CITY OF LOST CHILDREN
yeah, so it's been a long week since I last posted.. wot with all the work in the 'ol studio on that wacky little remix.. which.. hey.. fuck me dead and call me rudolf and roll me in carpet and throw me off a bridge (actually no, don't do that) but.. y'know wot? I wuz right.. the alcohol DID do me a world of good and now the remix is seriously kicking arse.. that's of course the good news.. the BAD news?.. I need to finish this bastard in little over a week to meet the deadline.. and, seriously.. I don't think I've finished ANY song to deadline.. take our subwoofer album for instance *ahem* (clears throat.. looks around room.. twiddles thumbs.. blows bubbles out've nose.. hires big hairy goons to track down rammy to get those dang vocals..) yeah.. so THIS week is gonna be fun if it doesn't kill me first.. but as they say "if it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done"..
but obviously you're not here reading this and wondering wot lame arse shit I did all week are ya? you'd rather be surfing gay midget porn or looking to import shoulder mounted missile launchers for your very own domestic jihad than read about my lamearse weekly exploits.. "yada yada design this.. yada yada sequence fucked up noises that.. yada yada pick arse cheese this.. yada yada rot away at the end of it all that.. blah! rinse and repeat".. nope you're here for the proverbial money shot.. yes.. you want my drunken and crazed weekend report..
and since I took a ridiculous amount of retarded photo's this weekend.. lemme show you those first, then I'll attempt to dig myself out've wot'ever hole I've made here.. (seriously.. am I ever gonna live down all the monkey jokes this weekend?)
and now for the play by play statistics, minus the ridiculously superfluous beer report.. (seriously.. that wuz SO 2003 it's just not funny anymore..)THURSDAY NIGHT
when I'm not freezing my arse off on a cold winter's night watching LOST or wot'ever else crap is on tv these days.. then I'll be found at ENIGMA BAR, just like tonight.. playing yet another solo set of SUBWOOFER fueled breakbeat psychedelic / occassionally stoner lo-fi / minimal / sometimes screaming unholy wikki wikki mixology.. this time.. tag teaming with a few bands upstairs.. since them proverbial yeti's of the Adelaide music scene (everyone claims they've seen 'em but nobody can prove they exist), YOUR MOTIVE FOR were playing a support spot for some band I can't even remember the name of.. but when I spotted.. wot.. like 5 minutes of their set.. I can very accurately describe 'em as being a watered down diet coke version of Velvet Revolver.. (yup.. coz obviously.. listening to 5 minutes of ANY band gives you an accurate indication of their net worth.. oooh yes.. YOU GUYS ROCK.. no really.. don't kill me!).. anywaze.. YOUR MOVITVE FOR's gig was useful in that it actually brought an audience to witness my stupidity.. even if most of 'em seemed to be totally unaware I was actually playing stuff.. (yes.. that free space invaders game IS addictive.. and no, I'm not gonna play any CHISEL or AC/DC) still.. I cranked out a seriously smooth as peanut butter set.. YOUR MOTIVE FOR did a *cough* reasonably solid gig.. (eh, it's a support gig.. who's listening anywaze? :P hahaha.. just kidding.. please dont kill me).. and all things considered.. a good start to the weekend..FRIDAY NIGHT
it's quite possible I might've been hit by a very heavy blunt object recently, suffered short term memory loss (ha! haven't we all?) and have therefore missed yet another brilliant trend in the Adelaide music scene.. the "window shopper" front bar gig.. yes! lets throw the rock band in front of the venue, a bare sneeze away from the street.. coz the venue can no longer play bands in the beer garden (like it has since forever) and has fallen prey to the accursed "residential complaints".. wherein.. a residential block built only mere seconds ago next door.. can wield authority to shut down a venue that's been playing live music since most people in the cemetary were in nappies.. thus is now the fate of another venue.. the EXETER.. yeah.. it really shits me.. I mean.. why the fuck can't they make 90% of inner city appartments cheap student housing.. (coz wow.. look at all the universities we have in the city centre!) and fill the city with youth and vibrant cultural vitality.. instead of putting up expensive wanker town house blocks that only rich chardonnay sipping leafy inner eastern suburban pricks can afford.. so they can then complain about any noise level above a mouse fart (apparenlty all that money still can't buy decent sound insulation).. and thus condemn Adelaide's nightlife to a sprawling diseased donut.. seriously. do you WANT a dark lifeless black heart to your city? do you want everything to shut down after the sun goes down? do you want criminals roaming blackened silent inner city streets? just so YOU can get a nice quiet night's sleep?.. is your idea of culture watching DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and collecting retarded little paintings of fucking sailboats, visiting tired little antiseptic sterile galleries spaces with smiling bland landscapes and pictures of farm animals? yooooo MAKE ME SOOOOO SICK!! HA!.. *ahem*.. yeah.. ok.. it's my problem.. I'll learn to deal with it.. the minute after I put a bullet into the head of each and every one of them..
to cut an already sprawling rant short.. I saw SWEEPER.. friday night.. in the freaking FRONT BAR of the EXETER (wot has this world come to?).. and at least it provided some rather novel angles to take band photo's.. and the acoustics didn't totally suck (no worse than the beer garden) but still.. on principle.. WHY DAMMIT? WHY MUST REAL MUSIC LIVE IN THE DARK AGES? we can't all live on AUSTRALIAN IDOL and freaking commercial radio ya spineless fucks!
still.. it wuz a good gig.. even if they were missing their lead singer, who had to work that night (likely to service freaking yuppies somewhere with their light imported beers.. grrr..) and as per these things usually end up.. by the end of the night everyone ended up in SHOTS getting totally mashed up drunk, dancing like a moron to some embarassingly catchy 80's tunes..SATURDAY NIGHT
this takes the cake.. perhaps this takes the whole plate the cake is resting on and maybe even the tabelcloth and table too.. yup.. this was a weird one.. going to a gig.. in the deepest darkest reaches of the Adelaide Hills.. in a place called the CHEESE FACTORY.. a place overrun by bare footed / tie-dyed / dredlock / feral freeloving hippies.. where the only alcohol served was some scary concoction of boiled red wine and unmentional (likely wacky) herbs.. to see a band called MUNCHKIN.. yeah.. um.. they don't get any weirder than this.. (or perhaps they do.. but I've yet to see polka dot dwarves on fire shot out've a cannon whilst playing bagpipes in rendition of former eastern bloc soviet national anthems.. but wow.. seriously.. if someone forms that group.. sign me up!) yeah.. this gig had it all.. crazy ferals dancing like a demon possession.. a freaking giant black dog roaming around bigger than horse (which I still managed to trip over as it seemed to block every where I walked).. little kids running around with crazy dredlocks and piercings.. decor somewhat reminiscent of Mad Max meets a Tim Burton film.. and.. them crazy MUNCKIN freaks cooking up music fit for psychedelic tree spirits and garden gnomes.. yeah.. damn near freaked me out it did.. at least the band wuz cool..
by the end of it all I seriously just wanted out've there and back to civilization before them crazy hippies did the headless chicken dance around me and tried to harvest my kidneys for a fertility ritual or something.. wot with all the mad bongo playing, wild animals and all them weird herbs n stuff (hahaha no, only kidding.. sure you guys have weird dental hygeine.. but you hippies are alright with me.. just serve some actual BEER next time.. k?)
phew.. wot a rollercoaster ride.. and once again come Sunday I still have all me vital organs intact.. yay!
I wonder wot next weekend brings?
Previously on Spoz's Rant: Retox The Freak In Me