HELL IS ROUND THE CORNER
this exceedingly braindamaged (and somewhat abbreviated) weekend blog is brought to you in spirit of this mildly amusing printed message I had on me t-shirt on Saturday night..
"Hung-Over, Adj. Suffering from a lasting near death state. Often caused by the disagreeable after effects of alcohol. Pounding headache, nausea, dizziness and more often than not days off work are not uncommon Lack of sense of humour increases the need for total silence and a n o t h e r d r i n k !"
yup, since most of this diabolical weekend was clearly planned at the last minute by mischevious leprecauns with aims to destroy me and harvest my organs for medical science.. and with all the alcohol poisoning I thus accumilated over 3 nights at the mercy of these lunatics (wot with all the cheerful amber fueled retardation, the excessive noise, all those hooting primates and the psychedelic blinking lights) I may've quite possibly killed the last responsible braincell in my head capable of constructing a simple sentence, thus rendering me with the grand eloquence of a goldfish.. a quality which isn't altogether beneficial for the writing of a weekend blog such as this (and why oh why do I always insist on publishing these weekend blog's in a mad hurry when I'm at my most stupid is anyone's guess but hey, such is the way of the gonzo journalist.. ;) ) so, since obviously I can't string 2 words to save my life right now.. we present in abbreviated (hangover friendly) form, my weekend of the SPOZ ;)
(oh, and I'm sure everything will return to it's wordly goodness NEXT weekend as long as I don't drink nearly as much beer and stay up till 9AM like I did THIS weekend.. eeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaarrrrgggghhh!)THURSDAY NIGHT
first up for this weekend and for reasons I cant quite fathom, I find myself outside the CRANKA forming towers of beer glasses and drinking myself to a grinning stupor with some of me fellow grinning brain casualties on a freezing cold Thursday night..
as for why the hell I wuz here or why we left just before happy hour to go to the FESTIVAL BAR instead, where the beers were considerably more expensive and the ambience (wacky 40's to 70's party jams spun by DJ TRIP to a crowd of middle aged theatre nerds) was warping my brain severe is anyone's guess.. but in it's own fucked up way, it still proved quite amusing.. or at least it was for the 2-3 hours I persisted with this drunken nonsense till I thought better of it, and fucked off home at midnite or so.. hmmmmm, such is the mysterious abrupt ways of the THURSDAY NIGHT ;)FRIDAY NIGHT
continuing with the random and dribblingly ecclectic theme of last night, tonight I find myself at ENIGMA BAR for their monthly metal showcase called "THE WAR ROOM" featuring A RED DAWN, ENEMY OF?, TRUTH CORRODED and DOUBLE DRAGON - 4 exceptionally fucked up metal bands of gnashing, hooting and shredding caveman music..
to blame for this night of howling metal weirdness (since normally an all-metal night would be the last place you'd find an indie twit like meself at) we have these 2 likely looking suspects who suggested this crazy idea in the first place - JOE "LOW BLOW" BLOGS, and EZZA, aka: THE BEANIE GIRL.. or, as I'd like to call 'em tonight - "PINK EYE and THE BRAIN"..
(and who KNOWS wot photographic horrors they got of me running amok tonight.. yeeouch!)A RED DAWN
anyhoo.. first up to bat, we have the exceptionally hairy metal band, A RED DAWN.. serving up a chugging intestinal mix of chunky riffs and demented howling to an appreciate audience of gnashing and hairy windmilling baboons.. it may be swampy as all fuck, but it's kinda cool in it's own way..ENEMY OF?
this is soon followed by the considerably less hairy ENEMY OF? who pretty much do the exact same thing as the first band, just with more devil fingers in the air, less of the intestinal chugging and more of the demented skinny man intense shrieking..TRUTH CORRODED
this is then followed up by the medium hairyness and maximum lunatic fury of TRUTH CORRODED, featuring the infamous SVEN the METAL MONKEY on drums (although, perhaps only infamous coz he made a drunken appearance in LAST weekend's blog) either way tho' a damn cool band.. if.. y'know.. having yer head blown off by shredding riffs and screaming megaphones is yer kinda party ;)DOUBLE DRAGON
and finally, we have the headliner act DOUBLE DRAGON to close the night, giving us two barrels of screaming fire breathing full fisted carnage direct to our bleeding eardrums.. in a performance that damn near destroy's the joint..
and don't them baboons just LOVE this crazy shit.. fooookin' carnage!
thus ending an exceptionally thrashed out yet strangely enjoyable night of METAL at the ENIGMA.. and due to me making the foolish decision tonight to drink TOOHEY's EXTRA DRY PLATINUM at 6.5% alcohol a hit.. and abusing them like I would my usual COOPERS PALE ALE (at a more moderate 4.5% alcohol), I couldn't really remember a whole LOT of the rest of this night.. but from wot I can recall, I ended up at the CRANKA from about 2AM onwards.. where likely many stupid things happened, with many cheerfully stupid people and much stupid fun wuz had by all.. but, as for what exactly that wuz, I haven't a freaking clue (since thankfully I took NO photo's of the events that transpired) but, I do know it eventually put me into the last latenight bus home at 3:30AM.. so at least I didn't do anything TOO STUPID (or did I?) if anyone is willing to fill in any of the details of what happened.. lemme know? cheers :)
although more than likely some lunatic (I wont name names
) will have photo's of it appearing shortly on HIS blog.. so stay tuned for those.. they should prove most illuminating ;)SATURDAY NIGHT
tonight I find myself at the GRACE EMILY, to see YOUR MOTIVE FOR (Adelaide's laziest infrequently live giggin' rock band) play a set with 6 other bands - LEGLESS, KIDS IN CULTS, BOOSTER, REJUSA, LOVEPROOF and THE KEMP BROTHERS, in wot amounts to a freaking marathon of a shambolic indie garage rock and stoner ecclectism..YOUR MOTIVE FOR
first up on stage, we have the beer-fueled fuzzy pop rock sounds of YOUR MOTIVE FOR.. featuring the shambolic shaggy dog HEATH on vocals and lead guitar, trailer trash impersonator JOSH swamping it up on bass, the ever elusive WARWICK (WOKKA) on keyboards and on drums (making a guest appearance tonight) the infamous SEAN KEMP..
considering these lunatics only knew about this gig about 3 days prior (and hadn't rehearsed in like 4 months) they pulled off a surprisingly solid wall shaking set.. nice one :)
with YOUR MOTIVE FOR now finished for the night.. next up on stage are some scruffy act called LOVEPROOF.. and since I'm waaay too hungover tonight (and the hair of the dog is yet to kick in) I skip out've watching this band to find sanctuary in the beer garden.. by all accounts tho' (from wot people told me) they were an ok enough band..THE KEMP BROTHERS
anyhoo.. I eventually make my way back inside to catch the 3rd act tonight, a brief set by THE KEMP BROTHERS.. featuring DREW and SEAN KEMP fucking up a sublime selection of anthems to drunken excess, morning after regret and memory loss.. filling the room with cheesy harmonies, light percussive carnage and powered up acoustic shredding.. all in all, the perfect shambolic live act to compliment my messy hungover brainspace..REJUSA
after about 3-4 songs THE KEMP BROTHERS were then followed by REJUSA - I'd never heard of these monkeys before and wouldn't normally know 'em from a bar of soap.. but after seeing them tear up the room tonight with a howling selection of idiotically addictive indie-pop hooks and shredding rock they made for one helluva impression.. definitely a band to look out for in the future..BOOSTER
after REJUSA reduced the stage to a smoking pile of wreckage, with the crowd screaming for more.. BOOSTER had their work cut out for 'em.. but with their toilet exploding mix of fuzzing 70's rock (sounding more and more like the evil love child between WOLF MOTHER and QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE) they damn near killed everyone in a 3 block radius.. chunking out one helluva fucked up psychotic rock pig performance.. puuure full throttle insanity.. fuckin' ayyeeee! :)
yup, when you see the normally sedate CRAIG on lead guitar tearing shit up like this.. you know you're in for one crazy fucked up stomach churn of a ride.. whoaaaaaaaa..
hmmmmm.. makes me wonder, did someone slip some acid into his beer tonight or wot?
and that kiddies, is BOOSTER fucking up the joint in style..
with 5 bands down and 2 to go, and with the time kicking well past midnite.. I feel like a change in scenery is in order, before the crazy ecclectic stonerism of the GRACE EMILY destroy's my brain.. so, bidding farewell to the BOOSTER's feedback howling SATAN guitar, I head off to the CRANKA..
where much "responsible" drinking continues.. *ahem*..
yup, I think this is really starting to explain why my head felt so fuzzy the next day.. hmmmmm..
(and here I wuz thinking I wasn't gonna drink so much tonight) still, if yer gonna make a total fool of y'self and get destroyed in style.. it always helps to do so in the company of your fellow space cadets.. speaking of such.. hi EMMA, and welcome to the blog.. MUHAHAHHAHAHAHA! ;)
finally, with my brain far beyond retarded and with the CRANKA closing up around 4AM.. I depart once more, in search of further adventures in alcoholic strangeness.. where, after a brief detour at ZHIVAGO's at 4:30AM I eventually find myself at HUNGRY GEORGES on HINDLEY ST, where I spot JOE BLOGS who's somehow managed to drink himself into a stupor more hilariously retarded than anything I've achieved all weekend.. rock on duuuude!
after fueling up on some food here.. me, JOE, SIMONE (acting as JOE's zookeeper for the night) and late arrival (and surprisingly sober) STUCKEY wander aimlessly down HINDLEY ST in effort to find places to continue the insanity.. till at about 6AM or so, realising nothing decent is still open, we think better of it.. and get the fuck out've there.. where I finally find myself home at 6:30AM and eventually swirling unconsciousness at about 9AM..
thus making for an exceptionally messy headspace the next day and one helluva fucked up nutty weekend.. aaaahahahahahahahahaha! *ow me brain*
Previously on Spoz's Rant: Destroy Everything You Touch