SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE
hiya kids.. SPOZ had a "hiatus weekend" this week without most of the usual avalanche of bands to content with and the resulting chaos of photographic shite that comes along with it.. so, looking for something else to do to "relax" on his weekend "off" he decides to just get really randomly drunk off camera instead.. y'know.. as ya do ;)
so, this then.. is that story..
for tonight's premiere live entertainment we have COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR and LADY STRANGELOVE at the JADE MONKEY cooking up a kaleidoscopic brew of swirling electronica, live instrumentation and brain imploding feedbacking weirdness..
prior to arriving here, in preparation for tonight.. there's 8:30PM coffee and stoner philosophising upstairs at CIBO.. 9 to 10PM happy hour drunkeness at the CRANKA.. then here at 10:30.. names on door.. psychic bartender serves me up a COOPERS.. as the room fills with freakyarse sounds..COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR
COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR are already on stage, conjuring up a devil's brew in hallucinogenic sounds..
about 10 minutes in, my brain runs screaming for the hills only to be caught somewhere in the middle and devoured by fire breathing lizards..
fire breathing lizards are then devoured by lemon scented leprecauns.. we chase the leprecauns.. we steal their hats and we boil the tea.. band finishes.. fog lifts.. reality hiccups out've the void..
SPOZ likes the band.. but SPOZ suspects psychic bartender has spiked his drink and looks for tell-tale signs of brown acid swirling in the bottom of his glass..LADY STRANGELOVE
a few beers and 1/2 an hour later.. LADY STRANGELOVE then hits the stage, kills all the lights in the venue and proceeds to play their entire set in the dark..
SPOZ is not amused, as having to use the flash on his crappy 3 megapixel camera will make all his photos of this band look like utter shite.. and yet, SPOZ is not caught unprepared as he unleashes his trusty (yet highly fictional) ninja grade infra-red camera.. AHA! take THAT you nocturnal fukkas!
the set begins with crazy afro guitarist cooking up a diabolical storm of shrieking echo's and cascading whale sounds that fill the room with hypnotic weirdness..
this is soon joined by the primal howlings and chugging subsonic bass of these two freaks..
at which point multi-instrumentalist dude tears down the walls between dimensions with his manic bongo drumming and all hell breaks loose throughout the venue..
(cue in the sound of alien synth squeals, funky drummer breaks, distorted saxaphones and intestinal subsonic carnage whilst incomprehensible howling gibberish folds time, space and reality into a churning sea of rhythmic noise and feedback)
within minutes crazy afro dude is transfixed as the ceiling fills with circling swarms of chattering bats..
lead singer looks confused but not alarmed as the ground swarms with 1000's of polka dot eels trying to eat his shoes.. having faced this situation before, he knows full well to treads carefully, lest he face the same fate as the previous "lead singer" (lest we forget that infamous incident.. *ouch!*)
multi-instrumentalist guy sets the walls humming to the frequency of 20-40hz.. causing sewers nearby to spew up millions of angry fireants who now swarm into the venue to face off against the eels..
crazy afro dude is seriously startin' to freak out as reality folds in on itself, power shuts out in a 4 block radius and the sky outside starts raining chickens..
yup.. this is some seriously freakyarse shit..
after an hour or so of this.. and after every law of thermodynamics has been twisted backwards, inside out and upside down.. the band finish their mad conjurings and disappears in haze of bong smoke..
all in all making for one helluva psychedelic monkey imploding funkjam of anti-gravity grooves.. :)
I stagger out've JADE MONKEY some time after 12:30AM.. head towards the CRANKA where I meet up with SALLYCAT, RICHARD from TONY FONT SHOW, an NME photographer (say hi if ya reading this!), some of the freaks from THE BLACK DOVES and a whole host of other dribbling fools who I may or may not remember the names of.. cue much alcoholic stupidity.. finding ourselves on the dancefloor running around like retarded chickens and eventually being thrown out as the venue closes at 4AM..
I then find myself staggering down RUNDLE ST with the last remaining survivors towards RUNDLE MALL, perhaps with aim to further our stupidity down the west end.. but really, I don't think there's much of any kinda plan left at this point.. so fuckit.. where drunk brain leads me, I will follow..
the next few hours are lost in a haze of amnesia.. but I distinctly remember being in the middle of RUNDLE MALL at around 5AM or so eating all the purple and white flowers in the planter pots.. hmmmm.. yeaaah.. I don't quite understand why either.. but dang were they tasty :)
at about 6AM or so.. just shy of sunlight, I find myself in a taxi and home.. thus ending a very trippy fucked up FRIDAY NIGHT of mind warping excess.. yeeeeha!SATURDAY NIGHT
for tonight's entertainment, I decided to take a break from the usual live music carnage and instead opted for seeing XMEN3 in HINDLEY ST at around 9:30PM, and yeah, it was a surprisingly good film for a 2nd sequel (I'd give it 3 1/2 out've 5) oh.. and if you haven't seen it yet, stick around at the end of the film and wait till the credits finish, coz there's this real nifty little 10 second scene at the end that makes for a real novel coda to the story (trust me, it's well worth the wait ;)
anyhoo.. 2 hours and a cinema size bag of SKITTLES later, we've left the cinema and decide to head to ENIGMA in search of some SATURDAY NIGHT stupidity..
from here, most memory of the rest of the night gets a little foggy (or inconsequential for the most part) but I do believe some drinking was involved.. no, scratch that.. a LOT of drinking.. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of drinking.. yeah.. whoaa.. headspins.. and sure, I do vaguely remember it wuz a LOT of fun but I swear my liver might hate me now for the damage I did to it.. :)
I remembered at one point (perhaps 1:30AM?) I left ENIGMA.. went to CRANKA, only lasted 10 minutes there (when I realised nobody wuz there and the music wuz all shite) and went straight back to ENIGMA again.. heh.. yeah.. couldn't figure for the life of me the logic in that one.. but hey.. sometimes it helps to change the scenery a bit.. :)
eventually at 3AM or so.. after much nonsense (most of which I don't remember) I leave ENIGMA for the last time.. head towards the FALAFEL HOUSE on HINDLEY ST and stuff me face with an end of the night pisshead BACON, CHEESE + ONION HOTDOG.. before throwing meself into the last $6 bus home..
and thanks to this magical "NO U-TURN" sign I pass on corner of my street, I'm once again blessed with another weekend of drinking like a fish without any of the projectile vomiting consequences.. aaaaaah yes, that "NO U-TURN" sign is a freaking miracle worker I tell's ya! :)
thus ending a tiny, but no less enjoyable weekend on the piss.. coz hey, sometimes you need a little break from all the week to week live music carnage.. especially when you know wot kinda insanity is in store for you in the NEXT 2 weekends.. MUHAHAHAHAHA! :)
(speaking of such, any of you maniacs who went to MELBOURNE this weekend got any fucked up stories you feel like sharing? hit me up in the comments box yo!)
Previously on Spoz's Rant: I Go Hard, I Go Home