The Adelaide scene: to many of you it may be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctional splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
MOVE TO STRIKE + LYLA + FOXX ON FIRE FUSE FESTIVAL "IGNITION" @ ARCADE LANE / Thursday February 25th 2010
Hi everyone.. turns out I'm still alive! I KNOW!! I totally didn't expect that either, especially after all I'd been through on Wednesday night. I mean you totally read that episode right? and yet here I am talkin to you now!? HELL YEAAAS!! TAKE THAT THREE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS!! It's a Thursday night, the moon is shining, the bats are singing, all that Disney crap is bursting forth, all a flutter in a riot of colour.. and I'm NOT dead yet!? DUUUDE, I AM LIKE A GOD ONTO YOU!! No really, let's take stock of all the borderline improbable shit here: I didn't wake up in a stainless steel box with a "price tag" on my toe; I didn't wake up in jar of pickles on display in Red Square, or in Mexico missing both my shoes, a kidney, with five kilos of cocaine strapped to my colon; I totally didn't have to "melvin" the Grim Reaper; or reload my last save game; or claw my way through six feet of dirt with a blood curdling scream this morning (*sigh* there's a first time for everything huh?) in fact I didn't even have to wake up in the morning at all! I've got my "eight hours" sleep, I slept through most of my hangover, I'm still alive.. YEAAAS!! HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE TO STAY!! Small problem through, despite displaying a freakish grasp for immortality here: I've somehow traded in ALL my invulnerability for what smells like rotten eggs rolled in kitty litter and coughed up out of a camel. Yup, in short I feel like crap; quite possibly deep fried crap. I've got a sore throat, my voice is gone, my head is spinning like a bobble head toy, I think I've got the first stirrings of a much dreaded "summer flu".. GUH!! Just what am I going to do!? I know! "LET'S GO APESHIT FOR ANOTHER NIGHT RUNNING, AND BURN IT ALL OUT!!" Shit damn duuude.. that's so mind boggingly stupid it's just GOTTA work! And thus begins part two of my ridiculously looong weekend. It's the second night of the Fuse Festival (aka: "Ignition"), over seventy acts spread over twenty venues, all climbing the walls and ceiling throughout the Adelaide CBD baying for my blood: and all I gotta do is spin that wheel, pick ONE, and here we are at Arcade Lane tonight!
Now obviously I have all manner of "logical" explanations for why I'm choosing here instead of anywhere else tonight. For one I didn't want to experience too much overlap in what I'd already witnessed the night before. Secondly I'm doing my utmost to avoid Jupiter Lead (hi guys!), or any show involving Blackchords, She Said You, Skye Harbour, The Touch or Deja Entendu (even if that chick IS kinda hot in a weird "Collette - Ring By Bell" kinda way *cough*) or anywhere near Cavern Club or Rocket Bar (duuude don't get me started!). But thirdly and MOST IMPORTANTLY: the one venue that's closest to the 137 route on Currie St/Grenfell would clearly get my winning vote simply because YES I'm feeling like complete crap, YES I'm completely insane for leaving the house tonight, and NO I couldn't be arsed stumbling all that far from the bus stop.. Aaaah I know, it really makes you feel ever so SPECIAL knowing I chose THIS show based purely on "merit" huh?
And if all those other lamearse excuses still failed to convince you? yeaaah truth be told I was only here JUST so I could finally get me some badass photographs of this joint (live on stage, location or whatever-the-fuck) that unlike my last laughable effort (ie: when I was hilariously drunk here little under a week ago) wouldn't completely gargle the foaming nutsack of a goat. There I said it, I admit it: I'm a photo geek, I'm far gone tragic for that shit, and YES I'm perfectly ok with it!
FOXX ON FIRE (***) myspace :: And now we present for your fleeting enjoyment: the most half arsed review you will ever read on Spoz's Rant. Yup this is our opening act, you may remember them as Foxx On Fire from Melbourne, the exact same "Foxx On Fire from Melbourne" that played Fuse Festival last night in Rymill Park (here's a photo so you can compare the two) unless of course they've been replaced by shape shifting reptilians at the very last minute (don't laugh it happens all the time with Lady Strangelove) in which case they're NOT Foxx On Fire, they're evil imposters from outer space, and it's perfectly acceptable for us to roast them alive with flamethrowers and eat them with plastic spoons (I hear they taste a lot like chicken.. go figure?). Or in other words slightly LESS shitcrazy hallucinogenic? short of all the USUAL gibberish I could otherwise write about them: "hey look, they're just like The Rapture!.. blah blah blah.. the keyboardist is insane.. yar di yar.. I wish they WERE lizard people.. arrrr I'm hungry!": all of which I've already written about BEFORE in describing their set last night (or maybe their fuck off awesome set back in November) yeaaah I've really got nothing new to say here. Hmmm. I mean sure I COULD mention they changed the setlist around, and they're wearing slightly different outfits (duuude.. they're totally shape shifting reptilians! burn them! BURN THEM!!) and the crowd response, although STILL not as wildly enraptured as they were hoping (and only a few shades removed from last night's "slamming a head into a brick wall" over and over) is just that teeny bit more "enthusiastic". Or you know.. kinda like watching grass grow, only with a light breeze to make it all zesty and shit (and trust me it's all about the zest!). Yup that was Foxx On Fire. They make dopearse tunes, they crank out that killer dancefloor buzz, their keyboardist is like a hummingbird on crack.. no really, he's fucking mad up for it! But if you want my advice? go see them somewhere ELSE like Rocket Bar or The Ed Castle when you're like Pacman eee-ing out of your tits and I assure you you'll be upto your exploding bits in "screaming happy fun times" in next to no time. Anywhere else not fuck full of scensters, hipsters and tragic fashionistas however.. or rather like tonight? Yeaaah they're kinda like watching a balloon piss out of air. They're a mad fucking party, that much we can't deny, but THIS just wasn't their time!
LYLA (***1/2) myspace :: Our second act however are having a slightly better time of it (yeaaah you know these nitwits? Lyla? They totally rip off Jet by way of Supergrass, throw in a little bit of their own howling dysfunction.. GOOD TIMES!!). For one they haven't played a show in almost three months, it's their first set for the year, and they're totally mad gunning it like a pack of wolves let loose in a nursery; which I readily admit never fails to amuse! I mean no shit, just LOOK at their guitarist Anthony Callisto, or their lead singer Matthew Minucci for example: all wide eyed hysterical, itchy trigger demented, shit eating grins, a few pickles short of a "happy meal", thrashing about on stage. As much as I'd love to pass it off as just a "trick of the stage light" and follow that up with an even LAMER pun and / or joke like "hehehe wouldn't wanna cross paths with THEM in a dark alley!": since we actually ARE in dark alley and there's only one clear way out!? I'm more worried about how many bullets it's gonna take to take them all out (oh and while we're on the subject: Anthony? nice bandana too ya fashion queen, pfft.. AAAAHAHAHahAHA!!). Secondly how can we possibly forget the contribution their keyboardist Stefan "Blobby" Krcmarov made to this set? when he not only did a flying leap arse backwards off the stage during one of his MANY shitcrazy tambourine "solos" (and quite by accident) but he totally fluked a "three point landing" with it at the very last second too. MOST. MIRACULOUS. "SAVE". EVER (and yes I'm totally kicking myself that I didn't get video of it either.. DAMNIT!!). Thirdly they've brought most (if not all) of their shrieking fangirl "rent-a-crowd" who are happily dancing up a storm out front (and that always makes for a winning combination.. even if the band sucks). Fourthly their setlist tonight is sprinkled with nothing but instant classics, most of which are either found on their EP "It Ain't Right" or let's not forget their single "All Dressed Up And No Release" which absolutely KILLED in the finale (no shit!). I mean what more could you possibly want? exploding Jägermeister fountains, strippers with nipple tassle firecrackers, and midget sword wielding ninjas being shot out of cannons!? (actually no, on second thoughts.. totally hook that up for next time, it'd be hilarious!). HOWEVER there are a "few" issues that otherwise cock a teeny tiny leg and piss all over their set (metaphorically speaking). For one they tried out a few "new songs" tonight. And hey it's always good to experiment, don't get me wrong I encourage that: it's just that they lacked the same "shitcrazy energy", they're rife with all these goofy synth bits where they just stand there looking confused, and the worst of it is this bizarre FUCK OFF LOUD "voice over" that keeps bursting forth in the first few songs.. I don't know why it's in there, apparently it's there for a REASON, but Matt keep telling their mixer to piss it all off. Oh and totally unrelated to all that? let's face it: it's a Thursday night, it's the Fuse Festival and I'm clearly not drunk enough (but obviously that's hardly THEIR fault). Still.. despite all that shit (and I AM nitpicking) Lyla deliver what Lyla always deliver: a freewheeling sixties retro rock revival that reminds you of everything you used to love about The Rolling Stones before Jet completely fucked it up for everyone in 2003. And hey that's a quality NOT to be taken lightly!
MOVE TO STRIKE (***) myspace :: Which brings us to our "headlining act". And lemme just say from the outset, that when it comes to this band and anything I might write about them? yeaaah I don't have a fucking CLUE what I'm talking about! (which is sure to make for an hilarious review!). Yup, although they're clearly from Adelaide: I've never heard of them, not by name, not by nature, nor by reputation (glowing or otherwise) despite the fact they've clearly been around for ages; which obviously has me a little concerned (and by "a little concerned" yeaaah what do I care!?). I mean shit duuudes we all know I'm freaking omniscient, we all know I got fuckoff superpowers, that I've got all the mad hookups, that I know ALL there is to the Adelaide scene (and when I don't? pfft it's obviously not worth your time!). Isn't that right #insert arbitrary name of band which I've never written a review about before#!? FUCK YEAAAH I'M TOTALLY INSANE AND DRUNK WITH POWER WAAAUHAHAHahAHaHA!! (*cough* I know, I couldn't keep a straight face writing that shit either!). And yet still, Move To Strike are a total unknown to me; and even MORE SO after seeing them live on stage? Weird huh!? Which would obviously lead us to assume any of the following "gaps in my knowledge": (a) they're dirge metal, (b) they're Aussie hiphop, (c) they're blues and roots, (d) I'm totally drunk right now, or (e) "OH MY FUCKING SHIT CRAP THEY'RE EMO!!" And as much as you'd be dead right on that last assumption (I mean shit.. what would I know about emo!?), it ALSO appears they're one of those "retro" emo bands styled after the underground 90's sound BEFORE it went all MTV popular and commercial with all that My "Fucking" Chemical Romance crap (yeaaah and I bet they all say that NOW huh!?) which means I've got even LESS shit to work with here. BRILLIANT! But what the hey, I'll still give it a red hot go regardless! Move To Strike, as much as my vocabulary can gather, possess all the following blissfully vague influences: "Pacifier" era Shihad, Audioslave, a teeny bit of Motor Ace and End Of Fashion with perhaps a smidgen of latter day Powderfinger. Or in other words, they possess all the explosive energy and overwrought emotion of say "emo", wrung through the filter of what you could call "mainstream rock", without ever being overly annoying about it (or dare I say, even all that memorable for it). Hmmm, I'm really clutching at straws here aren't I? Still.. Ben Green's soaring vocal delivery DOES compliment the chugging attack of his band quite nicely. The songs lunge in and out at you in that cheerfully abrupt, erratic, hysterical, yet easy to please kind of away. And all in all it's hard to fault them on anything. It's just that it's equally hard to credit them with anything "distinguishing" either. As good as they are at making me feel every note and every word (and they really are!): they're almost too polished at it, too "radio friendly", so much so.. any quirks, eccentricities or character I could otherwise latch onto here have somehow been lost in the translation. But hey, what the hell would I know about all this crap!? 90's emo? pfft.. what the fuck is that!? If you like Jimmy Eat World? or Sunny Day Real Estate? (thank YOU wikipedia!), if you like it all "back to basics" with none of the bullshit but ALL the energy and intensity brought to a high sheen.. then Move To Strike is THE band for you!
11:57PM - And so here I am a few minutes shy of midnight: still standing, still processing data, still blinking, still swaying gently side to side in a swirly breeze of my own imagining (weeeee!!). Three bands down for the count: all source material for "fuck off ninja" photos I can finally be proud of in this steaming dump (no really, how'd I do!?), two beers to cushion the fall: which for the record I'm totally using as "cough syrup" tonight, and hey THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG!! Which is every reason I can think of.. for walking right out that exit and off to the next bus home. I mean hell I may be "immortal", but it doesn't mean I have to be a FUCKING IDIOT about it!
Yup I readily admit this episode may have ended a little bit too "anti-climatically". Almost out of character for one as clearly batshit insane as I; especially after all I'd done on a Wednesday night "like, what the fuck duuude? IS THIS A SCHOOL NIGHT ALL A SUDDEN!? AAAAHAhAhAha YOUUU SUCK!!". But you only need to look to the bigger picture to realise: this is only chapter TWO, and there is so much more yet to come. For here on Spoz's Rant? this weekend has only just begun!
