:: SPOZ's RANT ::

The Adelaide music scene: to many of you it might be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctioning splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
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[::..latest blogs..::]
:: "BENDER IN
THE BEER GARDEN"
with GREAT GABLE,
ATTILA MY HONEY,
CHINESE NEW YEAR,
BERMUDA BAY and
THE ROYAL GALA
:: GRACE: THE SONGS
OF JEFF BUCKLEY,
and SONS OF ZOKU
(Fringe Festival)
:: ROGUE ROMANTIC
(Fringe Festival)
:: BAD LUCK CABARET
(Fringe Festival)
:: MIO, FACEMEAT -
A ROCK OPERA, and
LITTLE CAPTAIN
(Fringe Festival)
:: HALL OF FAME ::
:: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES** :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ARTAX MISSION :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND* :: BOOSTER :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CIRCLE CLAN :: COERCE :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CONCHILLIA :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: DOUBLE HANDED* :: THE DUNES :: EGYPT :: ENCARTA / COLONEL KERNEL** :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA FIRE!*** :: FRIENDS :: GLASS SKIES :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT* :: THE HONEY PIES** :: HORROR MY FRIEND* :: ISLE OF VISION :: JUNGLE CITY :: KAMIKAZE :: THE KEEPSAKES* :: THE KILLGIRLS*** :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: LADY STRANGELOVE** :: LEADER CHEETAH* :: LIKE LEAVES** :: LUMONICS* :: LYLA :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS*** :: MERE THEORY :: MORALS OF A MINOR* :: THE MOTIVE :: MR WEDNESDAY** :: NO THROUGH ROAD*** :: QUIET CHILD :: QUIET IN THE LAB! :: REALIST FEW :: RIDE INTO THE SUN** :: THE SEA THIEVES* :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS* :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY*** :: SKELETONS :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE* :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SPARKSPITTER* :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: STEERING BY STARS* :: SWIMMING :: TEA :: THE TIMBERS :: TONY FONT SHOW** :: TRACER :: THE TRANSATLANTICS** :: TWO SUNS :: TYGER TYGER* :: THE VILLENETTES* :: WEST THEBARTON BROTHEL PARTY :: WOLF & CUB** :: ZETA ::
[::..rant awards..::]
:: 2008 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2009 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2010 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2011 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
:: RECOMMENDED ::
[::..global..::]
:: NME
:: SPIN
[::..local..::]
[::..blogosphere..::]
[::..miscellaneous..::]
:: XKCD
:: SITE FEATURES ::
[::..video blogs..::]
[::..festival blogs..::]
:: Fringe Festival 2012
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2013
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2015
- 1 | 2
| 3 | 4 |
5
| 6 | 7 | 8
:: Fringe Festival 2017
- 1 |
2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
[::..b&w episodes..::]
:: A Winter Wonderland
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
:: In Limbo - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
:: B&W July 2012 - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
[::..special features..::]
:: ARTIST INDEX ::
:: !!! :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES (DUET) :: 200 MOTELS :: 4 KINGS LOUD :: 4 VOICE :: 67 SPECIAL :: 78 SAAB :: A.B. ORIGINAL :: A BASKET OF MAMMOTHS :: A.D.K.O.B. :: A RED DAWN :: AAARRR! ALL ABOARD FOR PIRATEY VARIETY :: AARON THOMAS :: ABBEY HOWLETT :: ABBEY HOWLETT & THE GOLDEN REALM :: ABLACKWELL :: ACID MOUNTAIN :: ACROSS THE ATLAS :: ADALITA :: ADAM PAGE :: ADELAIDE'S PIPE GUY :: ADNAAN BARAKY :: ADRIAN BELEW :: ADRIAN DEUTSCH :: AFFAIRS OF MEN :: AFI :: AFTER THE FALL :: AIRBOURNE :: ALANA JAGT :: ALARM BIRDS & THE SEA THIEVES :: ALIAS & THE JAMS :: ALITHIA :: ALL FLIGHT CREW ARE DEAD :: ALL MADE OF RUBIES :: ALL NIGHT GIRLS :: ALMA KALORAMA :: ALPEN :: ALPHA BETA FOX :: ALPHABETTE :: ALPINE :: ALUKA :: AMBUSH MARKETING :: THE AMCATS :: AMUNDSENS FLAG :: ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HARUM :: ANDREW P. STREET :: ANDY BULL :: ANDY ROBERTS :: ANGEL & THE BADMAN :: ANGEL EYES :: ANGEL OLSEN :: ANGELIK :: ANGELS OF GUNG-HO :: ANGIE HART :: ANIMAL SHADOWS :: ANIMAL TRAPS :: ANNIE BASS :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ANNY DUFF :: ANTHONY ANT :: ANTHONY WIGNALL :: ANTONY OF THE FUTURE :: ANYA ANASTASIA :: ANYA ANASTASIA & THE BIRD WIZDOM CABARET :: ANYA MCNICOL-WINDRAM :: THE APE :: APHELION :: APPOMATTOX RUN :: ARAKEYE :: THE ARCADE FIRE :: ARCHERS :: ARCHIE :: ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI :: ARGUS & THE LIAR :: ARIEL PINK'S HAUNTED GRAFFITI :: ARLO COOK :: ARMOUR FOU :: ARRAY :: ART OF ESCAPE :: THE ART OF FLYING KITES :: ARTAX MISSION :: AS THE PENNY DROPS :: THE ASTEROID BELT :: THE ATLANTIC STREET BAND :: ATLASIS & AMICA :: ATTILA MY HONEY :: ATTONBITUS :: AUBERON DANCE ACADEMY :: AUDIUM :: THE AUDREYS :: AUGUSTE :: AURA FORM :: AURORA :: THE AUTHENTIC REPLICAS :: AUXILLA :: AVANT GARDENERS :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: AWKWARD LOVE TRIANGLE :: BABES ARE WOLVES :: BABYLON BURNING :: BAD//DREEMS :: BACHELOR OF ARTS :: BACHELORETTE :: BACK$EAT ROMEOS :: BAD LUCK CABARET :: THE BAKER SUITE :: THE BAKER'S DIGEST :: BAKEWELL STREET :: BALL PARK MUSIC :: BANG! BANG! AIDS! :: BANJO JACKSON :: BANJO WEATHERALD :: BANOFFEE :: BARCODE :: THE BARON :: THE BARONS OF TANG :: BASEBALL :: THE BASKERVILLES :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: BAT FOR LASHES :: BATPISS :: BATRIDER :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BATTLEHOUNDS :: BATTLE POPE :: BATTLES :: BEACH HOUSE :: BEANIE MY FRIEND :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND :: THE BEARDS :: THE BEASTIE BOYS :: BED WETTER :: BEDHEAD :: THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER & HIS AWKWARDSTRA :: THE BEERBELLY BUSKERS :: BEFORE THE AFTERMATH :: BELITTLE LEAGUE :: THE BELLE CURVE :: THE BELLRAYS :: BELOVED ELK :: BEN GEL & THE BONEYARD SAINTS :: BEN ELY'S RADIO 5 :: BEN REVI :: BEN REVI ALL-STAR REVIVAL BAND :: BERMUDA BAY :: BETTY AIRS :: BIG BAD BARRY & THE DEAD SETS :: BIG DADDY'S DISCOTHEQUE :: BIG RICHARD INSECT :: BIG SCARY :: BIG SKY THEORY :: BIG YAWN :: BILLY BISHOP GOES TO WAR :: BILLY BOB'S BBQ JAM BAND :: BING GOES TO MONACO :: BINKY & THE BUNG MICS :: THE BIRD :: BIRD WIZDOM :: BIRTHGLOW :: BIT BY BATS :: BITCH PREFECT :: THE BITTER DARLINGS :: BITTER SWEET KICKS :: BJORK :: BLACK GOLD :: BLACK LIPS :: BLACKCHORDS :: THE BLACK AND WHITE :: BLACK CORAL :: THE BLACK DOVES :: BLACK KNIGHT :: BLAKE SABAN 3 :: BLAST RHOMBUS :: BLEEDING KNEES CLUB :: THESE BLESSED BONES :: THE BLIND HERD :: BLISTERED PALMS :: BLOOD PLASTIC :: BLOODHOUNDS ON MY TRAIL :: BLOW UP BETTY :: THE BLUEBERRIES :: BLUEJUICE :: BLUSH RESPONSE :: BOB DOWNE :: BOB LOG III :: BODY HORROR :: BOHOEFFER :: THE BON SCOTTS :: BOOSTER :: THE BORDERLAND :: BOS :: THE BOTTLEROCKETS :: BOX ELDER :: THE BOX ROCKETS :: THE BRIAN JONESTOWN MASSACRE :: BRENDAWG & THE DROID :: BRIANNA MAHONEY :: BRIARS :: BRILLIG :: BRITISH INDIA :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS (DUO) :: BRONZE CHARIOT :: BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE :: BROKERS :: BROTHERSISTER :: THE BROUHAHA :: BRUNATEX :: BUFFALO BOYFRIEND :: THE BUMBLEBEEZ :: BURAKA SOM SISTEMA :: BURIED FEATHER :: BURLESQUE BEAUTIES :: BURN THE ASHES :: THE BURNING SEA :: BURNING TOWER :: BURNSIDE MUMS :: BUSHIDO :: BUSTER FIDEZ :: BYE BYE MOUNTAIN :: THE BYZANTINES :: CABBAGE & KINGS :: CABIN CULTS :: CAL WILLIAMS JNR :: CALIFORNIA COUSIN :: CALLERDENIGHT :: CALLING ALL CARS :: CAM GOODALL :: CAMEROM MCTERNAN :: CAMP COPE :: CANDIDA :: CANIDAE :: CANIS VULPES :: CAPTAIN CLEANOFF :: CAPTAIN HELLFIRE & THE WRETCHED BRETHREN :: THE CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY :: CAPTIVES :: CAR SEAT HEADREST :: CARLA LIPPIS & THE MARTIAL HEARTS :: THE CASIO BROTHERS :: CASKET CASE :: CASS McCOMBS :: CASSETTE KIDS :: CAT DOG BIRD :: CAT PARTY :: CENTAURZ :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CERES :: CESARE :: CHAPMAN STREET :: CHARLIE MONSOON :: CHASING PHOENIX :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CHERRY GRIND :: THE CHEVRON WHORES :: CHÉRIE DE KLERK :: CHILD :: CHILDREN COLLIDE :: CHINESE NEW YEAR :: CHRIS FINNEN :: CHORAL GRIEF :: CHVRCHES :: CIARAM GRANGER :: CIRCLE CLAN :: CIRCUS ARCADE :: THE CITRADELS :: CITRUS JAM :: CITY CALM DOWN :: CITY RIOTS :: CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH :: THE CLIQUE :: CLOUD CONTROL :: CLOUD NOTHINGS :: THE CLOWNS OF DECADENCE :: CLUE TO KALO :: COBRA :: COCK :: COERCE :: COG :: COLLARBONES :: COLLIDE/ESCAPE :: COLLIDER :: COLONEL KERNEL :: COLORBLIND :: COLOURISE :: CONCHILLIA :: CONSOLE WARRIORS :: COOKIE BAKER :: COOKIE BAKER & HER SPECIAL SECRET SPELLS :: COOL JUMPER :: COOL JUMPER & TANTIVY FAIR :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CORPUS :: CORTEZ :: COSMO BLACK :: COSMO THUNDERCAT :: COSMO THUNDERCAT (DUO) :: COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR :: COY CARP :: CRACKWHORE :: THE CRAYON FIELDS :: CREEPERS :: CRUSTY SUITCASE BAND :: THE CRYING GAME :: CUB SCOUTS :: CURSES :: CUT COPY :: CUT OFF YOUR HANDS :: THE DAIRY BROTHERS :: DAISY BUCHANAN :: DAIYE SPA :: DALLAS FRASCA :: DALLI :: DAMN ARMS :: DAMN TERRAN :: DAMNED MEN :: DAMO SUZUKI NETWORK :: DAN DEVLIN :: DANCE TIL YOU CAN'T SAY YEAH! :: DANGER & PLASTIC :: DANGEROUS! :: DANIEL VARRICCHIO :: DANIELE VILELLA :: DANVERS :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DAPPLED CITIES :: THE DARDANELLES :: THE DARK LIGHTS :: DAS UBBERDUNG :: DAVE PHILLIPS :: DAY RAVIES :: DAYDREAM :: THE DAYLIGHT BRAVES :: DAYSWORTH FIGHTING :: THE DEAD BELLS :: DEAD END FRIENDS :: DEAD FRENCHMEN :: DEAD JOE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DEADLY ARE THE NAKED :: DEAFAULT :: DEAR PLASTIC :: DEEP SEA ARCADE :: THE DEER JOHNS :: DEERHUNTER :: DEJA :: DEJA ENTENDU :: DELIA OBST :: THE DELTA RIGGS :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DESCRIBE ELIZA :: DESERT CROOKS :: A DEVIL AMONGST THE TAILORS :: THE DEVILROCK FOUR :: DEXTER JONES :: DIAMOND SINS :: DIANA SCALZI :: DICK DIVER :: DIE! DIE! DIE! :: DIESEL WITCH :: DIIV :: DIPLOMAT :: DIPSTONE :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: THE DIRTY MONKS :: DIRTY WOLVES :: THE DIVINE FLUXUS :: DIZZEE RASCAL :: DJ KELE OKEREKE :: DJ SHADOW :: DJ SPOZ :: DJANGO ROWE TRIO :: DMA'S :: DOE :: DON MORRISON :: DONNARUMMA :: DOUBLE DENIM :: DOUBLE DRAGON :: DOUBLE HANDED :: DOZERS :: DRAWN FROM BEES :: THE DREAMBOATS :: DRILLER JET ARMSTRONG :: THE DRONES :: DROPLET :: DRUID FLUIDS :: DRUNK MUMS :: DUD PILLS :: DUKES OF WINDSOR :: DUMB EARTH :: DUNE RATS :: THE DUNES :: DUNGEN :: DUSTY LEE :: DUSTY LEE & THE ANGELS OF GUNG HO :: DUSTY LEE'S WASTED WANDERERS :: DZ :: DZ DEATHRAYS :: EAST END VILLAINS :: ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN :: ECHO & THE EMPRESS :: EDDY CURRENT SUPPRESSION RING :: EGYPT :: THE EL CAMINOS :: ELECTRIC WIDOWS :: THE ELEVENTH HOUR :: THE E.L.F. :: EL-P :: ELECTRIC EXILES :: ELEPHANT :: ELLEN KIBBLE :: ELVIS :: EMDEE :: EMERGENCY RULE :: EMILY DAVIS :: EMPERORS :: EMMA HORWOOD :: EMPIRE VAGABOND :: ENCARTA :: ENDLESS NAMELESS :: ENEMY OF :: ENNIS TOLA :: ENVY STREET :: ES IST SUPER :: EVEN :: EXPATRIATE :: THE EXPLODERS :: EXPLODING PLASTIC INEVITABLE :: EZRA HOPE :: FACEMEAT :: FACEMEAT - A ROCK OPERA :: FAITH NO MORE :: FAIR MAIDEN :: THE FAK :: FAKE LAKE :: FAKE TAN :: FASCINATOR :: THE FAT SACK :: FAT TAILED ANTICHINUS :: FAVOUR THE BRAVE :: FEAR AND LOATHING :: THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS :: FEIST :: FEMME FATALES :: FERGUS O'REGAN :: FEZ FAANANA :: FIGHTERPILOT :: A FILM FOR THE FUTURE :: FILTHY LUCRE :: THE FINISHING SCHOOL :: FINNEN & DAVIDSON :: THE FINNS :: FIRS :: FISHING WITH HENRY :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA, FIRE! :: FIST PUMP, FIST BUMP :: FISTFUL OF TROJANS :: FLEUR GREEN :: FKA TWIGS :: THE FLEEING MINDS :: THE FLOORS :: FLORENCE & THE MACHINE :: FLUME :: THE FOLKO-OH-NOES :: FONT PLAYS FONT :: FORCES :: FOREIGN/NATIONAL :: FOREST OF GNOMES :: FORMER CHILD STARS :: FOX FAEHRMANN :: FOXX ON FIRE :: FRANZ FERDINAND :: FRAUD MILLIONAIRES :: FREESTATE :: FRESH KILLS :: FRIDAY'S FOX :: FRIENDS :: FROM THE DEAD SEA :: FULL CONTACT SAFARI :: THE FUMES :: FUNK LATIN UNION :: FUNKOARS :: FUTURE FARM :: FUTURE ISLANDS :: THE FYOOGS :: GALAPAGOOSE :: GALAXY CAT :: GALLEON :: GAVIN DE ALMEIDA :: GAY PARIS :: THE GELS :: GEMINI DOWNS :: GENERATION SWINE :: GEORDIE LITTLE :: GERMEIN SISTERS :: GG ALAN BINDIG :: GHOST WALK :: GHOUL :: GHYTI :: GHYTI (DUO) :: GHYTI & THE PHILANTHROPIC ORCHESTRA :: GINDIANA BONES AND THE SEVERAL KIDNEYS OF THE UNDERGROUND TRAIN STATION :: GINFOX VS HELLO NEWMAN :: GIRL TALK :: THE GIVEAWAYS :: GLASS :: GLASS DUNES :: GLASS SKIES :: GLASS TOWERS :: GLISK :: GNARLS BARKLEY :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT (Lounge Set) :: GOLD BLOOM :: THE GOOD CHINA :: GOOD BOY :: GOON WIZARRD :: GOTYE :: GRACE: THE SONGS OF JEFF BUCKLEY :: GRACE GOODFELLOW :: GRAFTON PRIMARY :: THE GRAND RAPIDS :: THE GRATES :: GRAVEYARD TRAIN :: GREAT GABLE :: THE GREETING METHOD :: GRENADIERS :: GREY DATURAS :: GRIMES :: GRIMEY :: GROOVE ARMADA :: GROUND COMPONENTS :: THE GROWL :: GUILLAUME SOLO ACOUSTIC :: GUINEAFOWL :: GUN IT :: GÜNTER & THE SAFEWORD :: GYRO :: HAIM :: HAL BIRD :: HALCYON DRIVE :: HALFWAY TO FORTH :: THE HAPPY ENDINGS :: HAPPY SOMETIMES :: HAR MAR SUPERSTAR :: THE HARD ACHES :: HARMLESS HUNTER :: HARMONY :: HARRY FREEMAN :: HARTS :: HAWKS OF ALBA :: HAYSTACKS CALHOON :: HEATH WEBER :: HEKYL :: HELLO, LOVER :: HELLO NEWMAN :: HELMET :: HESTON DROP :: HEY FEVER :: HEY LADY! :: HI, I'M RECLUSIVE AUTHOR THOMAS PYNCHON :: HIGH STAKES :: HIGH TENSION :: HIGH VIOLET :: HIGHTIME :: HILLS & TRAINS :: HIT THE JACKPOT :: THE HOLD STEADY :: THE HOLIDAYS :: HOLOGRAPHIC CHARIZARD :: HOLOGRAPHIC COLTS :: HOLY FUCK :: HOLY HOLY :: THE HOLY SEA :: HOLY SERPENT :: HOME FOR THE DEF :: THE HONEY PIES :: HORROR MY FRIEND :: HOSPITAL THE MUSICAL :: HOT WINGS :: HOUSE OF JADE :: HOWL AT THE MOON :: HOWL 'N BONES :: HOWLING BELLS :: THE HOWLING FOG :: HUMBLE BEE :: HUMMINGBIRD :: HUNGRY KIDS OF HUNGARY :: THE HUNTED CROWS :: HURRICANE JANE :: HURRICANES :: THE HUSHES :: HUXLEY :: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT WEEZER :: I HEART HIROSHIMA :: I, A MAN :: ICE ON MERCURY :: ID :: IGGY POP & THE STOOGES :: IIAH :: ILLICIT EVE :: IMMIGRANT UNION :: IMOGEN BRAVE :: IMPARTIAL :: THE IMPOSSIBLE QUICHE :: THE INCHES :: INDIAGO :: INSTITUT POLAIRE :: INTERCOOLER :: INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF MOJO :: THE INTERNET :: INTERPOL :: INTERZONE EXPRESS :: INTROVERT :: INUETTE :: INWOODS :: IRAAN SANADZADEH :: IRIDIUM :: IRIE KNIGHTS :: THE IRRESPONSIBLES :: ISLE OF CAPRI :: ISLE OF VISION :: IT'S A HOAX :: IT'S A HOAX (INSTRUMENTAL) :: IT'S WARSAW :: IVORY :: J-LO BIAFRA :: J-WAH :: JACK LONDON :: JACKSON FIREBIRD :: JAMES PARRY :: JANE'S ADDICTION :: JAPAM :: JAPANDROIDS :: JAPANTHER :: JARVIS :: JARVIS COCKER :: JASON SIMON (DEAD MEADOW) :: JAY WALKER AND THE PEDESTRIANS :: JAYNE-ANNE POWER :: JEFF MARTIN & TEREPAI RICHMOND :: JESS KENT :: JESS PORTER :: JESSE DAVIDSON :: JESSE FRANCIS :: JESUS CHRIST POSSE :: THE JEZABELS :: JIKA :: JIMMY & THE MIRRORS :: JIMMY EAT WORLD :: JIMMY MARIN :: JIMMY MOUNTAIN :: JOE MCKEE :: JOEL STERN :: JOEL STERN, CURED PINK & TIMOTHY TATE :: THE JOHN STEEL SINGERS :: JON ADDAMS :: JON MARCO :: JON MORTIMER :: JONNY BLIZZARD :: JORDAN TITO :: JOSH CALLIGEROS :: JOURNEY WELL SPACE WIZARD :: JOY & SPARKS :: JP COE & THE DELEGATES :: JUDGE MENTAL :: JUMP! YOU REVOLUTIONARY :: JUNGLE CITY :: JUNGLEMIRE :: JUPITER :: JUPITER (DUO) :: JUPITER LEAD :: KAB SAVVY :: KAHL WALLIS :: KAMIKAZE :: KAMIKAZE TRIO :: KANGAROO SKULL :: KARL MELVIN :: KASABIAN :: KASAVETT :: KATE VIGO & THE UNDERGROUND ORCHESTRA :: KAURNA CRONIN :: KAZKARIV :: THE KEEPSAKES :: KELLIE LLOYD :: KELLY MENHENNETT :: KELSHY :: THE KEMP BROTHERS :: KHAN :: KID SAM :: KIDS IN CULTS :: KIDS WITH TEETH :: KIKUYU :: THE KILL DEVIL HILLS :: KILLER BIRDS :: THE KILLBOT FACTORY :: THE KILLGIRLS :: KING DADDY :: KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD :: KING KRILL :: KING KRULE :: KING OF THE NORTH :: KINGSTON DOWNES :: KINGSWOOD :: KINS :: KIRK SPECIAL :: KIRK WATT :: KITCHEN WITCH :: KITTEN KONG :: KITTYHAWK :: KOI CHILD :: KORAL :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: KRIS WANDERS :: KRISTINA MILTIADOU :: KURT VILE :: KYLIE BRICE TRIO :: KYRI :: KYTES OF OMAR :: LA FEMME LE FEVER :: LADY GUNG-HO & THE ANGELS OF STRANGELOVE :: LADY STRANGELOVE :: THE LADYBEATLES :: LADYHAWKE :: LAHARA :: LANCE LAZER & TALIBAND :: LARSEN :: LAST DAYS OF KALI :: LAST DINOSAURS :: THE LAST SUPPER :: LATE NIGHT MATINEE :: LATER THAT NIGHT :: LAURA HILL :: LAURA IMBRUGLIA :: LAW & DISORDER :: LAZARO'S DOG :: LC3'S :: LEADER CHEETAH :: LEFT :: LEGENDS OF MOTORSPORT :: LEIGHSTARDUST :: THE LEITMOTIF :: LEITMOTIV LIMBO :: LE GATEAU CHOCOLAT :: LEMURIAN :: LENIN MCCARTHY :: LEO :: LEAPING FELIX :: LES SAVY FAV :: THE LEVITATORS :: LIFE IN LETTERS :: LIGHTS :: LIKE KITES :: LIKE LEAVES :: LIL VALENTINE :: LILY MOJITO :: LILLY SIM :: LILLYS RADIO :: LINE HONOURS :: LIPSMACK :: LITTLE BRIDGET :: LITTLE CAPTAIN :: LITTLE DRAGON :: LITTLE ICE AGE :: LITTLE PRINCE :: LITTLE TWO EYES :: THE LIZARDS :: LO! :: LOADED LEOPARD :: LOCAL REVOLUTION :: LOEMAX :: THE LONDON ROAD POETS :: THE LONELINESS OF A MIDDLE DISTANCE RUNNER :: LONELY FIRE :: LONG WALK HOME :: LONI RAE :: LOON LAKE :: LORDE :: LOST COSMONAUT :: THE LOST SHOW :: LOST VALENTINOS :: LOST WOODS :: LOUIS DONNARUMMA :: LOUISE ADAMS :: LOUISE & THE TORNADOS :: LOUISE ADAMS & THE FRINGE DWELLERS :: LOVE CREAM :: THE LOVE JUNKIES :: LOVE OF DIAGRAMS :: LOVE STEREO :: LOVE ZOMBIES :: THE LUCKSMITHS :: LUKE ASHBY BAND :: LUKE CARLINO :: LUKE DUX :: LUKE ESCOMBE :: LUKE EYGENRAAM :: LUKE GOLDING :: THE LUKE LOUIE TRIO :: LUMONICS :: LYLA :: MAC DEMARCO :: MACH PELICAN :: MACKENZIE :: MAD SHAPES :: MADCLASSIC :: MAGGIE & LOUIS :: MAGIC BONES :: THE MAGNETS :: MAKING :: MAMMAL :: MAMMOTH :: MAMMOTH LOGIC :: MANE :: MANI NEUMEIER & THE BITCHES OF ZEUS :: MANOR :: MARCUS COROWA :: MARK CURTIS BAND :: MARCUS WARNECKE & SAM PORTER :: MARDEN :: MARGARET LLOYD & SEB TONKIN :: MARK CURTIS :: MARLA SINGER :: MARY TREMBLES :: MARY WEBB :: MASSIVE :: MASTER'S CURIOUS DELIRIUM :: MATHEMATIC :: MATHIEU WERCHOWSKI :: MATT BANHAM :: MATTHEW BARLOW :: MATT HAYWARD :: MATTHEW MILES :: MAX SAVAGE :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS :: MAYDAY FAIR :: MAYFIELD :: MCKISKO :: MEAKE :: MEANWELL COLLEGE :: THE MEDICS :: MEGAFAUNA :: MENAGERIE :: MERCY ARMS :: MERE THEORY :: THE MESS HALL :: MESSRS :: METHYL ETHEL :: METZ :: MEZZANINE :: MICHAEL STOWERS :: MICK ARMSTRONG, ANDY ARMSTRONG & STAN BASTIRAS :: THE MIDDLE EAST :: MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS :: THE MILTON EXPERIENCE :: MIKE MCKEON :: MIKE RADZEVICIUS :: MIKE TILBROOK :: MIKEY (EX ARTAX MISSION) :: MINDSHOWER :: MIO :: MIRRORLINE :: THE MISCHIEF :: MISCHIEF THE CAT :: MISS GOLLY GOSH :: MISS RENEE SIMONE :: THE MISSION IN MOTION :: MM9 :: MOGERLAINE :: THE MOLTING VULTURES :: MOMOKO SODA :: MONA LISA OVERDRIVE :: MONDO PHASE BAND :: MONEY FOR ROPE :: THE MONIKERS :: MONKEY PUZZLE TREE :: THE MONSTER SOCIETY OF EVIL :: MOODY BELLES :: MOONFAKER :: MOONHUNTER :: MORALS OF A MINOR :: THE MORNING AFTER GIRLS :: MOTHER'S CAKE :: THE MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS :: MOTHERSLUG :: THE MOTIVE :: MOTOWN CONNECTION :: MOUNTAIN STATIC :: MOUNTAIN STRANGER :: MOUNTAINS IN THE SKY :: MOUNTBATTEN :: MOURGOS GRUND :: THE MOURNING SONS :: MOVE TO STRIKE :: MOVIN' MELVIN BROWN :: MR ROSEWATER :: MR WEDNESDAY :: MUM'S TENNIS FRIENDS :: MUMFORD & SONS :: MUNCHKIN :: MUSCLE CAR VS HIGH STAKES :: MUSTERED COURAGE :: MUTEMATH :: MY DISCO :: MY SISTER THE COP :: MYLES MAYO :: N.A.S.A. :: NAKATOMI :: NAOMI KEYTE :: NAOMI KEYTE & TANNON KEW :: NATHAN KAYE :: NAZZ AND THE RED PONIES :: NEO FIX :: NEOHIP :: NEON BOGART :: NEON ELECTRIC :: NEREEDA :: NERVOUS GERBAL :: THE NEW CABAL :: NEW PANTS :: NEW POLLUTANTS :: NEW TRANSLATION :: NICK MURPHY :: THE NEW VAGUE :: NEW WHITE SNEAKERS :: NEW YORK DOLLS :: NEWTONHEATH :: NICHOLAS ALLBROOK :: NICKER TEENS :: NIGEL KOOP & STEVIE BEE :: NIKAI :: NIKKO :: NIKKO & SNOOKS :: NITIDUS :: NO BIRDS :: NO THROUGH ROAD :: NO ZU :: NOBODY KNEW THEY WERE ROBOTS :: THE NOVOCAINES :: NUVO :: THE NYMPHS :: O' LITTLE SISTER :: THE OCEAN PARTY :: OCEANICS :: ODYSSEY :: THE OFFCUTS :: OH MERCY :: OH MINOR :: OH MY GUARD! :: OISIMA :: OKKERVIL RIVER :: OLD MATE :: OLIVERS ARMY :: OLLIE ENGLISH :: OLLY HOLMES :: ONE THOUSAND COUPLES :: ONION :: ONLY OBJECTS :: ONNIE ART :: THE ORBWEAVERS :: ORELIA :: THE OSCILLATORS :: OSH10 :: OVERVIEW EFFECT :: OWLS OF THE SWAMP :: PABLO LIBIDO & THE WHITE ROBOTS :: PAIGE RENEE COURT :: PALACE OF THE KING :: PALEFACE :: THE PANDA BAND :: PANOPTIQUE ELECTRICAL :: PAPA VS PRETTY :: PAPER ARMS :: THE PAPER SCISSORS :: PARADES :: PARTY :: PATRIARCHAL DEATH MACHINE :: PATRICK SARACINO :: PEACHES & HERM :: PEABODY :: PENELOPE SUICIDE :: PENNY IKINGER :: PERFECT PUSSY :: PERSIA & THE GEORGE GRIFSAS QUARTET :: THE PET SHOP BOYS :: PETER COMBE :: THE PHARAOHS :: PHILADELPHIA GRAND JURY :: THE PHOBIAS :: PHOENIX :: PIMPIN' HORUS :: PINK NOISE GENERATOR :: PINKY BEECROFT & THE WHITE RUSSIANS :: PISTOL SHRIMP :: THE PITS :: PIVOT :: THE PIXIES :: PLACEBO :: THE PLEASURE OF BOOKS :: PLUG IN CITY :: PNAU :: POCKET ACE :: POETIKOOL JUSTICE :: POLY & THE STATICS :: POND :: PONY DANCE :: PONYTAIL KINK :: THE POP-UPS :: POPY JANE :: POPEYE & OLIVE OYL :: PORCHLIGHT PARADE :: POST DEATH POST :: THE PRESETS :: PRESTON'S HISTORIC PUNCH & JUDY SHOW :: PRINCE RAMA :: PRINCESS ONE POINT FIVE :: PROBLEMS :: THE PRODIGY :: THE PRO-TOOLS :: THE PROPHETS OF IMPENDING DOOM :: PSYCHEDELIC P*RN CRUMPETS :: THE PSYCHONAUTS :: PUNK JAZZ MONORAIL :: PURITY RING :: PUT DOWNS :: QUA :: QUANTUM CHAOS :: QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE :: QUEST :: QUESTION QUESTION :: QUIET CHILD :: QUIET IN THE LAB! :: RACHEL CEARNS :: RACHEL CEARNS & THE VALKYRIES :: RADIANT CITY :: RADIO SPECTACULAR!!! :: RADIO STAR :: RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE :: THE RAGING POPULATION :: RAINDROP :: RAPID TRANSPORT :: THE RAPTURE :: RAT TA'MANGO :: RAUCOUSTRA :: RAURY :: THE RAVEONETTES :: THE READYMADES :: REALIST FEW :: REALM :: RED APPARITION :: RED COATS :: RED DESERT OCEAN :: THE RED EARTH BLUES BAND :: RED INK :: THE RED PAINTINGS :: RED SEA :: THE RED SUN BAND :: REGULAR JOHN :: REGURGITATOR :: RELYING ON LUCK :: REJUSA :: THE REMEMBERZ :: RENDEZVOUS WITH RAMA :: THE REPROBETTES :: REPTILES :: RICH DAVIES & AYLEEN O'HANLON :: RICHARD IN YOUR MIND :: RICOCHET PETE :: RIDE INTO THE SUN :: RIN MCARDLE :: RIN & THE RECKLESS :: RINCON :: RINGO STALIN :: RIOT RUNNERS :: RISEMANN :: RITES WILD :: RIVER OF SNAKES :: ROBOTOSAURUS :: ROCKET SCIENCE :: THE ROCKETEERS :: ROGER THAT :: ROGUE ROMANTIC :: THE ROLLERCANES :: RON THE OX :: THE ROOFTOPS :: ROOK :: RORY O'CONNOR :: ROSS DE CHENE HURRICANES :: ROTE MARE :: ROYAL BLOOD :: THE ROYAL GALA :: ROYAL HEADACHE :: THE RUBENS :: RULE OF THIRDS :: THE RULES :: RUN THE JEWELS :: RUNNING WITH HORSES :: RUNZELSTIRM & GURGLESTOCK :: RUSSIA :: RUSSIAN TEAMMATE :: RYAN MEEKING & THE FEW :: RYAN OLIVER :: SAILMAKER :: SAILORS AND SWINE :: SAINT HUCK :: THE SALVADORS :: SAM WOOLFORD :: SAMPA THE GREAT :: SAN CISCO :: SARAH BLASKO :: SARAH CHADWICK :: SASHA MARCH :: SASHA MARSH & THE DAWNHORSE :: SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS :: SATIN HAREM :: SAUL WILLIAMS :: SAVAGES :: SAVING SAVANAH :: THE SCARE :: THE SCARLET IVES :: SCHOOL OF RADIANT LIVING :: SCREAMING GIBBON :: THE SEA THIEVES :: SEA URCHIN & ALLIES :: SEABELLIES :: SEAMUS ANTHONY :: SEAN DESMOND :: SEAN KEMP :: SECRETS IN SCALE :: SEEKAE :: SERENDIPITY :: THE SERRA :: SEVENTEEN FIFTY SEVEN :: SEX ON TOAST :: SEX WIZARD :: SEX UNCLE :: SEXUAL DAD :: THE SHADOW LEAGUE :: SHADOWQUEEN :: THE SHAKE UP :: SHAMAN SON :: SHAME SPIRAL :: THE SHAOLIN AFRONAUTS :: SHAPES DIVIDE :: SHARK IN THE DARK :: SHE SAID YOU :: SHE'S THE BAND :: SHILOH :: THE SHINE :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS :: SHIVERS :: SHOJI HANO :: SIAMESE :: SIANNA LEE :: SIDEWALKS :: S.I.G.I.T. :: SILENT DUCK :: THE SILENTS :: SIMON & JENNY :: SIMON ABERLE :: SIN CITY :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY :: SIR GERBIL :: SISTER ROSE :: SITARA :: SKELETONS :: SKIES :: SKIPPING GIRL VINEGAR :: SKYBOMBERS :: SKYTHIEF :: SKYE HARBOUR :: SLAMAGOTCHI :: SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY :: SLEEP PARADE :: SLEEPTALKER :: THE SLEEPY JACKSON :: SLICK ARNOLD :: SLINGSHOT DRAGSTER :: THE SLOE RUIN :: SLY HATS :: SMALL AFFAIRS :: SMASHING PUMPKINS :: SMILE :: THE SMITH STREET BAND :: SNAKADAKTAL :: SNAP TO ZERO :: THE SNOWDROPPERS :: SNOWMAN :: ...SO YEAH :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE :: SOJOURN :: SOMNIUM (2016) :: SOMMNIUM (2007) :: SONATINE :: SONIC DEATH MONKEY :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SOURSOP :: SOUTH FROM SOMEWHERE :: SOUTHPOOR :: SPANK ROCK :: SPARKSPITTER :: SPARTAK :: SPECIAL PATROL :: SPEED MACHINE :: SPILT CITIES :: SPINDICKLE :: SPINE :: THE SPIRES :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: ST. VINCENT :: STABBITHA & THE KNIFEY WIFEYS :: STANDARD UNION :: STARS :: STARS YOUNG :: THE STEADY ONS :: STEEL TIGER :: STEERING BY STARS :: STEREOLAB :: STEVE SMYTH :: THE STIFFYS :: THE STILL MOVEMENT :: STONEFIELD :: STOP SAYING HELICOPTER :: THE STORM WILL COVER OUR TRACKS :: STRAIGHT TO VIDEO :: STREETLIGHT :: STREGA :: SUBAUDIBLE HUMM :: SUBMERGE :: SUBTRACT S :: SUBURBAN STANDOFF :: SUGAR ARMY :: SUMI :: SUMMER BLOOD :: SUMMER FLAKE :: THE SUN AND THE SKY :: THE SUNBIRDS :: THE SUNDANCE KIDS :: SUNK LOTO :: SUNSETTLER :: SUPER XX MAN :: SUPERBEE :: SUPERCAINE :: SUPERCAINE DUO :: SUPERCAINE DUO (with DUSTY LEE STEPHENSEN) :: THE SUPERGROUPATOOS :: SUPERPHATASS :: SURES :: SURFER ROSA :: SURVIVING SHARKS :: SUZI STAPLETON :: SWAYBACK :: SWEEPER :: THE SWEET DECLINE :: SWIMMING :: SWIMSUIT :: THE SWISS :: SWORDS :: SXWZD :: SYDONIA :: THE SYSTEMADDICTS :: SYSTEM OF A DOWN :: TABULA RASA :: TALL TALL TREES :: TALVIN SINGH :: TAME IMPALA :: TANTALUM :: THE TANUKI SUIT :: TASH SULTANA :: TAUGHT BY ANIMALS :: TEA :: THE TEDDY ROYALS :: TEENAGE CRIME :: TEENAGERSINTOKYO :: TELEPROMPTER :: TEMPER TRAP :: TEMPORAL LOBE :: THE TEMPS :: TERRA FIRMA :: THANES :: THELMA PLUM :: THEM PLASMS :: THEM SWOOPS :: THESE WILD ANIMALS :: THE THIEVES :: THIS CITY SUNRISE :: THOSE MAGNIFICENT SCREAMING BASTARDS :: TIERSMAN :: THE TIM MCMILLAN BAND :: TIM MOORE :: THE TIMBERS :: THE TIMBERS TRIO :: TINY CONSPIRACY :: TINY SPIDERS :: THEE OH SEES :: THOM LION & THE TAMERS :: THOMAS CAPOGRECO :: THRASHBOARD :: THUNDERCLAW :: TIGER CHOIR :: TIGER ET GHOST :: TKAY & BADCOP :: TKAY MAIDZA :: TODD SIBBIN :: TODD SIBBIN & THE ACADIAN DRIFTWOOD :: TODD SIBBINS & THE OPPOSITE ENDS :: TOKYO CITY SEX SHOOTERS :: DJ TOM LOUD :: TOM CAPOGRECO & DUNCAN CAMPBELL :: TOM SMITH :: TOM WEST :: TOM WEST & TODD SIBBIN :: TOM THUM :: TOM UGLY :: TOMORROW IS :: TONY FONT SHOW :: TOOL :: TORK :: THE TORRENS :: TORTE E MORT :: THE TOSS :: TOTALLY UNICORN :: THE TOUCH :: TOUGH BOYS :: TOXIC SHOCK :: TRACER :: THE TRAFALGARS :: THE TRANSATLANTICS :: TRANSPORT :: TRASH CITY :: TRAVELLER & FORTUNE :: TREETOPS :: TRENT WORLEY :: TRICIA CATFORD :: THE TRIPPING LILIES :: TRIXIE PLAIN :: TRUCE :: TRUCE & THE COLONEL :: TRUCKFIGHTERS :: TRUTH CORRODED :: TTTDC :: TUMBLEWEED :: TUSCADERO :: THE TWOKS :: TWO SUNS :: TWO WAY RADIO :: TYCHO :: TYGER TYGER :: TYRESWANS :: TZU :: UK SPECIAL :: UNCLE CHUNK :: UNCUT WHITE NOISE :: UNKLE :: UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA :: UNPAID DEPT :: THE UNSET :: UNSPOKEN THINGS :: URTEKK :: VALENTIINE :: VALIANT JONES :: VALKYRIES :: THE VAMPIRE PROJECT :: VAN CLEEF :: VAN SHE :: VANE OF BARBS :: VANILLA ICE :: THE VANITY CURE :: VANITY ERA :: VARLIIBA :: THE VASCO ERA :: THE VENICE WHALERS :: VENTOLIN :: VERONA LIGHTS :: THE VILLENETTES :: THE VILLENETTES (DUO) :: THE VINES :: THE VIOLET CRAMS :: VIOLENT SOHO :: VIRTUE :: VNB :: THE VOLUME :: VOLUME = COLOUR :: VOWEL MOVEMENT :: VOXANGELICA :: WALTER MARSH :: WARPAINT :: THE WARRING SIGHS :: THE WARSAW FLOWERS :: THE WARSAW PACT :: WASHINGTON :: WASTED WANDERERS :: THE WATERSLIDES :: WE ALL WANT TO :: WE AS ART, WE AS ARTISTS :: WE GROW UP :: WEED CAPITAL :: THE WEEVILS :: WEST THEBARTON BROTHEL PARTY :: WHERE WERE YOU AT LUNCH :: THE WHISKEY GO GO'S :: THE WHISPERERS :: WHITE LUNG :: WHITE RHINO :: THE WHITE STRIPES :: WILD OATS :: THE WILD THINGS :: WILEY RED FOX :: THE WILLIAM STREET STRIKERS :: WILLIE MCRAE BAND :: THE WINTER GYPSY :: WINTER'S LAMENT :: WINTERCOATS :: WINTERMILD :: WIREHEADS :: THE WITCH :: WITCH HATS :: WOE :: WOLF & CUB :: WOLFMOTHER :: WOMEN MOVING FURNITURE :: THE WOOHOO REVUE :: THE WOOLCOCKS :: WORLD WILD :: WYLDE THROE :: THE X O EXES :: XANGO :: XL VISION :: THE XX :: YANKEE MACHINE :: YEASAYER :: YOSSARIAN :: YOUNG AND RESTLESS :: YOUNG HEARTS FAIL :: YOUNG OFFENDERS :: YOUNG RIVER & THE VULTURES OF VIRTUE :: YOUTH & WONDER :: YOUR MOTIVE FOR :: YUSUKE AKAI :: YVES KLEIN BLUE :: ZEAL :: ZEEQUIL :: ZETA :: ZOE BEHAN ::

:: Wednesday, March 18, 2009

THE BARONS OF TANG + GOD GOD DAMNIT DAMNIT + COLONEL KERNEL
LIVE @ THE JADE MONKEY / Saturday March 14th 2009

I know I've said it all before, but it's true. Progress is a myth. Evolution works both ways. The industrial revolution, now well into post production, has been proven to be nothing but smoke and mirrors; a trick of the eye. The tide is turning back the clock, it's rising up to our ankles now. No amount of director's commentary can save this sinking ship, the rats are drowning. Turns out the canary in the coalmine didn't much care for the Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl may keep on swinging, but this bird's already swung well off its perch. The only inevitable truth we can count on now is entropy. It's a Great Depression seasonally adjusted with a lump sum figure, a spoonfull of sugar to chase the tumours away. I know I've said it all before but it bears repeating. Back then it was a distant roar, a sonic boom through a THX soundsystem and a rapturous applause when the curtains fell. "Wow that Roland Emmerich sure knows how to Disney the fuck out've the apocalypse!". It's a different story now when you find it pooping on your lawn, doing burnouts in the driveway, or setting up shop at your bedroom window, marshmallows at the ready, waiting for it all to burn. "Farenheit 451 and up it goes.. what a rush!". We lost the western front last night. It happened all too soon, I'm still feeling the aftershocks. Roaming gangs with clubs and spears (and broken guitars) are pillaging and looting as I speak, picking the bones clean, carrying away the spoils. Memorabilia and merchandise, be sure to pick up a Zeta EP! They'll need them where they're going, I wish them well, but I need to be somewhere else tonight. Far away from their gnashing teeth and their wailing, their shrieking and their funeral veils. Maybe here at the Jade Monkey? This monastic retreat nestled between the mole hills away from the mall. Here's where we can surely ride out this storm? Zac's got plenty of beer and bar snacks: what more could we want!? But they're coming! oh yes, they're coming! It'll be just like Helm's Deep, you'll see! All we need is Gandalf, a Dwarf and an Elf who can actually act and maybe we'll even live to see the dawn!



9:18PM - Still, Zac's no stranger to the seething stampedes, or the seige mentality. Those bars on the windows aren't just for show. He's fended off countless invasions from Diplomat, Double Handed, Skye Harbour, shitcrazy wall-of-noise Free Jazz Trios, even Radio Spectacular!!! and he keeps coming back for more. Yup, I'm more than certain that I picked the right place tonight: it's worked for Shaun Of The Dead, it's worked wonders for Zac too. Exits easily guarded, doors bolted, crossbows loaded, boiling oil and flame throwers at the ready, I can rest easy and watch the faerie lights twinkle without a care in the world! See that keyboard grazing like a gazelle? See those guitar cases snuggled in the undergrowth below? Sweet tranquility! But alas it is just but a trick of the eye. Those barbarians are coming, and they'll stop at nothing to burn it all to the ground!



COLONEL KERNEL (****1/2) myspace ::
Still, I never thought I'd see it in the Jade Monkey. A place ripe with bohemian, bauhaus and boozy eloquence. "In Vino Veritas" all mixed up with beer and a few "incense sticks" out back? I've even seen weddings hosted here, it's a magical place of myth and wonder! But tonight those lights are winking out one by one; and most notably the signature "red". At first I thought it was nothing but a mischievous prank on part of their proprieter Zac: ever the trickster, making me play laser tag in the dark. But no.. this is something else altogether, this was a classic guerilla warfare tactic if ever I saw one. The first thing to go in a war is the communications network that surrounds you and he's got the upperhand here, he's got the fog of war in full effect (and it's just as well I know the lay of the land). Shooting in absolute pitch? *pffft* that's nothing I can't handle! When it comes to Colonel Kernel, the darkness suits them well! Lends a poetic air to the sounds they weave, a "calm before the storm" if you will; heightening one sense at the expense of the other. Yup, think of this band as a roaring 20's Speak-Easy meets a 60's Ratpack. A 50's Three Little Bops cartoon meets one from the 70's voiced by Billy Cosby. Or a late 80's Pink Floyd meets mid 90's acid jazz and downtempo. All the songs here mingle into one, like smoke, like following freshly brewed coffee down a Parisian dark alleyway. The shapes blur and swap hemispheres in your brain. It's synaesthesia. You could throw in just about anything here and it would stick to form the collage that you'd understand as Colonel Kernel in your head. I can hear Faith No More's bossa nova grooves from "King For A Day / Fool For A Lifetime", the ska abrupt collisions found in The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, the frenzied hiphop riffs of Red Snapper's "Making Bones", the spastic jazz of Propellerhead's "Crash", "History Repeating" and "Spybreak", a teensy bit of Mark Ronson, The Doors and a good deal of Quentin Tarentino; effortlessly cool with a sly sense of humour. It's utterly unlike anything else we'll be hearing tonight (and the crowds filling this venue to the brim in various states of dystopian disarray sure as shit is hinting on it), but Colonel Kernel are a sightless sound no less welcoming. I need a mad whiff of this shit, like the smell of napalm in the morning: to give me strength for the challenges aheads; all the way up that river and without a paddle!











10:39PM - Yup, we saw them filing in one by one during Colonel Kernel's set, and we all knew who they came here for. They were an aggregate army assembled enmasse with the vague colour and consistency of gravel. I saw shoeless hippies, derelicts, squatters, buskers and aimless drifters. Tie dyed, cheese cloth, tooth decay, sporadic hair loss: matted with mange or lice (or quite by design) they decorated themselves. I saw heads shaved, tattoed, warts, horns, pierced, dredlocks like padawans or exploding into afros. I saw culture jamming commune dwellers, ferals, freaks and granola geeks reared by wolves. Prison guard lesbians, vegans, neo-pagans and techno savages they screamed "off-the-grid". Spitting on walls, smashing bottles and butting cigarettes into the floor they made their presence felt. Leave a bowl of fresh fruit out in the open, fix a timelapse camera and you'll see the colours bloom. Place civilisation under the exact same microscope and you would see this: society's endgame. Yup, if you ever wondered what we'd all be like this same time NEXT year? George Miller only got it half right with Mad Max 2: THIS is the terrifying reality..



GOD GOD DAMNIT DAMNIT (***1/2) myspace ::
Yup, this is a live band like no other you'd ever experience in Adelaide. It more resembles the slums of Calcutta than anything I'd ever seen after four years of arts school. And yet THIS is the dedicated audience they attract in droves everywhere they go, they're a following: part suicide cult, part religion, part Night Of The Living Dead. They swarm in from all the cracks of the earth. They fill the room whole, till there's nowhere to go, nowhere to run, and then they tear the place apart inside and out and devour it whole like white ants. This wasn't the first time we've met in battle either. I got a taste of it back in December at the Fasterlouder Xmas Party: back then it was a bit of a laugh seeing them up on stage, a mad thrill, I got heiniously drunk, jumped on stage and fuckit.. I joined in! The second time for "The Last Show Of '08" however, it was an entirely different story. It was like they pressed a button in the ceiling, blades started spinning and then the shit hit the fan, and seeing them again tonight and it's not hard to see why! I apologise in advance for all this flash photography: there's just no other way around it, forget all that I've said about either Tony Font Show or even Robotosaurus, THIS is war. God God Damnit Damnit. In the loosest caricature they're quite like you'd imagine the human race as portrayed by an alien race: as an antagonistic swarm, a virus, or an all devouring planetwide plague. It's next to impossible to count just how many band members there are on stage: anywhere from eleven to fourteen depending on where you lost count. There's a three piece trombone section, a two piece saxophone section, countless guitarists, multiple drummers, it's fullblown bedlam, it's an undeniable stench! Visually it most resembles that Michel Gondry video to "Ride" by The Vines featuring all those musicians exploding in duplicate. Sonically it most resembles a thousand ipods, every one of channeling Mike Patton's personality disorders playing at once, System Of A Down's Serj Tankian in full flight complete with a horn section, an explosive bout of tourette's or Tony Font Show replicating on a mad tab of acid. It violently jerks from one insane extreme to the next, without warning, whiplash abrupt, stabbing horns, buzzing guitars, ear piercing screams, spit sprays, ska riffs, thrown beer bottles, and a crowd that'll throw you three metres into a speaker stack scattering schrapnel, or teleport you halfway through a wall. I don't think I've ever been more terrified, wishing I was anywhere but here.. and yet loving every minute of it! I couldn't escape it, I couldn't fight it. Within moments Zac had thrown up that white flag, posted that "sold out" notice on the door and hoped like hell the quarantine would hold. I'd hardly call any of it music but I still won't forget it in a hurry. How the hell my camera lens didn't get ground into dust in this shit is beyond me!?













12:05AM - Surely that was the best and worst of it tonight. Surely such a crass display of compound skull fracturing, lung puncturing, punching, stabbing, eyeball gouging and full frontal lobotomising was more than enough. There was at least a hundred in here, maybe more. You couldn't sneeze, breathe or blink without causing the imminent deaths of at least five people around you. The entire room was a mosh, even all the way to the back of the room and upto the bar. At this point you might as well unzip and piss on the floor, you weren't going anywhere (and I'm pretty sure that many did just that). This was hell on earth. The Louisiana Superdome: days after Hurricane Katrina. I was hallucinating something fierce. I swear former Guantánamo Bay detainee David Hicks and an umpa lumpa were both in attendance: he was three foot tall, had a forest green smurf hat and wore a bushy black lincoln beard and as for the umpa lumpa!? Woweee.. headspins! Bearded ladies, fire breathers, stilt walkers and contortionists!? there was a definite carnie folk element developing here. Maybe it's just the asphyxiation talking. The air's sucked out of this room quicker than it's being replaced. The good news: death will come swiftly. The bad news: it also meant there'd be no "fuel" left to burn all the bodies. This is how Zombie Outbreaks begin: and stupid me I had to find myself in the epicentre of it!? oooh fuuuck!



THE BARONS OF TANG (****) myspace ::
And then our headliners hit the stage and we knew it was all on for young and old. Any hopes for objectivity and journalistic integrity are long gone now (as lets face it I was pretty loose with both to begin with). We could unleash any manner of utterly crass 21st century cliches in effort to dismiss them; but I believe that "sinking sensation" that the Roman Empire must have felt over sixteen hundred years ago sums this band up quite nicely. We know them all by name: Huns, Vandals, Visigoths, Ostrogoths, Franks, Jutes, Saxons, Angles, Avars, Vikings, Orcs, Goblins, Gnomes, Leprecauns, Scientologists and Sock Puppets; their terror is absolute and their living weapon is The Barons Of Tang! For some entirely inexplicable reason they also hail from the exact same city that every other raping, pillaging and plundering miscreant (metaphorical or otherwise) derive their perverse pleasure from: Melbourne, just across the border. And yes I have completely unsubstantiated evidence to back me up: it's the exact same source that Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds, Grinderman, Baseball (I believe this video speaks for itself), Sailors Of Swine and Rocket Science all derive their volatile energy from. Part convict heritage, part history of organised crime, part shit awful weather and hilarious ethnic exaggeration. In Melbourne they truly spew up bands like no other, bands that'll make you cough up diesel from your lungs and spit blood from your ears: the colours, the noise, the urge to stab someone in the neck like nothing else? and if you think for a moment this is merely a spat of interstate rivalry? we're Adelaide, we're all serial killers, we make children disappear all the time: let's be friends! The Barons Of Tang. They call themselves "gypsy deathcore", which pretty much nails it. Think a Frankenstein's monster of traditional Irish, Jewish, Polish and Russian folk, polka and zydeco all mashed up together with a slamming drill seargent punk brutality. In amongst all the screaming and wolf howls however you also pick up some strangely familiar gene sequences: The Simpsons theme, Inspector Gadget, Pulp Fiction and for some utterly batshit insane reason a little bit of The Beatles as well. All realised in saxophone, tuba, flute, double bass, piano accordian, fiddle and trashcan percussion. I may be tripping balls though. It's hard to make out the details, the crowd makes short work of that. It's just like sticking your head in a rock tumbler, your phone starts ringing and then the whole roof collapses. Love it or hate it you can't help but move like a madman to it, if only to get the FUCK out've the way of the nearest and dearest looking to connect their fist with your face!









And yet all of a sudden it happened, an experience very much akin to ears "popping" to cabin pressure (or more accurately I was struck with a mad case of "Stockholm Sydrome") and it all became so clear! The crowds once so viralent in their random sequencing of punches, kicks, stabs, eye gouging, and pogo-ing through the walls suddenly became ever so vibrant, like predictive text to me. I had the "rosetta", I figured out the sequence, they spelt out words to me. Here! I have a string of them: "FUCK SHIT FISTING BALLS C*NT SPHINCTER DONKEY!". Yeah I know! I didn't make a helluva lot of sense to me either but it's a start! So, to hell with it: I took the flash off my camera, I took a deep hit of what little oxygen was left and delved right into the depths of it. Sure it was fucking hostile, brutal, extreme (and occassionally smelt like hickory and smoked ham) but I dare say it was fucking awesome! If ever you've played Grand Theft Auto and spent an hour gleefully exploding cop cars with a shotgun, taking down choppers with a rocket launcher or standing on a highrise building with a sniper rifle playing "ooops, where'd that head go!?" and STILL manage to be a fully functioning member of society? then you'll understand just where I'm coming from. It's a thin line I know but I was surfing it all the same to sweet sweet freedom!









1:03AM - And then a good half an hour or so later I walked out that door more or less unscathed! Don't ask me how the FUCK that happened, there's just some things that don't bear explaining: short of an incident involving an HB pencil, a place where that an HB pencil has no rights in being, "Luxembourg.. huh, what!? I don't know what you're talking about?", and a blowtorch. But we're out've there now and that's all that matters! Let's never speak of this EVER again! Just like it's anyone's guess how Zac managed to empty out that venue in record time using nothing but a fistful of paper "currency", a few dozen foamy ales and nothing but a thank you? Fuuuck he's just like Gandhi! Who knew that simply "paying the bands" at the end of the night would shortfuse this volatile shitstorm and spare us this magical monastery of music for another night running!? YEAAAS! No wonder the Jade Monkey is one of the maddest joints to smoke in all of Adelaide!



1:38AM - Speaking of such, as clearly there's a segue in here somewhere (and it likely hinges on whether people STILL smoke copious amounts of marijuana!?) we find ourselves at The Exeter. You may ask: "why the Exeter!?", and I might respond with "what's that over there!?" before beating you upside the head with the blunt end of a fire extinguisher (weird, there always seems to be one at arm's length whenever I make that punchline). Yup, the Exeter, quite like the Jade Monkey before, is a sanctuary. You won't find just any 'ol low brow neanderthals snuffling about here.. hell no! THIS is the "Worldsend of the East", the "Adelaide Uni Bar of the South" the "Flinders Tavern of the North", the underground railroad to the undergraduate intellectual elite! We must cling to these safe havens: the lights are going out all around us, IQ levels are dropping, we must keep those fires burning! (progress can STILL be made in solving at least some of the world's many imminent catastrophes!). Which is exactly what we did when we got here: we "kept those fire burning" until we accidently set the beer garden alight instead, only to realise we'd lost that fire extinguisher and now we're all fucked, because clearly there's no OTHER way to put out a fire, in a bar that's full of.. aaaah fuck! let's just get the hell out of here while we still can!



2:17AM - In our infinite wisdom it was decided we should turn our focus westward instead. Clearly we'd done more than enough damage on THIS side of town tonight and I'm told it always pays to "brown" both sides equally. Thus we journeyed through Rundle Street, Rundle Mall and then Hindley Street in search of our answers only to discover THIS instead. You may have heard or read of this on the news or in the papers: this is Adelaide's social experiment to solve Hindley Street's "escalating" crime problem. Close off a section east of Morphett Street? and then make it all into a mini pedestrian mall so all these drunks can roam freely and picks fights on the street in front of members of the public!? Brilliant! And as much as it solves absolutely next to nothing, it does neatly illustrate just how much society at large has lowered its expectations of "humanity" in the last few weeks. As you can clearly see: on one side of this street we have state-of-the-art facilities where one can squat, drop one's pants and take a crap in comfort and on the other side we have a fresh line of portaloos. Genius.. it's the ultimate recycling solution: it's Soylent Green!




2:18AM - Yup, you don't need to tell ME that we need to do everything in our utmost to reduce our "carbon footprint" and this truly is the smartest way we can go (or more accurately the "smartest" us chimps could ever dream up) but like all bright ideas, there's always going to be critics. Take Sascha here and his disapproving tone.. "UH OH! what on Earth will we do!?". Not to matter though, we can simply chuck him into the "food processors" (wait.. which ONE do we choose from though!? I'm all confused now!) and then tell everyone that he took an indefinite trip to "London". It worked like a charm for Patrick Bateman in American Psycho and it'll sure as shit work for us too. Oh well, so long Sascha.. I really hope you find all that you're looking for on "the other side of the world". *shit* is that sirens I hear!? damn I knew I should've pulled those teeth out first!! RUUUUUN!!



2:23AM - Aaaaah y'know what? I've truly lost count of the number of times I've used THIS place as my hideout from the law. Sure we may be here almost every other week, but did you know that: (a) it's lead lined and reinforced with six inch concrete and steel walls in the event of a nuclear attack? (b) it houses its own dedicated air filtration system to protect it from biological or chemical attack (or from Brett and Jock Jacob's "whimsical" odours)? (c) it's been more or less "zombie free" since that outbreak of November 2008? and (d) the bouncers never ask you any of those "silly questions" you get at any of the OTHER Hindley Street hotspot like: "what's that smell?", "why are you wearing that gasmask!?" or "heeeey.. where'd you get that snazzy ziplock bag and all those neato scalpels and surgical saws!?". Aaaah Supermild security! so naive, so blissfully naive!



3:17AM - I dunno about you but I sure am peckish! and nothing quite satiates a hunger like a badly burnt helping of barely digestible pig gristle, testicle, anus and an extra special ingredient we simply like to call "miscellaneous".. mmhmmm! that subtle blend of salmonella and botulinum? so foamy on my tongue! *cough* Yup, and as much as I'd love to detail at large everything that we did in Supermild for the next two hours: who we did it to, and whether it simply involved "propping Sascha upright" whilst we threw beer bottles at his head (oh relax.. like as IF Sascha will ever read this!?). But until that courtcase is resolved we'd best not divulge anything further. Or at least not until we can figure out which band member from Lyla has any legal training or whether we can just get Jock Jacobs to sleep with a supreme court judge instead. Wait.. why are you looking at me like that!? I know all about the "legal system" in South Australia.. I went to private school yo!



4:40AM - Hours later, it dawns on me that perhaps my actions tonight (or pretty much any other night for that matter) are no better than the "animals" I choose to make fun of. Maybe it's a sign of the times, or maybe it's a literal "sign" of the times: a yellow traffic sign, and it's pointing all over the place and I'm too drunk to decipher it right now. Left? right? in some kind of swirly clockwise / anti-clockwise direction? give or take the actions of the correalis effect.. fuck I dunno!? Maybe we're just too stupid to figure this all out? we are ONLY human afterall! Let's just sit this one on the bench, leave the fates to decide, and when the Earth's poles finally flips out (oh wait.. they didn't mention we're imminent for one of those too!?) we'll simply live in the tropics in what was once Antarctica and start it all over again. I suggest we farm lots of penguins! who's with me!?



I swear it's all getting a little too visceral, too immediate, too up in our faces: we can smell the death on its breath, breathing down our necks. Progress is a myth. Evolution works both ways. And right now it's falling down those stairs and it's knocking its head on every rung, all the way down to the bottom. It's going to get a whole lot worse before it's gets any better, at least that's what they keep telling us and yet I wonder: wasn't it fucked up to begin with? did it ever change? maybe we're just lying to ourselves about all this economic "growth"? and maybe we're nothing but the same defective DNA that got us all into this mess in the first place. Fuckit, we all started out with nothing, we still got most of it left.. before it all goes to shit again, let's make the most of it!

Previously on Spoz's Rant: Lumonics + Zeta / Final Farewell Show

:: Spoz 2:48 PM |
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