:: SPOZ's RANT ::

The Adelaide music scene: to many of you it might be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctioning splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
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[::..latest blogs..::]
:: DONNARUMMA
(EP Launch) with
THE LUKE LOUIE TRIO
:: ARCHERS
(Farewell Show) with
WEST THEBARTON,
BATTLEHOUNDS and
SINCERELY, GRIZZLY
:: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY
(Single Launch) with
SLOWLY SLOWLY,
and APPARITION
:: ATTONBITUS
(Single Launch)
with FILTHY LUCRE,
MOONHUNTER
and TYMPANO
:: ALANA JAGT &
THE MONOTREMES
(Single Launch) with
AARON THOMAS TRIO
and RYAN MARTIN JOHN
:: HALL OF FAME ::
:: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES** :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ARTAX MISSION :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND* :: BOOSTER :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CIRCLE CLAN :: COERCE :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CONCHILLIA :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: DOUBLE HANDED* :: THE DUNES :: EGYPT :: ENCARTA / COLONEL KERNEL** :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA FIRE!*** :: FRIENDS :: GLASS SKIES :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT* :: THE HONEY PIES** :: HORROR MY FRIEND* :: ISLE OF VISION :: JUNGLE CITY :: KAMIKAZE :: THE KEEPSAKES* :: THE KILLGIRLS*** :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: LADY STRANGELOVE** :: LEADER CHEETAH* :: LIKE LEAVES** :: LUMONICS* :: LYLA :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS*** :: MERE THEORY :: MORALS OF A MINOR* :: THE MOTIVE :: MR WEDNESDAY** :: NO THROUGH ROAD*** :: QUIET CHILD :: QUIET IN THE LAB! :: REALIST FEW :: RIDE INTO THE SUN** :: THE SEA THIEVES* :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS* :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY*** :: SKELETONS :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE* :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SPARKSPITTER* :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: STEERING BY STARS* :: SWIMMING :: TEA :: THE TIMBERS :: TONY FONT SHOW** :: TRACER :: THE TRANSATLANTICS** :: TWO SUNS :: TYGER TYGER* :: THE VILLENETTES* :: WEST THEBARTON BROTHEL PARTY :: WOLF & CUB** :: ZETA ::
[::..rant awards..::]
:: 2008 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2009 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2010 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2011 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
:: RECOMMENDED ::
[::..global..::]
:: NME
:: SPIN
[::..local..::]
[::..blogosphere..::]
[::..miscellaneous..::]
:: XKCD
:: SITE FEATURES ::
[::..video blogs..::]
[::..festival blogs..::]
:: Fringe Festival 2012
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2013
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2015
- 1 | 2
| 3 | 4 |
5
| 6 | 7 | 8
:: Fringe Festival 2017
- 1 |
2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
[::..b&w episodes..::]
:: A Winter Wonderland
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
:: In Limbo - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
:: B&W July 2012 - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
[::..special features..::]
:: ARTIST INDEX ::
:: !!! :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES (DUET) :: 200 MOTELS :: 4 KINGS LOUD :: 4 VOICE :: 67 SPECIAL :: 78 SAAB :: A.B. ORIGINAL :: A BASKET OF MAMMOTHS :: A.D.K.O.B. :: A RED DAWN :: AAARRR! ALL ABOARD FOR PIRATEY VARIETY :: AARON THOMAS :: AARON THOMAS TRIO :: ABBEY HOWLETT :: ABBEY HOWLETT & THE GOLDEN REALM :: ABLACKWELL :: ACID MOUNTAIN :: ACROSS THE ATLAS :: ADALITA :: ADAM PAGE :: ADELAIDE'S PIPE GUY :: ADNAAN BARAKY :: ADRIAN BELEW :: ADRIAN DEUTSCH :: AFFAIRS OF MEN :: AFI :: AFTER THE FALL :: AIRBOURNE :: ALANA JAGT :: ALANA JAGT & THE MONOTREMES :: ALARM BIRDS & THE SEA THIEVES :: ALIAS & THE JAMS :: ALITHIA :: ALL FLIGHT CREW ARE DEAD :: ALL MADE OF RUBIES :: ALL NIGHT GIRLS :: ALMA KALORAMA :: ALPEN :: ALPHA BETA FOX :: ALPHABETTE :: ALPINE :: ALUKA :: AMBUSH MARKETING :: THE AMCATS :: AMUNDSENS FLAG :: ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HARUM :: ANDREW P. STREET :: ANDY BULL :: ANDY ROBERTS :: ANGEL & THE BADMAN :: ANGEL EYES :: ANGEL OLSEN :: ANGELIK :: ANGELS OF GUNG-HO :: ANGIE HART :: ANIMAL SHADOWS :: ANIMAL TRAPS :: ANNIE BASS :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ANNY DUFF :: ANTHONY ANT :: ANTHONY WIGNALL :: ANTONY OF THE FUTURE :: ANYA ANASTASIA :: ANYA ANASTASIA & THE BIRD WIZDOM CABARET :: ANYA MCNICOL-WINDRAM :: THE APE :: APHELION :: APPARITION :: APPOMATTOX RUN :: ARAKEYE :: THE ARCADE FIRE :: ARCHERS :: ARCHIE :: ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI :: ARGUS & THE LIAR :: ARIEL PINK'S HAUNTED GRAFFITI :: ARLO COOK :: ARMOUR FOU :: ARRAY :: ART OF ESCAPE :: THE ART OF FLYING KITES :: ARTAX MISSION :: AS THE PENNY DROPS :: THE ASTEROID BELT :: THE ATLANTIC STREET BAND :: ATLASIS & AMICA :: ATTILA MY HONEY :: ATTONBITUS :: AUBERON DANCE ACADEMY :: AUDIUM :: THE AUDREYS :: AUGUSTE :: AURA FORM :: AURORA :: THE AUTHENTIC REPLICAS :: AUXILLA :: AVANT GARDENERS :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: AWKWARD LOVE TRIANGLE :: BABES ARE WOLVES :: BABYLON BURNING :: BACHELOR OF ARTS :: BACHELORETTE :: BACK$EAT ROMEOS :: BAD//DREEMS :: BAD LUCK CABARET :: THE BAKER SUITE :: THE BAKER'S DIGEST :: BAKEWELL STREET :: BALL PARK MUSIC :: BANG! BANG! AIDS! :: BANJO JACKSON :: BANJO WEATHERALD :: BANOFFEE :: BARCODE :: THE BARON :: THE BARONS OF TANG :: BASEBALL :: THE BASKERVILLES :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: BAT FOR LASHES :: BATPISS :: BATRIDER :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BATTLEHOUNDS :: BATTLE POPE :: BATTLES :: BEACH HOUSE :: BEANIE MY FRIEND :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND :: THE BEARDS :: THE BEASTIE BOYS :: BED WETTER :: BEDHEAD :: THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER & HIS AWKWARDSTRA :: THE BEERBELLY BUSKERS :: BEFORE THE AFTERMATH :: BELITTLE LEAGUE :: THE BELLE CURVE :: THE BELLRAYS :: BELOVED ELK :: BEN GEL & THE BONEYARD SAINTS :: BEN ELY'S RADIO 5 :: BEN REVI :: BEN REVI ALL-STAR REVIVAL BAND :: BERMUDA BAY :: BETTY AIRS :: BIG BAD BARRY & THE DEAD SETS :: BIG DADDY'S DISCOTHEQUE :: BIG RICHARD INSECT :: BIG SCARY :: BIG SKY THEORY :: BIG YAWN :: BILLY BISHOP GOES TO WAR :: BILLY BOB'S BBQ JAM BAND :: BING GOES TO MONACO :: BINKY & THE BUNG MICS :: THE BIRD :: BIRD WIZDOM :: BIRTHGLOW :: BIT BY BATS :: BITCH PREFECT :: THE BITTER DARLINGS :: BITTER SWEET KICKS :: BJORK :: BLACK GOLD :: BLACK LIPS :: BLACKCHORDS :: THE BLACK AND WHITE :: BLACK CORAL :: THE BLACK DOVES :: BLACK KNIGHT :: BLAKE SABAN 3 :: BLAST RHOMBUS :: BLEEDING KNEES CLUB :: THESE BLESSED BONES :: THE BLIND HERD :: BLISTERED PALMS :: BLOOD PLASTIC :: BLOODHOUNDS ON MY TRAIL :: BLOW UP BETTY :: THE BLUEBERRIES :: BLUEJUICE :: BLUSH RESPONSE :: BOB DOWNE :: BOB LOG III :: BODY HORROR :: BOHOEFFER :: THE BON SCOTTS :: BOOSTER :: THE BORDERLAND :: BOS :: THE BOTTLEROCKETS :: BOX ELDER :: THE BOX ROCKETS :: THE BRIAN JONESTOWN MASSACRE :: BRENDAWG & THE DROID :: BRIANNA MAHONEY :: BRIARS :: BRILLIG :: BRITISH INDIA :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS (DUO) :: BRONZE CHARIOT :: BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE :: BROKERS :: THE BROTHERS GOON :: BROTHERSISTER :: THE BROUHAHA :: BRUNATEX :: BUFFALO BOYFRIEND :: THE BUMBLEBEEZ :: BURAKA SOM SISTEMA :: BURIED FEATHER :: BURLESQUE BEAUTIES :: BURN THE ASHES :: THE BURNING SEA :: BURNING TOWER :: BURNSIDE MUMS :: BUSHIDO :: BUSTER FIDEZ :: BYE BYE MOUNTAIN :: THE BYZANTINES :: CABBAGE & KINGS :: CABIN CULTS :: CAL WILLIAMS JNR :: CALIFORNIA COUSIN :: CALLERDENIGHT :: CALLING ALL CARS :: CAM GOODALL :: CAMEROM MCTERNAN :: CAMP COPE :: CANDIDA :: CANIDAE :: CANIS VULPES :: CAPTAIN CLEANOFF :: CAPTAIN HELLFIRE & THE WRETCHED BRETHREN :: THE CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY :: CAPTIVES :: CAR SEAT HEADREST :: CARLA LIPPIS & THE MARTIAL HEARTS :: THE CASIO BROTHERS :: CASKET CASE :: CASS McCOMBS :: CASSETTE KIDS :: CAT DOG BIRD :: CAT PARTY :: CELESTITE :: CENTAURZ :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CERES :: CESARE :: CHAPMAN STREET :: CHARLIE MONSOON :: CHASING PHOENIX :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CHERRY GRIND :: THE CHEVRON WHORES :: CHÉRIE DE KLERK :: CHILD :: CHILDREN COLLIDE :: CHINESE NEW YEAR :: CHRIS FINNEN :: CHORAL GRIEF :: CHVRCHES :: CIARAM GRANGER :: CIRCLE CLAN :: CIRCUS ARCADE :: THE CITRADELS :: CITRUS JAM :: CITY CALM DOWN :: CITY RIOTS :: THE CLANGERS :: CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH :: THE CLIQUE :: CLOUD CONTROL :: CLOUD NOTHINGS :: THE CLOWNS OF DECADENCE :: CLUE TO KALO :: COBRA :: COCK :: COERCE :: COG :: COLLARBONES :: COLLIDE/ESCAPE :: COLLIDER :: COLONEL KERNEL :: COLORBLIND :: COLOURISE :: CONCHILLIA :: CONSOLE WARRIORS :: COOKIE BAKER :: COOKIE BAKER & HER SPECIAL SECRET SPELLS :: COOL JUMPER :: COOL JUMPER & TANTIVY FAIR :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CORPUS :: CORTEZ :: COSMO BLACK :: COSMO THUNDERCAT :: COSMO THUNDERCAT (DUO) :: COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR :: COY CARP :: CRACKWHORE :: THE CRAYON FIELDS :: CREEPERS :: CRUSTY SUITCASE BAND :: THE CRYING GAME :: CUB SCOUTS :: CURSES :: CUT COPY :: CUT OFF YOUR HANDS :: THE DAIRY BROTHERS :: DAISY BUCHANAN :: DAIYE SPA :: DALLAS FRASCA :: DALLI :: DAMN ARMS :: DAMN TERRAN :: DAMNED MEN :: DAMO SUZUKI NETWORK :: DAN DEVLIN :: DANCE TIL YOU CAN'T SAY YEAH! :: DANGER & PLASTIC :: DANGEROUS! :: DANIEL VARRICCHIO :: DANIELE VILELLA :: DANVERS :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DAPPLED CITIES :: THE DARDANELLES :: THE DARK LIGHTS :: DAS UBBERDUNG :: DAVE PHILLIPS :: DAY RAVIES :: DAYDREAM :: THE DAYLIGHT BRAVES :: DAYSWORTH FIGHTING :: THE DEAD BELLS :: DEAD END FRIENDS :: DEAD FRENCHMEN :: DEAD JOE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DEADLY ARE THE NAKED :: DEAFAULT :: DEAR PLASTIC :: DEEP SEA ARCADE :: THE DEER JOHNS :: DEERHUNTER :: DEJA :: DEJA ENTENDU :: DELIA OBST :: THE DELTA RIGGS :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DESCRIBE ELIZA :: DESERT CROOKS :: A DEVIL AMONGST THE TAILORS :: THE DEVILROCK FOUR :: DEXTER JONES :: DIAMOND SINS :: DIANA SCALZI :: DICK DIVER :: DIE! DIE! DIE! :: DIESEL WITCH :: DIIV :: DIPLOMAT :: DIPSTONE :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: THE DIRTY MONKS :: DIRTY WOLVES :: THE DIVINE FLUXUS :: DIZZEE RASCAL :: DJ KELE OKEREKE :: DJ SHADOW :: DJ SPOZ :: DJANGO ROWE TRIO :: DMA'S :: DOE :: DOM TRIMBOLI & THE WIZARDS :: DON MORRISON :: DONNARUMMA :: DOUBLE DENIM :: DOUBLE DRAGON :: DOUBLE HANDED :: DOZERS :: DRAWN FROM BEES :: THE DREAMBOATS :: DRILLER JET ARMSTRONG :: THE DRONES :: DROPLET :: DRUID FLUIDS :: DRUNK MUMS :: DUD PILLS :: DUKES OF WINDSOR :: DUMB EARTH :: DUNE RATS :: THE DUNES :: DUNGEN :: DUSTY LEE :: DUSTY LEE & THE ANGELS OF GUNG HO :: DUSTY LEE'S WASTED WANDERERS :: DZ :: DZ DEATHRAYS :: EAST END VILLAINS :: ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN :: ECHO & THE EMPRESS :: EDDY CURRENT SUPPRESSION RING :: EGYPT :: THE EL CAMINOS :: ELECTRIC WIDOWS :: THE ELEVENTH HOUR :: THE E.L.F. :: EL-P :: ELECTRIC EXILES :: ELEPHANT :: ELLEN KIBBLE :: ELVIS :: EMDEE :: EMERGENCY RULE :: EMILY DAVIS :: EMPERORS :: EMMA HORWOOD :: EMPIRE VAGABOND :: ENCARTA :: ENDLESS NAMELESS :: ENEMY OF :: ENNIS TOLA :: ENVY STREET :: ES IST SUPER :: EVEN :: EXPATRIATE :: THE EXPLODERS :: EXPLODING PLASTIC INEVITABLE :: EZRA HOPE :: FACEMEAT :: FACEMEAT - A ROCK OPERA :: FAITH NO MORE :: FAIR MAIDEN :: THE FAK :: FAKE LAKE :: FAKE TAN :: FASCINATOR :: THE FAT SACK :: FAT TAILED ANTICHINUS :: FAVOUR THE BRAVE :: FEAR AND LOATHING :: THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS :: FEIST :: FEMME FATALES :: FERGUS O'REGAN :: FEZ FAANANA :: FIGHTERPILOT :: A FILM FOR THE FUTURE :: FILTHY LUCRE :: THE FINISHING SCHOOL :: FINNEN & DAVIDSON :: THE FINNS :: FIRS :: FISHING WITH HENRY :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA, FIRE! :: FIST PUMP, FIST BUMP :: FISTFUL OF TROJANS :: FLEUR GREEN :: FKA TWIGS :: THE FLEEING MINDS :: THE FLOORS :: FLORENCE & THE MACHINE :: FLUME :: THE FOLKO-OH-NOES :: FONT PLAYS FONT :: FORCES :: FOREIGN/NATIONAL :: FOREST OF GNOMES :: FORMER CHILD STARS :: FOX FAEHRMANN :: FOXX ON FIRE :: FRANZ FERDINAND :: FRAUD MILLIONAIRES :: FREESTATE :: FRESH KILLS :: FRIDAY'S FOX :: FRIENDS :: FROM THE DEAD SEA :: FULL CONTACT SAFARI :: THE FUMES :: FUNK LATIN UNION :: FUNKOARS :: FUTURE FARM :: FUTURE ISLANDS :: THE FYOOGS :: GALAPAGOOSE :: GALAXY CAT :: GALLEON :: GAVIN DE ALMEIDA :: GAY PARIS :: THE GELS :: GEMINI DOWNS :: GENERATION SWINE :: GEORDIE LITTLE :: GERMEIN SISTERS :: GG ALAN BINDIG :: GHOST WALK :: GHOUL :: GHYTI :: GHYTI (DUO) :: GHYTI & THE PHILANTHROPIC ORCHESTRA :: GINDIANA BONES AND THE SEVERAL KIDNEYS OF THE UNDERGROUND TRAIN STATION :: GINFOX VS HELLO NEWMAN :: GIRL TALK :: THE GIVEAWAYS :: GLASS :: GLASS DUNES :: GLASS SKIES :: GLASS TOWERS :: GLISK :: GNARLS BARKLEY :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT (Lounge Set) :: GOLD BLOOM :: THE GOOD CHINA :: GOOD BOY :: GOON WIZARRD :: GOTYE :: GRACE: THE SONGS OF JEFF BUCKLEY :: GRACE GOODFELLOW :: GRAFTON PRIMARY :: THE GRAND RAPIDS :: THE GRATES :: GRAVEYARD TRAIN :: GREAT GABLE :: THE GREETING METHOD :: GRENADIERS :: GREY DATURAS :: GRIMES :: GRIMEY :: GROOVE ARMADA :: GROUND COMPONENTS :: THE GROWL :: GUILLAUME SOLO ACOUSTIC :: GUINEAFOWL :: GUN IT :: GÜNTER & THE SAFEWORD :: GYRO :: HAIM :: HAL BIRD :: HALCYON DRIVE :: HALFWAY TO FORTH :: HANNAH FAIRLAMB :: THE HAPPY ENDINGS :: HAPPY SOMETIMES :: HAR MAR SUPERSTAR :: THE HARD ACHES :: HARMLESS HUNTER :: HARMONY :: HARRY FREEMAN :: HARTS :: HAWKS OF ALBA :: HAYSTACKS CALHOON :: HEAPS GOOD FRIENDS :: HEATH WEBER :: HEKYL :: HELLO, LOVER :: HELLO NEWMAN :: HELMET :: HESTON DROP :: HEY FEVER :: HEY LADY! :: HI, I'M RECLUSIVE AUTHOR THOMAS PYNCHON :: HIGH STAKES :: HIGH TENSION :: HIGH VIOLET :: HIGHTIME :: HILLS & TRAINS :: HIT THE JACKPOT :: THE HOLD STEADY :: THE HOLIDAYS :: HOLOGRAPHIC CHARIZARD :: HOLOGRAPHIC COLTS :: HOLY FUCK :: HOLY HOLY :: THE HOLY SEA :: HOLY SERPENT :: HOME FOR THE DEF :: THE HONEY PIES :: HORROR MY FRIEND :: HOSPITAL THE MUSICAL :: HOT WINGS :: HOUSE OF JADE :: HOWL AT THE MOON :: HOWL 'N BONES :: HOWLING BELLS :: THE HOWLING FOG :: HUMBLE BEE :: HUMMINGBIRD :: HUNGRY KIDS OF HUNGARY :: THE HUNTED CROWS :: HURRICANE JANE :: HURRICANES :: THE HUSHES :: HUXLEY :: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT WEEZER :: I HEART HIROSHIMA :: I, A MAN :: ICE ON MERCURY :: ID :: IGGY POP & THE STOOGES :: IIAH :: ILLICIT EVE :: IMMIGRANT UNION :: IMOGEN BRAVE :: IMPARTIAL :: THE IMPOSSIBLE QUICHE :: THE INCHES :: INDIAGO :: INSTITUT POLAIRE :: INTERCOOLER :: INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF MOJO :: THE INTERNET :: INTERPOL :: INTERZONE EXPRESS :: INTROVERT :: INUETTE :: INWOODS :: IRAAN SANADZADEH :: IRIDIUM :: IRIE KNIGHTS :: THE IRRESPONSIBLES :: ISLE OF CAPRI :: ISLE OF VISION :: IT'S A HOAX :: IT'S A HOAX (INSTRUMENTAL) :: IT'S WARSAW :: IVORY :: J-LO BIAFRA :: J-WAH :: JACK LONDON :: JACKSON FIREBIRD :: JAMES PARRY :: JANE'S ADDICTION :: JAPAM :: JAPANDROIDS :: JAPANTHER :: JARVIS :: JARVIS COCKER :: JASON SIMON (DEAD MEADOW) :: JAY WALKER AND THE PEDESTRIANS :: JAYNE-ANNE POWER :: JEFF MARTIN & TEREPAI RICHMOND :: JESS KENT :: JESS PORTER :: JESSE DAVIDSON :: JESSE FRANCIS :: JESUS CHRIST POSSE :: THE JEZABELS :: JIKA :: JIMMY & THE MIRRORS :: JIMMY EAT WORLD :: JIMMY MARIN :: JIMMY MOUNTAIN :: JOE MCKEE :: JOEL STERN :: JOEL STERN, CURED PINK & TIMOTHY TATE :: THE JOHN STEEL SINGERS :: JON ADDAMS :: JON MARCO :: JON MORTIMER :: JONNY BLIZZARD :: JORDAN TITO :: JOSH CALLIGEROS :: JOURNEY WELL SPACE WIZARD :: JOY & SPARKS :: JP COE & THE DELEGATES :: JUDGE MENTAL :: JUMP! YOU REVOLUTIONARY :: JUNGLE CITY :: JUNGLEMIRE :: JUPITER :: JUPITER (DUO) :: JUPITER LEAD :: KAB SAVVY :: KAHL WALLIS :: KAMIKAZE :: KAMIKAZE TRIO :: KANGAROO SKULL :: KARL MELVIN :: KASABIAN :: KASAVETT :: KATE VIGO & THE UNDERGROUND ORCHESTRA :: KAURNA CRONIN :: KAZKARIV :: THE KEEPSAKES :: KELLIE LLOYD :: KELLY MENHENNETT :: KELSHY :: THE KEMP BROTHERS :: KHAN :: KID SAM :: KIDS IN CULTS :: KIDS WITH TEETH :: KIKUYU :: THE KILL DEVIL HILLS :: KILLER BIRDS :: THE KILLBOT FACTORY :: THE KILLGIRLS :: KING DADDY :: KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD :: KING KRILL :: KING KRULE :: KING OF THE NORTH :: KINGSTON DOWNES :: KINGSWOOD :: KINS :: KIRK SPECIAL :: KIRK WATT :: KITCHEN WITCH :: KITTEN KONG :: KITTYHAWK :: KOI CHILD :: KORAL :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: KRIS WANDERS :: KRISTINA MILTIADOU :: KURT VILE :: KYLIE BRICE TRIO :: KYRI :: KYTES OF OMAR :: LA FEMME LE FEVER :: LADY GUNG-HO & THE ANGELS OF STRANGELOVE :: LADY STRANGELOVE :: THE LADYBEATLES :: LADYHAWKE :: LAHARA :: LANCE LAZER & TALIBAND :: LARSEN :: LAST DAYS OF KALI :: LAST DINOSAURS :: THE LAST SUPPER :: LATE NIGHT MATINEE :: LATER THAT NIGHT :: LAURA HILL :: LAURA IMBRUGLIA :: LAW & DISORDER :: LAZARO'S DOG :: LC3'S :: LEADER CHEETAH :: LEFT :: LEGENDS OF MOTORSPORT :: LEIGHSTARDUST :: THE LEITMOTIF :: LEITMOTIV LIMBO :: LE GATEAU CHOCOLAT :: LEMURIAN :: LENIN MCCARTHY :: LEO :: LEAPING FELIX :: LES SAVY FAV :: THE LEVITATORS :: LIFE IN LETTERS :: LIGHTS :: LIKE KITES :: LIKE LEAVES :: LIL VALENTINE :: LILY MOJITO :: LILLY SIM :: LILLYS RADIO :: LINE HONOURS :: LIPSMACK :: LITTLE BRIDGET :: LITTLE CAPTAIN :: LITTLE DRAGON :: LITTLE DUST :: LITTLE ICE AGE :: LITTLE PRINCE :: LITTLE TWO EYES :: THE LIZARDS :: LO! :: LOADED LEOPARD :: LOCAL REVOLUTION :: LOEMAX :: THE LONDON ROAD POETS :: THE LONELINESS OF A MIDDLE DISTANCE RUNNER :: LONELY FIRE :: LONG WALK HOME :: LONI RAE :: LOON LAKE :: LORDE :: LOST COSMONAUT :: THE LOST SHOW :: LOST VALENTINOS :: LOST WOODS :: LOUIS DONNARUMMA :: LOUISE ADAMS :: LOUISE & THE TORNADOS :: LOUISE ADAMS & THE FRINGE DWELLERS :: LOVE CREAM :: THE LOVE JUNKIES :: LOVE OF DIAGRAMS :: LOVE STEREO :: LOVE ZOMBIES :: THE LUCKSMITHS :: LUKE ASHBY BAND :: LUKE CARLINO :: LUKE DUX :: LUKE ESCOMBE :: LUKE EYGENRAAM :: LUKE GOLDING :: THE LUKE LOUIE TRIO :: LUMONICS :: LYLA :: MAC DEMARCO :: MACH PELICAN :: MACKENZIE :: MAD SHAPES :: MADCLASSIC :: MAGGIE & LOUIS :: MAGIC BONES :: THE MAGNETS :: MAKING :: MAMMAL :: MAMMOTH :: MAMMOTH LOGIC :: MANE :: MANI NEUMEIER & THE BITCHES OF ZEUS :: MANOR :: MARCUS COROWA :: MARK CURTIS BAND :: MARCUS WARNECKE & SAM PORTER :: MARDEN :: MARGARET LLOYD & SEB TONKIN :: MARK CURTIS :: MARLA SINGER :: MARY TREMBLES :: MARY WEBB :: MASSIVE :: MASTER'S CURIOUS DELIRIUM :: MATHEMATIC :: MATHIEU WERCHOWSKI :: MATT BANHAM :: MATTHEW BARLOW :: MATT HAYWARD :: MATTHEW MILES :: MAX SAVAGE :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS :: MAYDAY FAIR :: MAYFIELD :: MCKISKO :: MEAKE :: MEANWELL COLLEGE :: THE MEDICS :: MEGAFAUNA :: MENAGERIE :: MERCY ARMS :: MERE THEORY :: THE MESS HALL :: MESSRS :: METHYL ETHEL :: METZ :: MEZZANINE :: MICHAEL STOWERS :: MICK ARMSTRONG, ANDY ARMSTRONG & STAN BASTIRAS :: THE MIDDLE EAST :: MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS :: THE MILTON EXPERIENCE :: MIKE MCKEON :: MIKE RADZEVICIUS :: MIKE TILBROOK :: MIKEY (EX ARTAX MISSION) :: MINDSHOWER :: MIO :: MIRRORLINE :: THE MISCHIEF :: MISCHIEF THE CAT :: MISS GOLLY GOSH :: MISS RENEE SIMONE :: THE MISSION IN MOTION :: MM9 :: MOGERLAINE :: THE MOLTING VULTURES :: MOMOKO SODA :: MONA LISA OVERDRIVE :: MONDO PHASE BAND :: MONEY FOR ROPE :: THE MONIKERS :: MONKEY PUZZLE TREE :: THE MONSTER SOCIETY OF EVIL :: MOODY BELLES :: MOONFAKER :: MOONHUNTER :: MORALS OF A MINOR :: THE MORNING AFTER GIRLS :: MOTHER'S CAKE :: THE MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS :: MOTHERSLUG :: THE MOTIVE :: MOTOWN CONNECTION :: MOUNTAIN STATIC :: MOUNTAIN STRANGER :: MOUNTAINS IN THE SKY :: MOUNTBATTEN :: MOURGOS GRUND :: THE MOURNING SONS :: MOVE TO STRIKE :: MOVIN' MELVIN BROWN :: MR ROSEWATER :: MR WEDNESDAY :: MUM'S TENNIS FRIENDS :: MUMFORD & SONS :: MUNCHKIN :: MUSCLE CAR VS HIGH STAKES :: MUSTERED COURAGE :: MUTEMATH :: MY DISCO :: MY SISTER THE COP :: MYLES MAYO :: N.A.S.A. :: NAKATOMI :: NAOMI KEYTE :: NAOMI KEYTE & TANNON KEW :: NATHAN KAYE :: NAZZ AND THE RED PONIES :: NEO FIX :: NEOHIP :: NEON BOGART :: NEON ELECTRIC :: NEREEDA :: NERVOUS GERBAL :: THE NEW CABAL :: NEW PANTS :: NEW POLLUTANTS :: NEW TRANSLATION :: NICK MURPHY :: THE NEW VAGUE :: NEW WHITE SNEAKERS :: NEW YORK DOLLS :: NEWTONHEATH :: NICHOLAS ALLBROOK :: NICK OLIVERI :: NICK OLIVERI & FILTHY LUCRE :: NICKER TEENS :: NIGEL KOOP & STEVIE BEE :: NIKAI :: NIKKO :: NIKKO & SNOOKS :: NITIDUS :: NO BIRDS :: NO THROUGH ROAD :: NO ZU :: NOBODY KNEW THEY WERE ROBOTS :: THE NOVOCAINES :: NUVO :: THE NYMPHS :: O' LITTLE SISTER :: THE OCEAN PARTY :: OCEANICS :: ODYSSEY :: THE OFFCUTS :: OH MERCY :: OH MINOR :: OH MY GUARD! 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:: Wednesday, November 17, 2010

THE HONEY PIES + THE KEEPSAKES / OH MINOR + DIESEL WITCH
"THINK OF ENGLAND" LAUNCH @ JIVE / Friday November 12th 2010

Aaaah you gotta laugh when shit like this "happens" don't you? laugh out loud I swear! then check your head for unaccounted for bumps and bruises and a suspicious white powdery residue left in the bottom of that last beer glass you drank from.. "huh what!?", yeah I've got no idea either and that's part of the problem here! (as much as it's amusing me to no end attempting to get to the bottom of it.. weeee!). Friday night I left the house, at least I'm sure of THAT. I caught a bus into town, to Jive, so I could cover some album launch party whatever-the-fuck for this stupidarse blog: "awww crap didn't I do that LAST weekend!?" *ooops* I mean "fuck yeaaah it's The Honey Pies!". Then I wake up seconds later, only now it's Saturday afternoon and short of all the evidence left on my camera and phone to account for it? it's like nothing happened! HA HA HA I know, crazy riiight!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!? (duuude if only I knew!) shit maybe I was "drugged" out of my mind by "forces unknown", kidnapped and dragged through yet another "fucked up adventure" in the Adelaide scene (because clearly I wouldn't ever do THAT of my own free will). No seriously! as much as I'm aware of it, when I left the house? my brain switched off for the night, my "autopilot" kicked in to compensate, and for all intents and purposes I "slept" a full eight hours with my eyes open.. AWESOME!! Except obviously it WASN'T the first time I'd done this. In fact it's practically an ongoing premise well beyond a punchline or a cliche that I run every night into the ground like it's freaking "Groundhog Day" only to "respawn" good as new the following day. Just as it's overly well documented that I can provide all manner of "comprehensive" photo coverage, video, live reviews and whimsical anecdotes to "colour" this shit whilst simultaneously possessing the base cognitive ability of a capsized goldfish (fuck it.. anything to provide light relief from all the "mindnumbing tedium" right!?). But to think THIS is the first time I've ever pulled that stunt at an album launch? ALBUM LAUNCH!? Since when did an event of such raging awesomatude become so commonplace that I'd choose to "sleepwalk" through it!? WHO KNOWS!? For if nothing else, it should make this "writeup" (or my laughably near fictionalised account thereof) all the more "entertaining" to read!



DIESEL WITCH (***1/2) myspace ::
Yup the fact is I wasn't all "here" tonight, I was out of my miiind! as much as someone who looked a whole lot like me sure as shit WAS, but as for me? oh I was long gone the minute I walked in and promptly "left the building". And the only way I could explain it, is to say that the "weather" totally made me do it. Yes the weather! or to be more precise something ever so slightly surreal about "tropical grade" humidity (we're talking swampy as all fuck atmospheric "pea-soupiness") mixed with chronic insomnia that makes me want to drink like a bug eyed amphibian. Seriously, beer almost never tastes as good as it does on a night like this, you could drink two to three times what you'd normally drink (or think is even physically possible in one night) and never get drunk off it, only to fuck yourself up hours down the line when you realise the alcoholic content is just as suicidally lethal (it's only been delayed in transit) and as for what ANY of this aimless gibberish has got to do with our opening act here tonight!? pfft.. NOTHING YOU IDIOTS!! as thanks to all these wacky photos and videos and all the "comprehensive" notes I've kept in between, you can totally disregard everything I've just said and pretend I have half a fucking clue what I'm talking about here (which I most certainly don't). Yup this is Diesel Witch, formerly known as The Witch, formerly known as Diesel Witch. And before you ask? apparently they changed their name because they kept being associated with Johnny Diesel & The Injectors (go figure?). And as for why they've since changed it back!? well as much as they technically like to call themselves by BOTH now (as much as their myspace is to be believed) a more likely explanation is that their guitarist/drummer Luke "Moon Face" Willis did it simply to fuck with us. And I say this from experience too: he's just that kind of hilarious shitweasel to do that, and without him Diesel Witch wouldn't be anywhere NEAR as "entertaining" for me to write about. Case in point, last time I saw them at Format? (in support of The Crying Game and the Avant Gardeners) he thought it'd be "funny" to aim a smoke machine directly at my face anytime I took photos of them.. so I simply kept taking photos anyways just to spite him (apparently he really didn't appreciate all those "glowing reviews" I kept giving them). Tonight when he sees me AGAIN "shit grinning" front of stage (after suggested on facebook he should totally bring that smoke machine again tonight) he starts heckling me over the mic: "hey Spoz, shouldn't you be at The Ed Castle now or something, taking your silly little photos?" only to add (a little sheepishly) off mic: "thanks for coming anyways" (except I probably shouldn't have mentioned that last bit.. ooops!). And it's this hilariously "antagonistic" attitude that extends to their live performance too. Just when you have their sound pegged as a little bit of surf guitar "A" mixed with garage/grunge "B" and celebrate the fuck out of them for it (ie: see every other slightly more "coherent" review I've ever written about them) they go and up the distortion levels till it's practically sand blasting our ears. I mean here they are playing Jive tonight with their ridiculously a-grade sound system (and ever infamous sound engineer to boot) and so they "retaliate" by sounding like they're shredding "Crime Converter" instruments through a megaphone in a toilet cubicle? and not by accident mind you, they're actually doing this shit on purpose just to fuck with us!? Yup and it's the "awesomest" thing about their set too as much as it's near painful to listen to. It's that much looser, thrashier, fuglyarse and primal, like the sound of The Pixies being gang fucked by "goon fueled" teenagers in a cement mixer, like a belligerent "fuck you" to the Adelaide scene establishment. So trashy in fact they manage to blow up a fuse to one of their guitar amps: to which one of the other band members jokingly fingers the blame with.. "it's the comedy stylings of Luke Willis everybody!", only for Chris "Bird Beak" Busbridge's guitar strap to fuck up moments later in the last song (again possibly Luke's fault) to the point that they barely escape the live stage without burning it to all the ground they're that "antagonistic" about being here tonight!? Yup that's Diesel Witch. They're shitcrazy delinquents looking to piss all over everything that dares "stand in their way" tonight (including their audience) and I dare say they're all the better for it!













THE KEEPSAKES / OH MINOR (***1/2) myspace / facebook ::
Our second act (as much as they may've likely been our opening act) was originally going to be Our Husband: a hauntingly atmospheric folk duo recently signed to "Gaga Publishing" consisting of Freya Adele (formerly Bing Goes To Monaco) and Nathaniel Morse (from Fire! Santa Rosa, Fire!). One which I was very much looking forward in seeing tonight as their recordings very much remind me of "chillwave" indie fashionista shit like Beach House but in such an a-grade exemplary way that they totally don't put me into a coma listening to it (or in other words I SO totally would've hamfisted a laughingly "sycophantic" live review in following fuck full of praise, if their set tonight was anywhere near as good as the stuff available on their Triple J Unearthed.. damnit!). Except as you might've suspected they had to pull out at the very last minute (and I never quite got the reasons why either) and so instead we're presented with our "third act" The Keepsakes. Or at least we eventually did, but only after waiting through a ridiculously elaborate forty minute soundcheck to fine tune their shit (I shit you not!). Just as it's not exactly The Keepsakes as we know it either, as their drummer Jeremy Lake is glaringly absent from tonight's proceedings: as word is he took a "mystery" trip to London and I'm totally supporting that theory too (despite any forensics evidence they might eventually uncover to the contrary). So instead we're presented with a collaborative effort between The Keepsakes and former members of The British Robots "covering" three songs by The Keepsakes: "Bells", "Paper Planes" and "Shoelaces" and quite brilliantly too I might add (with violin provided on the latter by Tom Capogreco from Todd Sibbins & The Opposite Ends). Only to follow that up by swapping out their first bass player Jon Wignall for Anthony Golding from We Grow Up and presenting us with a full set of their OWN songs under the name "Oh Minor". A newly formed band of apparent hype and hyperbole (they played their first show just last Saturday at The Grace Emily in fact) as much as they've jokingly referred to themselves as "The Fucksakes" instead: a never more apt description for the few shades short of an hilarious "dog's breakfast" that they presented tonight. And yes it surprises me to no end too that I managed to come up with ANY of these details just now, considering I spent most of their forty minute soundcheck tonight drinking myself delerious at the bar and so with that in mind? aaaah fuck it.. let's see if I can bluff my way through an equally "informative" review in following shall we!? Yup Oh Minor: featuring Anthony Wignall on guitar (from The Keepsakes), Mark Curtis and Paddy Montgomery on guitar and Gareth Briggs on drums (from The British Robots) and Anthony Golding on bass (from We Grow Up) plus an assortment of guest appearances in between, could be considered a "twee-pop Adelaide supergroup" of sorts (someone in the crowd even laughingly suggested the name "Monsters Of Sulk" to that effect), as much they're not nearly as squeaky clean "vanilla" sounding as their separate parts and instead adopt a more flamboyant 70's "radio rock" feel rich in gang harmonies. In the simplest of terms you could think of it as Mumford & Sons meets Weezer, only both of those could possibly be categorised as an insult now; so feel free to throw in everything from Ryan Adams, My Morning Jacket, The Decemberists, Fleetwood Mac to The Travelling Wilburys and you'd be much closer to the mark. Mark and Anthony Wignall both take turns on lead vocals, frequently in unison. Many of their songs have that well travelled troubadour feel, reminiscent of the American midwest (well obviously, since half of my fartarse references seem to suggest that) songs that are richly accented in feather dusted guitar hooks, sweetly swinging rhythm and the lightest of percussion (even a spirited sitar recital at the hands of Paddy Montgomery just for the ridiculous fuck of it) and as blissfully shambolic as it all comes together? like a ragtag bunch of home schooled dweebs attempting a campfire singalong!? (without quite knowing what they're actually singing about) there IS a lot of potential here. And that's The Fucksakes.. ooops I mean Oh Minor! They might not look like much NOW, but give them a few months tops and I swear knock kneed "uber goobers" and tragic shut-ins everywhere will be totally losing their shit to it!
















THE HONEY PIES (****1/2) myspace ::
Which then brings us to our headlining act: here to launch their wildly anticipated album "Think Of England" or at least "wildly anticipated" to me (and I don't even mean sarcastically, yeaaah ok perhaps just a little) pretty much ever since Jon Marco and Tony Marshall debuted it as an acoustic duo back in December 2007 out of the ashes of Poly & The Statics just a few months prior to that (and ask anyone in the know WHY that was a tragedy and a half when they broke up). Only to all but disappear without a trace for well over a year (whilst former Poly & The Statics "alumni" Josh Phillips and Tom McCarthy-Jones both formed Billy Bishop Goes To War only to break THAT up a little over six months later without a single studio recording to show for it.. guh damnit!). Only to return again with a full band: adding Tom McCarthy-Jones on bass and Marcus Warnecke on drums in January 2009, replete with all these ridiculously awesome and instantly "shitcrazy" infectious tunes that you just couldn't get out of your head (they even cooked up these mad youtube videos to go along with them). Only to tease us with nothing but a demo to show for it for another two years running!? "FUUUCK OFF!!". And the reason why this would rightfully drive anyone insane? is if you ever saw them live. Duuude it was like seeing this decade's equivalent of The Beatles before they totally blew up big. Equal measures britpop at its finest and oldskool punk at its shitcraziest, it was insane to think nobody else knew even about it yet, to the point you'd wonder out loud why they hadn't been signed to a label yet (let alone scammed any high rotation airplay on "you know who") or yeaaah maybe it was just me.. I mean what the fuck do I know!? Everyone loves all that disposable "dancefloor" crap now like Art Vs Science, Dizzee Rascal and Lady Gaga riiight? Rock's been dead since Kurt Cobain got all "cozy" with that shotgun in 1994, both Kayne West and Chris Cornell have been pissing on its ashes since 2009, nobody outside of Triple J airplay knows who the fuck Josh Homme or Jack White are in 2010, and who the FUCK are The Honey Pies in all this!? HA HA HA NOBODY YOU FOOLS!! And yet as much as this band HAS been Adelaide's "best kept secret" in the most annoying way possible for the past few years running!? maybe at long last, in some teeny tiny way, all THAT is about to change.. YEAAAS!! For tonight is their album launch, their shining moment of triumph, where they can finally make their "indelible mark" on the Adelaide scene and the world at large! I'm obviously here to document the living shit out of it, or the very least tell you all: I TOLD YOU SO.. "AAAAHAHaHAHahahA WHO'S LAUGHING NOW YA FUCKS!!". Or at least I so WOULD'VE if I hadn't gotten stupidly drunk "celebrating" it for the past few hours, and since forgotten most of what the fuck happened when they arrived on stage. Ooops! Still it must've been one hell of a launch party if I did just THAT (and I doubt I was the only one at it too) and as for the rest!? yeaaah let's see what I can salvage from my "blackbox recording". Yup arriving on stage to a whimsical excerpt from Monty Python's Flying Circus (the nose flute sketch to be exact) to a packed out Jive (they didn't open upstairs but they were licking the proverbial ceiling tiles all the same) The Honey Pies launched into a fourteen song setlist. Highlights of which including first song "Fool In Love", followed by "Sex Wax", "Diving Bell" and "Bossa Nova" (but perhaps only because I remember their names from previous sets), as well as a cover of The Beatles' "And Your Bird Can Sing", their paired-back ditty "Sold My Soul" and closing with the schizophrenic punk of "DqyDjb". I can't quite recall if they played an encore at all but at the very least the crowd totally lost their shit to it from beginning to end, they even had a feeding frenzy of female fans dancing up a storm out front (and how!) and not even ONCE did Jon Marco break a string on his guitar (and I should probably stop mentioning that as he's had a pretty good run of it ever since that hilarious meltdown back in July) and in the blurriest of broadstrokes THAT was The Honey Pies!? Yup as much as I wasn't all here for it? what WAS (and I'm assuming the hypothalamus) had a hell of a time laughing itself stupid to it, and I don't doubt many of you here were equally as amnesiac yet "mind numbingly" euphoric, but at least now we finally have an album to take home to show for it. So for all the shit we might have "forgotten" here tonight? we'll always have THAT to remind us!


















1:16AM - Now as much as I've managed to totally bluff and near abouts bullshit my way through documenting the "business end" of proceedings here (and rather badly at that) any recollection of the rest of my night (and all the "whizzbang excitement" exploding around me in celebrating The Honey Pies' new album tonight) or anything I might have done in between that perhaps I should apologise profusely for (short of that jägerbomb I downed at the bar in between eight or nine pints of beers of course, because pfft.. that shit was nothing but legendary!) aaaah fuck it, your guess is as good as mine. Except I obviously can't get away THAT easily. As since I took all these photos, and many of them are arguably hilarious for all the WRONG REASONS (ie: I really shouldn't appear in my own blog if I know what's good for me) it'd be utterly remiss of me NOT to provide running commentary for them all. Not just as an ongoing "creative" exercise attempting to make sense of it all (yeaaah good luck with that!) but perhaps more as a "cautionary tale" to each and every one of YOU poor fools who may've unwittingly crossed paths with me tonight, to run screaming for the exit signs if ever you see me THIS drunk again. Take Simone here for example: she thought it'd be genius to join me on this drunken rollercoaster tonight, as much as she's decided to stay sober the entire time (guh.. you fiend!). Which possibly explains why she's "hiding" behind that ridiculous stuffed animal regretting her "genius" decision just now, in the hopes I won't see her so she can make a mad dash for freedom. And as for why she's holding up that teeny tiny toy donkey as well? beats the hell out of me, but at the very least I'm told his name is "Noodles".. awesome huh!?



1:20AM - Which brings me to Blake Lewis here. I forget why he's "relevant" to this nonsensical narrative (as much as I've forgotten what this "narrative" is in the first place), except to point out that his name is "Blake Lewis" NOT Spoz. I know it seems wildly implausible, but I'm told on good authority that a great many of you lunatics have actually confused this shaggy haired neanderthal for me in recent weeks (ok maybe I can see your point) so much so he's been scamming himself free entry into The Ed Castle under false pretenses (or maybe he accidently scored it ONCE only to realise it was free entry into THE ED CASTLE and HA HA HA seriously who'd ever want to go there!?) and he's even had entire conversations with people I know at The Exeter who really should've known better than to confuse us. Which is why I possibly took THIS photo in the hopes you'd be able to distinguish between us in the future. And before you dare ask me that follow up question? he's the one on the left *shit* I mean right.. I mean c'mon, he has a full beard and everything!




And as for why I'm continuing to take photos of him here? well shit duuude.. how often do YOU stumble into your very own real-life bona-fide "doppelganger" on a night out, only to NOT notice that freaky "resemblance" for a full six months or so (I mean if it helps he's maybe a few inches shorter than me?) until you're SO dribbingly drunk on a night like this (well beyond the point you could even recognise your own reflection) that it's practically staring you right in the face? "WHOAAA FUCK!! if this ain't conclusive proof that "Bigfoot" exists and walks among us.. I dunno what IS!?".



1:21AM - Yup somewhere between here and there (and yes I do realise only one minute has actually passed in between) I've clearly lost the last remaining shred of my "sanity". As much as I had very little of it to begin with (and it's possibly the only reason why you read this ridiculous blog in the first place). All of it completely unrelated to just how "humid" it is tonight (a lame excuse if ever I concocted one) or for the fact I've had little more than five hours sleep to tide me over for the past five nights running compounding my "mad dribbling state of delerium" here (I mean shit duuude.. isn't that normal for me now!?) nope I'm totally blaming alcohol! YEAAAS!! binge drinking is wrong people, OH SO VERY WRONG and yet oh so hilariously entertaining when you take upteen photos to justify it (which is why I'll likely repeat it next week). I mean what the HELL are both me and Andrew Marshall from the 20th Century Graduates doing in this photo and why am I taking it? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS!? but I think we can all agree, we'd all be so much the "poorer" without it!



1:23AM - But of course being the "retarded moth" that I am right now (and believe me ALL my brain keeps thinking is "WOOOHEHEHeHAhAhA EVERYTHING'S SO BRIGHT AND SHINY!!") I couldn't help but KEEP taking photos here despite none of them having any relation to just about anything at all (let alone any kind of album launch I'd long since forgotten about.. ooops!) something which I don't doubt provided endless "amusement" for just about everyone around me tonight, as much as they likely secretly "fantasized" about beating me half to death with the blunt end of a fire extinguisher (oh I'm sure barstaff and security at Jive would totally turn a blind eye to that shit too.. HA HA HA OOOH THEY "LOVE" ME HERE!!). A thought I don't doubt was shared by both Dougie and Simone just now, openly discussing this shit in front of me (and how best to dispose of the "body" afterwards) safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't understand a single word they're saying.



2:29AM - And then a full hour later I "mysteriously" find myself here at Supermild (yeaaah BIG "mystery" there). And of course I could begin to tell you in some wildly elaborate and insane (and in no way wildly fanciful) story how I came to be here: how I cheated death and woke up headfirst in a dumpster out the back of Jive's carpark (or possibly "respawned" with a full health bar like some retardedarse video game character.. woooo!) after next to everyone in there finally enacted their timely "revenge" on me for years of hilarious blogging abuse, laughing hysterically all the while with pitchforks and burning torches, only to drink themselves silly in a victory dance against all the "forces of daftness" at La Sing (it's where all the cool kids go to celebrate a wildly successful launch party dontcha know.. all except that one time I went there). Because at the very least it'd be a whole lot more entertaining than what REALLY happened: I went to The Ed Castle, it bored me silly for the entire hour I was in there and then I went to Supermild.. WHOOP-DI-FUCKING DOO!!



2:44AM - Of course short of drinking myself into a medical text book or two (or possibly a bona-fide "medical cadaver" if I kept drinking at this rate) it wasn't all that wildly entertaining to be in Supermild either (as much as I wouldn't remember shit of it, even if it WAS) and as much as I could figure it? it was possibly due to next to everyone I'd usually know in here (aka: your stock standard "fashionista" A-Z of Adelaide's most artfully aloof and a sixpack of Lucys to keep things interesting) were otherwise cursed with about a billion and one uni exams to cram for.. and yes I DO realise it's a little odd for me to know that shit, especially considering I'm in my mid thirties here and I really should have more important things to do in life.. "yeaaah well what about mature age students then? EDUCATION IS FOR LIFE YO!!" (aaaah shut the fuck up!). But at the very least Supermild quickly made up for the "glaring shortfall" by providing me with THESE colourful idiots: W Shane and Ryan W who were very much partying on the same wavelength as me tonight, and by "wavelength" I clearly mean a total flatline and a sustained "eeeeee" on an EEG. GOOOD TIMES!!




(and no that SO isn't me there, it's Blake Lewis.. that rat bastard's ruining my reputation I swear!)



3:20AM - All of which.. the hooting, the shrieking, the faeces flinging and lighting of each other's farts (as much as I'd half imagine it) proving to be endlessly "entertaining" to both Johandré and Simone here: as you can clearly tell from their wildly enthused facial expressions. Ones which in no way imply that they're secretly wishing Simone DID brain me with that fire extinguisher back at Jive when she had half the chance.. HA HA HA hell no, they're having the "time of their lives" I swear!



3:50AM - Eventually however it was all too much for Simone to handle: as clearly she hadn't been drinking nearly enough to find the humour in all this insanity (ie: cue the sound of 21 toilets flushing in a row and you'd be dead on the money here) which is a little "odd" because I'm pretty sure she was drinking nearly as much as I was (possibly minus the funnel), and yet she was STILL sober after all this!? WHOAAA FUCK, MIND TOTALLY BLOWN!! Either way, moments after I took this photo? (possibly the last in a series of hundreds laughing my arse off like it was the funniest shit ever) she has a fullblown nervous breakdown, or perhaps she just sneezed (hard to read the signs sometimes) and she had to flee "screaming" in search of the nearest taxi the fuck out of there..



Only to leave me Noodles here as a "parting gift".. possibly to remind me that (a) yes she IS all kinds of randomly shitcrazy (and possibly the best sidekick you could ever ask for in tagging along on a retarding drunken fender bender like this AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!) and (b) I was maybe being a teeny bit of a "jackass" to her tonight? Ooops! I am truly the WORST friend in the world aren't I!? YOUUU BETCHA!! (for all the "hilarious reasons" that I've long since regrettably forgotten too.. ummm?) but at the very least I totally have a teeny tiny toy donkey now.. so YAY for me!



5:16AM - Of course I was totally oblivious to all that shit at the time. In fact it totally freaked me the fuck out when I discovered that donkey in my pockets the next day: along with two cigarette lighters (what the crap!? and I don't even smoke!), a metallic "letter S", one complimentary "admit two" pass to see Knight And Day (pfft.. it's got Tom Cruise in it!? NO WONDER I NEVER SAW IT!), a dozen odd gig flyers from the past few months (to shows I quite likely didn't attend), a plastic toy soldier that I apparently stole from the 20th Century Graduate's EP launch back in August, and a copy of The Honey Pies album "Think Of England" that I somehow scored for free (which I totally recommend you go buy a copy of too: I've been spinning it nonstop for the past few days and IT'S FREAKING GOLD!!). In fact all that I remember from the past two hours was that I drank two long necks of Coopers Pale (and the second was a bit of a struggle to finish believe me!) I did a very effective impersonation of an elephant seal (at least I sure as shit felt like one) only to eventually waddle out that door well after closing and head first into the nearest ambulance or waiting hearse to speed me "home". Seriously it's like they say in The Hitchhikers Guide The Galaxy, where they say the secret to flying is in "learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss"? sometimes I drink in the same way! And to think I didn't even wake up Saturday with a hangover!? FUUUCK!!



Yup sometimes you just have one of those nights where you're not all there, where your "finely chiselled likeness" has been replaced by a knuckle dragging troglodyte, a cardboard cutout, a spastic hologram, astral projection or some oddball doppelganger by the name of "Blake Lewis" that everyone swears IS you (that totally wasn't the end result of a "few lazy hours" dicking about with Photoshop) fuck it either way? you know it's not YOU because you're long gone maaan! In fact you may not have even left the house in the first place and it's totally someone else's fault that all this shit ever happened. HA HA HA of course it is.. I'M TOTALLY INNOCENT I SWEAR!! Or at least it WOULD'VE BEEN if it weren't for the fact that the photos on your camera's memory card ultimately betray you, and no amount of deleting the most incriminating evidence (who me!?) is ever gonna disguise the fact that even a seasoned (nay pickled) "professional" like you will occassionally have a night out on a piss that'll totally make a fool of you. And yes THIS was definitely one of those nights. Sure I doubt it was the worst, at least it can't be as bad as I imagined it (I mean just look at all those "shit hot" live photos I got!? I'M FREAKING BADASS!), as much as I feel the need to apologise to just about everyone for it (no really Simone.. it was bad wasn't it? OOOOH CRAP!!) but those are the odds you're dealt. Sometimes a night plays out like a Stradivarius, sometimes it ends up with a stencilled outline, an impact crater and a few frantic days of "damage control". And without those retarded risks to play with? ooooh trust me.. the rewards wouldn't ever be as rich!

Previously on Spoz's Rant: Matt Banham + Sarah Chadwick + Shame Spiral

:: Spoz 2:48 PM |
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