:: SPOZ's RANT ::

The Adelaide music scene: to many of you it might be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctioning splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
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[::..latest blogs..::]
:: FILTHY LUCRE,
WHITE SUMMER,
SOMNIUM and
HEINOUS CRIMES
:: FLEUR GREEN
& THE KEEPERS
(Album Launch)
with EMILY DAVIS
:: JUNGLE CITY
and SOMNIUM,
CAPTAIN HELLFIRE
& THE WRETCHED
BRETHREN, SURVIVING
SHARKS and BITCHSPAWN
(Halloween 2017)
:: NAOMI KEYTE,
TOM WEST and
BREE TRENTER,
and LITTLE CAPTAIN
(Single Launch)
:: ALANA JAGT &
THE MONOTREMES
(EP Launch) with
ALISON COPPE &
THE JANES and KORAL
:: HALL OF FAME ::
:: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES** :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ARTAX MISSION :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND* :: BOOSTER :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CIRCLE CLAN :: COERCE :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CONCHILLIA :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: DOUBLE HANDED* :: THE DUNES :: EGYPT :: ENCARTA / COLONEL KERNEL** :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA FIRE!*** :: FRIENDS :: GLASS SKIES :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT* :: THE HONEY PIES** :: HORROR MY FRIEND* :: ISLE OF VISION :: JUNGLE CITY :: KAMIKAZE :: THE KEEPSAKES* :: THE KILLGIRLS*** :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: LADY STRANGELOVE** :: LEADER CHEETAH* :: LIKE LEAVES** :: LUMONICS* :: LYLA :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS*** :: MERE THEORY :: MORALS OF A MINOR* :: THE MOTIVE :: MR WEDNESDAY** :: NO THROUGH ROAD*** :: QUIET CHILD :: QUIET IN THE LAB! :: REALIST FEW :: RIDE INTO THE SUN** :: THE SEA THIEVES* :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS* :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY*** :: SKELETONS :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE* :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SPARKSPITTER* :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: STEERING BY STARS* :: SWIMMING :: TEA :: THE TIMBERS :: TONY FONT SHOW** :: TRACER :: THE TRANSATLANTICS** :: TWO SUNS :: TYGER TYGER* :: THE VILLENETTES* :: WEST THEBARTON BROTHEL PARTY :: WOLF & CUB** :: ZETA ::
[::..rant awards..::]
:: 2008 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2009 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2010 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2011 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
:: RECOMMENDED ::
[::..global..::]
:: NME
:: SPIN
[::..local..::]
[::..blogosphere..::]
[::..miscellaneous..::]
:: XKCD
:: SITE FEATURES ::
[::..video blogs..::]
[::..festival blogs..::]
:: Fringe Festival 2012
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2013
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2015
- 1 | 2
| 3 | 4 |
5
| 6 | 7 | 8
:: Fringe Festival 2017
- 1 |
2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
[::..b&w episodes..::]
:: A Winter Wonderland
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
:: In Limbo - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
:: B&W July 2012 - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
[::..special features..::]
:: ARTIST INDEX ::
:: !!! :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES (DUET) :: 200 MOTELS :: 4 KINGS LOUD :: 4 VOICE :: 67 SPECIAL :: 78 SAAB :: A.B. ORIGINAL :: A BASKET OF MAMMOTHS :: A.D.K.O.B. :: A RED DAWN :: AAARRR! ALL ABOARD FOR PIRATEY VARIETY :: AARON THOMAS :: AARON THOMAS TRIO :: ABBEY HOWLETT :: ABBEY HOWLETT & THE GOLDEN REALM :: ABLACKWELL :: ABOLISHED :: ACID MOUNTAIN :: ACROSS THE ATLAS :: ADALITA :: ADAM PAGE :: ADELAIDE'S PIPE GUY :: ADNAAN BARAKY :: ADRIAN BELEW :: ADRIAN DEUTSCH :: AFFAIRS OF MEN :: AFI :: AFTER THE FALL :: AIRBOURNE :: ALANA JAGT :: ALANA JAGT & THE MONOTREMES :: ALARM BIRDS & THE SEA THIEVES :: ALIAS & THE JAMS :: ALISON COPPE & THE JANES :: ALITHIA :: ALL FLIGHT CREW ARE DEAD :: ALL MADE OF RUBIES :: ALL NIGHT GIRLS :: ALMA KALORAMA :: ALPEN :: ALPHA BETA FOX :: ALPHABETTE :: ALPINE :: ALUKA :: AMBUSH MARKETING :: THE AMCATS :: AMUNDSENS FLAG :: ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HARUM :: ANDREW P. STREET :: ANDY BULL :: ANDY ROBERTS :: ANGEL & THE BADMAN :: ANGEL EYES :: ANGEL OLSEN :: ANGELIK :: ANGELS OF GUNG-HO :: ANGIE HART :: ANIMAL SHADOWS :: ANIMAL TRAPS :: ANNIE BASS :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ANNY DUFF :: ANTHONY ANT :: ANTHONY WIGNALL :: ANTONY OF THE FUTURE :: ANYA ANASTASIA :: ANYA ANASTASIA & THE BIRD WIZDOM CABARET :: ANYA MCNICOL-WINDRAM :: THE APE :: APHELION :: APPARITION :: APPOMATTOX RUN :: ARAKEYE :: THE ARCADE FIRE :: ARCHERS :: ARCHIE :: ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI :: ARGUS & THE LIAR :: ARIEL PINK'S HAUNTED GRAFFITI :: ARLO COOK :: ARMOUR FOU :: ARRAY :: ART OF ESCAPE :: THE ART OF FLYING KITES :: ARTAX MISSION :: AS THE PENNY DROPS :: THE ASTEROID BELT :: THE ATLANTIC STREET BAND :: ATLASIS & AMICA :: ATTILA MY HONEY :: ATTONBITUS :: AUBERON DANCE ACADEMY :: AUDIUM :: THE AUDREYS :: AUGUSTE :: AURA FORM :: AURORA :: THE AUTHENTIC REPLICAS :: AUXILLA :: AVANT GARDENERS :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: AWKWARD LOVE TRIANGLE :: BABES ARE WOLVES :: BABYLON BURNING :: BACHELOR OF ARTS :: BACHELORETTE :: BACK$EAT ROMEOS :: BAD//DREEMS :: BAD LUCK CABARET :: THE BAKER SUITE :: THE BAKER'S DIGEST :: BAKEWELL STREET :: BALL PARK MUSIC :: BANG! BANG! AIDS! :: BANJO JACKSON :: BANJO WEATHERALD :: BANOFFEE :: BARCODE :: THE BARON :: THE BARONS OF TANG :: BASEBALL :: THE BASKERVILLES :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: BAT FOR LASHES :: BATPISS :: BATRIDER :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BATTLEHOUNDS :: BATTLE POPE :: BATTLES :: BEACH HOUSE :: BEANIE MY FRIEND :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND :: THE BEARDS :: THE BEASTIE BOYS :: BEC STEVENS :: BED WETTER :: BEDHEAD :: THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER & HIS AWKWARDSTRA :: THE BEERBELLY BUSKERS :: BEFORE THE AFTERMATH :: BELITTLE LEAGUE :: THE BELLE CURVE :: THE BELLRAYS :: BELOVED ELK :: BEN GEL & THE BONEYARD SAINTS :: BEN ELY'S RADIO 5 :: BEN REVI :: BEN REVI ALL-STAR REVIVAL BAND :: BERMUDA BAY :: BETTY AIRS :: BIG BAD BARRY & THE DEAD SETS :: BIG DADDY'S DISCOTHEQUE :: BIG RICHARD INSECT :: BIG SCARY :: BIG SKY THEORY :: BIG YAWN :: BILLY BISHOP GOES TO WAR :: BILLY BOB'S BBQ JAM BAND :: BING GOES TO MONACO :: BINKY & THE BUNG MICS :: THE BIRD :: BIRD WIZDOM :: BIRTHGLOW :: BIT BY BATS :: BITCH PREFECT :: BITCHSPAWN :: THE BITTER DARLINGS :: BITTER SWEET KICKS :: BJORK :: BLACK GOLD :: BLACK LIPS :: BLACKCHORDS :: THE BLACK AND WHITE :: BLACK CORAL :: THE BLACK DOVES :: THE BLACK HEART DEATH CULT :: BLACK KNIGHT :: BLAKE SABAN 3 :: BLAST RHOMBUS :: THE BLEEDING FLARES :: BLEEDING KNEES CLUB :: THESE BLESSED BONES :: THE BLIND HERD :: BLISTERED PALMS :: BLOOD PLASTIC :: BLOODHOUNDS ON MY TRAIL :: BLOW UP BETTY :: THE BLUEBERRIES :: BLUEJUICE :: BLUSH RESPONSE :: BOB DOWNE :: BOB LOG III :: BODY HORROR :: BOHOEFFER :: THE BON SCOTTS :: BOOSTER :: THE BORDERLAND :: BOS :: THE BOTTLEROCKETS :: BOX ELDER :: THE BOX ROCKETS :: BREE TRANTER :: BRENDAWG & THE DROID :: THE BRIAN JONESTOWN MASSACRE :: BRIANNA MAHONEY :: BRIARS :: BRILLIG :: BRITISH INDIA :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS (DUO) :: BRONZE CHARIOT :: BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE :: BROKERS :: THE BROTHERS GOON :: BROTHERSISTER :: THE BROUHAHA :: BRUNATEX :: BUFFALO BOYFRIEND :: THE BUMBLEBEEZ :: BURAKA SOM SISTEMA :: BURIED FEATHER :: BURLESQUE BEAUTIES :: BURN THE ASHES :: THE BURNING SEA :: BURNING TOWER :: BURNSIDE MUMS :: BUSHIDO :: BUSTER FIDEZ :: BYE BYE MOUNTAIN :: THE BYZANTINES :: CABBAGE & KINGS :: CABIN CULTS :: CAL WILLIAMS JNR :: CALIFORNIA COUSIN :: CALLERDENIGHT :: CALLING ALL CARS :: CAM GOODALL :: CAMEROM MCTERNAN :: CAMP COPE :: CANDIDA :: CANIDAE :: CANIS VULPES :: CAPTAIN CLEANOFF :: CAPTAIN HELLFIRE & THE WRETCHED BRETHREN :: THE CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY :: CAPTIVES :: CAR SEAT HEADREST :: CARLA LIPPIS & THE MARTIAL HEARTS :: THE CASIO BROTHERS :: CASKET CASE :: CASS McCOMBS :: CASSETTE KIDS :: CAT DOG BIRD :: CAT PARTY :: CELESTITE :: CENTAURZ :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CERES :: CESARE :: CHAPMAN STREET :: CHARLIE MONSOON :: CHASING PHOENIX :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CHERRY GRIND :: THE CHEVRON WHORES :: CHÉRIE DE KLERK :: CHILD :: CHILDREN COLLIDE :: CHINESE NEW YEAR :: CHRIS FINNEN :: CHORAL GRIEF :: CHVRCHES :: CIARAM GRANGER :: CIRCLE CLAN :: CIRCUS ARCADE :: THE CITRADELS :: CITRUS JAM :: CITY CALM DOWN :: CITY RIOTS :: THE CLANGERS :: CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH :: THE CLIQUE :: CLOUD CONTROL :: CLOUD NOTHINGS :: THE CLOWNS OF DECADENCE :: CLUE TO KALO :: COBRA :: COCK :: COERCE :: COG :: COLLARBONES :: COLLIDE/ESCAPE :: COLLIDER :: COLONEL KERNEL :: COLORBLIND :: COLOURISE :: CONCHILLIA :: CONSOLE WARRIORS :: COOKIE BAKER :: COOKIE BAKER & HER SPECIAL SECRET SPELLS :: COOL JUMPER :: COOL JUMPER & TANTIVY FAIR :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CORPUS :: CORTEZ :: COSMO BLACK :: COSMO THUNDERCAT :: COSMO THUNDERCAT (DUO) :: COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR :: COY CARP :: CRACKWHORE :: THE CRAVES :: THE CRAYON FIELDS :: CREEPERS :: CRUSTY SUITCASE BAND :: THE CRYING GAME :: CUB SCOUTS :: CURSES :: CUT COPY :: CUT OFF YOUR HANDS :: THE DAIRY BROTHERS :: DAISY BUCHANAN :: DAIYE SPA :: DALLAS FRASCA :: DALLI :: DAMN ARMS :: DAMN TERRAN :: DAMNED MEN :: DAMO SUZUKI NETWORK :: DAN DEVLIN :: DANCE TIL YOU CAN'T SAY YEAH! :: DANGER & PLASTIC :: DANGEROUS! :: DANIEL VARRICCHIO :: DANIELE VILELLA :: DANVERS :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DAPPLED CITIES :: THE DARDANELLES :: THE DARK LIGHTS :: DAS UBBERDUNG :: DAVE PHILLIPS :: DAY RAVIES :: DAYDREAM :: THE DAYLIGHT BRAVES :: DAYSWORTH FIGHTING :: THE DEAD BELLS :: DEAD END FRIENDS :: DEAD FRENCHMEN :: DEAD JOE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DEADLY ARE THE NAKED :: DEAFAULT :: DEAR PLASTIC :: DEEP SEA ARCADE :: THE DEER JOHNS :: DEERHUNTER :: DEJA :: DEJA ENTENDU :: DELIA OBST :: THE DELTA RIGGS :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DESCRIBE ELIZA :: DESERT CROOKS :: A DEVIL AMONGST THE TAILORS :: DEVIL ELECTRIC :: THE DEVILROCK FOUR :: DEXTER JONES :: DIAMOND SINS :: DIANA SCALZI :: DICK DIVER :: DIE! DIE! DIE! :: DIESEL WITCH :: DIIV :: DIPLOMAT :: DIPSTONE :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: THE DIRTY MONKS :: DIRTY WOLVES :: THE DIVINE FLUXUS :: DIZZEE RASCAL :: DJ KELE OKEREKE :: DJ SHADOW :: DJ SPOZ :: DJANGO ROWE TRIO :: DMA'S :: DOE :: DOM TRIMBOLI & THE WIZARDS :: DON MORRISON :: DONNARUMMA :: DOUBLE DENIM :: DOUBLE DRAGON :: DOUBLE HANDED :: DOZERS :: DRAWN FROM BEES :: THE DREAMBOATS :: DRILLER JET ARMSTRONG :: THE DRONES :: DROPLET :: DRUID FLUIDS :: DRUNK MUMS :: DUD PILLS :: DUKES OF WINDSOR :: DUMB EARTH :: DUNE RATS :: THE DUNES :: DUNGEN :: DUSTY LEE :: DUSTY LEE & THE ANGELS OF GUNG HO :: DUSTY LEE'S WASTED WANDERERS :: DYSPORA :: DZ :: DZ DEATHRAYS :: EAST END VILLAINS :: ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN :: ECHO & THE EMPRESS :: EDDY CURRENT SUPPRESSION RING :: EGYPT :: THE EL CAMINOS :: ELECTRIC EXILES :: ELECTRIC FIELDS :: ELECTRIC WIDOWS ::ELEPHANT :: THE ELEVENTH HOUR :: THE E.L.F. :: ELLEN KIBBLE :: EL-P :: ELVIS :: EMDEE :: EMERGENCY RULE :: EMILY DAVIS :: EMILY WYATT :: EMPERORS :: EMMA HORWOOD :: EMPIRE VAGABOND :: ENCARTA :: ENDLESS NAMELESS :: ENEMY OF :: ENNIS TOLA :: ENVY STREET :: ES IST SUPER :: EVEN :: EXPATRIATE :: THE EXPLODERS :: EXPLODING PLASTIC INEVITABLE :: EZRA HOPE :: FACEMEAT :: FACEMEAT - A ROCK OPERA :: FAITH NO MORE :: FAIR MAIDEN :: THE FAK :: FAKE LAKE :: FAKE TAN :: FASCINATOR :: THE FAT SACK :: FAT TAILED ANTICHINUS :: FAVOUR THE BRAVE :: FEAR AND LOATHING :: THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS :: FEIST :: FEMME FATALES :: FERGUS O'REGAN :: FEZ FAANANA :: FIGHTERPILOT :: A FILM FOR THE FUTURE :: FILTHY LUCRE :: THE FINISHING SCHOOL :: FINNEN & DAVIDSON :: THE FINNS :: FIRS :: FISHING WITH HENRY :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA, FIRE! :: FIST PUMP, FIST BUMP :: FISTFUL OF TROJANS :: FKA TWIGS :: THE FLEEING MINDS :: FLEUR GREEN :: FLEUR GREEN & THE KEEPERS :: THE FLOORS :: FLORENCE & THE MACHINE :: FLUME :: THE FOLKO-OH-NOES :: FONT PLAYS FONT :: FORCES :: FOREIGN/NATIONAL :: FOREST OF GNOMES :: FORMER CHILD STARS :: FOX FAEHRMANN :: FOXX ON FIRE :: FRANZ FERDINAND :: FRAUD MILLIONAIRES :: FREESTATE :: FRESH KILLS :: FRIDAY'S FOX :: FRIENDS :: FROM THE DEAD SEA :: FULL CONTACT SAFARI :: THE FUMES :: FUNK LATIN UNION :: FUNKOARS :: FUTURE FARM :: FUTURE ISLANDS :: THE FYOOGS :: GALAPAGOOSE :: GALAXY CAT :: GALLEON :: GARDEN RUIN :: GAVIN DE ALMEIDA :: GAY PARIS :: THE GELS :: GEMINI DOWNS :: GENERATION SWINE :: GEORDIE LITTLE :: GERMEIN SISTERS :: GG ALAN BINDIG :: GHOST WALK :: GHOUL :: GHYTI :: GHYTI (DUO) :: GHYTI & THE PHILANTHROPIC ORCHESTRA :: GINDIANA BONES AND THE SEVERAL KIDNEYS OF THE UNDERGROUND TRAIN STATION :: GINFOX VS HELLO NEWMAN :: GIRL TALK :: THE GIVEAWAYS :: GLASS :: GLASS DUNES :: GLASS SKIES :: GLASS TOWERS :: GLISK :: GNARLS BARKLEY :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT (Lounge Set) :: GOLD BLOOM :: THE GOOD CHINA :: GOOD BOY :: GOONBOMB :: GOON WIZARRD :: GOTYE :: GRACE: THE SONGS OF JEFF BUCKLEY :: GRACE GOODFELLOW :: GRAFTON PRIMARY :: THE GRAND RAPIDS :: THE GRATES :: GRAVEYARD TRAIN :: GREAT GABLE :: THE GREETING METHOD :: GRENADIERS :: GREY DATURAS :: GRIMES :: GRIMEY :: GROOVE ARMADA :: GROUND COMPONENTS :: THE GROWL :: GUILLAUME SOLO ACOUSTIC :: GUINEAFOWL :: GUN IT :: GÜNTER & THE SAFEWORD :: GYRO :: HAIM :: HAL BIRD :: HALCYON DRIVE :: HALFWAY TO FORTH :: HANNAH FAIRLAMB :: THE HAPPY ENDINGS :: HAPPY SOMETIMES :: HAR MAR SUPERSTAR :: THE HARD ACHES :: HARMLESS HUNTER :: HARMONY :: HARRY FREEMAN :: HARTS :: HAWKS OF ALBA :: HAYSTACKS CALHOON :: HEAPS GOOD FRIENDS :: HEATH WEBER :: HEINOUS CRIMES :: HEKYL :: HELLO, LOVER :: HELLO NEWMAN :: HELMET :: HESTON DROP :: HEY FEVER :: HEY LADY! :: HI, I'M RECLUSIVE AUTHOR THOMAS PYNCHON :: HIGH STAKES :: HIGH TENSION :: HIGH VIOLET :: HIGHTIME :: HILLS & TRAINS :: HIT THE JACKPOT :: THE HOLD STEADY :: THE HOLIDAYS :: HOLOGRAPHIC CHARIZARD :: HOLOGRAPHIC COLTS :: HOLY FUCK :: HOLY HOLY :: THE HOLY SEA :: HOLY SERPENT :: HOME FOR THE DEF :: THE HONEY PIES :: HORROR MY FRIEND :: HOSPITAL THE MUSICAL :: HOT WINGS :: HOUSE OF JADE :: HOWL AT THE MOON :: HOWL 'N BONES :: HOWLING BELLS :: THE HOWLING FOG :: HUMBLE BEE :: HUMMINGBIRD :: HUNGRY KIDS OF HUNGARY :: THE HUNTED CROWS :: HURRICANE JANE :: HURRICANES :: THE HUSHES :: HUXLEY :: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT WEEZER :: I HEART HIROSHIMA :: I, A MAN :: ICE ON MERCURY :: ID :: IGGY POP & THE STOOGES :: IIAH :: ILLICIT EVE :: IMMIGRANT UNION :: IMOGEN BRAVE :: IMPARTIAL :: THE IMPOSSIBLE QUICHE :: THE INCHES :: INDIAGO :: INSTITUT POLAIRE :: INTERCOOLER :: INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF MOJO :: THE INTERNET :: INTERPOL :: INTERZONE EXPRESS :: INTROVERT :: INUETTE :: INWOODS :: IRAAN SANADZADEH :: IRIDIUM :: IRIE KNIGHTS :: THE IRRESPONSIBLES :: ISLE OF CAPRI :: ISLE OF VISION :: IT'S A HOAX :: IT'S A HOAX (INSTRUMENTAL) :: IT'S WARSAW :: IVORY :: J-LO BIAFRA :: J-WAH :: JACK LONDON :: JACKSON FIREBIRD :: JAMES PARRY :: JANE'S ADDICTION :: JAPAM :: JAPANDROIDS :: JAPANTHER :: JARVIS :: JARVIS COCKER :: JASON SIMON (DEAD MEADOW) :: JAY WALKER AND THE PEDESTRIANS :: JAYNE-ANNE POWER :: JEFF MARTIN & TEREPAI RICHMOND :: JESS KENT :: JESS PORTER :: JESSE DAVIDSON :: JESSE FRANCIS :: JESUS CHRIST POSSE :: THE JEZABELS :: JIKA :: JIMMY & THE MIRRORS :: JIMMY EAT WORLD :: JIMMY MARIN :: JIMMY MOUNTAIN :: JOE MCKEE :: JOEL STERN :: JOEL STERN, CURED PINK & TIMOTHY TATE :: THE JOHN STEEL SINGERS :: JOHNNY AMERICAN HORSE :: JON ADDAMS :: JON MARCO :: JON MORTIMER :: JONNY BLIZZARD :: JORDAN TITO :: JOSH CALLIGEROS :: JOURNEY WELL SPACE WIZARD :: JOY & SPARKS :: JP COE & THE DELEGATES :: JUDGE MENTAL :: JUMP! YOU REVOLUTIONARY :: JUNGLE CITY :: JUNGLEMIRE :: JUPITER :: JUPITER (DUO) :: JUPITER LEAD :: KAB SAVVY :: KAHL WALLIS :: KAMIKAZE :: KAMIKAZE TRIO :: KANGAROO SKULL :: KARL MELVIN :: KASABIAN :: KASAVETT :: KATE VIGO & THE UNDERGROUND ORCHESTRA :: KAURNA CRONIN :: KAZKARIV :: THE KEEPSAKES :: KELLIE LLOYD :: KELLY MENHENNETT :: KELSHY :: THE KEMP BROTHERS :: KHAN :: KID SAM :: KIDS IN CULTS :: KIDS WITH TEETH :: KIKUYU :: THE KILL DEVIL HILLS :: KILLER BIRDS :: THE KILLBOT FACTORY :: THE KILLGIRLS :: KING DADDY :: KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD :: KING KRILL :: KING KRULE :: KING OF THE NORTH :: KINGSTON DOWNES :: KINGSWOOD :: KINS :: KIRK SPECIAL :: KIRK WATT :: KITCHEN WITCH :: KITTEN KONG :: KITTYHAWK :: KOI CHILD :: KORAL :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: KRIS WANDERS :: KRISTINA MILTIADOU :: KURT VILE :: KYLIE BRICE TRIO :: KYRI :: KYTES OF OMAR :: LA FEMME LE FEVER :: LADY GUNG-HO & THE ANGELS OF STRANGELOVE :: LADY STRANGELOVE :: THE LADYBEATLES :: LADYHAWKE :: LAHARA :: LANCE LAZER & TALIBAND :: LARSEN :: LAST DAYS OF KALI :: LAST DINOSAURS :: THE LAST SUPPER :: LATE NIGHT MATINEE :: LATER THAT NIGHT :: LAURA HILL :: LAURA IMBRUGLIA :: LAW & DISORDER :: LAZARO'S DOG :: LC3'S :: LEAD WORM :: LEADER CHEETAH :: LEFT :: LEGENDS OF MOTORSPORT :: LEIGHSTARDUST :: THE LEITMOTIF :: LEITMOTIV LIMBO :: LE GATEAU CHOCOLAT :: LEMURIAN :: LENIN MCCARTHY :: LEO :: LEAPING FELIX :: LES SAVY FAV :: THE LEVITATORS :: LIFE IN LETTERS :: LIGHTS :: LIKE KITES :: LIKE LEAVES :: LIL VALENTINE :: LILY MOJITO :: LILLY SIM :: LILLYS RADIO :: LINE HONOURS :: LIPSMACK :: LITTLE BRIDGET :: LITTLE CAPTAIN :: LITTLE DRAGON :: LITTLE DUST :: LITTLE ICE AGE :: LITTLE PRINCE :: LITTLE TWO EYES :: THE LIZARDS :: LO! :: LOADED LEOPARD :: LOCAL REVOLUTION :: LOEMAX :: THE LONDON ROAD POETS :: THE LONELINESS OF A MIDDLE DISTANCE RUNNER :: LONELY FIRE :: LONG WALK HOME :: LONI RAE :: LOON LAKE :: LORDE :: LOST COSMONAUT :: THE LOST SHOW :: LOST VALENTINOS :: LOST WOODS :: LOUIS DONNARUMMA :: LOUISE ADAMS :: LOUISE & THE TORNADOS :: LOUISE ADAMS & THE FRINGE DWELLERS :: LOVE CREAM :: THE LOVE JUNKIES :: LOVE OF DIAGRAMS :: LOVE STEREO :: LOVE ZOMBIES :: THE LUCKSMITHS :: LUKE ASHBY BAND :: LUKE CARLINO :: LUKE DUX :: LUKE ESCOMBE :: LUKE EYGENRAAM :: LUKE GOLDING :: THE LUKE LOUIE TRIO :: LUMONICS :: LYLA :: MAC DEMARCO :: MACH PELICAN :: MACKENZIE :: MAD SHAPES :: MADCLASSIC :: MAGGIE & LOUIS :: MAGIC BONES :: THE MAGNETS :: MAKING :: MAMMAL :: MAMMOTH :: MAMMOTH LOGIC :: MANE :: MANI NEUMEIER & THE BITCHES OF ZEUS :: MANOR :: MARCUS COROWA :: MARK CURTIS & THE FLANNELETTES :: MARK CURTIS BAND :: MARCUS WARNECKE & SAM PORTER :: MARDEN :: MARGARET LLOYD & SEB TONKIN :: MARK CURTIS :: MARLA SINGER :: MARY TREMBLES :: MARY WEBB :: MASSIVE :: MASTER'S CURIOUS DELIRIUM :: THE MATEHS :: MATHEMATIC :: MATHIEU WERCHOWSKI :: MATT BANHAM :: MATTHEW BARLOW :: MATT HAYWARD :: MATTHEW MILES :: MAX SAVAGE :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS :: MAYDAY FAIR :: MAYFIELD :: MCKISKO :: MEAKE :: MEANWELL COLLEGE :: THE MEDICS :: MEGAFAUNA :: MENAGERIE :: MERCY ARMS :: MERE THEORY :: THE MESS HALL :: MESSRS :: METHYL ETHEL :: METZ :: MEZZANINE :: MICHAEL STOWERS :: MICK ARMSTRONG, ANDY ARMSTRONG & STAN BASTIRAS :: THE MIDDLE EAST :: MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS :: THE MILTON EXPERIENCE :: MIKE MCKEON :: MIKE RADZEVICIUS :: MIKE TILBROOK :: MIKEY (EX ARTAX MISSION) :: MINDSHOWER :: MIO :: MIRRORLINE :: THE MISCHIEF :: MISCHIEF THE CAT :: MISS GOLLY GOSH :: MISS RENEE SIMONE :: THE MISSION IN MOTION :: MM9 :: MOGERLAINE :: THE MOLTING VULTURES :: MOMOKO SODA :: MONA LISA OVERDRIVE :: MONDO PHASE BAND :: MONEY FOR ROPE :: THE MONIKERS :: MONKEY PUZZLE TREE :: THE MONSTER SOCIETY OF EVIL :: MOODY BELLES :: MOONFAKER :: MOONHUNTER :: MORALS OF A MINOR :: THE MORNING AFTER GIRLS :: MOTHER'S CAKE :: THE MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS :: MOTHERSLUG :: THE MOTIVE :: MOTOWN CONNECTION :: MOUNTAIN STATIC :: MOUNTAIN STRANGER :: MOUNTAINS IN THE SKY :: MOUNTBATTEN :: MOURGOS GRUND :: THE MOURNING SONS :: MOVE TO STRIKE :: MOVIN' MELVIN BROWN :: MR ROSEWATER :: MR WEDNESDAY :: MUM'S TENNIS FRIENDS :: MUMFORD & SONS :: MUNCHKIN :: MUSCLE CAR VS HIGH STAKES :: MUSTERED COURAGE :: MUTEMATH :: MY DISCO :: MY SISTER THE COP :: MYLES MAYO :: N.A.S.A. :: NAKATOMI :: NAOMI KEYTE :: NAOMI KEYTE & TANNON KEW :: NATHAN KAYE :: NAZZ AND THE RED PONIES :: NEO FIX :: NEOHIP :: NEON BOGART :: NEON ELECTRIC :: NEREEDA :: NERVOUS GERBAL :: THE NEW CABAL :: NEW PANTS :: NEW POLLUTANTS :: NEW TRANSLATION :: NICK MURPHY :: THE NEW VAGUE :: NEW WHITE SNEAKERS :: NEW YORK DOLLS :: NEWTONHEATH :: NICHOLAS ALLBROOK :: NICK OLIVERI :: NICK OLIVERI & FILTHY LUCRE :: NICKER TEENS :: NIGEL KOOP & STEVIE BEE :: NIKAI :: NIKKO :: NIKKO & SNOOKS :: NITIDUS :: NO BIRDS :: NO THROUGH ROAD :: NO ZU :: NOBODY KNEW THEY WERE ROBOTS :: THE NOVOCAINES :: NUVO :: THE NYMPHS :: O' LITTLE SISTER :: THE OCEAN PARTY :: OCEANICS :: ODYSSEY :: THE OFFCUTS :: OH MERCY :: OH MINOR :: OH MY GUARD! 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:: RACHEL CEARNS :: RACHEL CEARNS & THE VALKYRIES :: RADIANT CITY :: RADIO SPECTACULAR!!! :: RADIO STAR :: RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE :: THE RAGING POPULATION :: RAINDROP :: RAPID TRANSPORT :: THE RAPTURE :: RAT TA'MANGO :: RAUCOUSTRA :: RAURY :: THE RAVEONETTES :: THE READYMADES :: REALIST FEW :: REALM :: RED APPARITION :: RED COATS :: RED DESERT OCEAN :: THE RED EARTH BLUES BAND :: RED INK :: THE RED PAINTINGS :: RED SEA :: THE RED SUN BAND :: REGULAR JOHN :: REGURGITATOR :: RELYING ON LUCK :: REJUSA :: THE REMEMBERZ :: RENDEZVOUS WITH RAMA :: THE REPROBETTES :: REPTILES :: RICH DAVIES & AYLEEN O'HANLON :: RICH DAVIES & THE LOW ROAD :: RICHARD IN YOUR MIND :: RICOCHET PETE :: RIDE INTO THE SUN :: RIN MCARDLE :: RIN & THE RECKLESS :: RINCON :: RINGO STALIN :: RIOT RUNNERS :: RISEMANN :: RITES WILD :: RIVER OF SNAKES :: ROBOTOSAURUS :: ROCKET SCIENCE :: THE ROCKETEERS :: ROGER THAT :: ROGUE ROMANTIC :: THE ROLLERCANES :: RON THE OX :: THE ROOFTOPS :: ROOK :: RORY O'CONNOR :: ROSS DE CHENE HURRICANES :: ROTE MARE :: ROYAL BLOOD :: THE ROYAL GALA :: ROYAL HEADACHE :: THE RUBENS :: RULE OF THIRDS :: THE RULES :: RUN THE JEWELS :: RUNNING WITH HORSES :: RUNZELSTIRM & GURGLESTOCK :: RUSSIA :: RUSSIAN TEAMMATE :: RYAN MARTIN JOHN :: RYAN MEEKING & THE FEW :: RYAN OLIVER :: SACRED SHRINES :: SAILMAKER :: SAILORS AND SWINE :: SAINT HUCK :: THE SALVADORS :: SAM WOOLFORD :: SAMPA THE GREAT :: SAN CISCO :: SARAH BLASKO :: SARAH CHADWICK :: SASHA MARCH :: SASHA MARSH & THE DAWNHORSE :: SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS :: SATIN HAREM :: SAUL WILLIAMS :: SAVAGES :: SAVING SAVANAH :: THE SCARE :: THE SCARLET IVES :: SCHOOL OF RADIANT LIVING :: SCREAMFEEDER :: SCREAMING GIBBON :: THE SEA THIEVES :: SEA URCHIN & ALLIES :: SEABELLIES :: SEAMUS ANTHONY :: SEAN DESMOND :: SEAN KEMP :: SECRETS IN SCALE :: SEEKAE :: SERENDIPITY :: THE SERRA :: SEVENTEEN FIFTY SEVEN :: SEX ON TOAST :: SEX WIZARD :: SEX UNCLE :: SEXUAL DAD :: THE SHADOW LEAGUE :: SHADOWQUEEN :: THE SHAKE UP :: SHAMAN SON :: SHAME SPIRAL :: THE SHAOLIN AFRONAUTS :: SHAPES DIVIDE :: SHARK IN THE DARK :: SHE SAID YOU :: SHE'S THE BAND :: SHILOH :: THE SHINE :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS :: SHIVERS :: SHOJI HANO :: SIAMESE :: SIANNA LEE :: SIDEWALKS :: S.I.G.I.T. :: SILENT DUCK :: THE SILENTS :: SIMON & JENNY :: SIMON ABERLE :: SIN CITY :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY :: SIR GERBIL :: SISTER ROSE :: SITARA :: SKELETONS :: SKIES :: SKIPPING GIRL VINEGAR :: SKYBOMBERS :: SKYTHIEF :: SKYE HARBOUR :: SLAMAGOTCHI :: SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY :: SLEEP PARADE :: SLEEPTALKER :: THE SLEEPY JACKSON :: SLICK ARNOLD :: SLINGSHOT DRAGSTER :: THE SLOE RUIN :: SLOWLY SLOWLY :: SLY HATS :: SMALL AFFAIRS :: SMASHING PUMPKINS :: SMILE :: THE SMITH STREET BAND :: SNAKADAKTAL :: SNAP TO ZERO :: THE SNOWDROPPERS :: SNOWMAN :: ...SO YEAH :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE :: SOJOURN :: SOMNIUM :: SOMMNIUM :: SONATINE :: SONIC DEATH MONKEY :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SOURSOP :: SOUTH FROM SOMEWHERE :: SOUTHPOOR :: SPANK ROCK :: SPARKSPITTER :: SPARTAK :: SPECIAL PATROL :: SPEED MACHINE :: SPIKE THE RIVER :: SPILT CITIES :: SPINDICKLE :: SPINE :: THE SPIRES :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: ST. 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:: Friday, November 27, 2009

LIKE LEAVES + CORTEZ + THE BURNING SEA
LIVE @ THE JADE MONKEY / Saturday November 21st 2009

For me life is all about being creative. It's what defines us as species. It's what makes us human. I mean forget all that other crap about opposable thumbs, self awareness, walking upright, building fires, wearing clothes, society, civilisation, war, politics, religion and overpopulating a planet well beyond the point of sustainability. That's nothing maaan! Even a fucking microbe with half a functioning DNA strand can do all that! Nope being creative is where it's truly at, I shit you not! That unique ability to solve one simple problem with an infinite number of complex solutions? only to create an infinite number of complex problems with NO simple solution? only to pass it all off for the next generation to solve!? SHIT YEAH DUUUDE, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!! Imagination, invention, diversity and an insatiable appetite for new experiences? that's what I fucking live for! Which DO I realise is a little ironic in saying right now, when I consider what I write about each week: the Adelaide music scene, and the fact that I'm essentially writing the SAME story every fucking week. The same venues, the same bands, the same people, the same predictable ending at Supermild!? "And oh look here I am at the Jade Monkey again: wasn't I here the night before? what the hell am I doing here again!?". And not that I'm complaining but am I the ONLY one who's noticing that almost every single live act I'm covering of late is either 60's pop, twee folk, semi-acoustic or alt country? And now all the scenster tragics are nanna as fuck with all their geek glasses, button down shirts, cardigans, vintage frocks and sensible shoes. Or worse they're into their indie disco DJs, hiphop and being drug fucked unintelligible and out of their minds!? And I swear I haven't destroyed a single camera in well over a year because I'm not getting nearly enough carnage without resorting to punk, emo or thrash metal!? WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE!? But not tonight, I swear it'll ALL be different: and THAT'S why I'm at the Jade Monkey. If it's all about "keeping it fresh"? Trust me dude: right here is exactly what we're looking for!



THE BURNING SEA (****)
Which brings us to our opening act. They're new, and I mean brand new. It's their first ever gig. They don't have a myspace, a facebook, a twitter feed.. fuck it they didn't even have a proper name to identify themselves with (or at least not until the very last minute). And in all their street press and associated promo at best they've referred to themselves as simply "Nat Stone's Band". A working title that a few mischievous idiots (not that I'm naming names.. Steve!) were hoping to keep alive WELL after the show (or at least for the purpose of ongoing mockery) by printing them up as novelty t-shirts; except unfortunately for all of us present they forget to bring any to wear. FUCK YEAAAH!! Yup we're off to a great start already. Clearly this is JUST the kind of shit we were hoping to see. Still with all that being said, although this band IS "brand new" they're far from new on the Adelaide scene, not by a long shot, and ARE in actual fact a "supergroup" of sorts between three OTHER bands (aaaah isn't it always the way!?). The Burning Sea. Featuring Nat Stone with the frizzy clown hair (from Diplomat) on lead vocals and guitar, Mark Draper with the best "ducks arse" haircut I've ever seen (from Swords) on bass, Aidan Moyse with the psychotic mop top (from Hawks Of Alba, Running With Horses and Bad Girls Of The Bible) on drums, and what appears to be seventies cricketing legend Dennis Lillee on guitar: could be considered (at least in the simplest of terms) as a bitter and twisted take on the conventional post rock instrumental. In closest approximation I'd see them as The Mark Of Cain and Helmet mixed with Mogwai (only with all the distortion cracked way up). However for those of you in the "know", they most resemble the chugging intensity of Illinois band Russian Circles. As such their guitar riffs swing, hack and cleave like heavy handed weapons of war (like a mix between a battle axe and a war hammer bludgeoning through bone). Their rhythms no less diabolical stab their downcast rhythms over and over with unwavering certainty. And in every sense they're truly a dark and dour journey. So psychotic in fact that barely one song in Aidan has to "sandbag" his drumkit to stop it flying into the audience from the relentless beating he's giving it, whilst Nat Stone on vocals (even though he's practically puncturing a lung from all the screaming in the final song) is all but buried in the mix by the skull crushing force of their instrumentation. Yup just like a Viking funeral, an anti-hero western and a post apocalyptic road movie all mixed into one: and yet at the same time never too obtuse or inaccessible (and sometimes even tranquil in its skull ringing delivery). All the usual suspects from Swords, Bronze Chariot, Thunderclaw and Robotosaurus are predictably all in attendance: nodding their heads along (and shrieking in the interludes) they know they're onto a good thing. And in many ways I'm very much inclined to agree. The Burning Sea. Just like a woolly mammoth hacked to bits with a fuck off chainsaw, only five times more artfully meditative!












CORTEZ (****1/2) myspace ::
By the time our second act arrives on stage and lurches into their first psychotic ode, the aptly entitled "Some Kind Of Metal" (with its jerking start/stop attack and shit staining delivery) I begin to pick up on what is obviously the prevalent theme here tonight, the signature sound that unites all three bands, a sound that I readily admit I've very much missed. Although in THIS particular incarnation they find a lot of their energy in the volatile extremes: think thrash metal, noise punk, lo-fi garage and grunge (ie: simply throw everything from Shihad's "My Mind's Sedade", You Am I's "Berlin Chair" and Nirvana's entire "In Utero" album into a blender and that'd be your chainsaw massacre in one). It's in how these influences all blend together with an aggressive (yet instantly accessible) verse/chorus dynamic that's the most telling here, especially when you consider just how rare it is in the Adelaide scene of late. Yup we're talking the simplest of pleasures found in fucking up a musical instrument as LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE in a four four "rock" rhythm. Short of maybe Mayfield, Angelik, Isle Of Vision or the Kytes Of Omar very few bands even touch this shit anymore. Some may dismiss it as little more than a "pub rock" sound (or worse still confuse it for the bogan extremities of whatever-the-fuck Wolfmother or Cog are butchering of late) but in doing so they totally miss the point. It's not about being a 90's fashion disaster, a "beer stain smoking a cigarette", or not showering for three weeks straight. It's NOT ABOUT THE IMAGE. It's about achieving true sophistication in butchering the fuck out of your instruments. It's about that animal instinct, that makes you want to skull a fuckload of piss and go fucking beserk: and THEN give it a voice you can totally chant like a meditative mantra. And it's THIS mix especially between howling catharsis and zen focus that Cortez nails in one. Although they've only been at it for a year now as "Cortez": theirs is a lineage you can trace back through all their former incarnations from Mirrorline to J-Ded and all the way back to the beginning of this decade. And in all that time they've still kept that "accessible hook" that drives everything forward. And yet here, especially in the more recent material (ie: the first four songs of their set tonight) they've considerably amped up the schitzoid carnage. And I swear it makes you want to explode like no other (or perhaps just short of the ferocity of The Prodigy). Better yet, far from understating it their stage presence, all four band members deliver it like nothing short of a bar brawl. Tom Spall with his neck veins popping acts as the "bad cop" on vocals to "good cop" Gabe Phillips' and his pensive poker face. James Hastings on bass practically bounces off the ceiling swinging his shit around whilst Ben White demolishes the drumkit a few shades short of John Stanier from Helmet. Just like The Burning Sea before them their instruments are pushed to breaking point, as James' bass amp explodes after the third to last song (apparently it does it shit ALL the time.. heh, go figure!?). And yet all the while their sound is still pinpoint accurate: possessing all the finesse of a Japanese samurai blown up to Godzilla proportions and sent out to destroy us all!? Aaaah fuck I miss this buzz I really do! (and the sooner they're let loose at large the better for us all!). Cortez. Simply throw yourself into the epicentre, clear your mind, as all your intestinal hit all four walls at once? nothing but bliss!















LIKE LEAVES (****1/2) myspace ::
If the opening act gave us our "gravity", and the second act our "intensity", then the third our headliner definitely delivers on the "versatility". In all the times I've seen them live (and this would be the ninth on record this year) it's this quality especially (along with countless others) for why they continue to inspire me. With such a minimal palette on offer: guitar, violin, bass, drum, a smattering of vocals (and admittedly about a billion fuckoff guitar pedals) they paint such an intricate canvas; and one that could potentially take almost a lifetime to unravel. In every performance, even in the songs I've heard a billion times before, I'm always picking up on something new, something improvised, something imagined or incidental: that only adds more depth and range to colour their expression. As such the real trick here is in how they manage to achieve such equilibrium with all these of extremes. It's in the subtle way that Daniel Varricchio's epically overblown (yet mesmerising) guitar work and Juliet Hunter's otherworldly violin both counterpoint and compliment Patrick Saracino's hypnotic bass rhythm and Ryan Manolakis' textured (yet punctuated) percussion. It's in how they weave their winding path between all the hysterical hissyfits of The Mars Volta and the metronomic punch of My Disco, between all that is poetic and turbulent, between prog rock and psychedelic: that even with all of their idiosyncrasies in full effect they still manage to stay true to their manifesto. You can hear it in all their classic cuts where they simply mix everything together. From the punchy artrock aggression of "Complex Denial", the spaghetti western progression of "Fruit", the dogfighting antics of "Swordfight" and the cascading chords of "Falling For A Fleeting Moment": all display a dizzying array of moodswings in their ebb and flow. But where it becomes MOST striking tonight is in all their new songs that find added clarity in the contrasts. Like their deceptively simple opening number "Tissues For The Convoluted" that starts with a minimal Modest Mouse style martial crunch only to form a swirling maelstrom of gypsy excess. Or the haunting blues introspection of "Mercy Sound" that builds ever outwards as the song progresses until it envelopes an entire room in its ethereal glow. And yet all of these songs STILL pale in comparison to their closing number: performed for the first time tonight, that simply goes by the working title "Bazooka" on their setlist. With just Juliet's voice and violin to begin with it builds, slowly but surely, sneaking in subtle instrumentation one by one, until it becomes so unbelievably explosive in grandeur it practically makes Hans Zimmer sound like a Nokia ringtone by comparison. I shit you not: in just those nine minutes alone you experience all the myriad emotions between life and death, until by the very end of it you can't help but be a disembodied shell pissing into the infinite with a smile on your face; and that was only the ONE song!? FUUUCK!! Granted it still wasn't their most flawless set overall, there was the occassional hiccup to contend with, even in the last song (and one notable false start) but with music like this that feeds so directly into the soul? such quirks are easily forgiven. Like Leaves. No shit, of ever you wanted to substitute your own reality for another: you couldn't do much better than this!














1:45AM - Yup in this one gig tonight and with just but one humble guitar, perhaps two, a violin, a bass, drums and whatever-the-fuck Juliet was reaching for in the middle of that last song if only it hadn't fallen behind one of the speaker stacks.. hmmm (and perhaps a few billion effects pedals and vocals to bolster it) I've witnessed an infinite number of creative solutions. And not ONCE did I need to drop a reference to Fleet Foxes!? FUCK YEAAAH!! (I mean I love their shit as much as the next person.. but it does everyone have to freaking sound like them of late!?). Yup it truly is inspiring isn't it? to know there's always an infinite number of alternatives to the sounds of "alternative"? and every day yet more people are coming up with yet more crazy fucked up sounds that continues to deviates from the path!? No really, to all you brave pioneers who are either discovering or rediscovering all that music has to offer us? I freaking salute you! And to think it all happened in the Jade Monkey AGAIN tonight? Aaaah is there anything this place can't do!? I think not! Fuck it, why go anywhere else maaan.. I'm staying right HERE for the rest of the night!



1:58AM - Still sooner or later I had to face the inevitable: even a place as dribblingly awesome as the Jade Monkey, even a place that plays Interpol's "Turn On The Bright Lights" (aka: quite possibly the best album EVER) while I'm drinking my beer (a beer I totally got for free from the bartender as thanks for all those photos I took the night before.. sweeeet!!) HAS to call "last drinks". It's a sad truth I know. All good things must come to a close, even at the Jade Monkey (lest I wake up on its floor hours later with one fuck of a hangover). And so begrudgingly I stumbled one leaden foot in front of the other, vaguely in a straight line, and out that door again. Just where COULD I go to now!? Hmmm of all the available options there was clearly just ONE that I could take.. and so, completely disregarding that I ended up at The Crown & Anchor instead.



2:21AM - Aaaah The Crown & Anchor! OH HOW I MISS YOU! Your unmistakable smell, how it ensnares my nostrils like a sweet symphony of fish hooks and gargles my gag reflex! I swear it feels like forever and an age since I'd been witness to your piss stained grandeur and dubious claim to splendour!? I mean sure I was here only but a week ago "off the record" last Friday night (before I snuck off to see The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus), and only three weeks before THAT when I arrived here on a Saturday night and some random skeezebag with a moustache handed me that lamington, and I had to get those tetanus shots. But STILL it's been far too long maaan! And look at all those smiling faces that greet me the minute I step through that door! Why is THAT Dan Hammond from The Vampire Project and some other anonymous idiot, who's name for the life of me I can't remember!? TOO RIGHT DUUUDES, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!!



And then of course we invariably stumble into the SAME two freaks we always see in next to every other episode of this fucked up blog like a "twelve step program" gone horribly wrong (shit duuude, why else do I love to have them around!?) such as the ever omnipresent Joe Blogs..



And Simone: who's batshit insane idea it was in the first place to "drag me in here" tonight. Awesome! Although let's face it it's not like I needed she needed to do much convincing, because hey it's Simone.. everyone loves Simone riiight!? OH OF COURSE WE DO!! (wait, why do I hear the sound of at least a thousand people removing me from their browser bookmarks all a sudden!?). And if that still fails then why not do what SHE did and send me at least fifteen SMS for the past two hours (ie: most of which I jokingly ignored) wondering why I wasn't here yet. FUCK YEAAAH!!



2:42AM - Still as much as I might be beating my head repetitively with my laptop keyboard right now, screaming obscenities, attempting to come up with "witty commentary" for all this rubbish for the upteenth time this year (which I totally assure you I'm not!). There IS a damn good reason for why these hystericals nitwits have become two of my longest serving "regular cast members" on this blog for all the reasons they shouldn't. Simply put: not only do they have the prequisite ability to drink me "laughingly under the table" whilst simultaneously NOT getting the cops involved (a rare quality indeed) but they also provide me with infinite solutions to the very vexing conundrum of our age: how to make your night of hideous binge drinking more than just a lame excuse for a "facebook photo gallery", and nothing short of a whizz-bang comedy routine that'll be sure to entertainment hundreds, nay thousands of complete strangers (or at least until you discover how all those "privacy settings" work). Oh yes in SO many ways they're a gift that keeps on giving!



2:45AM - Take Joe's latest "discovery" for example: this um.. whimsical pink thing that he apparently dug up "somewhere" nearby (exactly where!? yeaaah he didn't really tell us). Obviously neither of us had any fucking clue what he was on about (and possibly suspected that last shot was to blame), until Joe Blogs helpfully elaborated it was a "snack food", he was tasked with "promoting it", and if he had his way? two weeks tops is all it would before all the cool kids would be into this shit "like crack cocaine to the ghetto" or that fuckarse retarded "All I Want For Christmas Is A Westfield Gift Card" viral campaign to your facebook newsfeed of late. YEAAAS!!



Understandably I had my doubts. Even Simone here, who would normally "leap at the chance" to embrace anything insane that came her way, appears reluctant to take the plunge. Or at least she was until Joe managed to convince her that it had vodka in it. After which she simply couldn't get enough of them. Of course I DO realise this was an outright lie, but if it helps, most of us were rather exceptionally drunk at the time. And by "most of us" I clearly mean the both of them.



Aaaah just look at him chowing down on it. Doesn't it make you wanna bust a packet of whatever-the-fuck this is and keep on gorging until you need a forklift to pull you out of your front door, just so you can waddle off to the store to buy up another boxful, crateful, a whole shipping container and then a controlling stake in the company!? yeah me neither.. but shit damn it looks zesty!



Eventually after what felt like hours watching them both eat this junk, one pink hockey puck after another, curiousity finally got the better of me. I just HAD to find out what this is and more importantly where in hell Joe got it from. Was it from a vending machine? a candy machine? one of those random moustachiod skeezebags who hands out lamingtons!? I NEEDED ANSWERS DAMNIT!!



Hmmm yup, I don't know about you: but the sooner we get the fuck out of here, the better!



3:26AM - Obviously there was only one place we could possibly go from here (other than the Royal Adelaide Hospital's "Emergency Ward" in effort to pump both of their stomachs), or more accurately there was two.. except there was no way in hell we were EVER going to Shotz. And for those of you who are yet to get the wacky punchline here? I believe it starts with "Supermild" and ends in you throwing your computer out of a window. FUCK YEAAAH!! Now originally it was suggested that we should all take a taxi there, until I rather helpfully countered with the "wildly original" suggestion of walking there instead. Which was possibly the most ingenious plan I could ever have cooked up: if it weren't for the fact it was pissing with rain at the time. Still, since the temperature tonight was in the "mellow" mid to low twenties? yeaaah it's not like any of us really noticed.



3:38AM - Now here's where I'd usually provide you with a suitably halfarse, hilarious, utterly implausible (read: exceptionally lamearse) excuse for why we're at Supermild again. Except as we all know I'd run out of that shit well over six months ago. Awesome! So which way to the bar then?



3:44AM - Speaking of such it's here that Joe offers us these longneck bottles of "piss". Which I dare say after recents events at The Crown & Anchor I'm a little hesitant to accept. Or at least I was until I realised the odds of his urine being "refrigerated" was just as astromically improbable as his ability to "aim straight" into a bottle without otherwise falling down a flights of stairs and putting his head through a wall. Still just to be on the safe side: I didn't pick the "Sparkling Ale".



3:46AM - Cue what would otherwise be an utterly inconsequential sequence of photos where we do little more than drink "beer" at Supermild (hiiilarity!) if it weren't for the fact that Simone appears to be "innocently" sipping from a vodka rasberry instead. Hmmm it's almost like she's trying to tell me "something" here. No wait, it couldn't possibly signify THAT!? YOU DON'T MEAN I JUST..!?



3:47AM - Yup this is where it suddenly dawns on me that I've just fallen for the "oldest trick in the book". Even more disturbing: not only does this make Joe Blogs the human equivalent of a Soda Stream (wow seriously!? I never knew!) but his piss is still way better than a West End Draught.



3:52AM - And so in effort to distract you (as I proceed to scream "thunderous abuse" into the porcelain abyss, take a breather, only to scream out some more) here's some photos of Joe and Simone frolicking about fancy free with an upright fan. Yup.. just like an eighties power ballad!




3:59AM - After seven minutes of what was clearly just a wildly fanciful "plot device" I cooked up for the solo purpose of this blog (because clearly we've never pulled a prank THAT hilariously dysfunctional in real life OOOOH FUCK NO!!), I return vowing all kinds of hideous revenge on all parties responsible (ie: pretty much just Joe Blogs). Only to slam straight into Simone here looking all kinds of ridiculously cute. SO ridiculously cute in fact that I'd long since forgotten just why I was here in the first place (or just what exactly I might've been holding in this brown paper bag).




Then before I even knew what the fuck just hit me, they simply "disappeared" off into the night. And there I was: left with yet another episode of Spoz's Rant successfully side tracked by their pisswreck antics? No really, how DO these diabolical geniuses do this to me EVERY DAMN TIME!?



4:45AM - Almost an hour or so later I finally stumble out the front door of Supermild. Still a little disoriented, maybe even dehydrated, and not at all the wiser as to why I was STILL holding that nondescript brown paper bag, the exact nature of its contents, or how and where I managed to get my hands on it in the first place. "Hey look.. maybe it's chocolate brownies!?" (NO DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!). Still before I could fall for what was obviously the "second oldest trick in the book" (or perhaps the third if you count what Simone pulled on me prior to their escape) I discover THIS. Here standing outside of Supermild, the rarest of the rare, a bona fide Tara sighting!



Wait.. who the hell is Tara? who the hell cares duuude!? I mean sure she might have looked a little too disturbingly like she'd been wandering the night drinking the blood of the living: hence the hand covering her mouth (either that or she had a mad case of the hiccups). Even so the very fact that you DON'T see her in this blog every other night? totally makes ALL the difference!



4:47AM - But all that was just the tip of the iceberg when I saw THIS: Hindley Street just like I always picture it, only after the rains had passed it all looked SO totally different! So squeaky clean, so reflective, so mind boggingly majestic! It was an epiphany! it was an inspiration! or perhaps I was just remembering that fucked up quote from Taxi Driver? (no not the obvious one, the one you actually have to watch the movie for), or perhaps I was blind drunk!? Fuck it either way after seeing all this? it totally changes everything! DUUUDE, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!!



Yup every episode I'm faced with the same fucked up conundrum: the same city, the same scene, the same routine, the same set vocabularly bordering on the damn near hallucinogenic in search of something new. And I swear it drives me completely clownshit insane sometimes (read: all the time) searching for an infinite number of ways to write up what is essentially the same equation, the same human condition. But I'm not alone in this maaan.. there's hundreds, thousands, nay a million or more of us dribbling idiots in this city alone wreaking untold havoc YET to be told! We're a proverbial primate plague "monkeying" with the system (even fucking it up altogether) to come up with something new! And thanks to them duuude? every episode IS different, every episode is in a constant state of flux! Simply turn up and watch it all come to life! For in the end it's not about the definition of insanity: it's simply humanity "finding the means" to a creative solution!

Previously on Spoz's Rant: Angie Hart + The Sea Thieves + Kittyhawk

:: Spoz 2:48 PM |
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