The Adelaide scene: to many of you it may be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctional splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
LIVE REVIEW / THE GRATES (*****) "SUMMER BREATH TOUR" @ THE GOVERNOR HINDMARSH / Friday November 4th 2011
Now I'm assuming by...however many years I've been doing this schtick, that most if not all of you are in on the joke. And by "joke", I'm obviously referring to the fact that this entire blog IS a joke. And before you accuse me of it in following? duuude I'm not bragging here! I never implied I was ANY good at it. We all know I'm a hamfisted expletive spouting (in all-caps) borderline retard who uses and abuses binge drinking to excess as the lamest of lame punchlines. We all know sarcasm is the lowest form of it and yet that's pretty much the only way I know how to express it...in tones wraught increasingly hyperbolent. But yeaaah I guess sometimes we need a reminder don't we? I mean so much of the written word, the original intent, can be lost in translation: the tone of voice, the timing, the body language...especially in the way I'll flap my arms about like a spastic cartoon caricature of an Italian (even though I'm pretty sure I'm predominantly English?) as much as I'd like to think if you read enough of these blogs it'd be all too abundantly clear I'm having a right laugh. So much so in fact? if we were to psychoanalyse this shit even further, we'd soon realise the main reason I'm "taking the piss" out of everything is because I have gross "inadequacy" issues: perhaps stemming from me being the youngest in a family of over educated genius post-graduate academics to the point I barely spoke for the first five years growing up thinking I was an idiot and almost got diagnosed as being "autistic" even though I was grading well above average in IQ tests and it turns out I was just being "shy" and I'd all this mad potential to be a "wildly proficient artist", only since it wasn't nearly "academic enough" a pursuit? I've treated it as a ridiculous hobby whilst massively overcompensating in my creative output to make up the difference ever since? HAHAHA *phew* But no this isn't that kind of "blog" and I've already covered a lot of this shit before. Yes I treat the Adelaide scene as a joke. This "shit kicking sociopath" persona I adopt in "live reviews"? is totally an act! I'm just a fan, just like you, rorting the rock & roll lifestyle for all it's worth, being hideously biased in covering only the bands I favour and/or can get hilariously drunk with; and I'm REMINDING you, "spelling it out" for you, in the hopes you'll then forgive me for just how much of a fawning idiot I'm gonna sound like in following...why? HAHAHA duuude, have you seen the title!?
Yup, tonight I'm writing a "live review" on The Grates...only *cough* clearly I'll be using that term sarcastically (gushing near unintelligible retarding superlatives? squeeeeee!), WHY? well...it might have a little something to do with their lead singer Patience "ZOMG!! HEAD EXPLOSION!!" Hodgson; and nooo I don't need to elaborate any further on that (or even less so if you were here tonight experiencing it first hand and still giggling yourself inconsolable over the memory of it) her powers of sorcery, witchcraft and spastic rubberband stage gymnastics are well documented and they're no exaggeration either, she's honest to goodness completely fucking insane...*sigh* and yes I might have the teeniest tiniest "crush" on her too! (OH YEAAAH this is gonna be an embarassment!). No what's more worth pointing out? (besides the fact I'm an idiot and this episode will only reinforce that to the nth degree?) is that it's been well over five years since I'd last seen her band play live. And I don't know quite how it happened either...one minute were at Adelaide Uni Bar, April 2006, having the tiiime of our liiives, and I promised I'd totally see her again *ahem* I mean her band (The Grates...right?). Only we kept missing tour "dates"; like it was seriously weird how we'd keep screwing this up. To the point it got kinda awkward, I mean really awkward (as in more awkward than me spinning this retarding fantasy right now? SHIT YEAAAH!!), to the point other bands had to actually "intervene" on our behalf...and I'm not kidding you either! Last time they toured in June? they even got their support act Guineafowl from Sydney to "doorlist me" (subtlety...I like it!) and what did I do? I blew them off for Tumbleweed!? FUCK I'M AN IDIOT!! But not tonight (or yeaaah maybe I'll STILL be an idiot? just a different "kind" of idiot...) for tonight, after five long years of whatever the fuck it is I was doing that was more "important"? I'M BACK BAAABY!! even if I have to scam a way in to a potentially sold out show, courtesy of the opening act, to make it all happen!
20TH CENTURY GRADUATES (****) - And by "opening act" I'm obviously referring to this one...and HAHAHA yeaaah did I mention just how hideously biased I am? I mean this is what...the fourth time I've reviewed them this year? IN WRITING!? (I'm so so sorry Popy Jane! I swear I'll get around to it one day!). And after how many countless incidental appearances in the "drunken social section" of this blog laughing it up like prize jackasses to the point it's almost becoming a running cliche just how often I'll "name drop" their shit in an episode more times than it's deemed utterly unnecessary!? FUUUCK!! OFF!! (but no really, thanks for the "plus one" tonight Larissa...you rule!). Yup it's the 20th Century Graduates, those rat baaastards! And little more really needs to be said about them that hasn't already been stated in terms both "glowingly and retardingly" superlative (two time inductees into the Spoz's Rant "Hall of Fame"? oh yeah that shit ain't rigged!) save for the fact you may've noticed a few teeny tiny "lineup changes". Firstly: the possibly shock departure of guitarist Alex "Kermit Arms" Ciaravolo back in August; but perhaps only shocking if you failed to notice the "harrowing black cloud of doom and despair" that would follow him everywhere on stage whenever he played (HAHAHA he so emo!) as much as I should point out there were no ill feelings involved in that...he IS doing their sound tonight. Then there's the surprise inclusion of one Luke "Evil-Eye" Eygenraam on drums: who you may recognise from The Crying Game, The Waterslides, Central Deli Band and that goofyarse portrait that was found hanging in The Metro band room until just a month ago (ie: until I fucked it up for everyone by getting "serial facebook friend requester" Sean Kemp to pose for a photo with it, YEAH SUCK ON THAT YA HIPSTERS!!). But what's even more shocking, or surprising, or something you'll likely just be largely ambivalent about...and no I'm not talking about the fact I've barely waxed lyrical over Larissa "Life Of The Party" Perry's whizzbang contribution to any of this insanity (but gosh darn she's ever so pretty!) or how Andrew Marshall on bass keeps growing a few inches taller everytime I see him play...is the fact that frontman Jeremy Lake is standing out the front AND HE'S PLAYING GUITAR NOW!? WHAAA THAAA FUUUu...!! *cough* well actually he's more standing off to the side hoping we wouldn't notice him, he still hasn't got the hang of being the "lead singer", in fact the one and only criticism I could level at this band is that they're constantly playing a game of chronically shy "musical chairs" hiding behind each other as a laughable approximation of "stage presence"; save for that one loopy "cheerleader" character they originally roped in to "play the tambourine" AND HERE COMES THE HORN SECTION!! But still at least they're making an effort to address it...baby steps maaan, BABY STEPS!! (and hey Morrissey didn't become an egomaniacal arsehole overnight you know!). But thankfully what HASN'T changed is either the upbeat sound or the infectious energy they possess: equal parts Belle & Sebastian, The Polyphonic Spree and an exploding jumbo-sized bag of Skittles; as much as Luke will totally insist the drumming's all "different" now...only I forgot to pay attention to it (now with 40% more crazy drum fills? yeaaah let's just say that); they win the audience over in next to no time; there's even a handful of them dancing up a storm (and this early in the night? no mean feat!); they fill up The Governor Hindmarsh stage, seven members strong, like seasoned (if somewhat awkwardly shy "dodgem car" colliding) professionals. 20th Century Graduates maaan! Yup clearly they bought me off ages ago and I've been nary but a barking press release ever since (you had me at hello Larissa...YOU HAD ME AT HELLO!!) but screw it...they're still a mad buzz and everyone's invited!
9:16PM - Then moments after 20th Century Graduates finish up after their last song "Little Red Romance" to much wild applauding? ie: see video footage above (and yes I've gotten that same song on video countless times before...and yet I couldn't be arsed attending ONE lousey Central Deli Band reunion!? RIPPED!! OFF!!) I'm then approached by some guy...late 20's to early 30's. By his stocky build? possibly a roadie, bouncer or "hired goon". He asks if my name is "Spoz"; only in such a gruff no nonsense manner I'm not entirely sure if I'll be beaten within an inch of my life if I say "yes" (possibly for unfavourably "reviewing" his band in the past) or given an undisclosed sum of money in a brown paper bag (on condition I NEVER review his band). And so hedging bets either way? I hesitantly answer in the affirmative, expecting the worst...only to be handed a beer instead. Yup turns out he did lights for The Killgirls launch a few weeks back and he'll be doing lights again for The Grates tonight and apparently...this is totally worth giving me beer!? HAHAHAHAHA *phew*. And no there's no really point in me mentioning that shit just now, I just really LOVE free beer!
LAST DINOSAURS (***1/2) - Which by no useful "segue" whatsoever; yeah no sorry about that...I know I really should stop mentioning how much I drink on the job; intentional or otherwise (because people might start thinking less of me "professionally"? BWAAAHAHahAHahAhaHAHA!!) *ahem* wait...where was I again? making a recurring theme out of my laughable incompetance? ooooh yeah! our second support act. They're the Last Dinosaurs, they're from Brisbane...and two things immediately leap to mind when watching them walk on stage. Firstly that their drummer Dan Koyama was freaking hilarious in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom...and I always wondered what happened to his acting career after that. And secondly that their lead singer Sean Caskey appears to be stuck in an "indie fashion band" timewarp circa 2008-2009. And it's a little weird and perhaps a tad disturbing that I can be THAT specific in pinpointing it (oh maaan I done this shit for waaay too fucking long!) but he's totally got it nailed: from the frizzy "mushroom cloud" atomic hairdo to the gold chain, to the shitcrazy geometric shirt buttoned up to the collar...but I spose it could be worse: he could be attempting to rip off "indie fashion band" circa 2010-2011 in skeezy trucker hat and stoner skate punk/surf rock attire like he's in Wavves or Black Lips all a sudden. But obviously this ain't a fashion blog and seriously who gives a crap about all that anyways!? it's all about making sweeping generalisations about the music, riiight? HAHAHA TOTALLY!! (and wait wasn't "Short Round" Chinese not Japanese? wow that's not awkward at all!). And for the most part it's a sound that's ridiculously easy to like, infectious, totally inoffensive, exceptionally well crafted and polished. Or just the kind of thing that get's thrashed to within an inch of its life on Triple J in a guitar buzzing, itchy trigger rhythm, sharp short slogan shouting "indie pop" vein. Or simply think equal measures Mystery Jets, Temper Trap, Eskimo Joe and perhaps a tad more combative yet "Nova friendly" sounding cousin to Fire! Santa Rosa, Fire!? yeaaah you'll get what I mean when you hear it (and the fact I mention both Triple J and Nova in such close proximity there IS intentional, yeeeouch! I mean no offense to the band...it's Richard Kingsmill yo! he eats babies!) but whatever you do DON'T MENTION THE WOMBATS; because I swear they sound nothing alike, or if you totally read that last bit as being "wildly sarcastic" (pfft...no, shouldn't we just assume that at all times!?) perhaps a teensy bit alike, but thankfully nowhere near as fuck off annoying. And it's this ability not to be completely "fuck off annoying" that very much appeals to me; as much as it also makes them about as musically memorable as a 5AM fast food binge at Mickey D's (or 11PM stint at The Ed Castle on a Saturday) with all the edges "rounded off"; as much as it's also getting more than just a handful of people in the audience now dancing up a storm loving the shit out of them...and it's very much understandable, because all snarking subtext aside (did I mention how much I HATE The Wombats!?) they're a very likeable band! And if nothing else what I WILL remember them for; besides an exceptionally ill advised Indiana Jones reference that'll surely come back to haunt me? is the wickedly eclectic off-kilter kick that the keyboardist (name?) is adding to the percussion. Is it wood blocks? cowbell? a combination of the two? a little bit "tribal" perhaps? who the fuck knows!? but I freaking dig it maaan...it's a tad mental. Yup that's the Last Dinosaurs. Regrettably sharing little in common with an entire order of the animal kingdom killed off at the end of the Cretaceous period (save for birds, Iggy Pop and some members of the English royal family) and possibly more with a cheesy hit by 80's band "Was (Not Was)"? aaaah fuck it...they're still totally alright by me!
Which at long last brings us to our headlining act. And yes I'm gonna be making a fool of myself I just know it! As much as I'll do my utmost to be "professional" here, pfft...BWAAAHaHahaHahAHa!! yeaaah who are we kidding? But at the very least I (thought I?) knew what he was getting myself into like this was a military operation. As soon as Last Dinosaurs finished? I staked out my spot, I knew the crowd was gonna pack out to the ceiling, I totally anticipated that shit! I had those angles locked downed! HAHAHA I SURVIVED THE VINES YO!! NOTHING CAN FUCK WITH ME NOW!! Oh and it was a sweet spot too: one third right of centre stage, offering clear line of sight to shoot the lead singer, guitarist John Patterson, and whoever-the-fuck is playing the drums with them now (ie: ever since Alana Skyring left in January to fulfill her lifelong dream of battling cyborgs, space aliens and superpowered umpa lumpas in a post apocalyptic future somewhere in the vicinity of Neo Tokyo? or perhaps she joined Neil Finn's The Pajama Club after a brief sojourn "pursuing the culinary arts"? yeaaah whichever seems more plausible). But no seriously duuude, I couldn't have picked a more brilliant spot...only I didn't realise HOW "brilliant" or how unfortunate for my mental health it would ultimately be: mere inches away from Patience Hodgson exploding like a spastic helicopter, till any pretense of me being "cool as a cucumber" covering it? yup saw what I was up against and pissed like a balloon right out of my skull HAHAHAHA *FUCK*. You see...I'm usually more accustomed to matching wits against the reluctant frontperson, the "defacto lead singer". Yeah you know the type: that one nerdy guitarist, bass player, keyboardist or drummer who clearly drew the "short straw" in being the "face" of the band? only half the time you won't see their "faces" downcast at shoes and effects pedals, hiding in their hair, pained expressions, shitscared and shy, so much so you start feeling like the worst arsehole alive, anytime you even THINK to shoot them for a live music blog? I mean who dares shoot Bambi in the face!? A CRUEL HEARTLESS BEAST OF A MAN, THAT'S WHO!! (Ben Revi? Walter Marsh? or pretty much everyone who used to be in Mr Wednesday? I'm so very sorry...PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!) *ahem* The point being? Patience is the complete opposite of that, HAHAHA DUUUDE, she's the life of the party! Yup rather than keep her timid distance, she'll come right at you: beaming 1000W smile, face to face, gaze deep into your eyes and liquify your brain! only to bounce back off all four walls, the ceiling and a few superpositional points of the Universe in between in drawing ALL our attention, because she's really that ecstatic to be on a stage going nonstop batshit beserk pogo-dancing and celebrating just how awesome it is to see us all tonight, until everyone in the room can't help but fall under her spell? *sigh*. I mean the whole frontline around me were "mouths agape" as far as the eye could see: guys, girls, the most grizzled of "war weary" rock photographers, fuck it...even the foldback speakers to light fixtures were a dribbling lovestruck disaster, mad yammering in her wake. She played us like a symphony of swooning sock puppets, googly-eyes spinning, like it was freaking "Fraggle Rock" maaan! like you almost forgot there were songs being played and a whole other band were playing them! But hey I tried my best to be rational, analytical, cynical as fuck "cold calculating" lining up sniper shots tonight being the very definition of a ninja assassin; and believe me I've taken them all on! I'm not easily defeated! "HAHAHA NOT ME MAAAN!! I TOTALLY KEPT MY...um, cool?". Only yup, I'd picked the worst possible "point-blank" position for it by the one foldback speaker that doubled as her launching pad as she catapulted herself on and off the stage and into the crowd inches from my face; also it didn't help that she was wearing a really short skirt with a hemline frequently hovering just above my head? oh crap! my brain just bluescreened...damn you Patience Hodgson! AAAUUGGHHAHahahfkfflhgf...! The Grates. This is their "live review": and yes it is the singularly most embarassing trainwreck I've written, bereft of any actual "review" (short of the fact they freaking massacred at The Gov tonight) since that travesty of purple prose two years ago that ended with me proposing marriage to Megan Washington. But hey if I had the chance to do this all over? I'd happily embarass myself again!
Yeaaah I know I know, I totally dropped the ball on this one didn't I? because yes I can SO totally appreciate if you were looking for a more "shit kicking" assessment: a more critical eye, possibly even going as far as wanting the ultimate "ant popping" magnifying glass critique in post-modern deconstructionalism in nutting out all the "pros and cons" of what made The Grates tick tonight? Like seriously why don't they have a bass player? what's up with that!? who IS that new guy playing drums? was Alana Skyring really a robot, or Astroboy's twin sister? why is there almost no mention of John's guitar playing technique...like EVER? or what about their live mix and how well it might have balanced out those highs, mids and lows in the front and back of the room tonight; or by the bar, or backstage or out in the beer garden? or at the very least something ANYTHING other than: "ZOMG! PATIENCE! SQUEEEEEE!!" or in other words? "Spoz gets too close to the action, Spoz totally loses his shit AGAIN, Spoz confuses his utter inability to string two meaningful words together in describing that as being an actual live review" (yeaaah along with just about everyone ELSE in the audience you would've asked tonight that she had utterly dumbstruck and retarded, WOOOO!!). But obviously I'm not gonna be giving you any of that shit, because it's a lot of work "researching and compiling" that, and I seriously couldn't be arsed, no sometimes, SOMETIMES DAMNIT, I JUST WANNA LIIIVE!! *ahem* but I can offer you three tidbits (beyond the fact that YES it was totally worth the "five stars" like a nonstop candy coated shitstorm of buzzing guitars and high kicking, thrashing and flailing hysteria). First of all: I asked, and she only had half a can of Monster before she hit the stage tonight like shit to a fan (and unless "Monster" is code for copious amounts of cocaine administered by wheelbarrow? that's quite the remarkable feat!). Secondly: I managed to score a photo of their setlist...most surprising of which? being the inclusion of age old classics from the first EP: "The Ouch, The Touch" (which I totally bought when they first toured the Jade Monkey playing to ten people back in April 2005...because oh yeaaah I was there!) namely: "Message", "Sukkafish" and "Trampoline"...oh and they also came back with the encore: "Inside Outside".
And thirdly? yeaaah let's just forget we ever saw this...
11:38PM - *ahem* with my work done here; and me likely losing at least a third of my facebook fans and most of my "journalistic credibility" along with it...and yes the irony there IS intentional (just like I realise I really AM a dork for posting that photo above!) I obviously did what any other mad professional (that I'm obviously not) would do in a time like this: and that's sneak backstage and steal everyone's rider (and the wheelbarrow it came on!) then hightail it the fuck out of there for an improv party at Squatters: where all great scholarly minds of the Adelaide scene that haven't already moved to Melbourne or London or Berlin (or Format's basement space) congregate and endlessly argue the merits of Bandcamp vs Soundcloud, and whether Iggy Pop was genuinely warm blooded "endothermic" as many scientists now suggest, or cold blooded "exothermic"...OH YES!!
12:53AM - And as for what I actually did...? in the intervening hour or more before I decided to head back into the CBD (not by taking a taxi mind you; which would've been the "sensible move", but by walking a good 20 minutes or more down the tram line an hour or so AFTER the trams stop running simply so I could save the taxi fare I would've otherwise "wasted", in getting even more senselessly shitfaced tonight than I would have otherwise afforded?) aaaah who the fuck cares!?
12:59AM - Just as there's no prizes for guessing where I'd end up next...
DUSTY LEE & THE ANGELS OF GUNG HO (****1/2) - Now the original plan was to get here earlier, much earlier. Because obviously me making a piss mockery of one show writeup in a night isn't nearly enough for me and my "I don't know the meaning of a word limit", FUCK NO!! we totally gotta do an after hours encore at The Ed Castle now don't we? HAHAHA OF COURSE WE DO!! And originally, I was hoping to get here in time to catch second support Ride Into The Sun: as it's been two months at least since I'd last seen them live...or "fourteen" according to the "dog years" that define their (until recently) volatile lineup reshufflings. Or at the very least here, I was hoping to catch a full set from headlining act Dusty Lee & The Angels Of Gung Ho. Who the fuck are they!? I'M SO GLAD YOU NEVER ASKED. Just as I'll now proceed to provide yet MORE reasons never ask me shit like that ever again...well actually just the one: they advertised in my gig guide this week, and I was hoping to pick up the cash they owed me. Or possibly two: thanks to the one song Dusty Lee Stephensen their lead singer sent me two months ago: "DragonFly", that granted sounded like a total ripoff of Queens Of The Stone Age (right down to the crooning "Josh Homme" style vocal delivery and the swampy psychedelic production values) only I mean that in the best way possible, the song freaking rules yo! And obviously I wanna call their "bluff" tonight in seeing if the rest of their songs blow the "hose end" of a hyena (yeaaah try not to linger on that image for too long) or better yet, I was hoping for quite the contrary; because fuck it...why take the piss out of anything but the very "BEST" here on Spoz's Rant? (ie: the higher my "dick and fart joke" insults are worth in "star ratings", the lower likelyhood of public lynchings? WIN!!). Only obviously I'd turned up late, real late, approximately sixth song in, or halfway into "DragonFly" as luck would have it walking in (or more accurately staggering in and promptly collapsed still shrieking hysterically, arms and legs flailing on the floor thanks to The Grates an hour earlier...woooohehehehahaha! *ahem*) only to catch the last of three songs of their set. But even so, what little I caught? wasn't to be sneezed at. The bandroom was packed; a few out front were even kicking me and laughing as lay on the floor; which is somewhat surprising (the attendance, not so much the kicking and laughing) considering it was only their 2nd show; more so a 2nd held in The Ed Castle's infamous "janitor's closet"...on a Friday; and they were loving this shit! The stage lighting however wasn't nearly as favourable, in its shades of "submarine red" it was an absolute nightmare to shoot under...but yeaaah you probably don't give a shit about any of that and rather know what they sounded like huh? Well in a nutshell (because in three songs or so that's all I heard) they had everything from Queens Of The Stone Age to Ben Harper, Pearl Jam, The Doors, Living Colour and Johnny Diesel & The Injectors swirling about in the mix. Very much a roadhouse blues feel, songs playing out like extended mad jams through all manner of colourful tangents; worked effortlessly loose yet precise in the delivery by a band that appeared to really know their shit; and by the look of some of them? (or just Travis Dragani on drums) had probably lived a lot of it too...maybe even so far as dodging parole to play here tonight? Either way duuude it was a class act! Yup Dusty Lee & The Angels Of Gung Ho. Turns out they totally didn't blow a hyena, a horse, a hippo or even a hamster tonight. So if you're any one of those animal species, you might find your needs somewhat "unrequited". But for everyone else itching for a mad blast of beer fueled blues rock psychedelia? you're in for one helluva ride!
2:20AM - Still as mad as it was in the band room just then...it WAS a Friday at The Ed Castle, or more accurately one of those wacky Friday nights at The Ed Castle in early November when almost everyone who'd normally be here "pissing up the walls and ceiling" till the wee hours (excuse the possibly intentional pun?) were either studying up for exams or suddenly remembered that they hadn't and should probably get onto that shit post-haste (even if they'd dropped out of uni years ago and were just sneaking into classes to pick up those mad up for it "party girls" you'd always find studying "media degrees" at Magill...*cough* what?) and thus the reason for THIS laughably nondescript photo by the bar...where the excitement is damn near palpable! HAHAHA YEAAAS!! But hey it could be worse, I could be sitting with Ride Into The Sun right now as they discuss penis girth in relation to umbrella stands hoisted over the tables in a near empty beergarden. Hmmm yup?
2:32AM - And completely unrelated to that last point (ie: another winning enactment of "Bodwin's Law" - where all well meaning band discussions will eventually focus around genitalia) I find myself here at King William Street, outside Bull & Bear, for another retarding installment of Transmission: because clearly THAT'S what this night been missing after everything else retarded that I've done (and wait...didn't I just walk all the way from The Governor Hindmarsh too? WHAT THE FUCK!?) as much as I DID briefly entertained the notion of hitting up Zhivago instead; recently reopened on Currie Street. Only while walking past, and casually inquiring with the bouncers what the doorcharge was, they told me $10. But perhaps only $10 for those idiots naive enough to ask. And while we're on the subject...? I heard recently that Transmission actually charges door entry (and perhaps has been doing so ever since it began). Is this true? because I swear I've never paid for it meself...
2:36AM - But maaan did I get my money's worth walking in tonight! like check out this packed dancefloor with mostly dudes dancing to...aaaah who the fuck cares? BUT WOWEEE SAUSAGE FEST!!
2:37AM - And check out DJs Ross Osmon and Kraig Black cutting sick...so fully sick in fact they're inexplicably dressed like they're gonna play a few rounds of tennis afterwards!? HAHAHAHA HOW CRAZY IS THAT!? and is that a plastic pint glass Ross has suckered to his face!? OUTRAGEOUS!!
2:40AM - And...and...no wait, why the fuck am I here again?
But first...here's a photo of Ruby Chew. Awwww isn't she pretty?
3:10AM - And *crap* now I've forgotten what the point was? oh that's right! THERE IS NO POINT. Suffice to say, after a few too many beers I'd suddenly "remembered" (thanks to a few too many beers last Saturday) that I had this aaawesome "slow synchro flash" setting on my camera, one which doesn't get used nearly often enough. And since the beergarden was closed up tonight for inexplicable reasons (what? they caught someone from God God Dammit Dammit pissing in the potplants again!?) and we were bored, we figured...fuck it, let's go all "arty experimental" with it.
Oh wait, have I apologised enough in advance for this? okay carry on then...
And here's where shit gets really weird...
And by "weird" I mean possibly a little out of hand too...
And...OH DEAR FUCKING GAWD WHAT HAVE WE UNLEASHED!?
And then soon after I'd shown everyone this photo? we all agreed on the swiftest departure out of here; by any available exit, open window or air vent; lest this "unspeakable horror" surface again.
4:06AM - Now I should've gone home by this point, a little too early I know...but Supermild was closing up already; I blame Richard Kingsmill...yeaaah I forget why (um, he hates black people?). But then Griffy Griff, aka: that shitcrazy cat with the dreds you occassionally see banging waaay too much drum & bass on the DJ decks Friday nights (too much!? HAHAHA NOT NEARLY ENOUGH!!), had this awesome plan that I should totally get in on. A plan that clearly involved yet MORE drinking; because encouraging me to do any of that shit is always a "winning move". And as for where, fuck it...why not HERE? No no, not Supermild again! that bar I almost never go to, NEXT DOOR to that!
4:17AM - Yup it's truly come to this: Spoz is at Elysium, because Spoz has finally run out of every single joke he could possibly crack at Supermild? OH FUCK, IT'S THE END OF DAYS PEOPLE!! But hey, where else would you want to be for the apocalypse than right here maaan? I mean just look at how lush and exotic and totally in a different lounge bar but next door to Supermild it is? DOESN'T IT JUST BLOW YOUR MIND!? HAHAHA I know it's blowing Griff's mind, WOOOO!! I mean sure he's doing a bang-up job internalising it, but trust me...any minute now? plode out his ears!
