WHERE IS MY MIND?
aaaaah 'tis the end of yet another soul destroying week of menial drudgery, itching trigger fingers and eyes squinting at the fluorescents measuring the hours to nanometre precision.. and as the sun slowly drowns under forgotten waves of gnashing guilt and a circus of technicolour lights erupt all around us like exciteable chipmunks.. the air ripens with that unmistakable choking smell of nicotine, beer, armpit sweat, foot fungus, expired mayonaise and fried chicken whilst far off in the distance (silent at first, but growing ever clearer) we hear that ever present and all too familiar hooting of baboons beckoning us to join them once more in their clarion call of self destruction and high bufoonery.. and surely under any other circumstance, these would be the unmistakable signs of the apocalypse.. our last chance to grasp our 15 seconds of infamy on this mortal coil before the earth burps up the undigested carcasses of the dead to drag us kicking and screaming into the burning pits of the stygian abyss to pay for our earthly sins, freaky kinky unearthly aliens sins and all the overdue library fees in between.. and any day now FULHAM PRIMARY SCHOOL will realise that I borrowed "GRUMP AND THE WOOLY MAMMOTH" and "THE BOY WHO GREW ANTLERS" for over 18 years without ever returning them and they're gonna make me pay.. oooo they're gonna make me pay.. they're gonna send gremlins to feast on my eyeballs.. they're gonna eat my soul.. they're gonna make freaky balloon animals out've my small intestines and sing christmas carols ever so loudly and screamingly off-key till my brain explodes.. OHHH THE HORROR!! THE HORROR!! OOOH SAAAVE ME JEBUS!! SAVE US ALL!! WAAAUAGGHH!!
yeah, either that or fuckit I'm just wildly overacting again, and this is just the beginning of yet another brain damaged weekend in the Adelaide music scene.. either way, you know it's gonna get messy ;)
FRIDAY NIGHTmy recipe for disaster tonight is here at the GOVERNOR HINDMARSH (in the resplendantly expansive backroom) to witness a MIDDLE EAST BENEFIT GIG (rebuilding homes in ISRAEL and SOUTH LEBANON) featuring LADY STRANGELOVE, POLY & THE STATICS and MR WEDNESDAY..
ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HAREMand so.. first up on stage, here we have LADY STRANGELOVE to blow our brains out with their sublime kaliedoscopic mix of face melting psychedelic strangeness.. oooyeaaah :)
except.. well, um.. shit.. yeah, obviously this AIN'T them.. bugger..
as it turns out, LADY STRANGELOVE had to cancel their gig tonight with barely 24 hours notice (due to a family emergency, ouch!) and were replaced at the last minute by THESE performing lunatics..
a band who's obvious claim to fame (beyond any music talent) is in owning THE most ridiculous band name ever to be conjured up for an Adelaide act (beyond even SINDOG JELLYROLL or FIRE! SANTA ROSA, FIRE!) as they like to call themselves ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HAREM.. *cough* wuh?
yup.. despite their ridiculous name tho', and despite the unenviable task of having to fill in at the last minute with a bunch of ecclectic indie / artrock and electronica acts that in no way suit the sound of this band (ie: imagine something between the heights of LED ZEPPELIN and perhaps the lows of what you'd expect to hear from the resident rock band on THE FOOTY SHOW and you wouldn't be far off) they still manage to pull a damn fine performance.. equal parts blues, cruisy rock and cigarette lighter waving power ballad.. yay!
and sure, even tho' most of the crowd tonight was seen running for cover to the beergardens or the bar rather than face this band tonight.. for being shit crazy enough to be the emergency "RING IN" monkeys, ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HARUM I salute you! it really AIN'T an easy job! (and I should know.. we had to be the breakbeat act STUPID enough to FILL IN for a metal gig at the CRANKA once.. yeouch! ;)
POLY & THE STATICSanyhoo.. now, we return to our regularly scheduled programming, with the next band - POLY & THE STATICS..
as they deliver to the crowd their impossibly upbeat dose of UK indie dancerock, which for the 1st half of their set kinda feels like the indie scene equivalent of THE WIGGLES.. as their impossibly chirpy tunes drives the tiny indie kids in the crowd into a smack addict frenzy of flailing legs and spastic hand clappings.. till finally when they kick the guitars shredding into howling overdrive in the 2nd half of the set, the whole fucking joint goes beserk and totally loses their shit on the dancefloor.. OOOOOYEAAAH! :)
yup, with songs that sounds like THE BEATLES at their most naive 60's best mixed with oldskool backpack wearing GERLING, WEEZER and the first album of THE STROKES.. y'know yer gonna cause some carnage..
although *oops* apparently namedropping THE STROKES is the LAST thing you wanna do when describing this band (I've heard it drives them insane, BWAHAHAHA!) but for cheap laughs.. go and listen to their song "SYMPHONY" available on the TRIPLE J UNEARTHED site
here (and help 'em out with a review whilst you're there) and compare it to THE STROKES with their song "SOMEDAY".. I dare you to spot the difference :)
(funnily enough, this comparison does nothing to detract from how freakingly cool that song is, go figure?)
yup all jokes aside (they're gonna kill me now for sure, hahahaha) these guys really DO know how to get the place jumping around like a spastic bouncy castle almost as badly as THE GRATES do.. so, yeah go see 'em and go fucking nuts out there (although I wouldn't drop too many RED BULLS, V's, RED EYES or JAGERBOMBS before seeing these guys or you might just explode out there.. just a tip ;)
MR WEDNESDAYsince POLY & THE STATICS have effectively exhausted out all the kiddies on the dancefloor.. it's now naptime for all the boys and girls out there as we bring forth the trascendental cinematic sounds of MR WEDNESDAY (who, if they ever decided to branch out into the lucrative career of porn soundtracks.. could easily rename themselves as "THE MIDWEEK HUMP" ;)
as they fill the air with the soothing melancholy of haunting strings..
a fluffy coating of articulated, exceptionally diverse and inventive percussive fills that swing between orchestral, conceptual and spidering artrock extremes..
accompanied by spooky and poetically contemplative vocals that waft and glide thru the air and sing of the existentialist horrors of modern living.. whilst occassionally punctuated by all manner of wacky megaphone shriekings that drive the band into a frenzy of junkyard sounds and gnashing cinematic aggression..
and supported by all manner of cascading transcendental guitar noodlings..
swampy bass riffs, sprinkling keyboards and skittering samples..
it's just like all the best bits of 70's PINK FLOYD, THE DOVES, SUGUR ROS, RADIOHEAD's "KID A" (and even the maniacal extremes of TOM WAITS) all chucked into a blender, liquified by samurai blades and delivered direct by IV drip to your synapses with a meditative sense of clarity and purpose..
making for an exceptional otherworldy experience that draws all of your senses into it's own all emersive MR WEDNESDAY reality bubble.. so much so, that if they stopped this performance too abruptly we'd all suffer the bends and die.. such is the diabolical power of MR WEDNESDAY.. FEAAAAR THE BEAST!
yup, as you can see from me waffling on here with all the ridiculous glowing superlatives.. I reckon these guys are destined for nothing short of greatness, creating everything from multi-million selling high concept album CDs to OSCAR winning HOLLYWOOD filmscores.. or failing that, fuckit.. they could make some really kickarse advertising jingles for SUDAFED TABLETS and PENSIONER'S INSURANCE ;)
"and remember, if pain persists.. please.. see your doctor!"
(hehehe.. yeah, sorry.. couldn't help cracking at least ONE joke at the end :)
and as another night of live music draws to a close at THE GOV, I visit my friendly doctors at the bar for a final few rounds.. before waving goodbye to the trippy wood statue (hmmmm which HINDU diety is this? KRISHNA? VISHNU? or is this the fiery war goddess of the screaming VINDALOO?)
as I make my may to the usual seedy haunt here at 1:30AM (there's no point mentioning the name anymore as clearly I've frequented THIS place to the point of cliche by now hahahaha!)
where I bump into all manner of loons gathered here from the ANGELIK gig tonight at the JADE MONKEY.. continued to drink myself into a drunken stupour with these dribbling idiots on and off the dancefloor.. before finally hitting the last $6 bus and arriving home at 4AM..
thus ending my exceptionally ecclectic Friday night of live music entertainment.. aaaah :)
SATURDAY NIGHTI wake up today feeling like cold pizza that'd been left out all night growing a thin layer of fuzz and all my nerve impulses were being relayed to me by a team of dyslexic puppeteers and none of them spoke the same language.. yeah.. I was pretty rotten.. about a 4.5 on a scale of 10 hangover richter.. which is kinda odd considering I don't THINK I even drank all that much beer the night before (nowhere near my usual lunatic efforts) and yet here I wuz today with a stomach whistling on empty and exceptionally seedy, my brainspace all scattered and twitchy and in absolutely NO mood whatso'ever to leave the house..
but with so MANY freaking options tonight (and with this retarded website to feed), I knew I couldn't stay home.. and so, despite all instincts to the contrary, I headed on out to kill myself rotten once again :)
and so, here I am at JIVE at 8:30PM to see HIGH STAKES making a rare one-time-only live appearance with FORESHORE in support of SPECIAL PATROL GROUP'S 2nd CD LAUNCH this weekend (two CD launches in ONE weekend? whoaaa.. wot will them monkeys think up next!?)
anyhoo.. upon heading to the bar, I'm soon ambushed by a deranged SALLYCAT.. who, since spending most of the evening just prior to this at the ROYAL ADELAIDE SHOWGROUNDS going wacky on the amusement rides, is now SO goofed up on sugar, energy drinks and alcohol.. that she's done away with her physical shell and has now become pure spastic multicoloured hummingbird energy.. whoaaaaa!
and sure, even tho' she's annoying as all fuck when she's flapping about in me face as I'm trying my best to drink my "hair of the dog" beer in peace.. she still makes for some pretty patterns :)
ALICE AND PAULat about this time some kinda stoner acoustic duo by the name of ALICE AND PAUL fires up on stage.. but since I'm much too hungover and seedy to run around like an idiot and take any live photo's, for cheap laughs we decide to get SALLYCAT to flap about for our amusement instead..
woooo look! now she is spinning in disc formation and bending drink straws too.. WOOHEHAHAHAHAHA!! :)
*ahem* um, yeah.. ok.. clearly I'm losing my audience with all the colourful stupidity here (hi WOKKA!) so, I guess it's time we should be getting back to the live bands then, aye?
HIGH STAKESand just in time too, as those howling rockpig freaks HIGH STAKES have just hit the stage..
it's been over 9 months since I've last seen them tear it up the stage and clearly this had been 9 months waaaaay too freaking long as these lunatics really knows how to right royally fuck their shit up in style..
as they chug out song after song in a howling juggernaut of thrashing ear bleed, which is very much inspired by the AC-DC school of "KILL EVERY-MUTHA-FUKKING-THING-THAT MOVES" ROCK and FUCKING ROLL..
sure, it ain't intelligent by any means..
it ain't subtle by any stretch of the imagination..
and I seriously don't think any of these songs have any actual lyrics either.. as all I hear is some kinda arcane baboon gutteral chant that fires out've the speakers like a machine gun.. "OOOO YAAAA YA YA YA YA YA GUNNA GUNNA GUNNA WAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH NYAAAAAAHHH!!!"
and yet, although I may've started with a sore head when these guys started..
by the time these howling primates had finished with us, there was nothing but smoking bits of my skull left splattered over the four walls of the venue.. I didn't have a head no more.. my brain had long since vapourised.. and I knew I no longer had need for either of 'em.. just lungs and punching fists and the urge to FUCKING KILL.. NYAAAUUAUAAAAGHHHH!! BEEEEER!! NOOIIISEE!! BEEER!! WAAUAUAAGGGHHHH!!
and THAT ladies and gentlemen, is HIGH STAKES.. available now for monster truck rally's, public executions, children's parties, wedding receptions, bar mitzvah's and baby showers..
*phew* now that I scared my screaming hangover back into it's cage.. it's time to sink some serious beers, and then head on down nextdoor to ENIGMA for the next band of the evening..
THE BLACK DOVESarriving upstairs just in time to see some plucky little highschool band from PULTNEY GRAMMAR show us their spirited entry for this year's ROCK EISTEDFORD.. with what I believe is their rendition of "WHAT's LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT" by TINA TURNER (as interpreted by ATARI TEENAGE RIOT) unfortunately, I don't see any of the performing mimes or choreographed midgets from the dress rehearsal here.. hmmm, hopefully none of this will reflect badly on their grade with the judges tonight.. with luck they may even reach the semi final! ;)
*ahem* no wait, my mistake.. if that's SCOTTY on guitar, then fuck me if it isn't THE BLACK DOVES (clearly all their weird fixations with the school uniforms has got me confused here.. hahahaha!)
yup.. if you ever need love songs for the tortured homicidal goth inside of us all, then THE BLACK DOVES are just your screaming orchestra of full fisted bleeding pain you're looking for :)
with song after song of stabbing electro, grinding guitars and twin demented shrieking to drive even the most pacified and medicated of mental patients into a howling beserker rage.. ooooh yes.. a howling beserker rage.. of LOVE.. for YOOOOU!! WAAAUUAAUAAGGGHHHHH!!!
hmmmm.. obviously these lunatics are clearly not right in the head, and really shouldn't be allowed to roam the streets like that.. but damn do they thrash out a damn funky little massacre :)
and of course, as all fans of THE BLACK DOVES know, no gig is ever complete without seeing poor 'ol SCOTTY the guitarist getting molested by MARIO the lead singer.. ahhh good times.. goood tiiimes!
DOUBLE HANDED*phew* one wonders how I still have my hearing intact after all this.. and yet, although I am missing a head (thanks to HIGH STAKES) I'm still somehow alive and vaguely in one piece as DOUBLE HANDED hit the stage for their CD launch tonight.. oh and just for the record (coz I know all you guys think yer SOOOO clever that you managed to get me to see ya CD LAUNCH) I'm NOT here to see this band just because all you DOUBLE HANDED lunatics continuously dropped hints on my myspace that I should come here..
and of course it's got absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that all you guys got me name on the door.. coz everyone knows I cant be bought with bribes (hehehehehe.. ok, obviously that's a lie ;)
but simply, coz.. well hey, I just happened to be in the neighborhood.. the BLACK DOVES just so happened to be playing.. I wanted to say hi to the chick at the merchandising stand (she added me on MYSPACE, I couldn't be rude now could I?) so, like.. yeah.. I could IGNORE your entire gig for all I care.. NYAAAAAHH!!
and I guess you said NOTHING about me taking any photo's either now DID ya? yeah.. um, shit.. ok.. so I DID take photo's.. ya got me there, and fuck now I'm writing about you freaks in my blog too.. bugger..
so, what can I say about this band then for the REST of you readers out there.. hmmmmm.. well I guess they got a drummer who looks like one of them geeky kids from HANSON.. except, he's cleverly disguised with the evil fuckoff skeleton warpaint tonight in hopes I wont crack that joke (ha! too late! ;)
oh.. and they play progressive metal, and since I really dont have a clue about this genre beyond the obvious.. I'll just name drop PERFECT CIRCLE (or wot'ever other side project MAYNARD's been in hahahaha) or fuckit.. maybe even BUTTERFLY EFFECT or COG (eh, wot do I know?) and mention they sorta sound like that with all them chugging doom guitars and the wacky sung choruses and all them harmonies n junk.. and that they're actually kinda cool.. maybe even really good and perhaps you should go see them already.. coz hey, look at that wacky stage invasion antics there kiddies.. they don't just do that shit for any 'ol band now DO they? (well, unless you're counting FIRE! SANTA ROSA, FIRE!, CENTRAL DELI BAND, ANGELIK and TONY FONT SHOW.. but that's besides the point ;)
yup, either way as CD LAUNCHES go, this was definitely one of the most fuckoff crowded and out've control beserker ones I've witnessed in ages.. how you peeps managed not to violate every fire code in the book and cause the floors to collapse into the bar below is anyone's guess.. ROCK! :)
anyhoo.. it's past 1:30AM now, I swear DOUBLE HANDED have played for over 2 hours up there and I'm near about exhausted from it all.. so there's only one thing for it.. and that's to go to that ONE place I ALWAYS go to at this time of night and absolutely kill myself with beer at.. however upon arriving I noticed a fair share of people had done this already as the place was an absolute bomb site of scattered party whistles, lollies, goodie bags and smashed up CD's (rumour has it some retarded birthday party juggernaut had just blown thru here in the last hour or so and this was all the wreckage that was left behind.. freaaaaaky!)
after leaving ENIGMA I somehow managed to lose everyone in a haze of drunkeness, as they either end up in SUPERMILD, JIVE again, went home or staggered off to SHOTZ.. and it was at this point, when my brain is feeling altogether dazed and confused at the madness of it all.. that I then receive a funny little SMS from JOE and SIMONE giving me directions to a house party I should gatecrash in ST PETERS..
and so, fuckit.. I'm in the next TAXI down.. where I meet this goofy lookin' dude.. and um, yeah.. although I've since forgotten his name.. apparently it wuz his party (heeey! nice one dude!) which as much as I can tell at this point in the night (around 3AM or so) mostly consisted of a bunch of hairyarse metal heads all pissing it up in floor in the kitchen looking even more lost than I was..
to entertain ourselves.. SIMONE proceded to go thru all the remaining spirits in the house by mixing me up all manner of insane cocktails.. where the only ingredients I vaguely remembered consisted of COKE, RED BULL and JACK DANIELS mixed with all manner of other junk (SAMBUCCA? MIDORI? COCONUT RUM? PIGS BLOOD? LIGHTER FLUID!? NAPALM!!??) and serving it up in a black coffee mug.. surprisingly, despite likely containing enough alcohol to take down a rhinoceras it tasted quite good, nice one SIMONE :)
obviously all memory beyond this point is hazy.. but I vaguely remember then piling into a TAXI at 4:30AM and going to SHOTZ, where me, JOE, SIMONE, SARA and all manner of other colourful dribbling freaks proceed to make complete and utter twatting loons of ourselves on the dancefloor.. oh, and as for why JOE's got that umbrella opened inside? duuuude, your guess is as good as mine ;)
after 5AM or so, this predictably leads to scarfing down copious amounts of inedible trash at FLARPY YAKS..
and after 6:30AM or so, with me staggering blindly down GRENFELL ST in search of a taxi home..
arriving home to a swirling mess of spacetime, gravity, a mind warping broad electromagnetic spectrum of chattering frequencies all speaking in tongues.. and finally, when all the RED BULL and V's I'd drunk earlier had worn off.. something vaguely resembling much welcome sleep at around 10AM - 11AM.. eeeeeeeeeee!
thus ending a particularly horrifying yet cheerfully entertaining weekend of musical insanity :)
Previously on Spoz's Rant:
Kill All Hippies 
