoffensive "folk" thing with harmonies; or simply think equal parts Mumford & Sons and Simon & Garfunkel combined in a way that doesn't sound like a total insult; or yeaaah I dunno I guess I kinda like 'em? Yup the Warring Sighs! They're brand new. If you're in Melbourne and they're playing live...like totally go see them and shit? SHIT YEAAAH "GLOWING ENDORSEMENT"!!
THE BON SCOTTS (****1/2) - Which brings us to our second act, also from Melbourne, and an even shorter "live review" in following, because aaaah what the hell I'm totally doing that now. WHY? because maybe I've written so much shit on this blog after seven long years reviewing live bands I'd much rather chew my own face off rather than write more? HA HA HA WOOOOO!! *ahem* yup...in one word, they're rambunctious. Look that shit up, it sums them up beautifully. And to use a few more words: yes I'm saying that as a compliment because they're a ridiculously INFECTIOUS kind of "rambunctious"; as much as it also makes them next to impossible to shoot in focus under Jade Monkey's soothing "submarine" stage lighting: what with all their spastically mad enthusiastic thrashing and flailing...especially from their lead singer Rob Zimmerman and his percussive foot falls accentuating his already crazed and sweatily deranged "guitar playing". Or how his antics are often matched and near surpassed by bassplayer Richard Hall mad shrieking and howling to every song (man of a thousand faces I swear!). Only to be joined by both Freda MacDonald on accordian and Reginald Dwight on keys in riotous gang vocals, while next to every other band member totally loses their shit around them. Or in other words me calling them "folk rock"? (because technically that's what they are) is a laughable understatement at best, to what could be BETTER described as a pre-emptive "Irish wake" for kamikaze binge drinkers. Which possibly explains why they're also named after the legendary Bon Scott: former lead singer of AC/DC who died choking on his own vomit after a heavy night's drinking; as much as the band themselves sound more like the best bits of Isaac Brock from Modest Mouse in full flight fronting the Arcade Fire (or more accurately him fighting a bareknuckle boxing match against them) with perhaps a teeny bit of Bon Iver thrown in during the "quiet bits". Either way they were well worth the price of admission tonight; as much as I snuck my way in for free on the door instead, as much as it would be an honour to drink each and every one of them under the table next time I see them if I had the means to do so...as much as I'd likely lose out on that bet? Yup that's The Bon Scotts maaan...best band of the night I swear!
HUXLEY (***1/2) - Except they couldn't possibly be the "best band of the night" right!? and it's kinda weird of me to say that just now (because yeaaah let's face it, I give all these scores out at random don't I? HA HA HA OF COURSE I DO!!) especially when The Bon Scotts are merely acting as support to THIS band on their "illustrious night of nights" celebrating the launch of their album. Why? because this is the one and only Huxley duuude! (yup, not to be confused with the OTHER Huxley from the US...or that other one from the UK) otherwise known as "Zoe Behan & Huxley" and this whizzbang album launch party we're witness to tonight? has been two years in the making, TWO YEARS IN THE MAKING!! and I should know too! I totally showed up to one of their recording sessions a few months back at Hillside Studios; only I arrived a few hours too late (what? do I look like a "morning person"?) and barely caught the tail end of it, and yeaaah I admit a lot of this wild and wacky anticipation has been a little "lost on me"...as much as their album producer Matt Hills told me tonight (with no small hint of misty eyed pride too I might add) that it was the best album he produced all year, and pfft...he doesn't just say that about every fartarse "dog and pony show" he applies his spit and polish to, does he? FUCK NOOOO!! (well actually he kinda does) but at the very least in theory? Huxley are a band possessing a lot of "promise". Acting as a solo project for Zoe Behan (former lead singer for The British Robots, current drummer for Gold Bloom) she's hand picked some of her favourite musicians to perform as her "backing band" tonight: namely Casey Cumming on bass from The British Robots, Lucy West-Sooby on violin from...oh I dunno Supermild back when it used to be cool? (ie: before my "pissdrunk residency" fucked it up for good) and Jess Zubkevych on guitar, Jeff Aloisi on acoustic and Ryan Simm on drums from...who the fuck knows!? but believe me they're doing a bangup job! (especially Jess who's totally letting it rip in the solos). And as live musicians they're as wildly proficient as they're artfully understated, under the breezy direction of Zoe as a singer/songwriter. All the pieces of the puzzle are undoubtfully here, and the album "The Soundtrack To Making Mistakes" which I totally should've bought tonight except I was saving all my cash to get drunk instead (but can still stream online thanks to their bandcamp site) has all the hallmarks and mad song hooks to be a bona-fide "modern classic"; or yeaaah let's not go nuts here, but all "Matt Hills hyperbole" aside? it's still a pretty damn fine record (shit I even played it twice, it's ever so smooth and tranquil!). But there's still something missing in translating it live. Part of it is, despite the album being a full two years in the making, the band is still quite new in playing it with barely a handful of shows to their name (this being their 2nd!?). Then there's me running around attempting to get photos of all six band members, from all these angles, in focus, under Jade Monkey's wacky stage lighting (hehehe Casey just flipped me the bird...classic!) so I admit I wasn't really paying attention. But even so, when I WAS (because hey I AM this "live reviewing guy" right?) I was hard pressed to figure out what it was. I mean in the foggiest terms I'd call it, ummm...some kinda female singer-songwriter, soothing, somewhat bittersweet melancholic thingamewhatsit!? and very pleasingly so don't get me wrong! but I'd be buggered if I could think of three artists it sounds like (Fiona Apple, The Smiths and Laura Marling according to their Triple J Unearthed) or use any less dribbingly vague adjectives in effort to describe it. It's all very heartfelt, they're performing the hell out of it! it's just a little "pea-soupy primordial" is what I'm saying, it's still finding its soul. But give them a few months and I'm sure it'll be awesome. Yup that's Huxley. Two years in the making and they even got an album? and yet I sense they've only just begun...
...SO YEAH (***1/2) - Which then a little surprisingly brings us to another band. Only they're not the headliners...that was Huxley launching their album just prior (to much riotous applause from a "near capacity crowd" hooting and shrieking) in fact they're not even listed on the poster; as I'm assuming they were a last minute inclusion. And as for why they're playing LAST tonight? like what the fuck is up with that shit!? well yeaaah there's two possible reasons I can think of. The first and foremost, is that their guitarist Rich Gohl was off playing Semaphore Festival earlier this evening before playing here at the Jade Monkey, which doesn't take a "google maps" to tell you is pretty fucking far away FROM Semaphore...so it's not like they could've scheduled this shit any sooner (short of a TARDIS or a teleport beam). The second is Paul "Nazz" Nassari; as in it's almost impossible to follow this "Nazz", this near legendary looney tunes lovechild between Daffy Duck, Iggy Pop and a mad batch of silly putty WITHOUT coming off looking like a wet blanket or a dumb plank of wood by comparison. And believe me we've seen it happen before and IT AIN'T PRETTY!! As much as tonight's performance is admittedly a "low key" affair for them: all self depreciating wit (especially from their bass player Matt Hills almost downright apologetic to be here) joking just how quickly they think they'll "clear the room"...which they eventually DO midway into their set; but only after exhausting just about everyone here dancing themselves silly in the crowd. In fact I'm getting the increasing impression that ...So Yeah aren't so much a band for "public consumption" but a wink-wink "in-joke" for fellow musicians and scene freaks alike to be rip roarously entertained by in the wee hours of the night when everyone else has long since gone home (or probably should of if they knew what was good for them!) like they're the after party for those who "party" for a living. I mean nobody here in this band is taking this shit seriously save for new drummer Steve Burdett (formerly from Swords) who's perhaps wondering what the hell "he's gotten himself into": what with Nazz, Rich and Matt laughing it up only to be joined by occassional fifth member Bridget McDowall on violin all beguiling with her "Mona Lisa smile"; like she KNOWS they're naught but a joke, that they're simply taking the piss. And I don't mean that it's a "joke" in a bad way, it's actually one of their most endearing qualities: they're like that Ween record where they do nothing but goofarse country & western hits (probably the closest thing I can think of in approximating their "sound", only imagine if it was reinterpreted by Jarvis Cocker fronting The Stooges) duuude they're a riot! But this is also one of their most frustrating qualities: because it's like you're watching a-grade veterans "phoning it in" when they could just as easily fuck shit up like ninja assassins...I mean to put it bluntly? they're a "musical cocktease"! But they're also the fourth band on the bill tonight playing after a headlining act launching their album, so am I gonna get too worked up over this? FUCK NO!! hand me a beer, I'm gonna enjoy this! Aaaah ...So Yeah, even when you're cruising on autopilot without a care in the world? you still never fail to amuse me...OH YOU RAT BASTARDS!!
1:16AM - Now obviously this is a night we should be celebrating..."celebrating" what exactly? shit I dunno, an album launch!? HA HA HA AWESOME! no really that doesn't happen every day around here; as much as it kinda feels like it DOES for me; I mean I've totally lost count of how many launches I've attended so far this year (or maybe I just checked, and apparently this is my 20th!? WAHOOO!!) *ahem* but even so each and every one of them are delicate and unique snowflakes, and I simply love watching that "sync" symbol spin up everytime I transfer another one to my ipod, LIKE CHRISTMAS DAY I SWEAR!! LIKE I SIMPLY CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!! like...ummm, what...everyone's off in the beer garden celebrating still? okaaay, so what am I doing here then!?
Yeaaah I know, I know! these photos really don't do it justice but here's the main dancefloor area: capacity around 60...or so I'm told. Those two brown doors lead off to the male and female toilets. And around the left corner there? apparently that's where all the "oldskool video arcades" will be...
He also showed me this smaller room down a corridor off to the side: where he's planning to set up some intimate booth style seating, a few cozy lamps, you know...if you want some special "alone time" with that special someone? or maybe if you're just looking to play a few rounds of "pocket tennis" and don't want to be disturbed? fuck it...whatever floats your boat? this room's got it all!
And then he showed me the bar, and quite an awesome sight it was too! at which point he may have noticed me taking all these photos just now and then casually inquired: "no wait...you're not gonna publish any of these on the blog are you!?" HA HA HA OF COURSE I'M NOT!! I mean he's still working on it, it's not quite ready yet, and it'd be awfully rude of me to spoil the "surprise" now wouldn't it!? So yeaaah let's just pretend we didn't see any of these just now okay? aaaawesome! *cough* oh wait, you really DIDN'T see anything? and I've been posting nothing but blank frames for the past few photos here!? EXCELLENT!! No seriously, keep saying that..."DENY EVERYTHING"!!
But just in case you HAVE been experiencing some "technical difficulties" there (HA HA HA yeaaah I just bet you've been tweaking with those brightness/contrast knobs and goofing about with all the gammas...amiright? amiriiight!? LIKE SHIT YOU HAVEN'T!! squeeeeee!) at the very least I can show you THIS: Luke's been collecting them, he's awfully proud of them, and I swear they're the best bits about this new basement bar...short of all the other junk I couldn't show you (or perhaps I DID show you, only you're being an exceptionally "good sport" in denying you ever saw it) no really, the less we say about THIS the better and ooooh wait...IS THAT A PINK CROCODILE!? FUCK YEAAAS!!
1:57AM - And yup those four minutes downstairs, for a jaded cynical sarcastic-arse bastard like myself? who's seen waaay too much of this Adelaide scene in the past seven years to last a whole lifetime!? (AND THEN SOME!!) was pretty much the highlight of my night. HIGHLIGHT OF MY NIGHT. And I'm not shitting you either! I'm actually really looking forward to see what they'll cook up with that place. JUST THINK OF ALL THE POSSIBLITIES!! (duuude, it might even be the best thing that's ever happened to the east end since the Jade Monkey opened back in 2002! IMAGINE THAT!?) as much as the bands were kinda awesome too tonight, only I had a weird way of showing it. Yeaaah I'm sorry! I mean I DO see a lot of them, and I really do appreciate them more than I let out...but perhaps ask me again when I'm not so scarily sober? Which speaking of such is just what I'll be remedying at The Exeter in a few short moments. YEAAAS!! And as much as I'd love to provide you with all manner of photographic evidence to show for it with all my fuckup friends (or pretty much anyone I could find) laughing themselves stupid pulling all manner of shitcrazy facial expressions for your amusement? yeaaah to be honest tonight...I couldn't be arsed. GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!!
2:25AM - Or at least I couldn't, until moments later I got THIS...HA HA HA noooo shit! is that the funniest damn thing you've ever seen!? highlight of my night duuude! HIGHLIGHT OF MY NIGHT!!
*cough* yup, the sooner I can get drunk doing this shit again? the better!
