:: Friday, June 09, 2006

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING

yup, it's another week and with it comes yet another fresh shipment of fucked up bizarre CD's for SPOZ to review here for your mind numbing amusement.. coz hey, if I'm stupid enough to listen to this junk.. then perhaps, so will you too!

ENJOY!


DATAROCK - SELF TITLED
in brief: geek partytime music
rating: 2.5 / 5

this album pretty much sounds like wot you'd get if you combined the sublime geekiness of an 80's band like TALKING HEADS, mix it up with a JOHN HUGHES movie (think especially WEIRD SCIENCE) whilst it's duking it out with NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE and then take 'em on a spastic roller-disco jam on a lazy Sunday evening full of uncoordinated spotty teenagers, all gangly limbed with thick glasses, awkward silences and clogged sinuses.. yeaaah, paaarty!

the combined result is this oddball little CD.. equal parts ecclectic indie, funk and and cheese electro.. cooking up a laidback groove of 808 disco beats, funky loose basslines, fuzzy indie guitars with endless loopy disco noodlings, sprinklings of cheesy synth stabs and the sorta throwaway retarded sing-along lyrical flows that wouldn't sound out've place to something DEVO would write.. but overall it's quite damn catchy in it's own silly way.. even if the silly nature of this album seems too much like an obscure in-joke between the band at our expense.. are they being serious here? or are they taking the piss? quite often it's hard to tell..

there's some damn cool songs here that really hit home.. but, it can tend to really drag on into mediocrity over the course of the album as the same tired joke is run thru over and over and over again (just with slightly different punchlines each time) so, you may be hard pressed to endure an entire album of this.. but, in small doses it can actually be some really coolarse stuff..

highlight songs: COMPUTER CAMP LOVE, FA-FA-FA, PRINCESS, SEX YOU UP


THE KNIFE - SILENT SHOUT
in brief: eeringly spacious nordic electro
rating: 3.5 / 5

now this here is some seriously bizarre-arse shit.. imagine if you will.. if you ventured up north beyond the artic circle somewhere in Northern Europe where the reindeer live.. and frolicking amongst the snow covered trees, the fjords, the slowly creeping glaciers.. is the sound of this music.. music that sounds like it was conjured by crazy snow trolls and ice queens and then transcribed into english by a secretive cabal of white haired elves older than the hills themselves..

it's an electro sound, but an exceptionally sparse and eerie electro.. often-times dripping with foreboding doom, slow, pondering, contemplative, reaching operatic levels of cold and distant terror.. punctuated by marching beat synthetic beats, bubbling and flanging synths, a shitload of reverb filling up the room to cathedral levels whilst vocalists chant and incant like satanic chipmunks, heavily FX'd with flangers and phasers and vocoders all dosed up on too much chilled vodka.. like we're listening to KATE BUSH being kidnapped by robots in some kinda bad 70's BBC sci-fi tele-movie..

it may be a damn near creepy, all eerie and oblique, all enveloping in it's scope, just about choking you with it's claustrophobic undercurrents, filling you with the sounds of winter stillness, the forever long night that stretches for months, the northern lights.. but it's a damn powerful and compelling experience at that..

this can be a hard CD to really get into it.. it's definitely not for all tastes.. but you've gotta respect the austere and haunting artistry of it.. definitely a one in a kinda experience.. so, if you dare.. try it out for y'self.. ;)

highlights: SILENT SHOUT, WE SHARE OUR MOTHER'S HEALTH, LIKE A PEN, FOREST FAMILIES


GO! TEAM - THUNDER LIGHTNING STRIKE
in brief: kid's birthday party jam
rating: 4 / 5

thus album sums up perfectly memories of childlike exciteability and naive fluffy innocence.. like going nuts at an amusement park, opening up presents in a deranged frenzy on Christmas Day, getting a new bike and taking it for a spin around the neighborhood and having a smile a mile wide in the process.. it's the sound of rainbows and sunbeams, frisbees and flying puppies.. it's all loud and clanky, horribly distorted and all flying into the red an absolute mess of cacophony but damn if this is nothing but pure fluffy joy..

for the most part, it rolls along like a chunked out instrumental collage.. featuring blocky as all hell 60's psychedelic rock and funk breaks crashing in a sea of noise and all along accompanied by a selection of the most dorky elements like honky tonk piano whackiness, broken banjo noises, herald brass and horns, goofy flutes all fresh out've SESAME STREET whilst exciteable kids shout "ONE TWO THREE FOUR!!" and play along chirpy hand-clap noises.. yeah, you'd think a mixture of all this would simply annoy the living shits out've ya.. yet, it's all so damn cheery and carefree and infectious you can't but help play along y'self, forget all the ills of the world and flap around like an idiot to it..

just like childsplay, this stuff really isn't all that deep or intelligent.. sure, there's multiple layers to the music and a real density of sound.. but it all measures out into the same simple emotions, and comes at ya messy as all fuck in it's delivery.. vocals if anything are few and far between.. and when they do feature beyond exciteable shout-alongs.. they're nothing more than ridiculously incomprehensible jam-along silly rhymes and party chants..

it may come at you like 100 puppies looking for fun in all the wrong places.. and it could very well drive a lot of you insane.. but hey, for all of you who ever wanted to revisit the simple fun of childhood with nary a hint of darkness or sadness in sight.. then this short 37 minute trip may just be the thing yer looking for.. ;)

highlights: LADYFLASH, GET IT TOGETHER, JUNIOR KICKSTART, BOTTLE ROCKET


well, that's all for this week.. stay tuned for more weirdness next week..

oh, and if you've got any shit out there you'd want me to check out (and perhaps review for shits n giggles) then lemme know.. coz hey, I'm always up for new musical weirdness to expand my mind with :)

:: Spoz 1:07 AM |
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CD#666 - THE DESTRUCTION OF THE BEAST

hiya peeps! a few weeks ago or so.. some of you dribbling baboons may've remembered me mentioning that.. after many years of hunting and gathering throughout the many record stores in this deadend arseclown city I'd finally amassed 665 CD's in my music collection.. leaving me one CD shy of 666 CD's.. the music collection of the beast (and you may've also remembered that crazy satan animation I accompanied that particular blog post.. yeah.. y'know the one? the one that caused all manner of violent seizures and a flood of angry complaints to arrive in my email inbox? yeah.. those were the days huh? good times.. goooood times :)

anyhoo.. the question came up as to what I should do for such a momentous occassion, since it's not every day your CD collection may possibly spawn the coming of the musical antichrist.. how should I pay homage? or better yet.. pay homage in such a way as to prevent an impending apocalypse and death to all my CD kind?

most of the suggestions given to me were along the lines of the obvious and cliche.. ie: I should go out and buy a suitably satanic deathmetal CD.. something maybe along the lines of SLAYER, CANNIBAL CORPSE, MEGADEATH, NAPALM DEATH (yeah, you can tell I really don't know me death metal huh?) or maybe even a CD from those lunatic LORD OF THE RINGS rejects who won this year's EUROVISION contest, LORDI.. coz that shit would be really fucked up..

but instead of that, I had a much sillier idea to find me a sacrifical CD to destroy on this day, the devil's day.. Tuesday the 6th of June, 2006 (6/6/06)

so, last Friday I hit JB's.. went looking thru the TOP 40 singles shelf and picked up one of the most obnoxious pieces of commercialist filth that $5 could buy..



yup, here we have a CD single featuring the infamous IZZY from NEIGHBOURS (yet ANOTHER freaking soapie star who thinks she can sing) performing with an utterly arse raping fascimile of a pop-punk electroclash act, the ROGUE TRADERS.. here to present us with their horrendous single "WATCHING YOU".. arguably the WORST song ever to rape a signature 80's riff (this time stolen from THE KNACKS' "MY SHARONA") since, well.. the last song to sample an 80's riff to try and sound cool (ie: pretty much EVERY top 40 dickhead anthem in the charts of late.. including that retarded song out from the UK recently ripping off "BLUE MONDAY" by NEW ORDER.. ack!)



and sure, I could've aimed for something by ASHLEE SIMPSON or the PUSSYCAT DOLLS instead.. but, wot the hey, I like to buy local :)



(oh, and you'd be best familiarise yourself with those top 3 photo's.. coz, we're about to inflict a whole WORLD of PAIN on this single.. oooooh yes... OH YES WE WILL :)

so, to start today's proceedings.. lets go for the KITCHEN KNIFE..



and sure.. this may only be ceremonial in it's capability for carnage on something as inanimate as a CD single.. but DAMN is it still fun to have at it anywaze ;)



STAB! STAB! KILL!! KILL!! AAAAUUAUAUUAUAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!



damn.. I could've taken an eye out with one of these pieces..



just so the damage isn't being unevenly distributed here, I flip it over to the otherside and kill it some more.. KILL! KILL! KILL!! AAAAUAUUAUAAAAGGGHH!!



the knife's done all it could've and I'm proud of it's handiwork, but it's time to kick thing's up a notch..

so, time to bring the next instrument into play.. the HAMMER! :)



NOW WE'RE TALKING!!



oooo.. look at da pretty chunks :)



hmmmm.. the hammer's not terribly accurate now is it? (wot with me trying to bash the CD in one hand and take photo's with the other) so lets try hitting it when it's standing upright shall we?



uh oh.. do ya think it'll still play? ;)



obviously we have't nearly done enough here.. so it's time to bring in the next instrument of destruction.. THE MALLET!



WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! THIS IS FUN :)



damn.. I really thought that would've done more..



so, time then for the NEXT instrument..

presenting, the MORTAR and PESTLE!



(if only I could fit all the bits in the bowl?)



now THIS is wot I call a DJ "MASHUP" :)



do ya think this would make a nice mulch for the garden?



meanwhile I've noticed the coverart has somehow slipped thru all my methods to destroy it.. so, I take it inside and let the kitchen stove play havoc on it..



*cough* damn, this makes for some messy cooking..



and thus, this ere most damned CD hath been brought to foul and smelly ruination!



makes you kinda feel proud now doesn't it? :)



oh and just because you're sacrificing your most unholy 666th CD sacrifice on the devil's day 6/6/06 doesn't mean you shouldn't act responsible for your acts of violence..

KEEP AUSTRALIA BEAUTIFUL KIDDIES.. it's time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!



thus ending' wot might just be the BEST $5 I ever spent and cleansing my CD collection from evil spirits in the process.. aaaaaaaah :)

and who knows? perhaps I've stumbled upon a genius method to turn the tide on flagging CD sale profits worldwide.. coz hey, who WOULDN'T wanna destroy one of these fucked up TOP40 CD's? all this fun for only $5? fuck.. they'd be lining up for miles for this (mental note: must patent this plan before anyone else does.. this shit would make freakin' millionaire.. OOOOOOYEAAAH!!)

comments? thoughts? CD requests? ;)

Previously on Spoz's Rant: Supermassive Black Hole

:: Spoz 6:06 PM |
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SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE

hiya kids.. SPOZ had a "hiatus weekend" this week without most of the usual avalanche of bands to content with and the resulting chaos of photographic shite that comes along with it.. so, looking for something else to do to "relax" on his weekend "off" he decides to just get really randomly drunk off camera instead.. y'know.. as ya do ;)

so, this then.. is that story..

ENJOY!


FRIDAY NIGHT
for tonight's premiere live entertainment we have COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR and LADY STRANGELOVE at the JADE MONKEY cooking up a kaleidoscopic brew of swirling electronica, live instrumentation and brain imploding feedbacking weirdness..

prior to arriving here, in preparation for tonight.. there's 8:30PM coffee and stoner philosophising upstairs at CIBO.. 9 to 10PM happy hour drunkeness at the CRANKA.. then here at 10:30.. names on door.. psychic bartender serves me up a COOPERS.. as the room fills with freakyarse sounds..



COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR
COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR are already on stage, conjuring up a devil's brew in hallucinogenic sounds..



about 10 minutes in, my brain runs screaming for the hills only to be caught somewhere in the middle and devoured by fire breathing lizards..



fire breathing lizards are then devoured by lemon scented leprecauns.. we chase the leprecauns.. we steal their hats and we boil the tea.. band finishes.. fog lifts.. reality hiccups out've the void..



SPOZ likes the band.. but SPOZ suspects psychic bartender has spiked his drink and looks for tell-tale signs of brown acid swirling in the bottom of his glass..

LADY STRANGELOVE
a few beers and 1/2 an hour later.. LADY STRANGELOVE then hits the stage, kills all the lights in the venue and proceeds to play their entire set in the dark..

SPOZ is not amused, as having to use the flash on his crappy 3 megapixel camera will make all his photos of this band look like utter shite.. and yet, SPOZ is not caught unprepared as he unleashes his trusty (yet highly fictional) ninja grade infra-red camera.. AHA! take THAT you nocturnal fukkas!



the set begins with crazy afro guitarist cooking up a diabolical storm of shrieking echo's and cascading whale sounds that fill the room with hypnotic weirdness..



this is soon joined by the primal howlings and chugging subsonic bass of these two freaks..



at which point multi-instrumentalist dude tears down the walls between dimensions with his manic bongo drumming and all hell breaks loose throughout the venue..



(cue in the sound of alien synth squeals, funky drummer breaks, distorted saxaphones and intestinal subsonic carnage whilst incomprehensible howling gibberish folds time, space and reality into a churning sea of rhythmic noise and feedback)

within minutes crazy afro dude is transfixed as the ceiling fills with circling swarms of chattering bats..



lead singer looks confused but not alarmed as the ground swarms with 1000's of polka dot eels trying to eat his shoes.. having faced this situation before, he knows full well to treads carefully, lest he face the same fate as the previous "lead singer" (lest we forget that infamous incident.. *ouch!*)



multi-instrumentalist guy sets the walls humming to the frequency of 20-40hz.. causing sewers nearby to spew up millions of angry fireants who now swarm into the venue to face off against the eels..



crazy afro dude is seriously startin' to freak out as reality folds in on itself, power shuts out in a 4 block radius and the sky outside starts raining chickens..



yup.. this is some seriously freakyarse shit..



after an hour or so of this.. and after every law of thermodynamics has been twisted backwards, inside out and upside down.. the band finish their mad conjurings and disappears in haze of bong smoke..



all in all making for one helluva psychedelic monkey imploding funkjam of anti-gravity grooves.. :)

I stagger out've JADE MONKEY some time after 12:30AM.. head towards the CRANKA where I meet up with SALLYCAT, RICHARD from TONY FONT SHOW, an NME photographer (say hi if ya reading this!), some of the freaks from THE BLACK DOVES and a whole host of other dribbling fools who I may or may not remember the names of.. cue much alcoholic stupidity.. finding ourselves on the dancefloor running around like retarded chickens and eventually being thrown out as the venue closes at 4AM..

I then find myself staggering down RUNDLE ST with the last remaining survivors towards RUNDLE MALL, perhaps with aim to further our stupidity down the west end.. but really, I don't think there's much of any kinda plan left at this point.. so fuckit.. where drunk brain leads me, I will follow..



the next few hours are lost in a haze of amnesia.. but I distinctly remember being in the middle of RUNDLE MALL at around 5AM or so eating all the purple and white flowers in the planter pots.. hmmmm.. yeaaah.. I don't quite understand why either.. but dang were they tasty :)

at about 6AM or so.. just shy of sunlight, I find myself in a taxi and home.. thus ending a very trippy fucked up FRIDAY NIGHT of mind warping excess.. yeeeeha!


SATURDAY NIGHT
for tonight's entertainment, I decided to take a break from the usual live music carnage and instead opted for seeing XMEN3 in HINDLEY ST at around 9:30PM, and yeah, it was a surprisingly good film for a 2nd sequel (I'd give it 3 1/2 out've 5) oh.. and if you haven't seen it yet, stick around at the end of the film and wait till the credits finish, coz there's this real nifty little 10 second scene at the end that makes for a real novel coda to the story (trust me, it's well worth the wait ;)

anyhoo.. 2 hours and a cinema size bag of SKITTLES later, we've left the cinema and decide to head to ENIGMA in search of some SATURDAY NIGHT stupidity..



from here, most memory of the rest of the night gets a little foggy (or inconsequential for the most part) but I do believe some drinking was involved.. no, scratch that.. a LOT of drinking.. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of drinking.. yeah.. whoaa.. headspins.. and sure, I do vaguely remember it wuz a LOT of fun but I swear my liver might hate me now for the damage I did to it.. :)



I remembered at one point (perhaps 1:30AM?) I left ENIGMA.. went to CRANKA, only lasted 10 minutes there (when I realised nobody wuz there and the music wuz all shite) and went straight back to ENIGMA again.. heh.. yeah.. couldn't figure for the life of me the logic in that one.. but hey.. sometimes it helps to change the scenery a bit.. :)

eventually at 3AM or so.. after much nonsense (most of which I don't remember) I leave ENIGMA for the last time.. head towards the FALAFEL HOUSE on HINDLEY ST and stuff me face with an end of the night pisshead BACON, CHEESE + ONION HOTDOG.. before throwing meself into the last $6 bus home..



and thanks to this magical "NO U-TURN" sign I pass on corner of my street, I'm once again blessed with another weekend of drinking like a fish without any of the projectile vomiting consequences.. aaaaaah yes, that "NO U-TURN" sign is a freaking miracle worker I tell's ya! :)



thus ending a tiny, but no less enjoyable weekend on the piss.. coz hey, sometimes you need a little break from all the week to week live music carnage.. especially when you know wot kinda insanity is in store for you in the NEXT 2 weekends.. MUHAHAHAHAHA! :)

(speaking of such, any of you maniacs who went to MELBOURNE this weekend got any fucked up stories you feel like sharing? hit me up in the comments box yo!)

Previously on Spoz's Rant: I Go Hard, I Go Home

:: Spoz 11:07 PM |
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