:: Friday, December 30, 2005
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.. AND I FEEL FINE!
(note: this may be a ridiculously long post.. so get y'self a cup of coffee, you may just need it.. especially for that hangover.. eeee!)
yup, looks like we all survived another fucked up year aye? and WOT a year it wuz.. and I bet'cha reaaal sick of reading all those other cheerful 2005 recaps too.. wot with all the tsunamis, hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, viral pandemics, deaths, divorces, murders, freak pigeon explosions, corruptions of the democratic process, dead popes, nazi popes, impending climate disasters, rain of toads, death to all 1st born sons, rivers of blood, plagues of locusts, dogs and cats sleeping together.. HOLY CRAP RUN FER THE HILLS.. WEEEE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!
but of course, we all know that's a load of shite.. the world's not due to end till at least DECEMBER 5th, 2012 (if the AZTECs are anything to go by) so relax peeps.. we got plenty of time.. :)
and really? who wants doom and gloom for SPOZ's final blog post of 2005 anywaze? why not end the year with something even more useless.. a whole bunch of 2005 BEST LISTS.. yeah.. you love that shit more than a hole in the head dontcha!? hey.. wait.. where did everyone go?
so, without further ado.. here's some list of things that made my year just a little less murder/suicide spree inducing..
TOP 5 MOVIES OF THE YEAR (in no particular order)
STAR WARS EPISODE 3 - REVENGE OF THE SITH yeah.. ok, this is an obvious choice.. but really.. how could you go wrong with a STAR WARS prequel that actually DOESN'T suck.. the prequel where a whole load of people die.. where Anakin Skywalker goes insane and kills a whole lotta children and then gets burnt to a toasty crisp.. where the EMPEROR finally gets to go beserker with a lightsabre.. the prequel where JAR JAR BINKS finally DIES!! YEAAASS!! FUCK YEAAAH!! wait.. you mean he didn't die in this film!? AAAAWWW SHIT!!! ok.. seriously, why do I have this movie in this list? oh yeah.. that's right.. despite all the shit blue screen acting, the idiotic shit with Amidala dying simply because she lost the "will to live", that whole crap monster movie scene where Darth Vader screams "NOOOOOOOOO!!!" like a pissy little child.. yeah.. despite all that.. this film kicked some serious arse.. especially for the first 10-20 minutes.. pure cinema gold.. oooyeaah!
WAR OF THE WORLDS despite TOM CRUISE not getting killed by martians (dammit!), despite the fact that annoying fucken teenage son survives till the end (even tho' he's last seen running INTO a losing battle where everyone else dies), despite that cop-out ending with the bacteria that although faithful to the original book is just plain STUPID (or at least stupidly executed.. coz hey, it IS kind've a cool idea.. for all the military technology in the world.. it's our germs and viruses that prove the most deadly).. yeah.. despite these flaws.. this was one of the most KICKARSE movies of the year.. this is the way ALL alien invasion movies should be done.. none of this "generals and presidents sitting in a war room barking orders" shit with multiple camera viewpoints following troops in the field (ie: Independence Day).. instead.. we get the all too visceral journey.. of one little family just trying to get the FUCK OUTTA THERE alive.. personal.. gritty.. and downright terrifying.. coz really, it's the personal fear that makes a film all that more real..
BATMAN BEGINS a bit messy in parts.. but this batman movie kicked arse for 2 simple reason (a) it wasn't directed by JOEL SCHUMACHER, (b) ninjas! - yup.. you can't go wrong with a batman movie filled with ninjas.. there can never be too many ninjas.. and really something should be done to put MORE ninjas in movies (well except for those damn MATRIX sequels).. oh, and the whole darker than dark gothic flavour beyond the fairytale gothic of TIM BURTON made this movie that much more creepy.. almost plausible in a lunatic asylum / serial killer kinda way..
SIN CITY any movie that features FRODO as a long clawed cannibal with freaky glowing eyes.. any movie that features the decapitated head of BENICIO DEL TORO.. any movie that features JESSICA ALBA as a stripper is a movie that gets my vote.. all them wacky black n white scenes of cartoon violence?.. all the crazy blood?.. the gore?.. the decapitations? FRODO as a freaking cannibal? OOOOHYEAH! bring on the insanity!
THE AVIATOR any movie that sends you to the cinema toilets afterwards furiously washing your hands like a madman chanting "THE WAY OF THE FUTURE.. THE WAY OF THE FUTURE.. ahahhaha THE WAY OF THE FUTURE!" till ya fingers bleed is gotta be a good movie.. and sure it really dragged on somewhere in the middle there (the whole court case thing wuz unnecessarily long).. but DAMN.. wot a crazy fucked up brilliant film.. it totally destroyed my brain trying to watch it.. it gave me a mental illness to experience it.. and for that, it truly rocks!
note: I made no mention of KING KONG.. since, obviously.. I haven't seen it yet..
TOP 5 FAVOURITE ALBUMS OF THE YEAR (in no particular orders)
NINE INCH NAILS - WITH TEETH Trent Reznor finally returns from wot'ever insane asylum he'd been locked in for all these years.. and proves.. that YES.. he CAN still write some seriously kickarse tunes.. and as long as you ignore the title song with the water spraying chorus of "AAAAWWWiiiiiiiTHA TEEEEEEEeeeeeeTTTTHAAAAAAaa!!" and all those silly lyrics about insects and collecting little bits of lint n shit.. then wot you'll find is an absolutely brilliant album.. it's more raw and "live band" vibed than their previous releases.. more minimal and gritty in it's direct aggressive simplicity.. but DAMN does it kick some arse.. Dave Grohl drums in one of the songs too! how can ya go wrong with that? yay! DAVE GROHL!
PENDULUM - HOLD YOUR COLOUR proving that it's still actually possible to release an electronica album that DOESN'T SUCK in 2005.. these guys deliver the best DRUM N BASS I've heard in years.. stuff that never reduces itself to trying to please the anorak wearing trainspotters.. or trying to be cool for the clubs.. but instead the sorta once in a blue moon electronica album that breaks free from it's genre constraints and appeals on all levels.. yeah.. this album is the shit.. those uber cool growling basslines.. the funkin' beats.. the sublime sci-fi dramatic overtones.. the smooth vocal textures.. brilliant!
KAISER CHIEFS - EMPLOYMENT I bought this album from a recommendation in RollingStone magazine.. I bought the album, I hated the album.. and I wondered why the FUCK I wasted my $20.. but, then listening to it again, and I liked it a bit.. played it again.. and I really started to like it.. and then.. dammit.. I FREAKING LOVED THIS SHIT!! yeah.. there's something about all idiotic yet ridiculously catchy sing along "NA NA NA NA" lyrics.. the comical english loutish behaviour.. the wacky keyboard riffs.. all those sonic references to party bands of the past.. MADNESS.. THE SPECIALS.. THE RAMONES.. this shit's like the ultimate PARTY album.. get a case of beer and get totally fucked up blaringly drunk to this shit and you'll love it.. oooohYEAH!
BLOC PARTY - SILENT ALARM everyone had been going off about Franz Ferdinand and how brilliant they are.. but the real gold is here.. these guys are kinda like the DEFTONES to Franz Ferdinand's LIMP BIZKIT.. sooner or later you just know the FRANZ will annoy you to piss.. whilst, for years ahead.. these guys will mature their sound and really deliver the goods.. ethereal.. sublime.. hauntingly aggressive.. driven.. a swirling blend of dance rock and textured sonics.. an album that takes you on a journey.. yeah.. this stuff is pure class!
BECK - GUERO this is like all the good bits from all the other BECK albums you've got, without all the annoying bits, and yet.. somehow even better.. all those crunchy ODELAY style dust brothers produced songs.. all those MUTATIONS / SEA CHANGE style melancholy and odd experimentalists.. all the MIDNITE VULTURES cheese.. delivered in a brilliantly flowing journey of extremes.. quite possible his first TRUE album beyond the gimicks and the bollocks.. funky.. yet personal.. cheesy.. yet serious.. dark.. yet fluffy and idiotic.. all angles.. twirling in some post 90's psychedelic haze.. brilliant!
TOP 5 LOCAL BANDS OF THE YEAR (yes, I'm aware of how heavily biased this is.. but eh.. fuckit.. make yer own list if you disagree)
MUNCHKIN hahaha.. ok.. there are the reasons why I really like this band.. and there's the reasons I'll actually tell you about here.. (feel free to make yer own conclusions).. basically.. they're a kickarse little TRIP-HOP act.. they have some freakin' cool beats.. smooth eerie film noir textures.. that ninja bass and funk guitar combo.. a cute little female singer who's gotta be the most freakingly talented flailing funk muppet I've seen in ages.. (hahaha.. ok, now they're laughing.. HI KALIAH! turning a bright shade of red yet?) they write some damn cool songs.. they once played this wacky improv 30 minute MOLOKO style live house mix at the PINK PIG that totally blew the roof off (I seriously want that on CD).. and they really know how to party on after a gig (considering 50% of any reason I go to these gigs is for all the beer and running amok) yeah.. these crazy gnomes kept me sane this year.. cheers for the mad buzz ya midgets! yer gonna go far :)
SWEEPER credit partially goes to these dudes for the retro grunge wall-of-noise brain exploding rock riffage and feedback wailing sound they attack you with like a swarm of angry bees.. but most of the credit goes to these guys coz they really know how to party like trainwrecks after the gig.. (many many idiotic drunken nights ending up making a total fool of meself at SHOTS..) they're a no-nonsense band.. an unassuming band.. but they always deliver.. ROCK ON!
BOOSTER now the real question here.. the real dilemma.. do I prefer the band when it was the original flavour 3 piece with lunatic CRAIG "BETT" BETTISON on bass? or the new (and improved?) recipe with the dude from FIGHTERPILOT on bass?.. yeah.. I could answer that.. but I know the dudes are reading this.. (either way these guys deliver in spades).. they fill the gap for all those people craving pure 70's stoner bong rock / glam rock / psychedelica with the smoke machines, the crazy falsettos, the guitar solos, the drum solos.. the insanity.. the tongue-in-cheek idiot humour.. the pure ROCK PIG energy.. ooooohyeaaaah! its oh so cheesy.. but oooh sooo freakin' ROCK!
TONY FONT SHOW yeah.. so, I've only seen a few gigs by these maniacs.. but they have a sound that's been sorely missing from the local scene in freakin' ages.. one damn solid, freakingly outta-control, mad stabbing bass riffing hard rocking FUNK ACT that freakin' demolishes the joint.. the sorta wacky band that makes ya wanna do a howling injury to y'self in the mosh pit in salute to 'em.. band members running around like exciteable children.. a freakin' CIRCUS of noise.. yeah.. you dudes are gonna fuckin' blow shit up.. rock on!
BIT BY BATS yeah, sure.. they've pissed off to Melbourne now.. and can't really be called a local band anymore.. but still.. without a doubt one of the coolest "rip off the 80's" sounding bands around.. these guys do it in style.. they make THE CURE sound like something you wouldn't be embarassed to listen to in public.. they make the THERAMIN look cool.. the lead singer wears these idiotic pointy red shoes.. and THEY ROCK! yeah.. they're a little bit off in the head.. but they always bring the shit.. HELL YEAH!
TOP 5 DRUNKEN WEEKEND TRAINWRECKS yup.. no dumb "best of" edition is complete without listing the top 5 drunken / insane weekends of this year.. if I could choose to live bits of 2005 again.. this would be my playlist..
FEBRUARY 4th - 5th 2005 an insane combination of the Adelaide BIG DAY OUT on the Friday, followed by ERNIE and EVA's wedding on the Saturday.. a one-two uppercut combo that damn near killed me by the end of it all.. yup, with all the live music on the Friday (The Beastie Boys being the definite highlight) followed by an open bar and much festivity (and some stupidity) on the Saturday (including doing those absinthe shots at the end of the night.. eeeee!).. this wuz definitely one of the crazier weekends of the year.. :)
JUNE 9th - 12th 2005 the ultimate stoner ecclectic journey thru artistic experimentalism and sublime freakiness.. Thursday Night - playing a lo-fi DJ set at the ENIGMA (with COPY ONE doing a guest appearance on the mic), Friday Night - catching a range of bizarre ambient / lo-fi electronica acts at the Tea House Gallery, followed by a killer MUNCHKIN set at Jade Monkey, Saturday Night - catching some idiot BRAD PITT / ANGELINA JOLIE FILM (yeah.. you know the one), followed by a lunatic live set by the KEMP BROTHERS at the Austral (aka: the Black Stripes, aka: the Castonets), and then.. finally.. Sunday Night - catching a truly bizarre Red Paintings gig at Jade Monkey.. where I cooked up a bizarre howling wolf painting as part of their live set.. yeah.. this weekend showed me just wot a kickin' art scene this wacky dump of a city has, if you just but look for it..
SEPTEMBER 14th - 17th another extended rollercoaster of a weekend extending from Wednesday to Saturday.. featuring - Wednesday Night - a wacky MUNCHKIN gig at Supermild featuring some crazed loon conjuring up balloon animals (yeah.. that dude rocked!) a night where I got flailing drunk and only got home after 2AM (not bad for a wednesday), Thursday Night - another crazy little solo gig at Enigma that actually featured an audience.. yay!, Friday Night - the hilarious combination of seeing the arthouse documentary WHAT THE BLEEP WAS THAT ABOUT at the Palace Nova with ANDY (the lunatic stoner), followed by an even crazier DAIRY BROTHERS cd launch gig at Jive.. seeing that freakingly cute milk maid chick in the dancefloor with crazy prison fatigue cow's head dude wuz worth the price of admission alone, Saturday Night - a huge benefit gig at Adelaide Uni Bar featuring: THE BLACK DOVES, CIRCLE CLAN (once again featuring that lunatic COPY ONE on guest vocals) and all capped off with another wacky set by MUCHKIN (hmm.. I wonder if there's a theme here?).. getting insanely drunk afterwards at the Cranka in a crazed karaoke sing along was a definite idiot highlight.. only to end up the night at some crazyarse kung fu studio at 5AM, like wtf wuz THAT about!?.. yeah, I really dunno how I survived it all.. but damn wuz it a good one!
SEPTEMBER 23rd - 24th yup.. only one week later and another freakin' killa weekend.. WOKKA n HEIDI's wedding on the Friday Night (where I had the honour of "tying the knot" for 'em) leading to a bunch of us hitting the town afterwards and getting ridiculously messy at the Exeter and the Cranka.. followed by Saturday Night - probably one of the most hilariously out've control nights of the year.. which began with a JIKA gig at the Cranka.. led to a bunch of us piling into KALIAH's brown death machine car to a continued piss-athon at CHELSEA's wackyarse party pad.. leading to a strange freakin' detour at 7AM to the residential abode of some freak we simply called "THE PROVIDER" (and nobody since then had a freakin' clue WHO this guy was, or why he was tagging along with us - but at least we drank his beer.. so who cares?).. leading to a trainwrecked drunken finale of talking utter rubbish over a bottle of red wine back at KALIAH's at NOON.. I finally get home some time on Sunday Afternoon still drunk and stupid from the night before.. aaah.. all those dimly forgotten idiot memories.. wot a freakin' choice weekend :)
DECEMBER 7th - 10th another freakin' epic weekend.. and the last huuuuge one for the year.. beginning with CHELSEA's going away party on the Wednesday Night (after an idiotic band photo shoot that afternoon) followed by SUBWOOFER playing an insane gig at the Governor Hindmarsh to a spilling crowd from a Motley Crew / Motorhead gig from across the road, that led to a flailing drunken pisshead journey that finally returned me home to a coma at 7AM, followed by an insane TONY FONT SHOW / BLACK DOVES gig at the Cranka on the Friday night.. and capped off by an insane METAL FEST at Jive the Saturday Night.. followed by the LEVITATORS jamming it out at the Crown N Sceptre at the end of it all.. phew..
as for all the bad shit that happened this year? all the disasters? near misses? missed opportunities? fuckups? all the crap that keeps me awake at night? things I did, or should've done? yeah.. there was plenty of that.. in fact I've probably lived threw some of the worst shit of my life since the bumper crop that was 1993.. but I'm not gonna mention in detail all those deaths in the family.. all the seperations and divorces.. all those hundreds of tiny trivial things that seemed to pile up to the ceiling, wear me down to the core and conspire to take my soul away.. (hmmmm.. 1993 / 2005? maybe there's something in that? Chinese Zodiac perhaps? does the year of the ROOSTER just not agree with me?) nor am I gonna mention all the other silly personal shit that's best left for a few select people to know (and laugh at) and not for the entire internet to read..
sure, there was a LOT of bad shit this year.. but there was also plenty of moments that put a smile on me face.. and to all those involved who helped keep me in my usual idiot sense of high spirits.. to all those who were out with me on the weekends drinkin' it up and running amok.. or even those poor bastards who had to hear about it all aferwards at 4AM in a drunken stupor.. I thank you.. you peeps are special (and not in a retarded way).. yeah.. you know who you are.. (and if you don't.. likely I'll tell ya when I'm dribbling drunk sometime on NEW YEARS anywaze.. MUHAHAHAHHAHA!!)
*sniff* dammit.. I think I got something in me eye.. anywaze.. *burp*.. fukkit.. I dunno 'bout you guys.. but I'll be happy to put 2005 behind me.. BRING ON 2006! and if it's anything like 1994.. then I know it's gonna be a GOOD ONE :)
:: Spoz 4:00 PM |
...
:: Wednesday, December 28, 2005
BUILD A PRISON FOR YOU AND ME TO LIVE IN
If you've ever found y'self making fun of the english - ie: (a) their weather's shit, (b) they're shit at sport, (c) their insane royal family, (d) their dental hygiene, (e) their cold fish sexual innadequacies, (f) David Beckham, (g) their horribly shite food, (h) Oasis, (i) warm beer, (j) Pete Doherty, (h) NME magazine, (i) giving all our shitty soapie stars successful music careers (j) David (freaking) Beckham.. etc.. etc.. then, more than likely they'll respond in kind by reminding you that Australia started out as a penal colony for all of THEIR rejects.. and that nothing really has changed since..
and y'know wot? apparently they're right.. we ARE a nation full of petty criminals, especially if this report from our local newspaper is to be believed..
"MILLIONS of Australians who tape TV shows and copy CDs will soon get the right to do it with a clear conscience.
The Federal Government will next year legalise the video recording of television shows for personal use, and the transfer of songs from CDs to MP3 players, in a bid to overturn a ban which has made criminals of much of the population. Attorney-General Philip Ruddock has flagged tidying up copyright laws by adding "fair use" loopholes that will clear the way for private citizens to copy the content without breaking the law. But yet to be decided is whether a levy will be placed on the store price of blank CDs and MP3 players such as iPods, to compensate artists for the revenue they stand to lose under the new laws. Though the practice is widespread, it remains illegal to convert a CD to MP3 format for playing on an iPod or other MP3 music players.
Mel Tonkin, 17, got an Apple iPod for her birthday and says she didn't even realise it was illegal to transfer her CD collection on to her computer. "I really think it is stupid on both accounts," she said. "How could they sell video recorders and iPod software in the first place if it was illegal for us to use it?"
There are more than 100,000 Australian iPod ownerers, all of whom have broken the law by uploading music from their CDs. It is also against the law to tape a television program to watch at a more convenient time. A spokeswoman for Mr Ruddock said the Government was close to finalising draft laws which would allow people to copy CDs they legitimately own on to their MP3 players and tape TV to watch later. "We should have copyright laws that are more targeted at the real problem," Mr Ruddock said. "We should not treat everyday Australians who want to use technology to enjoy copyright material they have obtained legally as infringers where this does not cause harm to our copyright industries," he said.
The Australian Federal Police do not actively pursue people who have engaged in taping TV shows or transfering songs to their MP3 players from CDs, although a spokeswoman said all referrals were acted on."
just think how lethal this information could be in the wrong hands.. if you hate someone enough, you could easily have them sent to prison for this (although you'd need to be careful to make sure you DONT get locked up in the process) kinda cool aye? who needs dredging up unpaid parking tickets or traffic violations anymore when you can use this?
and to think.. after 20 years of people using VCR's.. it's only NOW that they've decided to act on it.. guess it helps to keep the populace in a constant state of potential guilt aye? I wonder wot ELSE we're doing that can still be considered illegal?
:: Spoz 11:38 PM |
...
:: Tuesday, December 27, 2005
IF I HAD A DOLLAR EVERYTIME PEOPLE ASKED ME..
yes.. I know exactly what your gonna ask me.. it's the same damn question EVERYONE's been asking me for the last 3 weeks.. and NO.. I dont know the answer.. but, I do know WHEN I'll know the answer.. gimme a few days, before the weekend and I'll know..
and if it's good news, you wont even NEED to ask me.. :)
:: Spoz 1:34 AM |
...
:: Sunday, December 25, 2005
'TIS THE SEASON TO BE ALCOHOLICyeah, I know you.. I know what you're all thinking.. you were thinkin' I'd take this weekend off.. you were thinkin' I'd go on hiatus, piss off on some aimless festive holiday tangent and leave you poor sods with nothing but a blank screen to stare till new years.. yeah.. you were thinking that in your desperate time of need, as you spend christmas day in a narcoleptic post turkey / goldfish gulping haze fighting off drunken relatives staring at the walls, that I'd abandon you.. you thought I'd leave you all with nothing.. yeah.. you think I'm a right heartless bastard dontcha? you don't think I care about you at all do ya? you think I'm made of stone dontcha? yeah.. I know you.. I can see you all screaming at your computer screens.. "REFRESH!! REFRESH YA DAMN SPINELESS MONKEY!! C'MON YA FUCK!! REFRESH!!! I NEEEEED MY BLOG FIX!! FEEED ME YA BAAAASTARD!!! C'MON!! YAAA FUCK!! AUAUUAUAUAAAAAAGGGHHH!!".. banging at yer computer screens in a cold sweat, pacing the room, nervously twitching and yelling at inanimate objects like a smack addict chihuahua.. yeah.. you guys kinda scare me.. perhaps I SHOULD take that holiday and get the fuck away from all you maniacs: all crooked teeth, stringy hair and wild staring eyes (no wait.. that's just my reflection, my apologies).. how DID I attract such a lunatic farm of brain dysfunctions to this site in the first place!? did I create this monster? was it all my fault? is this blog habit forming? is it a crime against humanity? a crime against nature? an affront to the angry sky demons? should I have a warning label? dammit.. WHO's GONNA THINK OF THE CHILDREN!? damn, guess there's no turning back.. guess I'm stuck with you lunatics now, huh? so.. please.. for the sake of everyone involved.. loosen that vice like grip on that gun.. flick the saftey back on.. move that barrel away from your computer screen.. take a moment to breathe.. and chill the fuck out.. SPOZ's RANT isn't going anywhere.. coz even in the silliest of hat wearing pseudo religious festivals of consumerist excess.. we still deliver the goods.. so, sit back, sort it, roll it, seal it and light it.. and enjoy the unfolding chaos that wuz yet another of SPOZ's weekends.. for the record - my brain is somewhat severly stunted after the psychedelic beer fueled carnage of Friday night (especially without the "hair-of-the-dog" luxury that Saturday night usually affords).. so excuse the disjointed nature of the narrative.. (I'm sure you'll make sense of all this somehow.. :) FRIDAY NIGHTafter the massacre that wuz midweek xmas shopping in the city, spending all the last shreds of money I didn't have on all the silly shit that nobody in their right mind would ever want.. I poked around the scattered survivors in my wallet: a few coins here, one or two blue notes there.. thinking surely there was no way in hell I could go out with this..? there was no way I could make a night out've this? these were not magic beans, red pills or golden tickets.. I only had $26.. wot the FUCK was I thinking? and yet.. dunk me in liquid nitrogen, set me on fire and call me insane.. coz I went out anywaze.. for such is the way of the rock pig.. when there's a will there's always a way.. first stop... a smelly little lounge bar called CHERRY BOMB, in what was formerly the "GOLDEN TRIANGLE" THAI restaurant on Hindley St next to ENIGMA.. I think I really preferred it when the place was a restuarant.. coz dammit.. the food here used to ROCK.. and it wuz like seconds away from JIVE, ENIGMA, WORLDSEND and SUPERMILD.. spicey food in near proximity to beer? how could you go wrong? and why the FUCK would we need another lounge bar when ELYSIUM LOUNGE is only just across the road? wot the FUCK were these people thinking? and yet.. ignoring all my bullshit.. the place wuz kinda alright.. sure it wuz only 7:30PM and I wuz just visiting there to kidnap a friend (and not for the ambience).. but hey.. if I wuz tripping balls on pills at 2AM.. and the DJ wuz crankin' some dope tunes.. I might really dig a place like this.. or somethin'.. yeah.. fuckit.. onto the next venue.. next stop, FOWLERS LIVE.. formerly known as THE MUSIC HOUSE, formerly known as THE LION ARTS BAR, formerly known as the venue formely known as wot'ever the fuck.. hmmm.. I think there's a point in here somewhere.. but fukkit.. it's not important.. we were here to catch some wacky fuckoff nutty XMAS GIG thingy.. featuring DAY ON FIRE, DAIRY BROTHERS, SUMI, LAZARO's DOG and HIGH STAKES.. and apparently also featuring all sorts of silly shit like SURLY SANTA, FEMALE ARM WRESTLING, BBQ, MEAT TRAY RAFFLES and DRUM SOLO CONTESTS.. hmmmm.. odd.. I didn't see any of that.. maybe some nutjob outside near the toilets cooking up some bacteria in smallgoods.. but that wuz about it.. hmmm.. just as well the band lineup wuz kickarse.. first band - DAY ON FIRE.. by all accounts a really really good band.. if.. y'know.. howling EMO is yer thing.. and sure.. it seemed to please the crowd of sad sack teenagers crowding at the front swaying like mental patients and throwing 'emselves off the stage.. but something really didn't grab me here.. it really didn't feel enough like XMAS.. perhaps with a bit of tinkering in the lab for the next 12 months they could come up with XMAS EMO.. or.. on second thoughts.. maybe not.. (I could've sworn I saw THE USED cover JOHN LENNON once and that wuz bad enough).. still.. these crazy cats were a damn good band that's likely to go places if you consider the plague proportion of EMO kids multiplying around these ere parts for the last year or so.. (perhaps there's a pesticide for that?) yeah.. rock on guys, please don't kill me :) next band, the bane of lactose intolerant people everywhere - THE DAIRY BROTHERS.. which yes, by all accounts is a dairy themed band.. coz hey.. nobody's done that before so why the fuck not? and yeah.. these lunatics really go off (especially if left unrefridgerated in the sun) - equal parts cheese rock, yoghurt indiepop and ice-cream headache riffing glamrock intensity.. featuring the sublime talent of an idiot with a cow's head.. with songs like "I'M JUST A HEAD IN A JAR".. and "THE WORLD IS BEING TAKEN OVER BY BABOONS" (or something like that) they really whipped the crowd into a buttery frenzy.. although, it may take some effort to get that smell out've the venue afterwards.. (especially after wot the the cow wuz doing in the crowd.. wow.. wot an udder disgrace.. AHAHAHAHHAHAHA!) up next - SUMI.. at which point I buggered off, grabbing me a fungus pizza monstrosity on Bank St, thus missed their entire set.. hmmm.. anyone catch these freaks? were they any good? the next band up was the real highlight of the night - LAZARO'S DOG.. apparently playing their first (and obviously last) gig for the year.. and beyond all the dick and fart jokes, cheesy keyboard solo's, piano accordians, lunatic dancing freaks in bear suits, that dude with the cow's head (again) and those 2 bikini chicks with the plastic toy guns.. this band wuz really one to to experience in utmost severity and seriousness.. behold all the subtle political undertones, the myriad lyrical subtexts.. the dick and fart gags.. yeah.. LAZARO's DOG can really teach us something about the world if only we just stop and listen.. (if only they'd play more often, dammit!) oh.. and that dude in the bear suit wuz a freakin' MANIAC.. hate to say it.. but CENTRAL DELI BAND's bear doesn't hold a burning bag of poo to the insanity that this performing bear cooked up.. humping everyone in sight.. getting his groove on.. like HUMPHREY B BEAR on AMPHETAMINES and VIAGRA.. scary.. this lunatic has really set the standard for all future performing bears to beat.. yes, be afraid.. be VERY afraid of wot these bears will think of next.. after LAZARO's left the stage.. and some helpful barflies hosed the place out.. we came to the last act of the night - HIGH STAKES.. Adelaide's answer to the CASANOVA's (who are Melbourne's answer to AC/DC) except now they all live in Sydney (arrr fuckit) either way.. if ya want the experience of being thrown into a oversized rock tumbler whilst a team of drill seargents scream and lay punches at you.. then this is the party band for you.. in most of their gigs.. it's usually just the lead singer who takes his shirt off like a crazy man to stagger around like a retarded drunk.. and yet, in this gig.. for reasons I can't quite understand.. the entire band joined in.. took their shirts off and ran around like a hairy gorilla squad.. so, yeah.. it got a bit messy up there.. and the smell at the front whilst trying to take photo's? eeeeeeesh.. but still.. these crazy bastards, like always, totally blew the roof off the dump.. and for that.. I salute you.. ROCK!!! after all this mess.. with a few late entrants turning up (hi RENEE! long time no see!) a bunch of us idiots all shuffled off to the CRANKA and pissed on.. finally after 4AM or so.. I found meself home.. SATURDAY NIGHT spent the night, braindead.. writing this ere blog.. coz fuck duuude.. it's xmas freakin' eve.. even I have my limits! but yeah.. all in all.. not a bad weekend out.. ;) and to all you lunatics reading this on XMAS day (or wot'ever fuck else northern-hemisphere-winter-solstice-festival-of-quasireligious-silly-hats-and-overeating you choose to follow) have a freakin' MERRY / FESTIVE / EUPHORICALLY PISSY one.. y'hear? GO FREAKIN' NUTS YO! YOU DESERVE IT! :) Previously on Spoz's Rant: Wolves At The Door
:: Spoz 12:06 AM |
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