REVENGE OF THE NERDS
peeps may wonder.. why go to a midnight premiere screening of Star Wars Episode 3?
is it coz you get the chance to see it earlier than 95% of the other hopeless peasants who're gonna shuffle into the cinemas in the next 2-3 weeks coughing up hairballs of popcorn and wondering who the fuck that green midget is with the big ears and the funny backwards talk?
is it to taunt them with spoilers and annoying juicy tidbits - like the fact that Jar Jar Binks is the REAL Dark Lord of the Sith? (yeah.. nobody saw that one coming aye?)
it is coz I'm a hardcore fan of Star Wars and I'd want nothing more than to fantasize about pissing about the universe in me own millennium falcon dodging bounty hunters and gettin' busy with crazy space princesses? or going wacky with a lightsabre whilst happily corrupting me jedi force to violate ridiculously hot female senators from Naboo?
is it for purely tax avoidance reasons?
am I just shit crazy and full of sugar?
perhaps for all these reasons..?
no.. the real reason you go to a midnight screening is for the nerds.. not just any 'ol species of nerd.. but the rarified breed of obssessing lunatic who dresses up as their favourite character to attend these events.. oooooh yes, just to see these freaks.. make fun of these freaks.. is worth the price of admission alone..
so, join me if you will, as I take you on a safari of freaks, geeks, nerds and dweebs.. photographed in their natural habitat.. The Marion Cinema Complex.. a few hours shy of the midnight screening premiere of Star Wars Episode 3 - Revenge Of The Sith..
aaah.. dontcha just love geeks :)
and now the question I bet all you idiots are gonna ask me..
"yeah.. but, wot did ya think of the movie!!??"
yeah fuckit.. guess I gotta give you a movie review now don't I?
SPOZ'S DODGY FILM REVIEW
- STAR WARS EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SITH
(note: spoiler free)
first off, is it any good? is it better than Phantom Menace or Attack Of The Clones?
YES, it IS.. go ahead and see it, take ya friends.. take acid and trip balls to it.. (no, on second thoughts, you really DONT wanna do that.. or it'll royally fuck ya head up for weeks)
but, does it compare favourably to any of the movies in the original (2nd) trilogy?
PERHAPS.. just don't go expecting any miracles here..
this movie is a mixed offering.. in fact, I'd almost see this as two seperate films - a brilliant / almost flawless 1st half of cinematic brilliance.. followed by a dumb 2nd half.. but then again, how could the most overhyped film in history live up to this? maybe I need to see it again? (which very likely I will want to do..)
so, here's the good - it's action packed, and there's strong dramatic weight to that action, there is real drama, real suspense, you DO really FEEL for these characters for a change, there's moments.. quite a few moments that'll have your jaw on the floor.. thinking "HOLY FREAKING YODA n SHIT! DID THAT JUST HAPPEN!!?".. the CGI doesn't actually suck this time.. it actually feels like REAL locations, REAL weather, REAL interaction.. not just a tennis ball on a pole against a blue screen.. there is no clumsy cardboard acting and people running on sound stages here (although obviously they did - it actually carries itself better here).. Hayden Christensen isn't just a dopey whiny bitch no more.. Natalie Portman doesn't look nearly as constipated.. R2D2 kicks some serious freaking arse.. Senator Palpatine freaking rocks.. the lightsaber fights are truly tense and nail chewing moments.. you DO feel it when it all turns to shit.. it IS a damn good film.. and the 1st half will go down in my books as near to sci-fi cinematic perfection..
here's the bad - the 1st half builds such a psychotic juggernaut of cinmeatic energy, that when we do hit that pinion moment in the middle.. the moment of fateful decision where everything goes pear shaped.. instead of a heart attack moment of tragedy.. it comes out more like a little squeaky fart.. yes, we ALL know that Anakin Skywalker turns evil and that Chancellor Palpatine / Darth Sidious royally fucks up the Republic and heralds in the evil Galactic Empire.. but, when we witness the moment first hand.. it just feels like a freaking letdown.. no real dramatic impetus to that moment.. no horrific betrayal "OH MY GOD DID HE JUST DO THAT!!??".. it's more like "um, ok.. he's evil now.. um, yay?"
where's the indecision here? where's the inner turmoil? why must they just accept it and not struggle with the decisions? it's like someone flicks a switch and the film loses all weight..
yes funnily enough, my biggest quibble with the film isn't with the acting or the special effects.. but with the plot.. with how the story is put to screen.. it could've been Shakespearian with how it's built up.. it could've been Greek drama.. but instead we switch from brilliantly nuanced shades of grey.. to dumb black n white fanboy stupidity.. "woo.. look he's evil now.. yay!"
but still.. in the grand scheme of things.. it IS better than those other two prequel movies.. they're a laughable pathetic mess compared to this.. and I may even be bold enough to say that this movie, despite it's philosophical flaws.. is actually better than RETURN OF THE JEDI (then again, how hard is it to beat a movie with freaking Ewoks in it?)
so.. in short.. it IS good.. it is DAMN good.. tonnes of cool action / special effects / trippy plot points and decent acting.. but it's a flawed masterpiece.. dont expect perfection (despite how cool the 1st hour is) and just leave ya brain at the door and enjoy..
oh and Jar Jar Binks IS the Dark Lord of the Sith.. trust me on that.. he's puuuure evil..
so, out've 4 stars.. I give it 3..
(4 stars for the 1st half.. 2.5 for the 2nd half)
END SPOZ'S DODGY REVIEW
Previously on Spoz's Rant: The Weekend That Never Ends