hell..o? is this thi.ng on?
is anyone hea.ring me?
I'm SPOZ's misplaced reality can anyone help me!?
I've been bound and gagged and stuffed in this box for.. I dunno.. gosh, must be the last few months at least.. perhaps even six months? wow.. time sure does fly when yer locked up and delirious in the tiny 2 x 1 metre claustrophobic confines of a pine wood box with little or no oxygen and only sweet and sour sauce packets to sustain me.. damn.. is it LEAKING in here? where the HELL did SPOZ bury me? ACK! and that SMELL!? eeeeesh.. did something crawl up in here and die? *cough* oh no.. wait.. that's just me.. heh.. nevermind.. wow.. I taste blood.. perhaps I'M dead? wait, noooo.. DAMMIT!! what AM I SAYING? pull it TOGETHER MAAAAN!! SNAP OUT'VE IT!! I promised me mum I wouldn't turn out like me brother SURREALITY (he wuz never the same after that dreaded incident with the ketamine, the blow up dolls, 40000 volts and that llama) whoaaaa.. everything's closing in on me now.. so little air left.. getting woozy.. must remember me times tables.. shit? wot's 2x2? I DO hope my messages reach someone.. so little energy left in these batteries.. I think the credit's near about done too.. mustn't ramble.. tapping away this SMS message with my toes.. I wish I remembered to turn on the predictive text, I'm getting an awful crink in me little toe.. *sniff* I don't understand why I deserved this either.. *sniff* I'm such a nice guy when ya get to know me! no really!! you STILL remember me dontcha? reality? ANYONE? y'know.. I'm that feeling that greets you 5 minutes after you wake up after a messy night out and gives you all those happy reminders of all the stupid things you did the night before.. yeah.. aren't I helpful? it's always good to be mindful.. if it wuzn't for me.. you'd all be swimming in leaves and gargling peanut butter by now.. I'm ever so helpful! I keep your check book balanced.. I make sure you pay the rent.. I'm ever mindful of your approaching mortality.. I'm your friendly moment of clarity! I keep you wary of sharp edges! HOT AND COLD!! DONT FORGET TO WEAR A JUMPER!! BE SENSIBLE! REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS!!! MODERATION EVERYONE!! TAKE YOUR VITAMINS!! WATCH WHAT YOU EAT and DONT YOU EVEN THINK OF DRINKING THAT!! oh.. OK! ONE MORE.. and then your going home.. you've got a BUSY day tomorrow.. gotta remember to file those forms.. early to bed.. early to rise.. makes you healthy wealthy and wis..oh SHiT! SPOZ IS BACK!! WHY DID I RAMBLE? stupid stupid stupid.. waaiit if only.. must press send.. must get worrr.dd ou.t.. aaaauuuu.au..auauua.. *clunk*..
heh.. REALITY, who needs it? we dont need no steeiinkin' reality where we're going.. so strap on ya saftey goggles and dive on in as we embark on yet another downward spiral into the howling abyss that is SPOZ's WEEKEND.. the place that knows no gravity.. ohhh yeaah.. this shit's about to get messy :)FRIDAY NIGHT
for tonight's entertainment I've found myself at the overblown artiness that is the ROCKET BAR (just across the road from the mind melting neon of the CRAZYHORSE on HINDLEY ST) for 3 bands of ecclectic smashup electro / post punk / post everything / disco funky howling weirdness - CENTRAL DELI BAND, THE PHAROAHS and a smelly little act from Melbourne called the MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS..CENTRAL DELI BAND
first up on stage as our shiny human sacrifice, we have the CENTRAL DELI BAND..
and after the derailed trainwreck of grinning chaos I witnessed from these lunatics at the CRANKA a few weeks back.. I wuz expecting audial anarchy, I wuz expecting carnage, I wuz damn near expecting blood on the floor and a littering of twitching zombie corpses..
what I didn't nearly expect, wuz that these guys might've actually done a few jam sessions since then and were now shredding the audio levels nailing into the red with some seriously knife edge machine-gunning fuzzing guitar fury.. I mean, shit.. those first few songs near about shattered all me front teeth, I wuz quite seriously impressed.. rooock!
but thankfully, they'd lost none of their gonzo edge as before too long, the beers finally kicked in and all manner of hell broke loose on and OFF the stage..
these photo's don't nearly do justice to what it is to SURVIVE a gig from these lunatics..
it all starts off so reasonable like, with all the guitars, bass and drums.. all kinds of happy shredding garage rock disco wackiness you can dance y'self a spinal injury to..
but once you get this lunatic, MATT "THE STEAK" HAYWARD shredding it up on the synths..
soon all manner of shit goes flying out the windows..
as the lead singer runs into the crowd..
mugs random strangers, swipes their beer, goes crashing into the ground taking most of the audience with him, as everything spirals into chaos in a dribbling pile on the floor around the stage..
soon all cohesion and gravity reverses itself in a screaming mess of churning guitars and squealing feedback as I somehow end up on stage (AGAIN!??) roped in by the lead singer to do guest vocals for them to close the set up for the night..
and um.. yeah *ahem* sorry about the mess I made up there.. wot with all the retarded screaming n all.. I kinda lost it up there.. dunno wot the FUCK I wuz thinking or singing (and yet it somehow fit the song.. go figure?) how wuz I btw? any good? ;)
(oh and if anyone has any foto's of me up on stage, lemme know, cheers :)
before I could get too carried away tho'.. the cops are soon called in with nerve gas and stun grenades and all the band members drop like flies around me.. soon to be carted off for crisis councilling and likely an opening spot at next year's GLASTONBURY FESTIVAL.. freaaaaaky :)
all in all making for one helluva opening act..
(sheeeiiiit.. I'd hate to be the poor bastards to follow THIS band tonight!)THE PHAROAHS
*ahem* speaking of such, here we have the second band for tonight, THE PHAROAHS..
if there's one thing I can say about this band.. is that it's ALL about the freakingly loud buzzing bass carnage.. not just loud enough to burst ya eardrums.. but very near likely loud enough to puncture yer lungs and every other vital organ in ya body as well..
it's also about this schitzoid lead singer.. he's got crazy fuckoff sideburns.. he howls and twitches out've control.. he's quite possibly totally off his tree.. he may not've even had a tree to begin with.. and as we all know.. being in an indie band is all about the fuckoff sideburns.. sometimes it's also about the wearing of the fuckoff scarves, growing the fuckoff afro and being all about atonal chords and fuckoff noise n shit.. but that's besides the point (hi ARTAX MISSION!)
and to round off the insanity, they also possess this freaky midget drum machine of a psycho who is yet to finish highschool wailing out a furious dance-punk beat.. yup.. can't get much more indie than that ;)
and granted, I admit I've made fun of this band before and will likely continue to make fun of them in the future (shit, with a crazy lead singer THIS intense.. how could you not?)
but, they still make for one helluva furious post punk gnashing dance-rock juggernaut.. ROCK!
with THE PHAROAHS finished for the night, I head back to the bar to soak up some beers.. only to spot one of the members from CENTRAL DELI BAND who's somehow escaped police custody to wreak havoc here on the mixing desk (now I wonder.. wot could POSSIBLY go wrong?)MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS
anyhoo.. up on stage next, we have the headlining act for tonight, the MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS..
kicking out a funky disco jam of electro grooves..
indie fuzzrock eclecticisms..
and dancefloor friendly slamming beats chunked out with metronomic precision..
apparently comparisons have been made between these guys and electro act, THE PRESETS.. but, whilst THE PRESETS aim for the more druggy, synthetic and sleazy pimp monkey side of the disco biscuit..
these guys are much more your stoner hippie bohemian kats of the electro groove..
making for wot could be considered, the more fuzzy friendly side of the indie hybrid..
or at least, it's friendly until those leprecauns from CENTRAL DELI BAND starts confusing the lead singer by goosing around with his onstage mix at the desk..
"dammit, why is my vocoder making me sound like a drunken chipmunk?"
by this point of the night, and after many beers.. I didn't remember much from the rest of the gig (as I wuz mostly off me utter twat burning a hole on the dancefloor in front of the stage) but all in all, it wuz some damn funky chicken, ecclectic shit :)
now that the MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS have finished for the night, the lead singer launches off the stage with his axe looking for murderous revenge on the exciteable leprecauns at the mixing desk.. whilst the rest of us scatter and seek refuge at the bar..
after which I continue to make a total twit of meself on the dancefloor to whacked out electro remixes of DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979, SOULWAX, GORILLAZ and BLOC PARTY mashed up by the DJ.. and damn wuz it seriously freaking cool shit (I'm furiously trying to hunt down all these obscure remixes since)
by about 2AM and far beyond retarded.. my dribbling sense of alcoholism predictably leads me next to the CRANKA after a long neandering walk down HINDLEY ST and RUNDLE MALL..
where I'm taunted by these mind warping mischevious gremlins..
(and remember kiddies, dont accept candy from these strangers no matter HOW enticing they may be.. lest YOU find y'self in a 1 x 2 metre pine wood box buried in the woods too.. evil I tell's you.. EViiL!!)
at the CRANKA, I also bump into all manner of other dribbling fools including members of ANGELIK, and that deranged punk monkey climbing the walls from a few weeks back.. cue many more beers and much furthering stupidity on the dancefloor (most of which is a hazy forgotten memory)
at 3:30AM or so, we attempt an attack on SHOTZ, only to find the place has shut down for the night already (yeah, I know.. I'm as shocked as you are.. they close EARLY on friday night now!??) so.. in desperation.. we hunt down further places to run amok in.. jumping into a taxi to HINDLEY ST.. only to find SUPERMILD is also closed at 4AM.. and then, in all horrors of alcoholic horrors.. THE ROSEMONT, at 4:30AM.. which has ALSO finished for the night.. eeeeesh!
so, in a brief moment of clarity.. I decide to call it a night.. bid the lunatics from ANGELIK farewell.. throw meself into a taxi.. and arrive home at 5AM..
thus ending a very confusing night of ecclectic weirdness on the streets of Adelaide..SATURDAY NIGHT
tonight for round two I find meself at the CROWN N SCEPTRE, continuing the funky chicken vibes of last night with a furthering selection of electronic and breakbeat monkey acts in a showcase gig set up by MUSIC SA called the "SOUNDS OF THE E-CLASS", featuring - MUNCHKIN, STYLE HIGH CLUB, POETIKOOL JUSTICE, NERVOUS GERBAL and a sixpack or so of DJ's..MUNCHKIN
to begin the night, we have the familiar fluffy grooves of MUNCHKIN.. performing for us their brand new black on black puppet show of spacey kermit sounds and soaring electro boogie instrumentation to melt our minds to a fine swirling mush..
for those of you unfamiliar with the six billion OTHER munchkin gigs I've already covered in this blog.. MUNCHKIN consists of the funk noodling guitars from crazy frog impersonator, DALE..
the swampy brown rhythms from GEDDY the bass player mr gumby..
DOLLY THE LAPTOP (and I kid you not, THAT is what they called it), providing the bouncey castle pogo beats and hammering goth synth melodies..
and KALIAH, the blue absinth fairy, performing her hypnotic flailing muppet dance..
yup.. if slinky downtempo grooves occassionally knife edged with spastic happy dopamine electro is yer kinda wacked out partydown adventure (I heard they sound really good when ya wiped out on qualudes) then these wacked out gnomes are just the ticket.. as always, you kwazy cats are aiight with me :)
with MUNCHKIN done for the night.. I hoard a few foaming brews at the bar and fuel up in the beer garden spacing out whilst DJ's play hiphop party jams inside.. and for an hour or so I'm momentarily hypnotised by all the wacky geometric structures that seem to spiral out above me (dammit.. did DALE spike my drink AGAIN!? YOOOOUU BASTARD!!) and thus totally vague on STYLE HIGH CLUB's set (they did sound good from outside tho', from wot I remember..)POETIKOOL JUSTICE
finally, I manage to free myself from the green psychedelic haze of the beer garden to find the next act, POETIKOOL JUSTICE jumping around on stage..
now, I'd heard OF these crazy kats before, I'd been recommend to go see 'em on countless occassions and heard numerous hyperbola and hype.. but, of course.. since I generally laugh in the face of hype (and then run away from it before it can beat me senseless over the head with itself) I'd never actually got off me arse and seen 'em play live..
but with their addictive subsonic funking rhythms..
the hyperactive machine gunning freestyle lyrical flows..
them chunked out funky monkey guitar riffs..
and all the smashed out percussive hiphop breaks..
they made for one fucking insane party time hiphop live instrumentalist funk band that damn near whipped the crowd into an ear to ear grinning drug crazed kid's party on the dancefloor.. fucking tore the roof off the joint.. absolute fookin' caaarnage.. POETIKOOL JUSTICE, I freakin' salute you! :)
with the barstaff hosing out the mess left on the dancefloor and a DJ filling in whilst the next band setup.. I fueled up on peanut M&M's from the 20cent candy machine and spaced out at some of the more psychedelic lighting fixtures in the venue.. wooo.. tubular.. spaaaacy.. eeeeee!NERVOUS GERBAL
and finally, in headlining tonight.. we have NERVOUS GERBAL up on stage..
providing a chugging juggernaut groove of tribal monkey bongo's..
wacky nonsensical partytime rhymes whipping the crowd into a frenzy..
a furious breakbeat juggernaut onslaught that tore up the dancefloor..
and all the spastic wacky acid bubbling synths and demented screaming..
unleashing something sounding very much like a four lane pile up collision between APOLLO 440, FATBOY SLIM, CHEMICAL BROTHERS and THE MUPPET SHOW on a cocaine bender..
it warped me brain severe and I think I might've blacked out a few times whilst aliens and miscellaneous voodoo chicken spirits kidnapped my body for unknown purposes..
but damn did these furry space-cadets deliver one fucked up hurricane party-crazed spleen imploding performance.. ooooooooooo yeaaaaaaaaaah!
by the end of the set, POETIKOOL JUSTICE had invaded the stage, grabbing the mics..
and slammed out a wall of psychedelic bongo grooves that cascaded thru the walls and floors, folded reality in on itself like a flapping origami crane till space and time collapsed around my ears..
yup, if you missed THIS gig, this would be the moment to slap your forehead, make a HOMERESQUE "D'OH!" and curse the one that got away.. coz DAAAMN did this shit go off it's trolley.. sheeeeiiit :)
yup, the band finished an hour ago.. it's 2AM and us idiots are still making twatting morons of ourselves on the dancefloor.. it's utter chaos out there.. people are bouncing off the walls and flying off speaker stacks.. an absolute foookin' bliiiinder..
finally at about 3AM, I emerge from this primordial soup.. grab one last drink from my usual final destination.. throw myself into the last $6 bus.. and head home at 4AM..
making for one helluva epic smorgasboard of smashed out electro boogie ecclectism on an icey cold midwinter's weekend.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaauuughhhh! :)
now if only I can find where the hell REALITY went.. I could've sworn it wuz around here somewhere?
Previously on Spoz's Rant: Hell Is Round The Corner