:: Thursday, October 27, 2011

THE KILLGIRLS "ANIMAL"
EP LAUNCH @ QUEENS THEATRE / Saturday October 22nd 2011

Now I don't need to tell you that I've been to a lot of gigs, a lo..o..OT of gigs! I mean we're talking a really REALLY unfathomably large number of "a lot" multiplied well beyond the point it makes my nose bleed just thinking about it; in fact scuse me while I go fetch me some tissues, some towels, a bucket, perhaps an attending psychiatrist...? wait am I having a stroke again!? AAAHAHAhAHaHA *ahem* you get the picture (but keep sending me those invites...squeeeeee!). The point is, going to all these gigs might've had a teeny tiny "detrimental effect" on me as, like all good things you'll build a tolerance; to what was once a novelty, a whizzbang adventure, an awesome "escape plan"; until it increasingly becomes a retardarse "weekly routine", a definition of insanity, a daily grind, a chore and ultimately, an exceptional way to commit "career suicide". But hey it still beats anything ELSE I could be doing around here (as much as I wouldn't be qualified for fuckall anyways), so how does one like me still find entertainment in the Adelaide scene when the "entertainment" itself has become so mind numbingly repetitive? Well one "winning tactic", obviously, is to get SO retardingly drunk, the fact I've done this shit upteen billion times before? becomes so blissfully and hilariously irrelevant I'd happily do it again every night of the week...until such a point I'll have to write it up, AGAIN, for the upteen billionth time (or worse still I'll have no cash left to get drunk with...GUH!!). Or failing that? I'll simply hit the biggest gigs I can find, which by lame budgetry constraits (ie: who I can hit up a doorlisting through) leads to launch parties, LOTS AND LOTS OF LAUNCH PARTIES!! until I'll invariably get sick of those too. So what then? when you've truly seen every gig there is to gig and attended every launch there is to launch, until you can barely fake that enthusiasm, too sarcastic, cynical or sober to care, you sad sad baaastard; what do you do then...QUIT!? HA HA HA FUCK NOOO!! at least not when The Killgirls miraculously return from whatever self imposed "exile" they've been on for the past...who the fuck knows when? (or way too long by my reckoning) and unleash "unholy hell" with a celebratory feast for the senses quite as shit stainingly epic as THIS!



"SHIT YEAAAH IT'S QUEENS THEATRE!!"...and as for WHY that's gonna be so "shit stainingly epic"? (and believe me that's no hint of hyperbole either...duuude, it's gonna be awesome!) yeah don't worry I'll be sure to explain in good time, and at great length, and in such "graphic detail" you'll be surely clawing your own face off screaming obscenities if you weren't here to witness it for yourself; suffice to say? it's a launch party for the The Killgirls who's reputation should surely precede them. Not just for the fuck off intensity of their live shows, or the fact they've made their indelible mark (or more accurately left a smoking impact crater) on everything from Parklife, Big Day Out, Clipsal 500 to playing the opening night party of the Adelaide Fringe Festival to an audience of 40,000 in 2010 with a 15-piece African choir (I mean pfft what is this...a regurgitated press release!?). No it's more the fact that when they DO finally get around to throwing a "launch party" in the middle of all that batcrap insanity, they don't do it by halves. And by that...? yeaaah you may recall a teeny tiny one they threw in 2009 launching their debut EP (and if not read it and weep or watch the video) and the venue they chose to host it, Queens Theatre. And the fact they're not only gonna attempt history AGAIN tonight with the launch of their second EP "Animal"; but try and beat it...pretty much till it's black and blue and smear it all over the walls for good measure. For this won't just be any 'ol "launch party" we'll be witness to tonight, OOOH NO!! this'll be The Killgirls pissing all over every apocalyptic definition of what it means to "launch an EP" not just in the Adelaide scene, but pretty much any other national or international scene you'd care to mention, in setting that standard so ridiculously high you'll need a seven stage rocket to reach it; except turns out they already did that back in 2009, so yeaaah this is pretty much them coming back for "sloppy seconds"...I know, total arseholes riiight? yet all the more "entertainment value" for a jaded fuck like me!? YOU BETCHA!!



But first a quick word about the "location", because yeaaah some of you might be wondering hey? Queens Theatre, situated on the corner of Gilles Arcade and Playhouse Lane (or simply look for it in an alleyway off east Currie Street or better yet the south-east corner of Light Square) is I'm told the oldest "purpose built theatre" in Australia; opening in 1840. As much as it's been anything BUT for most of its 170 year history: acting as everything from a makeshift supreme court, city mission, stable, forge, warehouse and carpark until it was brought back into the theatrical fold in 1996 as an arts venue for the Festival Fringe. But what's most notable about it? is when you hire it you're only getting an empty shell: nothing but a concrete floor, crumbling stone walls (painted white in parts) and rusted corrugated iron roofing, which you can then proceed to fill with your own junk. Bring your own stage, your own lighting, live PA, bar facilities, the works; yeaaah think of it as a blank canvas in artful decrepitude you can pretty much bend, warp and mold to your own perverted whim, limited only by your imagination or your "budget" (some of which may involve "bribes" to the Adelaide City Council so they'll turn a blind eye to whatever wacky sex dungeon foam parties you have planned) in short the possibilities are truly endless. There's two rooms to choose from too: back in 2009 The Killgirls went with the smaller one, this time they've gone for the "larger" one. And what you see HERE is their bar setup (that's artist's own signage too) which I'll admit I spent absolutely no time at tonight, since my blog's "operating budget" of late falls slightly shy of "rather skint" and slightly above "ZOMG! I'M COMPLETELY FUCKING SCREWED!!" but *ahem* the less said about me and my blog's sometimes dire "financial situation" and more on the guided tour in following...the better!



And so here we are now by the exit doors leading out to the toilets; which are housed in a separate facility outside (and quite the pristine setup it is too!) and the reason WHY I'm pointing this out? is because it also doubles as the "beergarden"; or okaaay let's just call a spade a spade here...the one outside area save for the entrance where everyone can smoke up to their hearts content. And also by no coincidence that one "raging hotspot" the majority of our audience tonight (when they're not found at the bar) will spend most their time packed like sardines: asking who's got a light, who they can bum a cigarette off, and "no I'm cool...thanks for offering", until a few minutes shy of the headlining act. And no I'm not trying to make a "point" here, I just find that fucking hilarious...



Which then brings us back to the main room (no really...the toilets, that's your #1 hangout!?) and it's big, I mean REALLY big; although possibly not as big as I remember it when I caught a benefit gig here back in 2008...but I suspect that might be because the stage itself and the backstage area supporting it are somewhat more extensive; effectively dividing up the space between us and them by a two thirds to one ratio. It's got high walls, even higher ceilings, an alcove to the left with Dangerfield staffers selling t-shirt merch and the like, two highly placed windows near the entrance (one on the left later to be staked by someone with a video camera on tripod taking sniper shots) while off to the right is a ridiculously extensive mixing desk arsenal (ie: somewhere between what you'd see at Jive and what you get at HQ). Overall room capacity...anywhere between 450 to 600? or maybe half that (those high ceilings make it feel like it could house more) although obviously there's not nearly that many here THIS early in the night; or maybe there IS? only they're outside currently soaking up all the "fresh air". In fact someone in passing just now, mentions they could just as easily have all those people INSIDE since there's so much air circulating around us (so it's not like any cigarette smoke would make any "dick of difference") and then we both laughed and agreed never to speak of that again *ahem* but no really, isn't that a glorious shade of purple?



Of course that "purple" would be thanks to all THESE lights and the stage that they're illuminating; and duuude, have they gone totally insane with this or what? Like we're talking just shy of building a Daft Punk pyramid with spastic lasers whizzing every which way to accompany it; or maybe it's not quite THAT mental, but at the very least there's still plenty of mad spotties, chasers, strobes and smoke machines to rival a "close encounter of the third kind" here. The only complication being? is that a lot of it is arranged as backlighting, set really high on scaffolding and pointing directly at us; or more specifically directly at my camera lens, all while I'm attempting to get video footage, which kinda scrambles the shit out of everything (yeaaah not much I can do about that) but pfft...is this really something to complain about!? HA HA HA FUCK NOOO!! MOAR STAGE LIGHTING, MOAAAR!!



And yeaaah okay perhaps I'm not selling this shit for all it's worth yet huh? Like what's so freaking special about hitting up a heritage listed crapshack like THIS for a "launch party" riiight? I mean shit duuude didn't The Shiny Brights already beat The Killgirls at their own pissing contest in 2010 when they launched THEIR EP at HQ? Just like I'll readily admit this isn't the only "five star event" trying to win us over either tonight; duuude there's a veritable CLUSTERFUCK of options available. Dare I mention The Drones headlining at The Governor Hindmarsh...supported by none other than Magic Dirt's Adalita? or Ball Park Music selling out The Ed Castle to capacity? TO CAPACITY!? or The Scarlet Ives launching their new single "Sirens Of Style" at Rhino Room? or whatever-the-fuck I was advertising this week...AND HOW!? and HA HA HA how could we possibly forget Quiet In The Lab! rocking the whizzbang head exploding shit out of The Grace Emily tonight? aye? AYE!? and ooooh crap here comes another nosebleed...? SWEET JEEEBUS!! but even so, could any of THAT possibly compete with The Killgirls here and their 50ft inflatable astronaut? 50FT INFLATABLE ASTRONAUT!? DUUUDE!! well...obviously it can't. And I dare say it's barely a perky "pink nipple" to the proverbial iceberg of shit awesomeness that'll be bearing down upon us too...excited yet? YOU SHOULD BE!!



THE BOTTLEROCKETS (**1/2) - But of course there's still the matter of "warming up the festivities" tonight, and in such a subtle soothing way that it wouldn't immediately explode out our innards mad buzzing like we'd just got hit with the bends (wait...is that even medically accurate!?). No what we need NOW is more like the musical equivalent of a "fart in a bathtub" to ease us all in gradually, a task rather capably managed by our opening act...YEAAAS!! (and yes I realise what I did just then, I really am being THAT sarcastic). Yup this is The BottleRockets, the "live act", not to be confused with The BottleRockets the "DJ act" who've been playing just prior while the crowd was walking in (only for that same "crowd" to b-line straight to the bar then outside again) as much as it's arguably the same two members double dipping for another paycheck (HA! you fiends!). And to be honest this mad ambiguity ALSO confuses me over what the fuck to make of them in a writeup: I mean are they meant to be a DJ act or a live act...or BOTH!? yeaaah I'll get back to that. What I DO know for certain is that they're a live act, or a DJ act (sorry!) comprised of both Tim Whitt and Scott Somerville: two names you might recognise as being former members of The Waterslides; the first of which you might ALSO recognise from Central Deli Band; which may begin to explain some of the "confusion" as being a right royal "audience mindfucking" was pretty much the M.O. of both The Waterslides and Central Deli Band; and that "philosophy" has very much carried over into this um..."band". I mean on the one hand? they're spinning all manner of tunes that aren't theirs, or perhaps some of them ARE...in that some of them are recogniseable as being remixes and/or mashups that they've produced themselves and perform live through all manner of technological tweakery: laptop sequencing, drum pads, loops, and the like. As much as they're also mostly just leaving it to run on "autopilot" while they jump about, pull shapes and mouth the words...so in other words they're definitely a DJ act. As much as they also throw in live guitars and bass riffs and tag-teaming rapidfire MC rapping...so they're a live act. As much as they're doing it sporadically whenever they "feel like it", as a majority of their stuff is pre-recorded, so okaaay they're a DJ act. And if you think I'm simply arguing semantics here? you're right...I mean as long as the beats are banging and we're all whizzing off our tits...WHO THE FUCK CARES RIGHT!? but it's hardly winning the room over tonight. As most the "crowd" present are lost in glazed ambivalence, scratching their heads not knowing what to make of it; a few are maaaybe nodding heads and sheepishly grinning like they're off in their own little world and tapping into some awesome "in-joke" I'm not privy to and hell I kinda wish I was in on that shit too, because musically there's a lot to like here...I think? at least if you're into that Triple J electro, 80's retro, dubsteppy mashup kinda schtick. Or in other words think equal parts: shit I dunno...? "Electric Circus" blah-di-blah, Girl Talk and Example!? As much as they also remind me of a Bumblebeez set I saw back in 2009 crossed with 90's breakbeat act Wiseguys...or yeaaah clearly I'm just clutching at straws here. At the very least though Tim and Scott DO sell the shit out of their live performance in stage presence, bouncing about like spastic rubberbands; even more so with the PA pounding and the lights flashing, it's a "class A" assault on our senses...only made all the sillier when most if not all of Tim's efforts to whip up a mad frenzy (in that stock standard "tone" adopted by 99% of all club MCs) is getting at best a resoundingly luke warm response from the crowd; or perhaps it's just way too early and we're way too sober. The BottleRockets...aaaah who knows!? maybe you'll love them and maybe if I was shit-face retarded I'd totally understand them...or if all else fails I'm told they'll also be DJing Rhino Room and Ed Castle later tonight; so even if they don't win this "round"? chances are they'll still win this night.



















THE RULES (****) - Which then brings us to our second act: where there is no "ambiguity", no confusion, no wavering sense of doubt on who or what they represent with a flying swift kick to the nuts...fuck it we probably don't even need to write up a "live review" do we? it's pretty much a foregone conclusion. WHY? because The Rules are The FREAaAKING Rules maaan! they've never deviated in drilling that mad buzz with two raised fists and a resounding "FUCK YEAAAH!!", at least not in all the times I've seen them live (need I cite examples?) and if ever you've seen them live? you'd know just what I'm on about too (ie: the blues done with a blowtorch? or equal parts The Kills meets Rage Against The Machine cranked well into the red? HELL YES!!) and if not, pfft...no really!? HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK!? FUUUCK!! And I'm not even kidding you: you know those t-shirts that read "Listen To Black Sabbath"? burn them, get rid of 'em, we don't even NEED 'EM, we got your t-shirt right here! And as such? I must apologise for giving them only "four stars" tonight: it's my problem not theirs, maybe I'm just too well acclimitised, or perhaps I'm not getting enough B-12 vitamins? I mean I know I've been feeling a little "sluggish" of late, yeaaah I dunno I sleep weird hours, I probably got a brain tumour...whatever! What never fails to impress me however? is when I see a fresh unsuspecting audience "experience" The Rules for the first time...HAHAHAHA DUUUDE!! It's like you can actually see those "pilot lights" flick on in their heads one by one, eyes popping out of their skull, mad bugging out...it's hilarious! In fact it's rather like I imagine it would be like to be miniaturised and stuffed into a microwave bag of popcorn just as it's cutting sick, or standing inside one of those pristine white rooms where 1000 mousetraps have been carefully laid and then they let loose the pingpong balls, and we're definitely getting a whole lot of that shit here tonight; but again I don't need to tell you ANY of this, it's pretty much a given...The Rules maaan! So at the risk of making this "live review" sound more superfluous, here's two observations about tonight's set that made it sliiightly different from the others. Firstly: in how near abouts impossible it was to get a clear shot of their drummer John Russo, shrouded as he was in a near impenetrable smurf blue haze behind his drumkit. And secondly: how you couldn't possibly miss the sight of that one band photographer who thought "screw it...why should I stand in front of a stage taking shots from a whole metre away, when I can be ON STAGE poking their eyes out point blank range getting potshots of their pink bits". I mean shit, I dunno if he had balls the size of coconuts or he simply didn't give a shit where he was standing to the point of almost tripping them up? like I didn't know whether to chastise him loudly or give him a standing ovation or if he SO couldn't get enough of The Rules tonight he just had to consummate it there and then? *ahem* yeaaah I know I'm being superfluous huh? The Rules, no shit...just go fucking see them already, I needn't tell you twice!



















And now at long last the room was starting to fill out. Partly thanks to The Rules just now, who were having a "pied piper effect" on those still loitering by the bar or further afield...perhaps drawn in by the sound of John Russo's apocalyptic drumming, Adrian Zammit's mad noodling solos in between, or perhaps it was just Carla Lippis on lead vocals reaching right down into our throats, ripping out our spleens and screaming at them (or yeaaah maybe they just ran out of cigarettes in the "beer garden"...who knows!?). Either way the air of anticipation and excitement was definitely starting to build; as much as I'll also admit it kinda just looks like a bunch of people loitering about looking bored (YAY!); just as I'm also well aware that Tim from The BottleRockets is giving me the "photo bomb" there middle of frame...yeaaah tell you what, for that? I'll give him a "three and a half"!



THE KILLGIRLS (*****) - Yup this moment has been a long time coming for everyone of us present tonight, A LONG TIME COMING!! the exact measure of which...yeaaah I guess it depends. For me...I haven't seen them since their headlining slot at "Bootleg" back in December. And it's been what? how long since they last released something on record (their single "I Love You") back in August 2010? And it's been well over two years since their last EP in May 2009. I mean I'm not getting all "worked up" or anything mentioning this shit...pfft! I've already seen over two hundred bands this year and twenty four launch parties, and who knows how many fucked up interstate and international touring acts in between...HAHAHA DUUUDE!! *phew* no seriously, I'm half surprised I haven't dozed off from all the "excitement" here! But the audience here tonight!? many of whom I don't doubt have been following The Killgirls all year, possibly even from show to show like they're the meth amphetamine equivalent of the Grateful Dead? even after all those shows!? oh maaan are they TOTALLY losing their tits hyperventilating right about now...and it's hard not to get caught up in it too! And I mean quite literally as I'm head high tackled, shuffled about and screamed at from all directions from an exciteable throng up front all but creaming themselves delirious at the sight of this band...including one "superfan" (man in his early to mid 30's, dark haired clown afro?) who'd been staking out a front and centre "pole position" since The BottleRockets...only to glare at me and then laugh maniacally as I show up next to him to take photos..."OH THERE'S NO WAY I'M LETTING YOUUU GET PAST ME MAAAN HAHAHA!! I FUCKING WORSHIP THESE GUYS!!" (in such a way I don't doubt he wrote "The Killgirls" down on his census form, in his own blood, covering an entire page increasingly incoherent when asked what his "religion" was). And yet as insane as it sounds? this near fanatical display of devotion IS quite understandable. For as I've mentioned before The Killgirls don't do things by half measures, they prefer to push shit to theatrical extremes (and they kinda have singer Mario Spate to thank for that too, he's totally done like Shakespeare and shit!) and tonight for their EP launch they're milking it for all its worth. Not just in their choice of location, or their shitcrazy apocalyptic combination of smoke machine and lighting they had setup on stage: burning SO spastically bright all night (and even more so upon their arrival) it was actually draining my camera batteries flat at double the speed attempting to represent it all on the tiny LCD screen (until after swapping the first battery over I had to adjust the settings to compensate...yiiikes!) or even their live sound cranked up to the point it practically made your nipples vibrate; but how ALL THE ABOVE combined with a kill or be killed kamikaze performance to boot, owned our unwavering awe, pissing ourselves silly bouncing off the walls from start to finish *phew*. I mean The Killgirls have always been about being FUCK OFF INTENSE: all the stabbing ultraviolence of Nine Inch Nails meets the cocaine dancefloor insanity of The Presets. But in the past year or so, they've definitely been amping up the latter, drilling in an ever louder techno pounding aesthetic. Which granted has increasingly made them more "indie disco" (and perhaps made them more cheesy "accessible" to the Triple J/Nova crossover crowd as a result...?) and yes I am hearing elements of Does It Offend You, Yeah? Art Vs Science, maybe a little Kele Okereke's "The Boxer" creeping into the mix...and yet, with Mario Spate throttling that mic to within an inch of its life and his black clad bandmembers bouncing about like pogo-sticks on stage here tonight? it's only made them ever more intense to experience live. I mean we're talking square synth notes the size of cinderblocks lock stepped to militant metronome drumming, guitars and bass loud buzzing, beating our brains black and blue unrelenting to drill sergeant catchcries from our lead vocalist who's equal measures Trent Reznor, Brian Molko and a half human/mutant mako shark (look carefully you can almost see gills!). Throw in a hooting, thrashing and flailing throng five kinds of fanatical...and did I mention there was a strobe light too? DUUUDE!! yup it's anyone's guess how any of us got out of here alive (or for that matter how I got ANY photos to show for it!). The Killgirls maaan...WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE!!


















Now in all that "hyperventiling word count" above (and how!) I may've left out a few tiny details in regards to their set tonight...and by "a few" I mean ANY. Which is perhaps symptomatic of the fact I was simultaneously taking photos and video here tonight, trying to get half decent angles or exposure, or for that matter anything in focus through all the shitcrazy strobes and whatnot, while Tony Irish their drummer and keyboardist Hamish Cox all but disappeared from view, while fending off the crowd going shitcrazy beserk around me, while attempting to concentrate on the sound...all so I could also find time to jot down a few descriptions and observations into my phone so I could write this review; I mean it's no different from the usual tall order I face in regards to providing you with live scene coverage but still...FUCKING HELL!! Thankfully however, in anticipating what insanity might lay ahead and moments before all hell broke loose? I did sneak a photo of their setlist...



And short of the fact that yes they have written it in a ridiculously tiny typeface (so much so I'd be surprised if any of the band members on stage could actually read it positioned by their feet) there was one tiny "detail" here I couldn't help but focus on, the line that read: "Rusty gets into boat"...



And before you think naaaah that's just The Killgirls warped sense of humour and shit, it's not as if they'd ever follow through on that (because let's face it...seeing dumb inconsequential shit written in a setlist is pretty much a "dime a dozen" around here huh? dare I cite a few billion examples!?) but sure enough in the encore...here's Russell "Rusty" Hutchinson shredding out a wicked guitar solo while being crowdsurfed in an inflatable raft...HAHAHA yeaaah, and you were WHERE tonight?




But it didn't stop there, OOOOH NO!! because c'mon who HASN'T seen someone shred out a wicked guitar solo before while being crowdsurfed in an inflatable raft? (well...now that you mention it? this WAS my second time *ahem*) they also had this glow in the dark Astronaut dancing like spaz...






They also performed two covers. The first "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the second "Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys. Which probably doesn't sound all that remarkable on its own; except in effort to get that mad "rapping tag-team" action happening for the latter: they figured they'd get Carla Lippis up on stage from The Rules to join them. And believe you me when they did that...all hell that'd already been cutting lose by this point? definitely kicked up a whole OTHER notch. And even if you DON'T believe me, check out the live footage; oh and feel free to ignore bass player Nick O'Connor cutting sick on the speaker stacks like that, he pretty much pulls that shit every show...




And then somewhere after performing both those covers only to follow them up with an eight song cover/all star medly mashup done in the space of 30 thirty seconds; not to mention all that other shit with the inflatable raft, the dancing Astronaut (and let's not forget the ever present threat of that 50ft inflatable pulling a "Stay Puft" like at the end of Ghostbusters) *phew* well...it was kinda inevitable they'd start getting stage invaders. Unfortunately most of them couldn't stick around and do some real damage; there may've been bona-fide structural concerns; yeaaah fuck knows!? either way venue security did their utmost to promptly shoo them all away...all save for this one fangirl at the end (the same you might've noticed in that "Sabotage" footage above, shrieking and flailing on her boyfriend's shoulders) still whooping it up, having the absolute time of her life. Awww I know! how could you possibly remain cynical and sarcastic witness to such simple joy as this!?




And yet even so, amongst all that batcrap insanity (to the point I could practically taste guano?) I still managed to keep my cool...I mean I had a job to do, the SAME job I do every week, and I've done how many launch parties this year!? c'mon I'm like 100% unflappable professional and shit! I DARE YOU...I DOUBLE DARE YOU TO FLAP ME!! I'LL TAKE ALL YOU FLAPPERS ON!! AAAhAHaHaHA!! *ahem* yeah well I guess they'd read my mind, and saw fit to rape it royally, when they concocted THIS category five clusterfucking for "White Bus". Yup, that's not just one but a DOZEN white beach balls, exploding about the room, to spastic as all tits pounding techno, to a fucking strobe light, or perhaps it was fifty of them!? for what felt like 10 minutes...but could've just as easily been only 10 seconds (well they say time does move differently in a demon dimension) and okay, I'm pretty sure I'm NOT prone to epileptic seizures normally...but being stuck in the middle of THIS insanity lights flashing, burning into my retinas? I SHIT YOU NOT, it almost, literally, fucking floored me!



And yet I survived, we ALL survived this, this...well shit! I don't even think we could still call this a mere launch party anymore; oh no! this is more like what an alien abduction would be like if it was remixed by a Japanese video game developer after someone slipped us a "Jeffrey" and there's nary a furry wall in sight to save us and then they let loose all those spastic beach balls and the strobe lights and...!? AAAAHahAHaHAhaHaHAhA yes I know mad grinning dude left of frame here, so completely flabbergasted whizzing off of your dial right now your proverbial "clock" no longer has face or hands or even knows what planet, moon, asteroid or spaceship you're currently residing on I KNOW! I FUCKING KNOW!! I mean no shit! if this was a mere "five star performance" we'd just witnessed tonight? then I dare say every other five star I've ever given out should be demoted to a three to accomodate it! I no longer have the words...flubblefloobflhglndsrthglfdejfg#$&57@1%!



12:29AM - And then moments after they left it, Loot & Plunder DJs took to the stage (and they got three times as many facebook fans as The Killgirls? woweee!) and...aaaah who fucking cares!?



12:37AM - Next thing I know it I was out of there. I mean don't get me wrong they had a mad pumping dancefloor, peeps were going nuts, I was just waaay too sober for it...or at least I THINK I still was? I mean I knew I definitely hadn't been drinking (I just didn't have the cash), I hadn't been smoking...save for any passive on the way to the loo or taken anything goofy I'm sure of it! And yet my pulse was hammering like a hummingbird, my pupils were nothing but pinpricks and I simply couldn't stop laughing, peaking off my tits, as I approached The Ed Castle (in fact I'm half surprised I didn't cause any car accidents!). I knew they'd sold out tonight; that lineup outside all but confirmed it. And yet short of briefly wondering if my "Jedi mind trick" would work this time? (thank you Ross Osmon!) I was naught but a giddy blur as I bluffed my way in past that door...



12:48AM - And it was sold out of course thanks to Ball Park Music (may've mentioned it earlier). They're headlining as part of their "Happiness And Surrounding Suburbs" album launch tour; the same tour that had sold out in next to every other date on the east coast on its way down to us tonight; which possibly explains why for the first time in ages this band room tonight actually has MORE people in it, verily packed out to the ceiling tiles licking those light fixtures...than out in the beer garden. No really, take all the time you need to soak that factoid in: Ed's infamous "janitor's closet" (or at least it might as well be considering how often everyone walks past it with their G&T's blissfully unaware of it) has more people in it than THE BEER GARDEN!? WHAAAT DA FUUUuUuuu... *ahem* or better yet let's get a photo of it! And for our furthering amusement you'll note not only do we have two prize nitwits grinning in the middle here (they actually requested a second shot just so they could do that) but also that other dude behind them flipping me off seemingly offended; which is awesome, considering if he DIDN'T do that? we wouldn't even see him in the first place.



BALL PARK MUSIC (****1/2) - Now before you really get the wrong impression here: no this won't be a live review of Ball Park Music; well yeaaah okay it sorta might be...? (and hey look I gave them "four and a half stars" too...TOTALLY NOT ARBITRARY ENDORSEMENT!! WOOOO!!) but you can be DAMN SURE very little of it will make a "lick of sense" if you DO read it that way. Firstly because any and all attempts to judge anything "sensibly and objectively" after The Killgirls launch (let alone acknowledge simple shapes and colours with anything other than a corresponding puddle of urine on the floor and a sheepish grin?) would be nigh on impossible...IMPOSSIBLE!! Secondly I already cooked up a stupendously a-grade awesome "writeup" of their shit back in July. So go read that instead: it's pretty much the same shit as tonight (well sorta...save for a few band members who got weirdly half naked by the end of it?) you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll build bronze statues and name your first born after me. And thirdly..I forget (and why is the left side of my face all tingly?) *ahem* In fact the only reason I can think for me being here tonight is probably down to some "Pavlovian" response...I see a stage and I just can't help myself; or maybe it IS a brain tumour? oh and it maybe because their bass player inexplicably added me on facebook after a show back in May and it'd be kinda rude of me not to come; and what...I'd question that shit? female bass players friend requesting me!? THAT'S LIVING THE DREAM YO!! WOOOo! oh wait...where the fuck was I again? oh yeaaah! totally not a "live review". Ball Park Music...they're heaps good and shit!











Wow and I really went the extra mile getting some of those photos too! blurry? unfocused? all from the same angle? what!? IT'S BEEN A HARD NIGHT, YA JERKS!! *cough* still at the very least for all you "trainspotters" out there? I did photograph their setlist. And no I'm not gonna show you said photo; I shot it from a weird angle and it's a bit shit, BUT...I can tell you which songs they played. Literally Baby, Rich People Are Stupid, Shithaus, All I Want Is You, Walk Right Out, Alligator: see video above, Sad Rude Future Dude, Culture Vultures, It's Nice To Be Alive, Happy Healthy Citizen, Glass Jar and iFLY (aka: "I Fucking Love You") which as you can see in the video below: ended with lead singer Sam Cromack not only being crowdsurfed by an over eager mosh, but flipped upside AND crowdsurfed for a shitcrazy kamikaze finale. Also worth mentioning tonight? was their cover of Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People": which was all the more amusing for me and Andrew Marshall of 20th Century Graduates (ie: in a way that thankfully DOESN'T come with video evidence) mostly because we proceeded to yell out almost every word of the song, loudly and retardingly off-key, simply to drive house mixer Alex Ciaravolo to distraction...or yeaaah I guess you just had to be there; or maybe it was better you WEREN'T because we're pretty fucking dreadful. GOOD TIMES!!



1:55AM - And then just like that: that feverish crowd that was squashed armpit to armpit here mere moments earlier (yeaaah try not to imagine the smell) were gone in a flash, a mass exodus, many right out that front door and into the night again; while I imagine The Ed Castle beer garden shed one single tear so neglected; only to leave us with THIS: an all too accurate representation of what the inside of my head must feel like at this juncture...courtesy of the band room linoleum.



2:14AM - As much as I wasn't "processing" much of anything...I was still in shock. Slack jawed yammering, shrieking and flailing in this band room still, attempting to express, speak with words, paint with pictures, just what I'd been through these past few hours...and all to no avail. I might've then stepped out momentarily, think I might've even caught some of The BottleRocket's DJ set by the front bar (see...I told you they were everywhere tonight!), complete with shitcrazy synchronised visuals (mostly Bender from Futurama, some of Adam West's Batman?), packed dancefloor going nuts, and before you ask? yeaaah it felt like a solid "four"; I totally could've partied with that shit! Although it was clearly way too much for me to handle right NOW: because moments later I found myself BACK in the band room with these candles, hopelessly absorbed (aaaah so so soothing!).



3:16AM - Now it probably doesn't bear to mention that I was still ALARMINGLY sober by this point of the night (duuude we're talking 0.01 on a breath-o here...FUCK!! OFF!!) and anyone who's read enough of my blog KNOWS just how cataclysmically fatal that can be for my "mental health". I had about maybe $15 beer money I could blow tonight, I'd been saving it up until the end, nursing the one pint for the past hour...*phew* until I realised being the "Adelaide scene celebrity" that I am (yeaaah I know, I'm laughing too!) I could totally mooch me free shit to make up the "difference". For instance this hipster tragic gin & tonic here? totally swiped it off the house mixer, or maybe he slipped me a drinks card or hell, maybe I did both when he wasn't looking? either way, SCORE!!



4:13AM - Only to "accidently" scam me more free shit when I arrived at Supermild, when Jeremy Lake from 20th Century Graduates shouted me this pale ale stubby and a shot of tequila...WIN!! (which incidentally for those of you keeping score? almost makes us "even" for that glowing "five star writeup" I gave his band back in...HAHAHAHA *shit* was I not meant to say that out loud?).



4:17AM - And speaking of something, anything that could steer this conversation away from how much of a "cheap bastard" I've been of late; and for future reference it's kinda tied to how many upcoming gigs my blog can advertise each week and DUUUDE...FUCK!? IS THAT THE NEW SHELTER THEY GOT IN THE SUPERMILD BEER GARDEN!? SHIT YEAAAH, LET'S TOTALLY TALK ABOUT THAT!!



Except I'm then interrupted by these two...I bumped into them earlier on at The Ed, and here they are again at Supermild. And I'm pointing them out now; perhaps even going so far as taking a photo for the expressed purpose of asking this, no seriously...WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE!? You see I get this a lot now: randoms will just pop up out of nowhere and start talking to me about blah-di-blah whatever-the-fuck...and hey you're welcome to! it's cool, I love talking random shit! I DO publish this blog ferfucksake! Only I don't have the foggiest who they are, nobody's introduced themselves, since I guess they already know who I AM (ooops!), and I don't dare ask who they are because well shit...maybe at some point I WILL remember and I don't want to be rude or nothing. Only then the conversation ends, and then we part ways, and then I'm like...WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!? And before you leap to the obvious like you think I've gone all "Ozzy Osbourne", like the drinking's finally got to me...yeaaah okay so I've got over eight hundred facebook friends but I'm pretty damn sure I know all...or most, or at least I recognise your faces. I'm like "Rain man" when it comes to this shit duuude! I'm like a running rolodex on the Adelaide scene! no seriously if I've blogged it? I got your shit locked down! BUT AM I THE ONLY PERSON THIS SHIT HAPPENS TO!? I SWEAR IT DRIVES ME CRAZY SOMETIMES...but yeaaah *cough* these two? awesome people!



4:35AM - And then moments later, just to confuse me even further...? THIS happened. And yes I apologise for some of these shots being out of focus, it's a tad unavoidable: considering this was Nick O'Connor from The Killgirls spear tackling me to the ground as I left the toilets...or as I later discovered (and it beats how I got these photos?) wasn't just Nick O'Connor spear tackling me, but another anonymous "pink-haired girl" (who later identified herself as Emily...hi Emily!) jumping me in a tandem ambush...AS I left the toilets; hmmm just as well I'd washed my hands then, aye?





4:39AM - And now for no good reason whatsoever? except it's Ruby Chew and she's ambushed me on the dancefloor, requesting I take a photo of her and her friend just now and no WHAT...am I gonna argue with an infallible logic like that!? SHE'S SUPERMILD'S GOOD LUCK LEPRECHAUN YO!! (only she's possibly not Irish, a midget, or a verdant shade of green; but don't quote me on that) and wait...shit, what the fuck was I talking about just a moment ago? ANYONE!? aaaah I forget!



And yeaaah you know that point in any given night, where my blood alcohol level exceeds any common sense or restraint in NOT taking a billion near nonsensical photos of people pulling faces, knowing full well it's only gonna come back to haunt me days later as I'm wondering what the fuck I'm gonna write for the caption!? yup here's both Sammy Bruno and Matt Minucci from Lyla. They're DJing tonight...obviously, looks like they're doing a "bangup job" of it too! and hey while we're on the subject: does anyone know what Lyla have been doing this year? ooooh no wait...they've done a video clip? and I should totally mention it or something? or link to it? because that's what they're trying to tell me, telepathically, with their eyes!? woweee that's totally not creeping me out at all!



Yup, if ever this night had a point to make? I've long since lost it...MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!

Previously on Spoz's Rant: The Motherfucking Motherfuckers and Them Plasms

:: Spoz 2:48 PM |
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