BOHEMIAN LIKE YOU
weekends.. you can try to escape 'em.. you can run and hide.. cower under the table, paint yourself head to toe in white paint, cover your ears and eyes with your hands and scream "LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING".. but in less than seven days and as regular as clockwork another one is gonna beat it's path to your door with a monkey wrench in hand and it's gonna fuck you up from sun down to sunday.. and then before you've even had a chance to recover from the first.. you get hit with another.. and then another.. and another.. and another.. and BAM! they're all compacting in ever more rapid succession.. wooshing past you in an epilectic strobe.. an unrelenting machine gunning barrage of stupifying terror that flails the cash from your wallet, bleeds you dry and leaves nothing but a grinning zombie husk behind.. all those sounds, all those colours, the horrifying smells, bumps, bruises, aches, shattered bones and broken glass.. WHY DAMMIT!!?? WHHYYYY!!? and as you find your trousers around your ankles at the end of it all, brain circling the drain, eyes falling out've your head, hair thinning and hypnotized by the shapes spinning and forming in the white noise.. you may wonder to y'self.. "WHAT THE FREAKING HELL HAPPENED!!?"
oh yes, I know.. I've been there.. we've all "lived for the weekend" and had nothing to show for it.. but perhaps.. with a little luck.. I may begin to help you put some of those puzzle pieces back together.. sure my weekends may vary.. I may be a different being living in a different place in a different time speaking an entirely different language of chattering clicks, grunts, squeals and hoots beating you over the head with sticks and stones.. and I may be alien to you.. but, we are the same you and I.. oh yes.. together we will make sense of this anarchy, we will make sense of this metronomic manifestation of our own self assured annihilation.. and as each weekend we are once more sent to die in battle, only to be reborn in a haze of amnesia and bathed in the flickering fluorescence of our own misplaced purpose.. we will find the zen.. the eye of the storm.. and there we'll live and we shall laugh at all those other kamikaze children dissolving in the lights.. OH YES! WE WILL CONQUER THEM ALL!! WE WILL BE GODS!! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!
for surely amongst all the wreckage.. we can find that ONE weekend that gives a little something back that all the others take.. that one weekend that recharges us.. that one weekend that inspires us.. that tiny holiday from the holiday that shines like a beacon in the hooting void and gives us reason to keep pushing forward into the furthest most ridiculous reaches of the bizarre.. and then find a way to get it to breed.. hmmmmm?
maybe THIS is that weekend.. or maybe someone just slipped some acid into my beers on Saturday and I'm talking rubbish again.. oh well, there's only ONE way to find out.. read on children.. read on if you dare! :)FRIDAY NIGHT
it was the oddest thing.. I woke up today, got dressed, got my toast and orange juice.. walked downstairs and found myself here.. whoaaa.. like what the FUCK happened maaan!? oh.. that's right.. I freaking LIVE here now.. silly me.. what with all the insanity that goes on around here I'd clearly forgotten.. heh ;)
yup.. say what you will about the CROWN N ANCHOR HOTEL.. sure it may be home to the most foul and villianous scum you'd ever care to find this end of the galaxy.. but hey, it's my local pub and no matter how many times I frequent it, it's always coming up with new surprises to amuse me.. like, for instance.. why the hell would I call it a local when it's at least 20 minutes drive away from where I REALLY live and I don't even own a car? BWAHAHAHAHA! no, wait.. don't answer that.. clearly I'm rambling.. hmmmmm?
anyhoo.. here I am, 9PM.. out the front enjoying some happy hour beers before the bands start tonight, when I come face to face with yet another one of these wondrous "surprises" as I spot this retarded BUS DRIVER, who's clearly lost his way, wandering dazed and confused down UNION ST..
now, a lost bus wandering down a side street that's way too small to fit it is already comedy gold for us gonzo photographers.. but just to sweeten the deal, now the bus has managed to trap itself in a MEXICAN STANDOFF with a taxi.. wahoooooo!! GO ADELAIDE METRO GO!! (really makes ya wonder what further entertainment they'll provide for us when they change all the bus routes come OCTOBER 15th aye?)SWAYBACK
now as much as we'd all love to see me go on some pointless tangent BLOG about the wonders of PUBLIC TRANSPORT (oh the fucked up stories I could tell) we all know why we're here.. so fuckit.. on with tonight's REAL entertainment (bar fights, car crashes, drug addicts OD'ing and 4 lane pileups on the dancefloor excluded) as we welcome the first human sacrifice up on the stage, SWAYBACK..
featuring the musical exploits of DUANE the HAIR HELMET bass guitarist..
BRENTON the STICK INSECT MOUSTACHIO FREAK gnashing it out on guitars and lead vocals..
MATT the TEXAS CHAINSAW SHREDDER running tagteam guitars and vocals..
and.. um.. some other dude called JASON, I think he plays drums?
fuckit, whichever way you put it (and clearly as always I'll be aiming for the most unprofessional methods here) these beer swilling hicks are the most fun you can have this side of a near fatal case of alcohol poisoning.. just look at BRENTON going apeshit on the guitar amp there.. is that freaking ROCK or wot?
yup, they're freaking maniacs.. they're outta control.. they're like all the best blurringly drunken bits of JET, THE ROLLING STONES and THE KINGS OF LEON all thrown into the one bar fight.. oooohyeaaah!
and they're damn near impossible to catch on camera doing anything remotely cool tonight as my weapon of choice is continuing to throw a snowglobe of blue static all over the screen anytime a kickarse photo comes my way (damn I need a new camera) either that, or fuckit it's a gypsy curse sent from MORALS OF A MINOR to ruin my FRIDAY (hi guys :) ), wot'ever the cause.. I'm pissed.. or at least soon will be.. as music of this ilk invariably leads me to the bar to hoot it up in fine fashion with these fine people after SWAYBACK's set ;)
oh.. and while I'm here with all these fine lunatics.. I wish to take a moment in the RANT so that SEAN KEMP from BOOSTER can make a very important announcement to you all..
"DUUUDE.. I GOT ME A HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE.. HOW FUCKING ROCK AM I!? YAHOOOOO!!!!"
um.. yeah, thanks for that SEAN, now please go away..
"WE GOT A CD LAUNCH COMING UP ON NOVEMBER 17TH AT ENIGMA BAR TOO!!"
*grumble grumble* ENOUGH ALREADY!! sheeeesh! (damn blog hoggers)
now where were we? oh yeah.. next band on stage tonight, the squealing rockpig antics of MUSCLE CAR..MUSCLE CAR VS HIGH STAKES
or at least, that was the original plan.. but due to various unforseen circumstances the rest of the band have decided to ditch lead singer DAMO here tonight, leaving him to form his own frankenstein act from all manner of hooting baboons from other equally infamous "RAWWK N ROOOOOLL" Adelaide acts..
yup, for one night only we're gonna get the diabolical frankenstein monster of rock that is MUSCLE CAR vs HIGH STAKES.. as they form "HIGHER CAR"? "MUSCLE STAKES"? "MESCALIN CAKES"? "CORPUSCAL RAKES"? (fucked if I know wot they're gonna call themselves) either way, may the ever vengeful snow demons have pity upon our mortal souls.. for this shit is gonna damn near kill us all here tonight.. AUAUAAGHHH!!
and so, joining DAMO from MUSCLE CAR tonight, we have the perpetually hungover HEATH WEBER from YOUR MOTIVE FOR / HIGH STAKES beating us over the head with his intestinal bass carnage..
WILLIE MCRAE from HIGH STAKES firing up his guitar like a chainsaw to cut thru all the speaker stacks..
some scruffy lunatic by the name of RODDY ROD, who like most drummers is more than happy just to hide at the back and beat the living shit out've us all from afar with his itchy trigger finger uppercut drumming..
and the infamous idiot savant, lead singer TOM IRELAND from HIGH STAKES, tearing into it with the sort've maniacal glee that's usually reserved for sugar fueled 4 year old hissyfits in TOYS R US..
with antics like these, it doesn't take long before a crowd of hooting baboons can be seen swarming the stage, drawn like moths to the flame to soak up this chugging beserker attack of howling RIFFS, GRUNTS and machine gun BEATS.. rather like this grizzly old alcoholic here who's decided to park his arse in front of the stage to soak up all the ear bleeding insanity..
sure it may be screaming at dB levels higher than that of a jumbo jet colliding with a space shuttle launch.. but to this drunk.. it feels like the soothing sounds of the womb caressing his ever splintering skull ;)
whilst all around him, the gig spirals further into howling anarchy and ruin..
as the band alternates between the combined chugging backcatalogues of MUSCLE CAR and HIGH STAKES..
with a sound that could be best described as the subtle flavours of AC DC with 40,000 volts of electricity shoved up it's clacker till it's lit up like a XMAS TREE of burning rock fury to rival the output of the sun..
it's the dumbest, loudest, most brutal, stupifying and insanely addictive shit you're ever likely to hear..
thrown screaming out've the speaker stacks in rapid procession song after song, pretty much until TOM IRELAND spontaneously combusts and takes out 1/2 the audience with him in a human fireball..
but HOOOLY SHiiiEEET maaaan wuz it one helluva fucked up set! this was the kinda once-off freestyle mashup jam you'd only get the chance to see once every blue moon or so (like when SMURFS are born!) so if you missed it tonight, you'd be damn near kicking yourself right about now :)
yup, even the drunk parked out front looks suitably moved by the insanity of it all (or perhaps he's just checking his head to see if that human fireball out front did any lasting damage to his scalp) "duuuude, I could've sworn I had a full head of hair when I left the house tonight.. AAAUUAUAGGHHH!!"
anyhoo.. with the bands now finished for the night and more than fueled by the combined retarding fury of HIGH STAKES vs MUSCLE CAR tearing a new hole in my head ("MISSILE SCAR" anyone?) it's time I hit the bar again.. coz if the bands tonight don't drive me to drink, surely the sight of SIMONE here will! ;)
and for cheap laughs (coz obviously JUST killing yourself with beer isn't enough of a "BUZZ" anymore for gonzo's like me) me and SIMONE decide to hit the SHOTS on the menu tonight, with these 3 puppies - TOFFEE APPLE, PICKLED BRAIN and the JAM DOUGHNUT all making their unholy presence felt *ow my brain!*
yup, the expression on JOE BLOG's face says it all.. we're freaking idiots and WE ALL KNOW IT :)
and on that note, with our brains suitably destroyed beyond repair from the combined forces of liver damage and tinitus it's time we all made our seperate ways and head on home at the comparitively "civilised" hour of 2AM before this insanity kills us all.. coz hey, I AM still trying to fit a freaking holiday in here somewhere (IF ONLY THE ADELAIDE MUSIC SCENE WOULD LET ME!! BWAAAHAHAHHAHAHA!! :)
still.. for such a tiny, compact smurf sized night, daaaamn did it still rock out!SATURDAY NIGHT
for a slight change of pace tonight, I thought I'd start the night with what felt like the END of the night.. arriving here at SUPERMILD at 9:30PM for a few lazy drinks with them wacky recreational brain casualties JOE BLOGS and SIMONE, who've been happily drinking all manner of horrifying homemade spirit mixes since 4PM today.. and so, have already reached that ever popular "I LURRRVE YOOOOZ ALL!! YOOOZ ARRR ME BESTEST FWENDS!! DONT EVA WEEEEVE MEEE!! LETS GET MARRIED!!" stage of social retardation ;)
and if ever there's a reason to visit smelly 'ol SUPERMILD on hindley st, besides getting ya groove on the dancefloor to all the gonzo boogie 70's FUNK action the DJ's here are prone to throw around.. then you really can't go past these puppies, LONG NECKS of COOPERS PALE ALE.. OOOOOYEAAAAAH!
although, SIMONE is infinitely much better at working the stylish aesthetic of it than I am.. hmmmmm..
anyhoo.. the real reason I'm out tonight is to be found down the road and upstairs at ROCKET BAR, as them psychedelic monkeys LADY STRANGELOVE are having their very own LAUNCH PARTY for their newly spawned EP.. so after an hour soaking up the dribbling alcoholism of SUPERMILD, I make my way down there..COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR
playing support for these guys tonight, we have COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR on stage..
who are happily thrashing out a liquid freakjam of cascading guitars, hydroponic bass, farting keyboards and other such acid dripping swirling instrumentalism to a foaming sea of bug eyed space children..
as they channeled the steaming brown vinyl sounds of mid 70's PINK FLOYD, fronted by this lunatic with the cross painted on his chest (I believe last time I saw them back in JUNE it wuz a spiral shape.. wooo!) who conjured up all manner of fucked up occult shrieking voodoo shit to mess with our brains.. eeeee!LADY STRANGELOVE
after COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR's set.. I briefly drop by at SUPERMILD again (soaking up on the alcohol fueled retardation emanating from JOE and SIMONE who are running at least 6 hours ahead of me on the gonzo scale of self destruction) before dropping back to ROCKET just in time to see LADY STRANGELOVE fire up..
as we present the unintelligible banshee shrieking and tamborines of lead vocalist BRENDAN SHAW..
the carpal tunnel bass grooves and gurgling synth insanity of his scruffy beanpole brother AZZ SHAW..
the kaliedoscopic chirping bird cascade and marionette chicken dance of guitarist JOSH VAN LOOY (aka: THE PENCIL NECK AFRO) cutting up guitar noises into ever weirder dimensions of swirling dementia..
which is all whipped into a metronomic frenzy by the tribal stomp of drummer DAMIAN SATANEK (whoaaaaa.. waaaaait, back the fuck up.. this dude's called DAMIAN "SATANEK"!!?? gee.. I wonder how many OMEN jokes he got when he wuz growing up? baahahahahaha! *oh shit!* there goes my immortal soul!! EEEEEE!)
to accentuate the rampaging juggernaut of psychedelia that these monkeys love to launch into each and every gig.. LADY STRANGELOVE make a particularly sneaky habit of playing in the dark.. a habit which never fails to annoy the living piss out've a gonzo photographer like meself (check out the mock "NIGHT VISION" photos I took at one of their previous gigs
for example), since the last thing I ever wanna do is take a bunch of boringarse FLASH photo happy snaps at a gig when the stage lighting looks 1000x cooler.. but hey, since LADY STRANGELOVE want some shiny shots for some interstate promo and I've got a blog audience to feed.. it's time I get crafty on these mischevious fools with a few of my OWN tricks..
for this 1st one, we have something I like to call "stealing someone else's thunder" simply wait till someone else whip's their camera out looking to take some FLASH photo's.. fire off a rapid succession of my own shots off in pitch blackness waiting for them to strike.. till, hopefully, somewhere around the 40th or 50th shot.. BAM! up comes the lightning bolt :)
whilst this sequence was pulled together from a bunch of what would normally be quick and sharp exposure shots.. but since it was pitch black and all I had for light was a teeny tiny spinning mirrorball kaliedoscope dooberflicky.. I got a stack of these multiple exposure psychedelic shots to play around with instead :)
and of course, when all else fails (and believe me, I tried everything out there) just throw in a fuckoff insane FLASH photo of JOSH's AFRO reacting to the music.. and you've got y'self the moneyshot.. w00t!
all camera geek gripes aside tho'.. they couldnt've wished for a more perfect CD LAUNCH.. the venue was packed to the ceiling, the audience was going apeshit out the front, the air was thick with all manner of wafting pharmeceuticals and LADY STRANGELOVE cranked out one helluva A-GRADE pan-dimensional face melting journey in sound.. OOOOO FUCK DID IT ROCK! if you ever wanted to experience LED ZEPPELIN, CHEMICAL BROTHERS and THE MUSIC on an acid trip mixed with 6000 bats going beserk in the NEVADA DESERT whilst UFO's land around your ears.. then these dudes are THE space-trippers for you :)
with LADY STRANGELOVE now finished for the night (leaving nothing but a grinning sea of bug-eyed goldfish behind) I picked up one of their CD's and then headed east to briefly check in at my home away from home (aka: THE CRANKA) as I grabbed myself a beer, had a look around to see if there was anyone I knew there (ack! the place wuz freaking empty maaan!) before then departing at 1:30AM for my next hooting destination for the night.. EMMA's FAREWELL PARTY in the eastern suburb of VALE PARK..
there's EMMA on the right (I got NO clue who the moron is on the left tho' *cough* ;)
and provided for our endless amusement tonight, we have a choice selection of vinyl oddities..
this grinning lunatic of a DJ who saw fit to scratch up all these records in a storm of retarded whale noises, despite most of the music actually coming from a vast collection of MP3's instead..
a steady supply of liquid stupifiers in a wide range of colours and flavours..
a big glowing thingy to stare at for hours on end in a chemical haze..
and a steady supply of unsuspecting human sacrifices to keep it burning..
all here to party like crash test dummies before the imminent departure of EMMA, the flappy and ever exciteable band photographer with the oh so cute husky welsh accent (aaaah!) who regrettably had to return to the steeiinky 'ol UK as her VISA had run out (I think we all offered to marry her at some point in the night just to keep her in the country, but alas there wasn't a priest or ELVIS impersonator in sight.. *sniff*)
yup, it may often appear she wasn't playing with a full deck of cards as she flapped about all goofy looking with a grin a mile wide, near about destroying herself on yet another hedonistic beer fueled frenzy with all of us fine fools for the last few months.. but damn did she rock our tiny world.. you will be sorely missed you kwaaazy muppet!! come back soon y'hear.. or dammit, we'll take the party to YOU! MUHAHAHAHA!! :)
the festivities kick on well past dawn as a steady stream of reinforcements keep arriving every hour (even past 6AM) with fresh supplies of beer and happy pills to replace all the circus freaks that left..
as we amuse our fractured brains with the arrival of random dogs, partake in early morning drunken HACKY SACK tournaments, devour the fine selection of cheeses, pass around a selection of smoking paraphenalia, and soak up the sun in a freewheeling bohemian haze.. aaaah, good times! GOOOOD TIMES! :)
finally, at around 9AM, with the beer supplies starting to dwindle but with the party showing NO signs of burning out anytime soon (damn! they're STILL playing HACKY SACK!?) I throw my grinning zombie carcass into the first morning BUS and make my shambling way home for much needed sleep and detox..
making for a fun filled, action packed, beer fueled yet relatively relaxing and cruisy weekend out in the live music scene of Adelaide and JUST the holiday amongst it I was looking for all these weeks.. aaaaah :)
Previously on Spoz's Rant: Two Months Off