The Adelaide music scene: to many of you it might be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctioning splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
So why am I really here tonight? to get hilariously shitballs drunk that's what! HA HA HA SQUEEEEEE *ahem* I wish! to be honest I'm far too broke for that, have been now for the past few months. Although I'll be doing my utmost to get piss drunk REGARDLESS...cash savings be damned, simply because if I stay too "straight edge" for far too many weekends in a row running this blog I realise just how pointless this shit is, I mean ALL OF THIS SHIT, I have an existentialist crisis bordering on the terminally nihilistic (duuude, don't get me started!) and yeaaah suffice to say...without alcohol? I'm a "workaholic insomniac" with no sense of humour, and without a "sense of humour" I have no reason to live. But this ISN'T a "personal blog" of mine, it stopped being that the minute it became an increasingly and weirdly legitimate live music blog; only sometimes I forget that. So I'm here to take photographs. Hopefully "bitchingly dopeass photos" of live bands pulling mad shapes under ridiculously epic stage lighting...OOOOH SHIT YEAAAH!! Except yeaaah it's the Jade Monkey, and there is no actual "stage lighting". So maybe I'm here to cover an album launch for Huxley? well that's definitely the official reason; except most of you likely don't know who "Huxley" are, they're brand new, they debuted here in support of The Sea Thieves a month ago, ummm anyone? or it's more for who's IN Huxley: namely lead singer Zoe Behan who used to front The British Robots, and perhaps I owe her one because her former band weren't half bad; only I almost never saw them live...ooops! Or failing that, it's for their support acts: two of which I've never covered before so I'm totally "clocking points" tonight (would you believe they'll up my kill tally in 2011 to 186?) and hey having ...So Yeah on the bill will always be a barrel of laughs too right? as much as I'm mostly here because it's the Jade Monkey and we all know I'm retarded for this joint (I mean who doesn't want to party down at Zac's place? aye? aye!?) yeaaah okay I admit it it's because I'm bored. I've spent the past week twiddling thumbs recovering from a nasty head cold watching Freaks & Geeks; this's pretty much all my life's been reduced to now, WHO WANTS TO SHOOT SOME LIVE BANDS!?
THE WARRING SIGHS (***) - Which brings us all too "enthusiastically" to our opening act. I mean don't get me wrong my sarcastic tone of voice here has nothing to do with The Warring Sighs and how pleased or otherwise I am to see them...no seriously!? I gave them three stars duuude! THREE STARS!! THAT'S TOTALLY (like sorta, kinda?) A "GLOWING ENDORSEMENT". No it's more that over the years I've somehow become this bona-fide "live reviewing guy" for you people, you've come to rely upon me as this "authority" on all things Adelaide scene, and let's face it I'm the last person you should ever trust in providing such a thing, and yeaaah to be honest I'm kinda sick of it too! I mean me taking photos is one thing, I fucking LOVE taking photos! providing a retardarse commentary where I proceed to "take the piss" out of these bands is another thing (and you give me so much "gold" to work with too...squeeeeee!). But then you start confusing the jokes for being actual "critique", and you start quoting me in all your press releases, and then you start wanting all these star ratings too, so you can rank each other like it's some kinda pissing contest even though it's all "apples and oranges" and it's only MY opinion anyways, and then I get all confused about what you actually want from me: is it still a joke or is it a "live music blog"? I DON'T KNOW, STOP ENCOURAGING ME!! *ahem* but again this's got nothing to do with The Warring Sighs...I'm sorry, I must sound like a crazy person (or okay maybe even more like one) you want a live review? I'll give you a live review! This is a four piece band from Melbourne (playing as a three piece tonight) featuring Mark Curtis and Paddy Montgomery: both you may recognise as being members of The British Robots and Oh Minor; both singing vocals and playing the acoustic, the former occassionally on electric, the latter occassionally on mandolin. There's also a Hannah Pelka-Caven in attendance who besides being all kinds of ridiculously cute (or perhaps I'm just being retarded) also happens to sing and play the violin. Just like Paddy is being weirdly distracting in his own way by channelling what could best be described as a cross between "starving Brunswick junkie" and a Dan Crannitch from Leader Cheetah (ummm Melbourne hipster anyone!? *ahem*). They're also missing a fourth member Tom Krieg from The Battery Kids...but I suppose we can be thankful for small mercies. And no I don't know quite what to make of the music itself: save that it appears to be some kinda pleasingly inoffensive "folk" thing with harmonies; or simply think equal parts Mumford & Sons and Simon & Garfunkel combined in a way that doesn't sound like a total insult; or yeaaah I dunno I guess I kinda like 'em? Yup the Warring Sighs! They're brand new. If you're in Melbourne and they're playing live...like totally go see them and shit? SHIT YEAAAH "GLOWING ENDORSEMENT"!!
THE BON SCOTTS (****1/2) - Which brings us to our second act, also from Melbourne, and an even shorter "live review" in following, because aaaah what the hell I'm totally doing that now. WHY? because maybe I've written so much shit on this blog after seven long years reviewing live bands I'd much rather chew my own face off rather than write more? HA HA HA WOOOOO!! *ahem* yup...in one word, they're rambunctious. Look that shit up, it sums them up beautifully. And to use a few more words: yes I'm saying that as a compliment because they're a ridiculously INFECTIOUS kind of "rambunctious"; as much as it also makes them next to impossible to shoot in focus under Jade Monkey's soothing "submarine" stage lighting: what with all their spastically mad enthusiastic thrashing and flailing...especially from their lead singer Rob Zimmerman and his percussive foot falls accentuating his already crazed and sweatily deranged "guitar playing". Or how his antics are often matched and near surpassed by bassplayer Richard Hall mad shrieking and howling to every song (man of a thousand faces I swear!). Only to be joined by both Freda MacDonald on accordian and Reginald Dwight on keys in riotous gang vocals, while next to every other band member totally loses their shit around them. Or in other words me calling them "folk rock"? (because technically that's what they are) is a laughable understatement at best, to what could be BETTER described as a pre-emptive "Irish wake" for kamikaze binge drinkers. Which possibly explains why they're also named after the legendary Bon Scott: former lead singer of AC/DC who died choking on his own vomit after a heavy night's drinking; as much as the band themselves sound more like the best bits of Isaac Brock from Modest Mouse in full flight fronting the Arcade Fire (or more accurately him fighting a bareknuckle boxing match against them) with perhaps a teeny bit of Bon Iver thrown in during the "quiet bits". Either way they were well worth the price of admission tonight; as much as I snuck my way in for free on the door instead, as much as it would be an honour to drink each and every one of them under the table next time I see them if I had the means to do so...as much as I'd likely lose out on that bet? Yup that's The Bon Scotts maaan...best band of the night I swear!
Yeaaah I know, I know! these photos really don't do it justice but here's the main dancefloor area: capacity around 60...or so I'm told. Those two brown doors lead off to the male and female toilets. And around the left corner there? apparently that's where all the "oldskool video arcades" will be...
He also showed me this smaller room down a corridor off to the side: where he's planning to set up some intimate booth style seating, a few cozy lamps, you know...if you want some special "alone time" with that special someone? or maybe if you're just looking to play a few rounds of "pocket tennis" and don't want to be disturbed? fuck it...whatever floats your boat? this room's got it all!
And then he showed me the bar, and quite an awesome sight it was too! at which point he may have noticed me taking all these photos just now and then casually inquired: "no wait...you're not gonna publish any of these on the blog are you!?" HA HA HA OF COURSE I'M NOT!! I mean he's still working on it, it's not quite ready yet, and it'd be awfully rude of me to spoil the "surprise" now wouldn't it!? So yeaaah let's just pretend we didn't see any of these just now okay? aaaawesome! *cough* oh wait, you really DIDN'T see anything? and I've been posting nothing but blank frames for the past few photos here!? EXCELLENT!! No seriously, keep saying that..."DENY EVERYTHING"!!
But just in case you HAVE been experiencing some "technical difficulties" there (HA HA HA yeaaah I just bet you've been tweaking with those brightness/contrast knobs and goofing about with all the gammas...amiright? amiriiight!? LIKE SHIT YOU HAVEN'T!! squeeeeee!) at the very least I can show you THIS: Luke's been collecting them, he's awfully proud of them, and I swear they're the best bits about this new basement bar...short of all the other junk I couldn't show you (or perhaps I DID show you, only you're being an exceptionally "good sport" in denying you ever saw it) no really, the less we say about THIS the better and ooooh wait...IS THAT A PINK CROCODILE!? FUCK YEAAAS!!