The Adelaide music scene: to many of you it might be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctioning splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
ahahaha.. ya see that up there above? you thought I wuz being all serious n negative and shit.. looking back at me 29 or so years on this planet.. and all a sudden I regret everything? like I wasted it? (well sure.. mostly likely.. but it's mine to waste) no kiddies.. it's a pun.. "wasted".. as in drunk? as in 99% of my weekends.. geddit? (wow.. that's a sobering thought <-- hahaha there I go again!) living vicariously thru my exploits must've dulled yer senses.. I've lived it and my braincells are still sharp.. wot's your excuse? eh fukkit.. I'm rambling (as always).. maybe I'm getting too familiar with the venues of Adelaide.. but it feels like the nightlife in this armpit of a town seems to be on the rapid shrink.. it's got to the point where I can only count on one hand the venues in Adelaide that still play local bands.. not just the same punk and metal bands that every freaking venue seems to be cashing in of late (I'm talking about YOU Crown n Anchor and Enigma).. or the RnB shit that fills just about everywhere else there isn't already 500 pokie machines and their respective zombie operators.. and now all the touring bands are avoiding us too? where DO we turn for our entertainment? no wonder there's so many serial killers in this ere town.. I remember the Austral once had a beer garden with kickarse live bands.. now it's a restaurtant full of yuppies and big screen tv showing the footy.. I remember when the Rhino Room actually had some funky shit going down.. and now it's just standup commedians.. I remember when there wuz this place called the Proscenium.. or wot about the Exeter beer garden? so many venues shutting their doors or converting to restuarants.. people can't just live on food alone y'know.. but enough of my ranting.. I still found a way.. right? I still found the goods.. and now.. I present them to you..
and no.. I got no clue who the dude with the trophy is either..
want details? here's where I went..
THURSDAY NIGHT I'd originally planned to play one of me fortnightly scheduled residency dealies at Engima.. but considering (a) I'd been working on a remix non-stop for the last month and my head wuz all scrambled and (b) no-one seems to actually turn up to me gigs anywaze (yay!).. I decided to ditch this one.. phoned into the venue.. and instead chose to go where most of my audience (the 1 or 2 vaguely regulars) would've gone instead.. The PRINCE ALBERT.. to see Warwick Ing.. (aka: Wokka.. Wokstar.. or.. WING! the one that makes the piano go PING!).. playing his signature tortured piano stabbings with the wailing and gnashing of teeth.. now, with added nutty electro percussion.. yay! his support act for the night.. wuz some weird looking blond chick playing under the name of "Lucy Garlik".. and in performing.. with her creepy low booming / warbling / shreaking voice.. and her crazy facial spasms.. somewhat resembled (a) some kinda violent german porn orgasm face (b) the look of someone attempting to chew 50 ping pong balls.. yeah.. not for everyone's tastes (and I could barely look at it).. but.. gotta respect how crazy it looked.. Wokka followed up next.. delivering his usual funeral dirge of piano twinkling agony.. whilst a crowd looked nervously into their beers.. and hoped like hell he'd never have a cause to write a song about them (well except for that last wacky song..).. all in all good times.. if suicide music is yer kinda thing.. (and on a thursday nite.. sometimes it is!)
FRIDAY NIGHT stayed home in effort to finally nail the coffin on this remix I'd been spending 4 weeks feverishly working on, giving it a decent burial so I could pick up wot'ever pieces of my life I'd been ignoring in it's wake.. y'know that whole cliche image of the mad scientist or inventor.. tucked away in his laboratory for weeks on end with a do-not-disturb sign on his door? or that scene in the aviator.. where Howard Hughes is all crazy stuck in that darkened cinema for weeks on end.. peeing into bottles.. crazy and naked with all the hairyness, long fingernails and over obssessive with the hygeine? yeah.. it's been just like that.. except for the nakedness.. the peeing into bottles and looking around the bomb site of this room.. likely none of the hygeine either.. but hey.. at least I got this fucker of a remix done.. (when it's officially released.. I'll let you crazy kats know).. I wasted away the end of this night.. watching the movie "SIDEWAYS" off cable.. not a bad comedy / buddy film.. but, also weirdly enough.. a creepy wine porn.. wot with all the gratuitous wine tasting scenes and vinyards n shit.. dammit.. makes me wanna drink 5 bottles of the stuff right now just thinking about it..
SATURDAY NIGHT Bit By Bats, La Femme Le Fever.. and some idiot band with that dude from the Exeter with the big sideburns.. (I think they're called The Pharoah's) playing at Jive.. not too much to mention here with this one.. except I managed to get a blood nose from the crazy moshpit that erupted randomly from the Bit By Bats set (nice one!) and during the Pharoah's set I wuz seriously hazed out on this wacky (and perfectly legal herb) called paper daisy that the crazy man Andrew with the dreds wuz offering.. (he plans to smoke absolutely everything on offer at "Happy High Herbs" at least once.. and I say.. best of luck to 'im.. I wonder if it'll nearly kill him like wot almost happened to that dude in SUPER SIZE ME..).. yeah.. overall.. good stuff.. another killa set from Bit By Bats.. bit bored with the lighting in Jive tho'.. it's always those same damn red curtains and bland flood spotlight dealies.. *yawn*.. always yielding shit photo's.. aaanywaze.. after the gig.. and a drunken stagger thru rundle mall.. I made me way to the first night of Dj Ian Bell's (aka the dude who dig "BANG!" at Fowler's) newe night at the Cranka.. imaginatively named "CRANK!".. and it wuz especially funny to see a place like the cranka playing the likes of Destiny's Child.. Britney Spears.. played loud thru the entire venue.. mixed in with all the usual nutty junk.. also quite possibly the most crowded I've seen the Cranka for a long time.. yeah.. nice one..
yup, it hadn't been much of a huge weekend.. perhaps a bit quiet out on the streets.. a bit subdued perhaps? but it still provided an adequate beer rinse out.. hmm.. maybe it's missing something.. like maybe all you people reading this blog at home.. instead of getting out there and taking in Adelaide's nightlife.. before it's gone forever.. (seriously.. give it 5 years.. tops.. and there'll be nothing left..)
next weekend tho'.. now that I've finished with this accursed remix.. it's PARTY TIME!