CRASH TEST DUMMIES
I begin by apologising for what likely will be an absolutely shite blog entry.. for I am writing this a broken shell of a man.. twitching around in a collapsed heap in my desk chair like a dead frog wired to electrodes.. typing with the hindrance of one crazy bruised and swollen right pinky finger.. inflicted with numerous bizarre small poc mark bruises on me arms, back and chest.. behold the inexplicable grass stains.. tiny nicks and scratches.. sore limbs.. a brain dissolving like recently dropped aspirin into water left unable to construct simple sentances (or spell correctly).. a near cactus'd liver begging for mercy sloshes from one side of my ribcage to the other.. I've had maybe 3 hours sleep and my eyes are all smashed up and blurry.. I'm hobbling on imagined crutches.. a string puppet on horse tranquilizers.. communicating by crude squeaks and grunts.. prone to fragmented thoughts and memory lapses.. and funnily enough.. I chose all of this.. I chose my fate.. I accepted this Sunday night shambles like a badge of honour.. safe in the knowledge I'll recharge and be kickarse by next Friday (or maybe even Wednesday by the look of things) to DO IT ALL AGAIN! YEEEHA!
so.. what led me here? how did I come to choose to resemble someone violated by a crazed alien octopus?
"what happens on the bucks party stays on the bucks party"..
so.. without further ado.. ere's this weekend's none-too-incriminating photographic insight..
what follows is the information allowed to be made public, with advisement from my lawyers, on what happened this weekend..THURSDAY NIGHT
found out tonight (at the last minute) that there wuz this solo acoustic stoner gig playing at the uber funky FAD CAFE.. featuring a tag-teaming duo of acoustic freaks I didn't bother to remember the name (they may've even been headliners), a scruffy weeknight appearance by HEATH WEBER performing his signature mix of drunken cheese songs fit for your girlfriend to dump you over (plus some of his wildly popular BRIAN / RYAN ADAMS cover song strangulations you'll be Karaoke'ing to in spite of y'self) and finally a quick surprise guest appearance by COOKIE BAKER (aka: The Cookie Monster) with a voice that'd melt icebergs quicker than our failure to comply with the KYOTO protocol.. she only played ONE song.. a 7 minute song of wailing melancholy.. but whoooaaaaa..
after all the nonsense at FAD and after all the random bar floaters had dispersed.. I staggered over to JIVE (around 11:30'ish) to catch a few minutes of some bizarre "MAKE POVERTY HISTORY" charity event, packed out with a mass of hippy hairy freaks sweating it out on the dancefloor to some stoner / Jamiroquai clone kinda funk band thing (or at least they sounded like that to me..).. quite trippy to see JIVE that packed out on a night like this.. and I really didn't know how to take it.. so.. instead of trying to figure it all out.. I ducked out and caught the last (midnight) bus home..
so.. by all accounts, not a bad night out.. seems the THURSDAY night in Adelaide is picking up some steam.. or maybe it's always been here and I'd been too slack arse to notice yet (I know Chelsea will correct me here.. aarrr shuddup).. either way I'm digging the weeknight vibe now.. and I just hope I get more people to my OWN Thursday nite gigs now the weather's warming up to keep me inspired in this junk I call music :PFRIDAY NIGHT
ended up playing a mildy drunken game of LORD OF THE RINGS trivial pursuit, followed by a round or two of DVD trivial pursuit in the deepest darkest insanity of the southern suburbs.. why I wuz doing such a thing on a Friday night of all things I cannot say.. and no.. I didn't win any of the games.. but I did get kinda drunk tho, so that wuz a plus.. oh.. and don't go drinking PINOT wine after watching the movie SIDEWAYS.. maybe it's just the South Australian weather.. but PINOT here sucks.. (I chose to stick to the Coopers Pales instead..)SATURDAY NIGHT
"what happens on the bucks night stays on the bucks night.." but obviously since that'll just leave you wanting to ask me more questions then I'd care to answer.. here's some hints of wot went on..
1. the backyard burning and consuming of freshly killed animal flesh
2. high velocity paint filled projectiles
3. inflatable humour
4. much beer
5. much pizza
6. stuff you wouldn't wanna be caught dead with in Indonesia
7. getting lost in the Adelaide Hills
8. much mixing of vodka with other things not vodka
9. laughing and pointing at people more fucked up than you are
10. 24 hours later and stil standing (barely)
yeah.. and that.. written in the most shoddy of prose and illustrated in the most stoner vague of details, was the weekend that was.. (and yes.. it did get a lot more MESSY than those last few photo's hinted at..)
and before I go and leave you to the hell that is the work-a-day wage-slave week.. remember kiddies.. do NOT attempt ANY of these acts in your own home.. we're trained professionals here.. and see YOU next weekend.. (yes.. YOU.. get out've the house dammit.. and buy me a beer.. AAAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAA! :)
Previously on Spoz's Rant: Where In The World Is Spoz's Brain