:: Thursday, May 04, 2006

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING

in this week's reviews we delve into a whole host of cold new wave, goth, synth and artrock vampire bands.. just the sorta soundtrack to play at your next uber cool upper-eastside NEW YORK gallery opening when all the red wine, darklights and cocaine aren't quite working the vibe well enough.. and if you just so happen to be lucky enough to be on the door list, and dont register an auidible pulse then all THIS could be yours too.. so, dive on in and ENJOY!


SHE WANTS REVENGE - SELF TITLED
in brief: metronome goth-electro hybrid
rating: 2.5 / 5

for all those people out there who thought INTERPOL just weren't damn well dark enough or serial killer creepy, then THIS is the party fun-time band for you! as SHE WANTS REVENGE brings you the ultimate black fingernail soundtrack for your winter of foul discontent.. borrowing influences equally from the electroclash, goth and heroin 80's new wave scenes, they're yet to really find a unique sound of their own but do a DAMN good job of aping others.. with "I DONT WANNA FALL IN LOVE" sounding like a deadringer for FISCHERSPOONER, "MONOLOGUE" like DEPECHE MODE and "RED FLAGS AND LONG NIGHTS" and "TEAR YOU APART" sounding very much like INTERPOL paired back to a grisly skeletal frame..

they're a brutally minimal act, replacing much of a normal band's raw vitality with sparse and well measured metronomic stabbing drum-machines, electronic bass, icey synths and maybe the occassional flourishes of triggering guitar reminiscent of THE CURE.. the vocals are very much in that droning JOY DIVISION, GARY NUMAN vibe singing all these poetically perverted lyrics of dark lust and twisted imaginings on the dancefloor.. overall effect of this is something that just about sucks the life and temperature out've any room.. but, sometimes you'd actually invite that..

when this album works, it works brilliantly.. "TEARS YOU APART" has gotta be one of the coolest songs I've heard in a long while and the lyrics of "OUT OF CONTROL" are truly twisted beyond all measure, but the rest of the album tends to drag and plod along in such a cold consistency that you tend to get drained white by the whole experience.. ideal for an ugly breakup or your suicide soundtrack.. but for anything else.. best to enjoy in small doses..

highlights: RED FLAGS AND LONG NIGHTS, SOMEONE MUST GET HURT, TEAR YOU APART


EDITORS - THE BACK ROOM
in brief: interpol's twin brother
rating: 3 / 5

this band could easily be dismissed as a note for note INTERPOL clone (yes, yet ANOTHER one), as they have the same monotone droning vocal delivery, the same hammering reverbed guitar riffing, the same stabby metronome drumming, pretty much the same overal feel right down to the black shirts and thin white ties.. almost to the point you could call them twins.. the only real difference really is I'd say these guys are just a tad more hammering and dancefloor friendly (but maybe I'm just splitting hairs)..

but as much as they're a deadringer tho', they're still a bloody good one with some truly brilliantly crafted songs amongst the mix - "MUNICH", "BULLETS" and "BLOOD" are damn near perfection in driven urgency.. so much so, you'd wish the rest of the album would carry this same momentum coz then you'd have an absolute classic on yer hands.. but.. unfortunately, over the full length of the record the feel is quite uneven and schizophrenic.. for all the cool jamming dancefloor tracks that get you buzzing, there's a tonne of other slow and languid FILLER that do nothing but put you into a coma and kill the mood (pretty much the entire 2nd half) maybe if the song order was rearranged it'd make for sense for energy flow.. hmmmm..

as it is, it shows promise as a first album release.. quite possibly one to watch for their second or third release.. but, untill they find their OWN voice I think they'll just be limited to the "ME TOO!!" box..

highlights - MUNICH, BLOOD, BULLETS


MOVING UNITS - DANGEROUS DREAMS
in brief: ridculously addictive 80's style dance-rock
rating: 5 / 5

this album sounds like what would happen if you combined DAMON ALBARN from BLUR with some maniacally tragic early 80's throwback postpunk party band.. it's got the same sense of fun that BLUR had in their earlier records.. throws in all the requisite 80's swinging bassline funkriffs, handclap beats and manic energy of THE CLASH, MADNESS or THE SPECIALS, adds a tiny sprinkle of cheerful goth sado-masochism into the mix.. to bring you something quite demented yet damn near impossibly likeable..

from beginning to end this album is sublimely crafted, fashioning meticulously polished britpop sounds and precision dance-punk through and through yet twisting it all up with a gleeful sense of playful anarchy.. it's like all the drilling guitars, deep grooving swing bass and the slappy beats that make the BLOC PARTY so haunting, urgent and spooky but in the hands of these guys, they make the same ingredients an absolute piss load of party crazed fun.. so much so you really can't help but flipflop around the room or dancefloor like a loon fresh from one of them JOHN HUGHES' 80's films..

this album is damn near perfection with never a dull moment.. they should be freaking huge (it sure beats FRANZ FERDINAND).. so go get it.. you'll thank me later

highlights - EMANCIPATION, GOING FOR ADDS, ANYONE, BRICKS & MORTAR


YEAH YEAH YEAHS - SHOW YOUR BONES
in brief: artrock chaos reigned in with a leash
rating: 4 / 5

for all of you out there familiar with the YEAH YEAH YEAHS, fans of their first album with their distinctively schitzy anarchic shrieking art-rock sounds and exploding feedback wailing chaos.. then you may be in for a shock here.. they've gone and changed all their shit up on their 2nd album.. which is quite a bold move considering most bands just play it safe on the 2nd album (*cough* THE STROKES, FRANZ FERDINAND) fearing they'll fuck anything up if they take even the smallest risk..

so, gone is all the freeform madness.. the out've control hammering energy.. the madenning and howling violent streak threatening to break your eardrums.. and in it's place, we now have stabbing precision, surgical sharpness and a whole host of sublime indie rock polish and metrenomic chugging control.. it's like someone strung up the band like puppets in straitjackets and got them to dance a military beat to put them all in line.. yet, despite what you may think.. if you give it a few listens to get over the shock, you'll find you'll really start to like this.. and the more you listen, the more you'll also realise all the chaos you loved hasn't actually gone at all, it's just better managed now..

there's still KAREN O's distinctive piercing vocal here, there's still the howling ghostly guitars wailing unholy echo's into the night.. but it's all been pulled into order.. making for damn effective hybrid between refined down-the-middle rock and howling artrock experimentalism.. somewhat like mixing the churn of TOOL or the brutal martial crunch of latter day NINE INCH NAILS (especially in the songs "FANCY" and "PHENOMENA") with the more mainstream sound of GARBAGE.. yet, regardless of all the polish.. they still can't help but make KAREN O's voice sound freakingly annoying in large album sized doses (but maybe that's just me)

fans will likely hate this album on first listen, but give it some time and you'll seen really start to enjoy it (and they might actually win a whole host of new fans with this one).. yup, the new sound may be a risk, but it sometimes it can really pay off.. so go get it, it's good shit!

highlights - GOLD LION, FANCY, PHENOMENA, CHEATED HEARTS, DUDLEY


well, that's all for this week.. if you have any crazy suggestions for shiny shit I should check out in the following weeks, lemme know and I'll hunt it down.. cheers :)

:: Spoz 12:22 AM |
...

FIRE COMING OUT OF THE MONKEY'S HEAD

after the inflicted carnage of last weekend's epic journey into dribbledom I wuz really hoping for a nice contemplative week to recharge.. a week of quiet reflection doing nothing but tweaking up freelance graphic design (for SWEEPER), webdesign bollocks (for MUNCHKIN) and writing up horribly retarded midweek blogs that nobody in their right mind would ever read.. but OOOOOOOH NO! this was not to be!

behold the rarefied stonerisms that is the tuesday night carnage - W SHANE FORSTER and JIMMY's CHILI LONGNECK PARTY - held in the fluffy suburbanite surrounds of FLINDERS PARK.. will the madness ever cease?


key ingredients for any good TUESDAY NIGHT party..

(a) steaming bowls of fresh CHILLI BEEF..



(b) fuckoff sized LONGNECK bottles of beer..



(c) a big wacky inferno in the backyard to keep the peeps hypnotized..



(d) live PA system, mixing desk and psychedelic lighting rigs..



(e) idiotically loud live rock bands jamming out in the livingroom..



LC3'S
so, here's the LC3's chugging out a howling mess of proto grunge stonerisms..







TRIXIE PLAIN
followed by W SHANE FORSTER's weirdarse sideproject thingy.. couldn't for the life of me remember wot the hell it wuz called, something along the lines of "SATURDAY NIGHT SMASHOFF".. but they did this mean arse 1st song that sounded like QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE vs DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979.. complete with one freakin' ninja buzzing guitar riff that tore the roof off.. ROCK!





with that over, much retarded free for all band jams follow.. featuring lunatic covers of PEARL JAM and NEIL YOUNG.. many many bottles.. many many games of fooz (most of which I won, weirdly enough).. that damn chilli burning a whole thru my digestive tract.. much carnage and fun for all!



Previously on Spoz's Rant: I Won't Survive

:: Spoz 6:41 PM |
...

KLEPTO BALL / FRANKENSTEIN POOL

this is a photo of a yellow billiard ball that I somehow managed to find in my possession after the misadventures of last weekend.. as to why I have this billiard ball or how it came into my possession is anyone's guess.. but, it does bring to mind an incredibly insane concept I've been cooking up over the last few days, a concept that I'd like to share with you all now..



the concept is a game.. a game that's likely well suited for all you lunatic university students out there who always insist on going out on all those idiotic themed PUB CRAWLS each and every weekend in matching t-shirts that say "THOMAS THE TANKED ENGINE" (or something equally more retarded but "oh so witty").. yeah.. YOU guys! I know yer reading.. listen up.. you might really enjoy this one..

this game runs as a simple variation of the infamous "barstool" game - when you arrive at the first venue for the night, proceed to the pool tables and try and swipe as many of the balls as you can.. it doesn't really matter which balls (although, if you manage to swipe either the white ball or the black, yer a freaking legend) just make sure you don't get caught, keep track of how many you swiped and stash 'em all away for safe keeping.. once you've succeeded in your mission, proceed to the next venue, find the pool tables there and then deposit all of the balls you stole from the previous venue (if you stole a large number of balls, it'll help to spread them around so as not to arouse suspicion) once you've made your deposit.. withdraw (steal) an equal amount of NEW balls from this venue.. repeat each venue till if possible you finish up at the first venue you started with so as to replace all the balls you stole from there with all the new ones.. so that way, you haven't really stolen any of these balls.. you're merely replacing them all ;)

now the results from your first night should be small enough so as not to arouse suspicion from the public at large.. but, once you accumilate your efforts over a series of weekends you should begin to notice some truly spectactular results as each and every venue you frequent will now feature pool tables with the most horribly mismatched frankenstein collections of balls imaginable.. just think - tables with 5 eight balls, tables with none, tables missing the white ball, tables with too many "BIGS", or no bigs at all, balls of different styles and sizes all mashed together in ludicrous mess.. all this could be yours!

of course, there's no chance in hell I'd ever admit to doing anything this stupid myself, or ever seriously advocate that YOU attempt this game (coz obviously for LEGAL reasons I'd hafta discourage you from such public acts of mischief, especially from any venues I would like to frequent) but just THINK of the potential if this plan was ever put into action.. it'd be absolute chaos.. :)

:: Spoz 11:57 PM |
...

I WON'T SURVIVE

that's it! I've had enough! no more with this insanity dammit! it all ends here! I ain't gonna play your silly games no more! things are gonna change maaan.. next week it's gonna be different, I'm gonna put a stop to all the blinding hallucinogenic whacky you taunt me with.. I'm gonna cut you OFF maaaaan.. I'm gonna go cold turkey.. next weekend I wont stay out till the sun comes up all twatted out've me skull howling at random morning joggers on the Adelaide Uni footbridge.. next weekend I'm not gonna dance like a hairy retarded chimp amongst the broken glass and spilt beer at the CRANKA or SHOTZ screaming at random strangers like they're long lost friends.. next weekend I'm not gonna blow over $100 in alcohol in one night.. next weekend I'm not gonna heckle random funny shit at bands or hoot like a malfunctioning car alarm at the end of every song just because I can.. next weekend I wont scam myself into yet ANOTHER live venue for free.. next weekend I wont buy that touring band's CD at the gig just because I think that chick on the drums is kinda cute.. next weekend I wont drink all those jagerbombs.. next weekend I wont be out there cracking up a bucket of walnuts in some dude's backyard at 4AM.. next weekend I'll keep away from the Falafel House, KFC, San Georgio's, Hungry Jacks and all those other retarded hellholes I seem to frequent when I'm hungry and on the piss.. next weekend I promise I wont klepto all those billiard balls (don't ask)

next weekend it'll ALL be different.. I'll be respectable.. I'll stay home.. I'll even go to sleep at a reasonable hour.. I'll lock the doors.. I'll switch off the tv, the computer and the radio.. I'll ignore the endless phone calls and SMS's dragging me out.. I'll turn out all the lights.. I'll wear a hessian sack, stuff myself into a 2x2x2 metre wooden box and then have angry irish catholic nuns beat me senseless with sticks.. oooooh yes! I've learnt from my wicked ways! no more I say! NO MORE!! SAVE ME JEBUS!! SAAAVE ME FROM THIS MADNESS THAT I'VE UNLEASHED EACH AND EVERY WEEK!! AAAAUAUAUAUAAUAUAAAHH!!

arrrr fuckit.. you know that's never gonna happen :)


THURSDAY NIGHT
my plans tonight are to check out a smelly MC BATTLE, called "STIX N TRIGGAZ" at the GOVERNOR HINDMARSH, so just like the weekend before.. I begin the night at 6:30PM with a BACON CHEESE + ONION HOTDOG at the FALAFEL HOUSE in Hindley st (the best freaking hotdog in Adelaide I tell's ya!)



finding a group of freaks at the AUSSIE PIZZA HOUSE next door.. I then make my way to JIVE.. where evening beers and mindless games of foozball carnage follow..



and whilst I proceed to lose every freakin' game to JESSE the kid (who's goofed upto his eyeballs on over 7-8 red cordials and lemonade skolled within the space of an hour) a band quietly sets up behind us on the stage..



PENNY IKINGER
and so, first up for our amusement.. we get PENNY IKINGER and her band from Melbourne.. cooking up that distinct flavour of well-worn journeyman pub rock that only a band in their mid to late 30's can achieve after spending way too many years bored out've their skulls on a tourbus playing to idiots in country towns.. hmmm.. yeah.. it's real good if ya like that sorta thing.. but for me? meh..



ADRIAN BELEW
and now, the headliner.. some guitarist dude called ADRIAN BELEW.. I've never heard of him before, but apparently he's from the USA and has played with the likes of FRANK ZAPPA, DAVID BOWIE, TOOL and NINE INCH NAILS.. yeah, he's like a living legend or some shit.. so, as you'd expect the venue is soon packed to the ceiling with a seething mass of middle aged guitar nerds, mullets, metalheads, music store geeks and us cheaparse bastards who were here since soundcheck and thus escaped the $40 entry fee..



as for the music itself, it's really really freaking cool if wacky effects driven guitar masturbation / live jamming stuff is just yer kinda thing.. there's no songs.. no vocals.. just peeps noodling in endless psychedelic pink floydesque loops and guitar / bass / drum solos for hours on end.. yeah.. craaaazy man.. crazy.. pass me that joint..

by about 10:30PM or so, we'd finally broken ourselves from wot'ever hypnotic spell this guitarist had over us.. and made our way to the GOVERNOR HINDMARSH to see this wacky 'ol MC BATTLE..

from all the promo and hype.. we were expecting to see a scene out've 8 MILE or some shit.. but instead were greeted by a small bunch of dedicated hiphop heads goofing off in the front bar to some live drummer as they tried to out insult each other for prizes and infamy.. yeah.. um.. party! (although.. I should note for the record, the 1st one of these they held a month or so ago wuz freaking huge..)



apparently this ZACH DE LA ROCHA dude in the dreds and the yellow t-shirt won the event tonight, claiming a carton of COOPERS PALE ALE for his efforts.. a worthy prize to be sure, till you consider that we all managed to drink it empty before he even left the venue.. rock!



since I wuz looking to be a cheap bastard tonight and scam a lift home from STUCKEY.. I whiled away the next few hours outside the venue after the event nicking drinks from the dude's beer prize.. whilst a bunch of them hiphop heads (including some freaks dressed as hardcore gangstas fresh from germany) talked up their grand plans for world domination (as you do)



at about 2AM.. we finally piled the fuck out've there.. and made our way to W SHANE FORSTER's for continued late night beer drinking, pizza and foozball.. I dimly then recall about 4AM, a bunch of us - ME, STUCKEY, FORSTER.. sitting in the backyard sifting thru a bucket of walnuts, cracking them open like mental patients.. from here on in the memory of the rest of the night gets a little too blurry for recollection..

so it's home at 5AM and unconsciousness..


FRIDAY NIGHT
on the menu tonight, we have MUNCHKIN at the AUSTRAL at 11PM, whilst simultaneously we have SOFT WHITE MACHINE playing over at the JADE MONKEY.. my diabolical scheme was to somehow fit in both acts, without compromising a single beer in the process..

first up, to prepare for the mission at hand.. I fuel up on 9PM happy hour beers at the CRANKA..



at about 10:30PM I then hit the AUSTRAL (aka: THE NOSTRIL) which is now quite possibly THE worst (formerly best) stinkyarse live venue in the east end of Adelaide.. yeah, it's really kinda sad to think just how COOL this place used to be (with it's infamous beer garden stage) and how horrendously shite it has now become.. seriously, can somebody please explain to me why the AUSTRAL needed to be another restaurant in freaking RUNDLE ST.. a street that's already packed to the gills with restaurants? bah.. fuckin' yuppies and their accursed housing developments ruining all our fun..

MUNCHKIN
anyhoo.. it is here that I find them wacky electro muppets MUNCHKIN playing a set under cover of darkness, stuffed into a corner of the dining room.. in what is laughingly considered their "live band" performance space..



so.. lemme see.. there's no actual stage.. the lighting sucks.. the live PA sucks.. there's a giant fuckoff projection-screen tv distracting all the punters in the other room.. idiots are constantly pushing past you as they run to and from the bar and the toilets.. and it feels like a million freakin' degrees in here.. but, bless them little MUNCHKINS if they still give it a red hot go anywaze! yay!



watch as KALIAH sways, swoops, flaps her little arms and jumps about like an exciteable ferret, singing her tiny lungs out..



DALE noodles away his deadly array of funkin' riffs and gets the little crowd jumping around..



GEDDY does his hypnotic shit with the bass guitar, chucking in the occassional robot chicken lyrical flow for good measure (GOD IS A TERRORIST is still one of me favourite songs.. you guys chucking an update of that on the album or wot?)



whilst capably backing this trio is the 4th member of the group, TRON the BODYPOPPING MECHANOID, kicking out addictive spikey electro dance beats from the confines of a ninja fueled laptop shell.. and yeah, wow.. I really like wot ya guys have added to the songs here.. did I notice a few new beat arrangements in there somewhere? a few new songs? killa!

(and sure.. you can't SEE TRON here, but rest assured he's out there doing his thing)



all in all.. despite the exceptionally shoddy location.. MUNCHKIN powered thru a damn fine triphop/electro/new wave jam.. equal measures GARBAGE meets SNEAKER PIMPS vs DEPECHE MODE.. I mean, LOOK at that freakin' rock move KALIAH's busting out there.. YEAH! WOOO! BRING IT! CARNAGE! (or something..)



extra credit also goes to the mixer for somehow squeezing a respectable sound out've those shodddy house speakers that didnt TOTALLY lick balls (seriously, it's probably the best I've heard those speakers play ever.. much respect!).. and also to whoever covered those dumb blackboard menus (proudly proclaiming the bargain $23.90 lunchtime special in the BUNKKA restaurant) with that blue sheet thingy.. nice one!

SOFT WHITE MACHINE
with MUNCHKIN finished at around 11:40PM.. I thought I'd then rush on down to JADE MONKEY to see if I could catch any of SOFT WHITE MACHINE's set at the JADE MONKEY.. some people thought I wuz insane and I'd already missed their show.. and yet, rushing in thru the door (woo.. free entry!) I find I've only missed the first song.. score!



so, here we have ANDREAS ripping thru his guitar with ferocious beanie man intensity..



bass player JETT goosing about in the shadows chugging out some subsonic fury..



KARL with his trippy twirling aeroplane guitar, spinning it around like an exciteable 4 year old trying to defy gravity (you can almost hear him going "VROOOM VROOOM WEEEEEEEE!" in his brain when he moves that things around)



and um.. yeah.. NICK the drummer, hidden in here somewhere with his freaky mohawk banging out those funkin' metronomic beats.. but since he conveniently found the darkest corner of the stage behind everyone else.. I couldn't attack him with the camera (yooooou crafty bastard!)



yup, without fail every time these guys play they freakin' tear me ears off.. definitely one of the best 5 chugging riff rock bands currently doing the scene in Adelaide.. if you haven't caught their shit already, then by all means.. go see 'em, they'll melt yer brain..



(now if only these monkeys would finally release a shiny EP or something.. seriously dudes.. any word on that yet? huh? HUH!? ME WANT DA SHINY CD YO!!)



with the band now finished, I then fuel up on a few more COOPERS PALES from ZACH the psychic bartender.. with plans to further my adventures (likely into dribbling nonsensical domains) into the rest of the night..



next stop.. I'm back at the AUSTRAL, which then leads to the CRANKA.. which, then.. inevitably leads to SHOTZ (as you do) where many strange and exceptionally silly beer fueled adventures unfold..

now, of course I could elaborate here.. but, to make this ridiculously long weekend report slightly shorter.. I'll just say "what happens at SHOTZ, stays at SHOTZ" and leave it at that..



(however, cuz I know you'll ask.. if yer reaaally curious.. be sure to check out SIMONE's blog arriving in the next few days with all the insane details (and since I could hardly remember wot the hellarse retarded insanity went ON in there, I'm really kinda curious to read about it meself.. carnage!)

after much stupidity (a lot of it likely on the dancefloor) SHOTZ closes mysteriously early at 3:30AM, so we find ourselves back at the CRANKA where more beers follow.. and then wandering lost in a dribbling haze doing fuck know's wot looking for people who seem to keep going missing every 5 minutes or so..

eventually the last remaining idiots of the night - ME, STUCKEY, SIMONE and JOE BLOGS wind up at SAN GEORGIO's at 5AM for pizza.. weird to think, out've all the things I forgot about this night, I really couldn't forget the TASTE of this pizza, DAMN but did it ROCK :)



obviously since 5AM is waaaay too early to go home for people as twatted out've our skulls as us.. we then concoct a plan to head from SAN GEORGIO's to the ADELAIDE UNI footbridge over the Torrens river to see the sunrise..

of course.. there's no such thing as a simple journey from A to B for these lunatics.. so, wot follows is the most vague of sketches of wot we did (again, read SIMONE's blog for more details)

speaking of such, here she is.. um.. dabbling in the dark arts..
hi SIMONE! please don't harvest my kidneys!



and here's JOE BLOGS demonstrating the finer points of responsible drinking.. how he doesn't get killed or locked up in a loony bin for doing this shit is really beyond me..



nope.. I can't possibly hope to explain the meaning behind this photo.. but, then again.. all performance art of this nature is inherantly misunderstood by the contemporary society at large that plays host to it (they'd really go nuts for this shit in Berlin tho'.. perhaps we should tour it?)



sunrise over the Torrens.. and sure, it may look all tranquil n shit here.. but once you factor in all the sounds of us idiots harmonising strangled turkey screams at passing early morning joggers and otherwise making complete twats of ourselves to the passing public at large.. then this image develops an entirely different and more disturbing animalist paradigm.. hmmmmm.. pause and consider..



um.. yup, clearly by this point at about 7:30AM.. it was time to go home as we were clearly far beyond retarded..



and so, at the end of another long night.. I fall into a bus, make my way home at 8AM.. and collapse in a dribbling heap of swirling unconsciousness..


SATURDAY NIGHT
I awake sometime around 3PM.. take one look at the contents of my camera.. and swear profusely when I realise I need to sort thru 110 photo's of the previous night before I could even consider leaving the house today (since the prospect of sorting thru that and ANOTHER 100 likely photo's hungover on the sunday would likely destroy wot's left of my sanity)

I have plans however to attend some wacky all-ages music festival thingy to be held today in LIGHT SQUARE from 4PM - 7PM, featuring MR WEDNESDAY, FEAR OF FLYING, BIT BY BATS and THE PHAROAHS.. an absolute killa lineup by all accounts.. and not only that.. but.. it's FREE! but of course.. by the time I'm finished with all the photo nonsense.. it takes me till 6:30PM to hit the city..

THE PHAROAHS
so when I finally get there I make it just it in time to catch the final band, THE PHAROAHS play a last few songs..



now I'd seen these guys a few times before, sniffing around the edges of various touring Melbourne acts.. but I never really gave them any consideration, since I'd always thought of them as just some novelty overhyped new wave / postpunk / dance rock act.. one of those dime a dozen cash-in acts who's only novelty is featuring a lead singer with crazyarse facial hair..

yet.. the set they played tonight soon proved me wrong, these monkeys FUCKING rocked!



the main highlight of this band (besides the wacky lead singer and his novelty sideburns) is the bass player dude, who chugs out the freakin' MEATIEST, LOUDEST diabolical distorted dance-rock bass guitar grooves I've freakin' heard in weeks.. I'm guessing part of this wuz thanks to the live PA here.. but DAMN did this shit fucking tear the place up.. it was pure freakin' satan maaan..



another odd piece of trivia here.. apparently the drummer here is only 16.. the dude's a freaking midget and yet, he rips thru the drumkit like nobody's business..



to add to the ambience, a few scattered drunken aboriginal dudes were seen hanging around in the front of the crowd dancing up a storm.. parroting every guitar screech, or vocal stab with their own accompanying screech, howl and vocal stabbing gibberish in kind.. damn funny to watch.. and yet, whilst watching these blithering drunks flail around with exciteable glee.. I couldn't escape the thought that (a) I wuz easily THIS drunk last night, (b) would very likely be this drunk AGAIN tonight..

aaah.. but such is life.. :)

all in all.. with a performance like this, it looks like the PHARAOHS have won themselves yet another possible fan.. just dont go fucking it up y'hear! I'm expecting THIS kinda performance at ALL your future gigs..



with the PHAROAHS finished.. and the crowd (and venue) now clearing out for the night.. I started thinking I should seek out dinner.. but before then, I bumped into the dudes from SWEEPER who were raving on about these dodgy looking chicken wrap things peeps were serving from a little catering van 10 metres away.. I thought better of wacky festival food.. and instead opted for even worse with plans for some trashy KFC.. but before I parted ways with SWEEPER.. they conveniently cashed me up with payment for a CD cover design I worked for them a few weeks ago..

"woooo.. BEER MONEY!"

and so, at about 7:30PM, I leave LIGHT SQUARE and go wandering down CURRIE / GRENFEL ST to RUNDLE MALL to score me some greasyarse caveman chicken at KFC..



now.. my original plan for tonight, was to go see the gig that every indie geek in Adelaide wuz gonna see - THE GRATES playing at ADELAIDE UNI BAR.. and, yet when I tried buying a ticket at VENUTIX earlier in the week.. they told me it had sold out..

*FUCK! FUCK! ARGGGHH!!! TWATTING BOLLOCKS!!*

and yet, I knew that wasn't gonna deter me tonight.. as conveniently enough.. being the D-list celebrity around town that I am.. I happened to possess a few handy C-list contacts in case of such emergencies as these.. so.. for a larf, I front up to ADELAIDE UNI BAR anywaze, to see what my chances were..

so, upon arriving I find COREY (aka: CHRIS FARLEY) one of the crazy dudes from CENTRAL DELI BAND.. he wuz talking up a crazy plan of blagging our way in thru the back entrance (thru backstage) as he'd tried it before a few minutes ago with one of the bouncers there with barely a suspicion raised..

but, for laughs I thought I'd go for a direct approach instead.. so, I make my way up the stairs.. walk to the front desk.. where I spot my friend AVALON, who often runs the doors at gigs here and at FOWLERS LIVE..

SPOZ - "so, I heard a rumour that the gig's sold out tonight?"

AVALON - "not for you it ain't.. $20 and just walk on thru!"

SPOZ - "aaawwww duuuude.. you rock! :)"

yup.. for getting me in to see THE GRATES, I HEART HIROSHIMA and THE PANDA BAND when they were all sold out, she does indeed most rock! niiiiice one AVALON :))

I HEART HIROSHIMA
upon walking in, I discover the first band has already started up for tonight.. a wacky little midget act called I HEART HIROSHIMA.. cooking up a sound somewhat reminiscent of THE ARCADE FIRE (only more spikey minimal and insanely catchy) a damn cool band to watch.. look out for 'em..



here we have occassional vocalist / guitarist MATT.. showing the finer art of how to look all quirky and indie, and grow a scruffy beard at the same time..



here's lead vocalist / drummer SUSIE and some dude on bass with the unfortunately geeky (but perhaps now ultra cool) name of CAMERON.. yeah! CAMERON.. ROCK!!!



for most of the set, I was transixed by the trippy drummer chick, SUSIE.. who, in some weird way (at least on stage) resembled a stripey bizarro-reality percussionist version of KAREN O from the YEAH YEAH YEAHS that learnt how to flail the living shit out've the drums instead of flailing the living shit out've herself doing gonzo dance moves on stage (or falling off it, as in the case of KAREN O)..

(and yeah, ok.. I admit it.. I thought she wuz cute.. indie rock chicks maaan, gotta love 'em :)



all in all.. a damn cool band.. so impressive in fact, I wuz actually insane enough to buy the EP (expect a review in a week or two after I've given it a few spins).. even got the puppy signed with a wacky cartoon by the drummer too.. nifty :)

with I HEART HIROSHIMA finished, up next we have THE PANDA BAND..

THE PANDA BAND
now, from wot I could gather (all PANDA influences aside), these guys were going for a MODEST MOUSE kinda vibe.. only, missing the more insane exuburant rampant alcoholism that makes MODEST MOUSE so much more fun to listen to..



they were led by this skinny geeky lookin' lead vocalist dude..



they featured various SYNTHS and widgets played by these hairy dudes..
(quite possibly running with a WOLFMOTHER influenced 'fro vibe here..)



and um.. yeah.. and they were kinda alright.. although, they were nothing that really got me all that enthused (being a MODEST MOUSE fan kinda ruined it for me I guess) so, 1/2 the time I kept getting distracted by other stray shiny objects instead.. the need to source beer.. panda droppings.. etc.. maybe if I saw 'em in different surroundings they'd be cool.. hmmmm..



with THE PANDA BAND done for the night, and with the stage cleared of their various widgets, gadgets and gizmos.. I tried to score a spot near the front of the stage (since if I needed to take half decent photo's of these lunatics it'd help if I wuzn't buried in crowd of hooting baboons in front of me) eventually.. I found a none too insane spot.. and I waited it out..

in the meantime.. I noticed THE GRATE's drummer running around the stage and into the crowd distributing 100's of helium baloons to add to the already wacky ambience of the place (coz obviously, it's not enough to just SOUND like an explosion at a drug crazed kid's party.. it helps to look the part as well)

THE GRATES
before too long.. the band finally burst out onto the stage to start off the show, in an impossibly over exciteable cloud of arm flailing insanity.. somewhat like the mental image you'd get when you think of KERMIT the muppet trying to dance..



(in hindsight, it's just as well I didn't drop any shrooms, ketamine or acid at this gig, otherwise I think my head would've exploded after about 5 minutes fo trying to take all this in..)



here's lead singer PATIENCE.. she's very likely the reason why the crowd here tonight consists of equal measures screaming pogo-ing teenage indie chicks in silly 50's cocktail dresses.. and all us older scruffy looking males with dumb grins on our faces totally dumbfounded but wot'ever insane energy source PATIENCE must be running on to jump around non-stop the ENTIRE FREAKING GIG like an out've control exciteable puppy like that..

yeah, we're all suckers for the PATIENCE.. and WE know it.. ;)



it's at this moment that the guitarist JOHN wonders if he remembered to pack the tranquiliser gun or not..



here's ALANA on drums.. she's either some kinda japanese manga party robot, or she may be ASTRO BOY's sister.. it's really hard to tell.. she plays a mean set of drums tho'..



and yes.. I do realise how incredibly silly this all looks..



after about 30 minutes of this shit, you really start peakin' out've yer noggin'..



hmmmm.. I dunno if that thing is some kinda flute.. or a pez despenser.. my brains really too beyond destroyed by the wackiness of this to make a proper judgement call at this point.. it sounded trippy tho..



yup, it's just about impossible to be in a bad mood when she's running around with that cheesy grin on her face for an entire hour.. really makes me wanna mess with EMO brains up with this stuff.. it'd be damn near kryptonite on 'em..



and.. um.. yeah.. let me just state for the record.. that this IS an indie pop / rock band and NOT a demented kid's party act on acid (no really, read the CD review below) and no, there wasn't a large purple dinosaur, an exciteable chicken, any of the WIGGLES or some kinda spaceship involved.. although.. if they were to suddenly appear at any given moment.. it'd still make sense..

I mean.. with a songs like - "use my bed like a trampoline.. I said.. HIGHER!! HIGHER!!!" you really can't go wrong can ya? :)



yup, if band were a drug.. it'd be made illegal from all the carnage it'd cause :)



and on that note, with my brain totally fucked up beyond all repair.. THE GRATES finish up for the night.. still as ridiculously out've control with the spastically psychedelic happy as when they started the night.. rock!

heading outside.. and burnt out by the whole wacky experience, I collapsed on the lawns outside the UNI BAR, looking for wot was left of my brain, hoping to piece enough of reality back in my head to continue the night.. it was here that I noticed this sign - "MATHS DROP-IN CENTRE", conjuring up in my head all sorts of fucked up mental images of strung out maths geeks all wild bug-eyed and bloodshot doing lines of equations like demented smack addicts.. heh.. my brain-damage is funny :)



finally.. at about 12:30PM or so.. I regain some semblance of my sanity with aims to lose it all again on further beer fueled stupidity thru the streets of Adelaide..

so, with that in mind.. I head off to the CRANKA..



when I arrived, I noticed some of the balloons from THE GRATES gig were now seen circulating all around the CRANKA as well.. so, here's LEE from TONY FONT SHOW looking like all his christmases have come at once..

hmmmm.. creepy..



oh crap.. there goes my brain again.. damn you CHELSEA and SIMONE!!



cue jagerbombs to further flush my brain down the toilet.. I hand them a $50 note for this and I get back loose change.. ouch! (damn, SWEEPER's beer money went QUICK tonight didn't it?)



and whoa.. did I drink all that? faaaark..



and thus, as predicted, we cue more scattered disconnected memories of the night as follows..

1AM - 4AM : much stupid dancefloor action at the CRANKA.. much drinking.. much blurriness and being utterly twatted out've me skull howling like a retarded loon..

4AM - 5AM : a bunch of us then go to SHOTZ to continue further into our own gurgling oblivion (quite possibly there's photographic evidence of this one.. but thankfully I don't possess it.. the horror! the horror!) and yes.. SHOTZ is an evil EVIL place.. and you should never go there.. but DAMN is it still a lot've retarded fun.. :)

5AM - 6AM : um.. shit.. I got NO clue what happened here.. aliens?

6AM - 6:30AM : I wind up at HUNGRY JACKS with JOE BLOGS and SIMONE, utterly twatted out've me skull.. eating a mushroom sauce bacon n cheese burger (of all frankenstein concoctions) and weirdly enough, in my state of stupidity it tastes REALLY FUCKING GOOD.. yeah.. quite clearly I've gone quite insane.. and may require serious psychiatric help..

6:30AM - 7AM : taxi home.. collapse.. quite possibly dead.. with a dumb grin on my face.. and THAT kiddies.. is MY weekend..


*phew* how the hell DID I survive this all AGAIN!?
3 nights.. 8 bands.. about $220?
CARNAGE! :)

wot will SPOZ cook up next!?
stay tuned next weekend to find out!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Previously on Spoz's Rant: The Good Times Are Killing Me

:: Spoz 11:37 PM |
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