SUBSTANCE ABUSEit's come to my attention recently that nobody actually READS these weekend blogs.. sure everyone claims that they "read the articles" but I know you're just here for the shiny pictures living in the hope I'd name drop you and your band in another post arent'cha? yeah.. I should've known.. really I could just write any 'ol shit here and none of you would know the difference.. so.. fukkit.. with that in mind.. here goes nothin'.. :)
hamster exploding igloo toilet ice-cream martian embryo cement egg dildo ostrich cocaine budgie nipples coconut wristwatch envelope sasquatch tornado freezeframe imbecile helicopter toothbrush conical flask octagonal herpies cookie monster where the fist goes smell the ocean! things that rhyme with a dead duck weekend at bernies strung up on wires novacaine lettuce zebraform shit in a strong wind pluto velocity lozenge teepee hiccup rectalinear spoon damage pogo wombat inferno spatula full frontal lobotomy instrument frog recycled troglodyte ingrown toenails koala corpse skeletonise cinder block lock and key vibrational strings aubergine screwdriver panda frisbee eavesdropping zero gravity doorknobs and migraines retrograde to the sun blackhole singularity spleen bucketbong refridgerator teflon rodent hit with sticks the bricks antelopes unicorns forests of gnomes screaming at a styrofoam sun flipflop breathmints tiny tiny crackers tsunami oscilloscope howling mad science 3rd eyelid blind venetian popping mirage floating point potato where the sign says "moops" eat the pudding mr magoo truncheon hole in the ground piled up corpses midgets out've cannons exceeding country speed limits klaxons set to stun lemon butterfly salt the earth and piss on the fire his name was robert polson I am your father choose the red pill reach for the lasers safe as fuck..
phew.. that should provide a few cheap laughs to the 2-3 people who actually DO read this blog.. whilst the rest of you will be none the wiser.. MUUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!
anyhoo.. nuff of my shite.. time for the weekend photo's..
and now this is the where I attempt to explain myself out've anything these photo's have incriminated me for..
FRIDAYAdelaide Big Day Out.. really that's enough said for today and I might as well move onto Saturday already.. but.. yeah.. um.. ok.. fukkit.. you want some of my observations? here goes..
wake up at 8AM.. managing only 1 hour of actual sleep.. brain wouldn't shut down.. remembered staring down the clock at around 6:50AM cursing and swearing that I just couldn't switch off.. rumours abound that the SANDMAN wuz doing lines of coke in the GRIM REAPER's toilet that night instead of delivering me to unconciousness.. I make my way down to the PRINCE ALBERT at around 9:30AM / 10AM.. grab meself a pre-show "truckers" breakfast of eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast and mushrooms downing 2 beers and trying not to fall asleep (odd considering all the trouble I had getting to sleep in the FIRST place) I make my way to the venue at around 11AM.. find no signs of the always rumoured drug sniffer dogs.. (every year it's the same empty threat.. although, apparently they actually HAD them in the car parks this year!?)
walking in I attempted to catch a bit of WOLF AND CUB.. but realised too late that those crafty organisers this year had switched the GREEN and ESSENTIAL stages around.. so I instead found myself listening to FORESHORE tuning their guitars.. didn't really bother to stand around for their set.. since I wuz expecting some OC soundtrack sounding shite (perhaps my brain just confuses FORESHORE with EVERMORE?) so I end up at the main stages to catch AIRBORNE instead - basically yet another retro 80's rock riff AC/DC clone from Melbourne but otherwise actually pretty damn fucken good if yer into that kinda thing.. I vaguely remember a song that simply consisted of the lyric "ADELAIDE!! ROCK!! ADELAIDE!! ROCK!!" repeating like a mantra for 5 minutes straight.. I thought it wuz dumb.. but the mosh really got into it.. and all in all, they still got the job done.. if I wuz blaringly drunk at the time I would've worshipped the ground it walked on..
after AIRBOURNE I quickly escape the mainstage before I'm stuck listening to FAKER (if I hear that freaking "OOH LA LA LA LA" song again I'm gonna get freakin' hostile).. wandering down to the Green Stage to catch a few songs of YOUTH GROUP.. and yeah.. I dunno either.. aren't they just another indie-fuzz pop wannabee doing yet another song for the OC soundtrack? still.. I can't talk too much shit.. they're actually not bad.. and considering all the people I bumped into on the way to and from there, apparently they got some fans too..
from here I then wandered back down to the mainstage to catch GERLING.. witnessing their current live incarnation I wondered.. "duuuude.. wot HAPPENED TO YOU?, you used to be coool maan.. it's like I don't KNOW you anymore!?".. long gone are those wacky backpack wearing days of old.. the cheesy electro lo-fi experimental craziness.. now they're just another semi-punk STROKES / new wave hack band.. *sniff* they USED TO BE COOL DAMMIT! sooner or later.. given enough years.. every band ends up sounding like a sunday afternoon comedown like POWDERFINGER.. sure you may laugh.. but it happened to ESKIMO JOE!
I next made me way back to the Green Stage to catch THE GRATES.. and Patience Hodgeson if yer reading this you freaakin rock my world! I mean, suuure she may be an insane shrieking budgie flapping her arms about jumping like an exciteable muppet and 90% of the songs may sound utterly ridiculous (and none of them may make a fuckload of sense) but damn she rocks! (maybe it also helps that she's real cute and when she's singing she sounds like a loudly over-sexed trigger-happy fuckpuppet on pills, but yeah.. who knows? hahahaha) yup, for all the insanity.. for all the songs that potentially annoy the piss out've ya, still a damn entertaining little act to watch.. :)
next up I wander to the Essential Stage to catch THE SUBWAYS, the band that apparently every dickhead and their dog in the press can't shut up about (can we blame NME for starting this?) couldn't really see wot all the HYPE wuz about.. but the wacky pogo'ing female bass player wuz really cool.. so hey.. no complaints!
up next at the main stage, MUDVAYNE.. I really didn't know 'em from a bar of soap (maybe recognised 1 or 2 songs) but still as metal bands go they were damn near serviceable.. yet considering MUDVAYNE's reputation.. I wuz really hoping to see some serious alien / freak action.. shit on fire.. band members emerging from freaky egg sacks n shit.. y'know.. some much needed mid afternoon carnival.. would that be too much to ask?
once MUDVAYNE wound up, I found myself a convenient position right slap in the middle of the WOLFMOTHER moshpit.. and after receiving a flood of drunken text messages late one night from crazy Andy after he attended one of their recent GOVERNOR HINDMARSH gigs (with messages like "I renounce all other bands / I accept only the WOLF MOTHER now!") I had very high expectations of their set.. I wuz expecting UFO's to land, monkeys to hatch out've my skull and the final freak out scene from 2001 SPACE ODDYSSEY with all the stars n shit.. instead wot I got wuz a damn solid psychedelic bongin' riff rock experience and thrown around the mosh pit like a human rock tumbler.. so, oddly enough I wuz strangely disappointed.. yet still a damn fucken good mid afternoon retro freakout if ya ask me..
from WOLFMOTHER I escaped the main stages and the expectant hoards there to see HILLTOP HOODS play their 3rd BDO in a row (yawn) and headed to the boiler room to see SOULWAX, finding it somewhat odd to discover a full rock band playing there instead of a DJ act.. but hey, the dudes seriously rocked it out in style.. most of it I couldn't really recognise (must be from the earlier albums which are next to impossible to find anywhere) but.. when they cranked out NY EXCUSE right near the end.. it damn near made my day.. it went fuckin' nuts.. yeah.. rock on dudes! nice one! :)
wandering back to the Green Stage I caught some of THE GO! TEAM's set.. and an entirely too confusing set it wuz too.. all those crazy band members.. that midget afro/UK chick woopin' it up like nobody's business on the mic.. random nutty japanese vocal interludes.. 2 drummers going beserk.. a harmonica.. all highly exciteable and totally blitheringly incomprehensible but kinda damn cool in their own way.. it actually inspired me to hunt down the CD too (translation I *cough* downloaded it).. so yeah, you dudes won me over..
from the Green Stage I then headed back to the Main Stage to dive into the mosh for KINGS OF LEON.. I was expecting big things.. I dug the two albums they released.. but, found the actual live set to be a little bit underwhelming.. perhaps it wuz too many stoner songs and slow mo noodlings for my liking and not enough crazy Southern USA crazy whisky jangling riffs with the howling and the craziness.. arrrr dammit.. I wanted the dudes to rock on out! but still.. I heard others really buzzed off it... so each to their own eh?
I then took a food break.. grabbing me some of that infamous BUTTER CHICKEN from the Indian food stall (made more infamous depending on how long the stuff has been left out in the sun, and how hot the day is).. and then wandered down to the Boiler room to catch a bit of M.I.A.. which could be easily summed up as "a lot've hype / not enough substance".. hmmm.. it wuz like there wuz something about the coolness of the original album that didn't translate to a setup that large.. or maybe I'm just insane.. growing bored of this I make my way back to the main stage and into the mosh to FRANZ FERDINAND.. getting there just in time for their classic overplayed anthem "TAKE ME OUT" jumping around like a moron to their cheesingly catchy dance-rock beats.. and overall.. it wuz a pretty cool gig.. and yet despite all the sing along anthems.. the nutty beats.. and 3 drummers attacking the drumkit at once point in the gig.. something about their set felt lacking tonight.. perhaps I wuz just experiencing a personal backlash against them.. or perhaps I'm just going insane..
and speaking of insanity.. we then come to the next act, the main reason many of us were here in the first place - IGGY and the mutha fukkin' STOOGES.. and sure.. Iggy Pop may be hitting 60.. and sure.. the rest of the band may resemble people you'd find at a lawn bowls tournament.. but DAMN did these loons rock out.. I almost fucking died in the moshpit.. it wuz absolute carnage.. bodies flying around everywhere.. people landing on me head every 2 minutes as yet another crowdsurfer floated to the front to crash into the security.. IGGY popping crazy moves that'd make a chiropractor wince.. crowdsurfing up at the front.. throwing his microphone into the crowd to get a singalong.. and one crazy highlight as he brought an army of lucky bastards in front of me to rock out like loons.. the whole place got totally demolished as IGGY and the band mostly played shit that most of their crowd wouldn't know from a bar of soap (apparently it wuz all stuff from the first 2 albums written over 30 years ago, kwazy!) thru all the carnage.. I wuz really hoping he'd crank "LUST FOR LIFE".. but no such luck.. it wuzn't to be.. but still.. getting killed in that mosh.. made me freaking BIG DAY OUT.. you can't claim to be a rock pig for real until you've survived THAT.. either way tho'.. whether you were in the warzone like I wuz.. or out wimping it in the stadium seats (seriously WHO does that?) this set was definitely the highlight of the night..
after somehow crawling out've the IGGY mosh alive.. I then watched an hour or so of THE WHITE STRIPES to chill out and check for missing internal organs.. and as I watched these guys I did find it rather amusing to see wot amounted to a ex-husband and ex-wife duet entertaining 10,000 - 15,000 people.. weird to think they managed it still.. yet, for all their weirdness and mellow obscure intstrumental sounds they did sound freakingly cool.. and really, there's nothing like a headliner act for the BIG DAY OUT that uses a freakin' xylophone on stage..
finally as the night drew to a close I went to the boiler room to catch 2 MANY DJ's finish the festival.. spending the next hour or so buzzing like a demented refridgerator to all them wacky acid bleeping juggernauts and mashed up indie and punk anthems they were cooking up.. some peeps grumbled to me that it wuz like "too many DJ's spoil the broth".. but hey.. call me insane, but I dug this shit.. although, I agree the whole thing rapidly went south the minute they decided to splice MADONNA in there (kinda like their "As Heard On Radio Soulwax" when they fuck the whole mix up by throwing in Destiny's Child.. the baaastards).. but yeah.. still.. it made for a great sendoff for the night..
after the BIG DAY OUT wuz all done with.. and after the security proceeded to shepherd our way out.. a bunch of us then caught a bus into the city centre.. to attend one of them official (but vaguely top secret) "after parties".. it wuz here at one of these parties (not the real crazy one, but the chill out one) that I spent the rest of the night drinking me weight in alcohol (and otherwise making a total drunken trainwreck of meself).. as for more details of the where, what and how of these "after parties".. I wont say anything.. suffice to say, it's a damn chillout place to hang at the end of a BIG DAY OUT.. and hey, I met KAMAHL too.. (just wish my camera wuzn't dead to provide proof too!)
dazed, confused and totally deepfried at the end of it all (finally feeling the affects of having only 1 hour's sleep the night before) I wander to the bus stop to get the last cheap late-night bus home (and almost fall asleep on the way too).. getting home I promptly pass out cold for some much needed rest..
and finally I should make mention of some of the funnier features at this year's BIG DAY OUT..
1. there was the wacky sideshow phenomenon called SILENT DISCO (one of the coolest inventions I've ever seen in ages) hidden in one of the side pavilions off the Essential Stage.. which consisted of a silent dancefloor filled with shuffling wireless headphone wielding zombies, dancing away like crazy and listening to an otherwise top secret DJ set broadcast direct to their headsets.. (which made for piss funny viewing watching people dance when you took the headphones off)
2. all thru the site they had these wacky "outside" urinals called "BLOKES WORLD" situated in the spots where all the blokes would traditionally (in years past) duck behind buildings to pee.. and wot makes these humble urinal's worth mentioning.. is that you could pee at stenciled graffiti caricatures of either GEORGE W BUSH or JOHNNY HOWARD.. freakin' classic yo!
3. watching CASIO BROTHERS play a live set at the LILYWORLD.. and noticing with a certain sense of irony that all their keyboards were actually YAMAHA's.. still.. they had damn funky backup dancing chicks.. :)
SATURDAY NIGHTconsidering the WAR and PEACE epic I've made of Friday night above.. here's this night in condensed note form..
1. drinking beers at WORLDSEND and watching the sun go down..
2. games of FOOZ at JIVE..
3. TONY FONT SHOW playing some support gig for some interstate band at ENIGMA.. I caught the TONY FONT SHOW set, and then fucked off back to JIVE before the rest of the bands played (none of us really knew anything of the other bands, so no loss really) TONY FONT did a damn good gig (noticed a few new songs) although they did play to a somewhat unresponsive crowd tho'..
4. back at JIVE.. downed more beers and a few Jager shots..
5. at around midnight most of my drunken entourage then make a hasty exit to go home.. and as I'm walking to the bus stop on Currie St with thoughts to leave for home myself.. I then thought on a whim to ring around a few people and see if there was something still going on.. to my luck.. I hear about some cool lo-fi ambient shit at the GRACE EMILY..
6. walk into the GRACE EMILY to see COOKIE BAKER playing an acoustic set.. bump into a crowd of dudes I know.. grab a beer.. grab a piece of floor in front of the stage.. sit and chill out to some cruisy acoustic stoner vibes.. up next was LUKE ASHBY channeling everything from Bob Dylan, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash and the Devil cooking up some jangling high-grade acoustic nonsense.. yeah.. and damn cool shit too..
7. with gigs over.. and security herding us out of the GRACE EMILY we then walk back to WORLDSEND to drink more beers..
8. after much silliness and stupidity I then proceed to miss my late night bus home (likely due to an ill-timed "last drinks!") cursing and swearing as I attempt unsuccessfully to chase it down the street.. frustrated I walk back to WORLDSEND, perhaps with plans to keep drinking and then go home later.. only to see a huge fight breaking out at the front of the venue.. watch and laugh as 2-3 cop cars then arrive to subdue it all..
9. finally with all these wacky adventures.. I catch a taxi at 4:30AM.. get home.. and collapse..
phew.. and that wuz this weekend..
any questions?
Previously on Spoz's Rant:
Gone To The Dogs 
