ALCOHOLICS AND THE INFINITE MADNESS
Episode Two: Fire Coming Out Of The Monkey's Head
and so.. the wacky adventures continue, as I bring you the further tales of SPOZ's spiral into oblivion this weekend past (but just make sure to bring the ear plugs.. coz this shit get a mighty bit rowdy..)SATURDAY NIGHT
on the menu tonight for my continuing self destruction was a house party to celebrate not just one, but SIX combined birthday's (at this point I could mention that one of the birthday's celebrated wuz mine.. but SHHHHHH!) likely we were also here paying homage to the ancient pagan gods of chaos, noise, rampaging intoxication and carnivorous shrubbery.. but as long as you ignored the human sacrifices, the reindeer antlers and the chicken blood.. you would've fit in just fine.. ;)
key ingredients for any successful house party include..
a) a humble selection of fine beverages..
b) some light entertainment..
c) soothing ambience..
d) a selection of fine games and amusements..
"duuude.. I so SUCK at air hockey!"..
e) and lets not forget the live bands.. machine gunning dB's and body parts all over the walls.. YEEEEEEEEE!CIRCLE CLAN
up first tonight we have the primo hooting carnage of CIRCLE CLAN.. drilling our skulls with the meatiest 4/4 electro funk, stabbing chainsaw guitars and unholy screaming I've ever heard this side of hell.. ooooooyeaaaaah! :)
PAGEY's guitar wuz turned up so freakin' phat, I swear he wuz trying to play successive chords with my intestinal tract..
BELIAL prowled back n forth in circles like a pissed off jungle cat in a zoo enclosure thirsting for blood.. whilst SMALL PAUL and NATE HATE provided the backup artillery..
yup.. never has PAGEY's guitar rocked THIS FREAKING loud..
they were soon joined by STUCKEY (aka: COPY ONE) for the CIRCLE CLAN / SUBWOOFER mashup of "FOLLOW THE WHITE LINE"..
by this point I didn't require eardrums no more.. since even deaf people could feel the unholy vibrations thru their ribcages.. tapping away in morse code.. "FOLLOW THE WHITE LINE.. FOLLOW THE WHITE LINE.. LOSE YER MiiiiiND!"
STUCKEY continues with the band for an improv jam of the song "FEDERATIONS" so insane it tore rooftiles off houses in a 1km radius (combined with the wacky stage lighting this all began to seriously trip me the fuck out..)
after about an hour or so of this, the entire set ended in a screaming inferno that rivalled commercial airports for noise output.. the fire deperatment was soon called in to hose down all the walls.. although I'm happy to report, there wasn't a SINGLE recorded fatality! (not from lack of trying tho'.. aaahahahaha!)
all in all, the most psychotic, hammering, unrelenting fury I've ever heard these electro monkeys play in their entire 8 year history.. DAMN.. really makes me wish they'd play pub / venue gigs again.. COME BACK CIRCLE CLAN! THE WORLD NEEDS YA MORE THAN EVER! (yup just like we all need a hole in the head.. hahaha.. no really.. it improves airflow.. ;) )
with my brain sufficiently blown clear off me head and into neighboring houses.. I decide to venture forth and mingle with the party people..
the midget on the left I believe was responsible for organising all of this.. cheers CHELSEA, you know how to throw a good one! ..TONY (the shaved head freak on the right) was likely responsible for all the unexplained chicken mutilations later in the night.. and yup.. they're now available for kids parties too! (I can almost smell the impending lawsuits)
this photo will either be considered "cute" or "downright disturbing"..
MATT from TONY FONT SHOW, enjoying a quiet beverage to celebrate turning 20..
side effects of which may include - loss of coordination, slurring of speech and blindness..
they say humans share 98% of their DNA with chimps.. attending parties such as these, I can clearly understand why.. who says EVOLUTION is a myth eh?I.D.
the crowds were startin' to freak me out too much.. so I returned to the eye of the storm for the second band up for the night, I.D. - featuring STUCKEY (from SUBWOOFER
), TONY (from BURN THE ASHES
) and NATE HATE (from CIRCLE CLAN / formerly MUNCHKIN
and also formerly SKYLARK AUDIO.. yeah, take yer pick really, this dude gets around)
they were quite a low-key subtle act.. as they provided the crowd with a soothing blend of militaristic HIPHOP, ear bleeding DEATH METAL SCREAMING.. all to the cruisy accompanying sounds of GOTH mixed with darkwave 80's SYNTH and DRUM N BASS..
just the thing for lazy sunday afternoons, walks through the park in spring, candlelit dinners and public executions.. aaaaaaaaah..
that bubbling sound you hear, is everyone's internal organs being microwaved by the sounds emanating from NATE HATE's synths..
to finish off the set, STUCKEY gave the crowd a rousing cover of ELTON JOHN's "Candle In The Wind" till the riot police had to be called in to deal with the resultant carnage and blood letting.. (yeah, no.. ok.. I'm obviously making shit up here for cheap laughs.. nevermind..)
yup.. for their first ever live gig.. them wacky I.D. freaks didn't hold anything back.. this shit would go down real well in those kinda crazy back alley PVC clubs in BERLIN where orbital sanders and chainsaws are considered sex toys..
(I could also mention that these guys are ALSO available for kids parties.. but, my lawyers advise me not to.. so yeah.. um.. moving on..)
just as predicted later in the night (around 3AM) TONY gets busy with the chicken mutilations.. and, hands down.. I may've been reaaally wasted by this point.. but this wuz some of THE tastiest mutilated chicken corpses around.. many cheers to the chef for not sacrificing ME on that fire!
much more drinking follows.. rest of night becomes a complete blur.. but, apparently we DID end up paying homage to all those PAGAN gods.. either that.. or we were just really proud to have mastered fire at this point of the night..
(we may be 98% chimp, but never underestimate your 2%, it's why we're the dominant species!)
sun starts to rise.. scaring all the scattered folk into hiding and unconsciousness..
with my head reduced to a pile of rubble.. and with the house in likewise disarray I finally make my goodbye with a brilliant plan to catch the first BUS home at 5:40AM..
over 1 1/2 hours waiting in the freezing cold.. I realised to my profound intelligence.. that I wuz looking at the SATURDAY timetable.. and not the SUNDAY.. the first bus on SUNDAY doesn't arrive till 8:30AM.. D'OH! (yeah, 2% my arse eh?)
so, finally at 7:30AM.. I summon a taxi.. reach home.. and pass out for some much needed sleep.. pheeeeeeuuuuuuwww.. wot a night!
and.. you'd think that would be the end of the weekend wouldn't ya? you'd think that would be all.. but OOOOH NO.. the story is still not over.. BE STILL MY BEATING LIVER! for the journey continues in the next installment, in the final thrilling conclusion.. pop 2 aspirin and consult your psychiatrist.. and step on thru..
(TO BE CONTINUED..)
Previously on Spoz's Rant: Alcoholics And The Infinite Madness / Episode Three