FEAR AND LOATHING IN SPOZ VEGAS
yeah.. this'll teach me to stay home on a Friday night.. save all my energy for Saturday night and then go totally beserker in a beer fueled lunatic binge of epic Hunter S Thompson proportions.. yeah.. ok.. not really.. but still.. whoa.. wot a totally random alcoholic blinder this night ended up being..
and to illustrate just how retarded this weekend was.. I had a whole bunch of really cool photo's all lined up for this one.. but then.. conveniently enough.. I accidently deleted the whole damn thing as me automatic trigger finger dialed "erase all" on me camera.. (freaking dumbarse!) yeah.. so.. guess yer gonna hafta live with this weird stoner arty shots I took past the 6th beer threshold instead.. enjoy!
and now for the forensic cleanup..
you want the gory details with all the cool CGI creepy closeups and random hair, fingernail and blood samples? read on..SATURDAY NIGHT
herein lies a tale of numerous locations, colourful characters, mental blankspots, too many beers to mention.. and a damn near forgotten taxi ride home at 5:30AM.. yeeeHAR..
1. began the night at a vegetarian restaurant (of all places) to celebrate Joe's Birthday.. so yeah.. here's to Joe "OI.. GIT A BIRFDAY UP YUZ YA FUNKY FUNKY SLLLLLLLLUT! WOOT WOOT AUAUAUAUA!!!".. definitely a weird choice to pick a vegetarian eatery, coz for the life of me I didn't think Joe WAS vegetarian (or anyone else at the table for that matter..) and just as an aside here.. anyone else notice how it's mostly females who go vegetarian? why is that? is it a need for moral superiority? they're already crash dieting on salads so why not go a step further into legitamacy? meat makes 'em fart? everyone did it on "Sex And The City" so now it's all fashionable n shit.. just like catching a taxi just to go 2 blocks is considered fashionable? yeah.. fucked if I know.. but.. all jokes aside - "dude.. I could eat a horse.. no.. wait.. I cant!".. "hey dude.. wanna go the whole hog? no.. wait.. I mean tofu hog".. "waiter waiter.. there's a fly in my soup!" (waiter "no sir, that's just an aggressive lentil").. but no.. really.. the food wuz actually really really good.. especially considering I somehow picked 2 things on the menu that not only were full vegan.. but gluten free too.. and here I wuz thinking I'd be eating cardboard.. I should note however, my choices - "Potato & Leek Soup with Oyster Mushrooms" and "Tofu Steak" were both made on their joking references to meat.. but yeah.. call me crazy.. but that skinny bald vegan freak MOBY was right.. the vegetarian food IS really really good.. no really, anytime you pass by "SPROUTS" on Hindmarsh Square (just down from JADE MONKEY.. Rundle Mall side..) go check it out.. top notch!
2. from here we staggered down for a brief pitstop at the JADE MONKEY for reasons I can't quite remember (some dudes knew some other dudes who were in from melbourne playing some band or something) stepping in.. we found ourselves in wot could only be described as some bizarre "laugh-in" 60's balloon party / psychedelic freak out (with like crazy go-go chicks in funny hats and union jack mini skirts) going crazy to some 60's cover band, where all the band members looked to be IN their 60's.. yeah.. so.. facing this monstrosity of weirdness.. we all fled to the beer garden.. only to then encounter an almost identical doppleganger (evil twin) of a friend of ours.. to any of you local freaks reading.. who know Heath Webber.. (lead singer - YOUR MOTIVE FOR.. formerly of YAKSPIT.. etc.. etc..) this dude we found.. although he wuz 9 years older.. and about 20 kilo's lighter.. looked freaking identical.. to the point that some friends of ours who turned up late.. spotted this guy.. and started a conversation with him for at least a minute or two.. till they realised.. "shit.. yer not Heath!".. yeah.. I had some really cool photo's to prove this observation.. but.. as mentioned above.. I freaking deleted the damn things.. (D'oh!)
3. after escaping the nutty brown acid fumes swirling around JADE MONKEY.. we took a journey thru the drunks of Rundle Mall and eastern Hindley St.. to ENIGMA BAR.. to catch a set by YOUR MOTIVE FOR (aka: DOGS BREAKFAST ALL STAR ROCK COLLECTIVE.. aka: the dodgiest name for a rock band since TENDAHOOK).. and just for laughs.. since Heath is lead singer in this band.. someone actually managed to bring in his doppleganger from JADE MONKEY to catch the gig.. (really.. we should've got the dude on stage for some crazy duet or some shit.. either that.. or he could've given Heath financial advise.. "hi.. I'm you from 20 years in the future.." ) the beer wuz flowing freely at this point.. so much hairy hilarity and staggering woopin' up wuz had by all..
4. post gig.. and after staggering around downstairs for an hour or so scratching our arse wondering where to go next.. we then made ourselves down to SUPERMILD across the road.. and yeah.. it wuz a good idea in theory.. coz.. we always kinda imagine.. "hmm.. SUPERMILD.. funky place.. always has a packed dancefloor.. them wacky James Brown and Stevie Wonder vinyl corduroy boogie on down with the orange lighting / fuzzy brown walls and wacky cocktails.. but yeah.. maybe we picked the rare night.. but the place wuz looking somewhat tumbleweedy.. maybe all those million and one lounge bars that've sprung up recently have taken a huge chunk out've their demographic.. maybe everyone's fucked off to the freaking BOHO bar.. (just coz it's name dropped every bloody week in the papers..).. yeah.. I dunno.. wuzn't feeling the SUPERMILD vibe tonight.. perhaps it only really picks up after 4AM?
5. bored with SUPERMILD.. fucked off to SHOTS.. and witnessed the horror that is SHOTS on a SATURDAY NIGHT.. after every dickhead and their dog has cottoned on to the idea of "hey lets go to SHOTS!! SPOZ says it's cool.. so it's gotta be the big wacky happenin' place!" (note: likely this is wot killed BANG! at Fowlers..).. yeah.. firstly the place had a freaking lineup.. and secondly.. upon entry.. the place wuz freaking packed. (but not in a good way).. after wandering around looking a bit lost for about 1/2 an hour.. I thought "fuck this" and left..
6. went to the CRANKA.. found some freaks I knew (since I'd managed to lose just about everyone else from earlier in the night..) downed a few more beers.. and fueled up like an idiot on the dancefloor.. at this point.. they all go.. "hey lets go to SHOTS!".. and before I could argue.. "hey.. um.. arrr fuckit.. nevermind".. we were out the door..
7. and so into SHOTS again.. (hey.. at least I still had the freaking stamp on me arm the second time around).. and this time.. the place wuz a bit more roomy.. and therefore.. much funkier to woop like a moron in..
8. around 5AM or so.. I find meself in Hungry Jacks.. which is weird.. coz I'd just seen SUPER SIZE ME again on Thursday Night.. but.. y'know how the brain of alcohol is.. it LOVES the junk food.. (I think it's the only time I eat this shit.. save for a hangover..).. if you truly wish to witness the horror that is humanity at 5AM on a Saturday night.. take a look at that last photo.. doesn't that freaking rock or wot? yeah.. there's a fine line between junk FOOD.. and just plain junk.. (as they say.. you ARE what you eat..)
yeah.. and somehow I survived this.. and 10-12 beers later.. with no ill effects come Sunday.. I seriously dunno how I do it..
Previously on Spoz's Rant: City Of Lost Children