:: SPOZ's RANT ::

The Adelaide music scene: to many of you it might be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctioning splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
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[::..latest blogs..::]
:: AAARRRRR!
ALL ABOARD FOR
PIRATEY VARIETY
(Fringe Festival)
:: SUBMERGE, DOUBLE
DENIM and TIERSMAN
(Fringe Festival)
:: TORTE E MORT
(Fringe Festival)
:: THE BYZANTINES
(EP Launch) with
COSMO THUNDERCAT
(Fringe Festival)
:: BLACK CORAL, SONS
OF ZOKU, THE HOWLING
FOG, BLOOD PLASTIC
and KITCHEN WITCH
(Fringe Festival)
:: HALL OF FAME ::
:: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES** :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ARTAX MISSION :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND* :: BOOSTER :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CIRCLE CLAN :: COERCE :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CONCHILLIA :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: DOUBLE HANDED* :: THE DUNES :: EGYPT :: ENCARTA / COLONEL KERNEL** :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA FIRE!*** :: FRIENDS :: GLASS SKIES :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT* :: THE HONEY PIES** :: HORROR MY FRIEND* :: ISLE OF VISION :: JUNGLE CITY :: KAMIKAZE :: THE KEEPSAKES* :: THE KILLGIRLS*** :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: LADY STRANGELOVE** :: LEADER CHEETAH* :: LIKE LEAVES** :: LUMONICS* :: LYLA :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS*** :: MERE THEORY :: MORALS OF A MINOR* :: THE MOTIVE :: MR WEDNESDAY** :: NO THROUGH ROAD*** :: QUIET CHILD :: QUIET IN THE LAB! :: REALIST FEW :: RIDE INTO THE SUN** :: THE SEA THIEVES* :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS* :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY*** :: SKELETONS :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE* :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SPARKSPITTER* :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: STEERING BY STARS* :: SWIMMING :: TEA :: THE TIMBERS :: TONY FONT SHOW** :: TRACER :: THE TRANSATLANTICS** :: TWO SUNS :: TYGER TYGER* :: THE VILLENETTES* :: WEST THEBARTON BROTHEL PARTY :: WOLF & CUB** :: ZETA ::
[::..rant awards..::]
:: 2008 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2009 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2010 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2011 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
:: RECOMMENDED ::
[::..global..::]
:: NME
:: SPIN
[::..local..::]
[::..blogosphere..::]
[::..miscellaneous..::]
:: XKCD
:: SITE FEATURES ::
[::..video blogs..::]
[::..festival blogs..::]
:: Fringe Festival 2012
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2013
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2015
- 1 | 2
| 3 | 4 |
5
| 6 | 7 | 8
[::..b&w episodes..::]
:: A Winter Wonderland
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
:: In Limbo - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
:: B&W July 2012 - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
[::..special features..::]
:: ARTIST INDEX ::
:: !!! :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES (DUET) :: 200 MOTELS :: 4 KINGS LOUD :: 4 VOICE :: 67 SPECIAL :: 78 SAAB :: A.B. ORIGINAL :: A BASKET OF MAMMOTHS :: A.D.K.O.B. :: A RED DAWN :: AAARRR! ALL ABOARD FOR PIRATEY VARIETY :: AARON THOMAS :: ABBEY HOWLETT :: ABBEY HOWLETT & THE GOLDEN REALM :: ABLACKWELL :: ACID MOUNTAIN :: ACROSS THE ATLAS :: ADALITA :: ADAM PAGE :: ADELAIDE'S PIPE GUY :: ADNAAN BARAKY :: ADRIAN BELEW :: ADRIAN DEUTSCH :: AFFAIRS OF MEN :: AFI :: AFTER THE FALL :: AIRBOURNE :: ALANA JAGT :: ALARM BIRDS & THE SEA THIEVES :: ALIAS & THE JAMS :: ALITHIA :: ALL FLIGHT CREW ARE DEAD :: ALL MADE OF RUBIES :: ALL NIGHT GIRLS :: ALMA KALORAMA :: ALPEN :: ALPHA BETA FOX :: ALPHABETTE :: ALPINE :: ALUKA :: AMBUSH MARKETING :: THE AMCATS :: AMUNDSENS FLAG :: ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HARUM :: ANDREW P. STREET :: ANDY BULL :: ANDY ROBERTS :: ANGEL & THE BADMAN :: ANGEL EYES :: ANGEL OLSEN :: ANGELIK :: ANGELS OF GUNG-HO :: ANGIE HART :: ANIMAL SHADOWS :: ANIMAL TRAPS :: ANNIE BASS :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ANNY DUFF :: ANTHONY ANT :: ANTHONY WIGNALL :: ANTONY OF THE FUTURE :: ANYA ANASTASIA :: ANYA ANASTASIA & THE BIRD WIZDOM CABARET :: ANYA MCNICOL-WINDRAM :: THE APE :: APHELION :: APPOMATTOX RUN :: ARAKEYE :: THE ARCADE FIRE :: ARCHERS :: ARCHIE :: ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI :: ARGUS & THE LIAR :: ARIEL PINK'S HAUNTED GRAFFITI :: ARLO COOK :: ARMOUR FOU :: ARRAY :: ART OF ESCAPE :: THE ART OF FLYING KITES :: ARTAX MISSION :: AS THE PENNY DROPS :: THE ASTEROID BELT :: THE ATLANTIC STREET BAND :: ATLASIS & AMICA :: AUBERON DANCE ACADEMY :: AUDIUM :: THE AUDREYS :: AUGUSTE :: AURA FORM :: AURORA :: THE AUTHENTIC REPLICAS :: AUXILLA :: AVANT GARDENERS :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: AWKWARD LOVE TRIANGLE :: BABES ARE WOLVES :: BABYLON BURNING :: BAD//DREEMS :: BACHELOR OF ARTS :: BACHELORETTE :: BACK$EAT ROMEOS :: THE BAKER SUITE :: THE BAKER'S DIGEST :: BAKEWELL STREET :: BALL PARK MUSIC :: BANG! BANG! AIDS! :: BANJO JACKSON :: BANJO WEATHERALD :: BANOFFEE :: BARCODE :: THE BARON :: THE BARONS OF TANG :: BASEBALL :: THE BASKERVILLES :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: BAT FOR LASHES :: BATPISS :: BATRIDER :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BATTLEHOUNDS :: BATTLE POPE :: BATTLES :: BEACH HOUSE :: BEANIE MY FRIEND :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND :: THE BEARDS :: THE BEASTIE BOYS :: BED WETTER :: BEDHEAD :: THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER & HIS AWKWARDSTRA :: THE BEERBELLY BUSKERS :: BEFORE THE AFTERMATH :: BELITTLE LEAGUE :: THE BELLE CURVE :: THE BELLRAYS :: BELOVED ELK :: BEN GEL & THE BONEYARD SAINTS :: BEN ELY'S RADIO 5 :: BEN REVI :: BEN REVI ALL-STAR REVIVAL BAND :: BETTY AIRS :: BIG BAD BARRY & THE DEAD SETS :: BIG DADDY'S DISCOTHEQUE :: BIG RICHARD INSECT :: BIG SCARY :: BIG SKY THEORY :: BIG YAWN :: BILLY BISHOP GOES TO WAR :: BILLY BOB'S BBQ JAM BAND :: BING GOES TO MONACO :: BINKY & THE BUNG MICS :: THE BIRD :: BIRD WIZDOM :: BIRTHGLOW :: BIT BY BATS :: BITCH PREFECT :: THE BITTER DARLINGS :: BITTER SWEET KICKS :: BJORK :: BLACK GOLD :: BLACK LIPS :: BLACKCHORDS :: THE BLACK AND WHITE :: BLACK CORAL :: THE BLACK DOVES :: BLACK KNIGHT :: BLAKE SABAN 3 :: BLAST RHOMBUS :: BLEEDING KNEES CLUB :: THESE BLESSED BONES :: THE BLIND HERD :: BLISTERED PALMS :: BLOOD PLASTIC :: BLOODHOUNDS ON MY TRAIL :: BLOW UP BETTY :: THE BLUEBERRIES :: BLUEJUICE :: BLUSH RESPONSE :: BOB DOWNE :: BOB LOG III :: BODY HORROR :: BOHOEFFER :: THE BON SCOTTS :: BOOSTER :: THE BORDERLAND :: BOS :: THE BOTTLEROCKETS :: BOX ELDER :: THE BOX ROCKETS :: THE BRIAN JONESTOWN MASSACRE :: BRENDAWG & THE DROID :: BRIANNA MAHONEY :: BRIARS :: BRILLIG :: BRITISH INDIA :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS (DUO) :: BRONZE CHARIOT :: BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE :: BROKERS :: BROTHERSISTER :: THE BROUHAHA :: BRUNATEX :: BUFFALO BOYFRIEND :: THE BUMBLEBEEZ :: BURAKA SOM SISTEMA :: BURIED FEATHER :: BURLESQUE BEAUTIES :: BURN THE ASHES :: THE BURNING SEA :: BURNING TOWER :: BURNSIDE MUMS :: BUSHIDO :: BUSTER FIDEZ :: BYE BYE MOUNTAIN :: THE BYZANTINES :: CABBAGE & KINGS :: CABIN CULTS :: CAL WILLIAMS JNR :: CALIFORNIA COUSIN :: CALLERDENIGHT :: CALLING ALL CARS :: CAM GOODALL :: CAMEROM MCTERNAN :: CAMP COPE :: CANDIDA :: CANIDAE :: CANIS VULPES :: CAPTAIN CLEANOFF :: CAPTAIN HELLFIRE & THE WRETCHED BRETHREN :: THE CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY :: CAPTIVES :: CAR SEAT HEADREST :: CARLA LIPPIS & THE MARTIAL HEARTS :: THE CASIO BROTHERS :: CASKET CASE :: CASS McCOMBS :: CASSETTE KIDS :: CAT DOG BIRD :: CAT PARTY :: CENTAURZ :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CERES :: CESARE :: CHAPMAN STREET :: CHARLIE MONSOON :: CHASING PHOENIX :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CHERRY GRIND :: THE CHEVRON WHORES :: CHÉRIE DE KLERK :: CHILD :: CHILDREN COLLIDE :: CHRIS FINNEN :: CHORAL GRIEF :: CHVRCHES :: CIARAM GRANGER :: CIRCLE CLAN :: CIRCUS ARCADE :: THE CITRADELS :: CITRUS JAM :: CITY CALM DOWN :: CITY RIOTS :: CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH :: THE CLIQUE :: CLOUD CONTROL :: CLOUD NOTHINGS :: THE CLOWNS OF DECADENCE :: CLUE TO KALO :: COBRA :: COCK :: COERCE :: COG :: COLLARBONES :: COLLIDE/ESCAPE :: COLLIDER :: COLONEL KERNEL :: COLORBLIND :: COLOURISE :: CONCHILLIA :: CONSOLE WARRIORS :: COOKIE BAKER :: COOKIE BAKER & HER SPECIAL SECRET SPELLS :: COOL JUMPER :: COOL JUMPER & TANTIVY FAIR :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CORPUS :: CORTEZ :: COSMO BLACK :: COSMO THUNDERCAT :: COSMO THUNDERCAT (DUO) :: COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR :: COY CARP :: CRACKWHORE :: THE CRAYON FIELDS :: CREEPERS :: CRUSTY SUITCASE BAND :: THE CRYING GAME :: CUB SCOUTS :: CURSES :: CUT COPY :: CUT OFF YOUR HANDS :: THE DAIRY BROTHERS :: DAISY BUCHANAN :: DAIYE SPA :: DALLAS FRASCA :: DALLI :: DAMN ARMS :: DAMN TERRAN :: DAMNED MEN :: DAMO SUZUKI NETWORK :: DAN DEVLIN :: DANCE TIL YOU CAN'T SAY YEAH! :: DANGER & PLASTIC :: DANGEROUS! :: DANIEL VARRICCHIO :: DANIELE VILELLA :: DANVERS :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DAPPLED CITIES :: THE DARDANELLES :: THE DARK LIGHTS :: DAS UBBERDUNG :: DAVE PHILLIPS :: DAY RAVIES :: DAYDREAM :: THE DAYLIGHT BRAVES :: DAYSWORTH FIGHTING :: THE DEAD BELLS :: DEAD END FRIENDS :: DEAD FRENCHMEN :: DEAD JOE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DEADLY ARE THE NAKED :: DEAFAULT :: DEAR PLASTIC :: DEEP SEA ARCADE :: THE DEER JOHNS :: DEERHUNTER :: DEJA :: DEJA ENTENDU :: DELIA OBST :: THE DELTA RIGGS :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DESCRIBE ELIZA :: DESERT CROOKS :: A DEVIL AMONGST THE TAILORS :: THE DEVILROCK FOUR :: DEXTER JONES :: DIAMOND SINS :: DIANA SCALZI :: DICK DIVER :: DIE! DIE! DIE! :: DIESEL WITCH :: DIIV :: DIPLOMAT :: DIPSTONE :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: THE DIRTY MONKS :: DIRTY WOLVES :: THE DIVINE FLUXUS :: DIZZEE RASCAL :: DJ KELE OKEREKE :: DJ SHADOW :: DJ SPOZ :: DJANGO ROWE TRIO :: DMA'S :: DOE :: DON MORRISON :: DONNARUMMA :: DOUBLE DENIM :: DOUBLE DRAGON :: DOUBLE HANDED :: DOZERS :: DRAWN FROM BEES :: THE DREAMBOATS :: DRILLER JET ARMSTRONG :: THE DRONES :: DROPLET :: DRUID FLUIDS :: DRUNK MUMS :: DUD PILLS :: DUKES OF WINDSOR :: DUMB EARTH :: DUNE RATS :: THE DUNES :: DUNGEN :: DUSTY LEE :: DUSTY LEE & THE ANGELS OF GUNG HO :: DUSTY LEE'S WASTED WANDERERS :: DZ :: DZ DEATHRAYS :: EAST END VILLAINS :: ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN :: ECHO & THE EMPRESS :: EDDY CURRENT SUPPRESSION RING :: EGYPT :: THE EL CAMINOS :: ELECTRIC WIDOWS :: THE ELEVENTH HOUR :: THE E.L.F. :: EL-P :: ELECTRIC EXILES :: ELEPHANT :: ELLEN KIBBLE :: ELVIS :: EMDEE :: EMERGENCY RULE :: EMILY DAVIS :: EMPERORS :: EMMA HORWOOD :: EMPIRE VAGABOND :: ENCARTA :: ENDLESS NAMELESS :: ENEMY OF :: ENNIS TOLA :: ENVY STREET :: ES IST SUPER :: EVEN :: EXPATRIATE :: THE EXPLODERS :: EXPLODING PLASTIC INEVITABLE :: EZRA HOPE :: FACEMEAT :: FAITH NO MORE :: FAIR MAIDEN :: THE FAK :: FAKE LAKE :: FAKE TAN :: FASCINATOR :: THE FAT SACK :: FAT TAILED ANTICHINUS :: FAVOUR THE BRAVE :: FEAR AND LOATHING :: THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS :: FEIST :: FEMME FATALES :: FERGUS O'REGAN :: FEZ FAANANA :: FIGHTERPILOT :: A FILM FOR THE FUTURE :: FILTHY LUCRE :: THE FINISHING SCHOOL :: FINNEN & DAVIDSON :: THE FINNS :: FIRS :: FISHING WITH HENRY :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA, FIRE! :: FIST PUMP, FIST BUMP :: FISTFUL OF TROJANS :: FLEUR GREEN :: FKA TWIGS :: THE FLEEING MINDS :: THE FLOORS :: FLORENCE & THE MACHINE :: FLUME :: THE FOLKO-OH-NOES :: FONT PLAYS FONT :: FORCES :: FOREIGN/NATIONAL :: FOREST OF GNOMES :: FORMER CHILD STARS :: FOX FAEHRMANN :: FOXX ON FIRE :: FRANZ FERDINAND :: FRAUD MILLIONAIRES :: FREESTATE :: FRESH KILLS :: FRIDAY'S FOX :: FRIENDS :: FROM THE DEAD SEA :: FULL CONTACT SAFARI :: THE FUMES :: FUNK LATIN UNION :: FUNKOARS :: FUTURE FARM :: FUTURE ISLANDS :: THE FYOOGS :: GALAPAGOOSE :: GALAXY CAT :: GALLEON :: GAVIN DE ALMEIDA :: GAY PARIS :: THE GELS :: GEMINI DOWNS :: GENERATION SWINE :: GEORDIE LITTLE :: GERMEIN SISTERS :: GG ALAN BINDIG :: GHOST WALK :: GHOUL :: GHYTI :: GHYTI (DUO) :: GHYTI & THE PHILANTHROPIC ORCHESTRA :: GINFOX VS HELLO NEWMAN :: GIRL TALK :: THE GIVEAWAYS :: GLASS :: GLASS DUNES :: GLASS SKIES :: GLASS TOWERS :: GLISK :: GNARLS BARKLEY :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT (Lounge Set) :: GOLD BLOOM :: THE GOOD CHINA :: GOOD BOY :: GOON WIZARRD :: GOTYE :: GRACE GOODFELLOW :: GRAFTON PRIMARY :: THE GRAND RAPIDS :: THE GRATES :: GRAVEYARD TRAIN :: THE GREETING METHOD :: GRENADIERS :: GREY DATURAS :: GRIMES :: GRIMEY :: GROOVE ARMADA :: GROUND COMPONENTS :: THE GROWL :: GUILLAUME SOLO ACOUSTIC :: GUINEAFOWL :: GUN IT :: GÜNTER & THE SAFEWORD :: GYRO :: HAIM :: HAL BIRD :: HALCYON DRIVE :: HALFWAY TO FORTH :: THE HAPPY ENDINGS :: HAPPY SOMETIMES :: HAR MAR SUPERSTAR :: THE HARD ACHES :: HARMLESS HUNTER :: HARMONY :: HARRY FREEMAN :: HARTS :: HAWKS OF ALBA :: HAYSTACKS CALHOON :: HEATH WEBER :: HEKYL :: HELLO, LOVER :: HELLO NEWMAN :: HELMET :: HESTON DROP :: HEY FEVER :: HEY LADY! :: HI, I'M RECLUSIVE AUTHOR THOMAS PYNCHON :: HIGH STAKES :: HIGH TENSION :: HIGH VIOLET :: HIGHTIME :: HILLS & TRAINS :: HIT THE JACKPOT :: THE HOLD STEADY :: THE HOLIDAYS :: HOLOGRAPHIC CHARIZARD :: HOLOGRAPHIC COLTS :: HOLY FUCK :: HOLY HOLY :: THE HOLY SEA :: HOLY SERPENT :: HOME FOR THE DEF :: THE HONEY PIES :: HORROR MY FRIEND :: HOSPITAL THE MUSICAL :: HOT WINGS :: HOUSE OF JADE :: HOWL AT THE MOON :: HOWL 'N BONES :: HOWLING BELLS :: THE HOWLING FOG :: HUMBLE BEE :: HUMMINGBIRD :: HUNGRY KIDS OF HUNGARY :: THE HUNTED CROWS :: HURRICANE JANE :: HURRICANES :: THE HUSHES :: HUXLEY :: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT WEEZER :: I HEART HIROSHIMA :: I, A MAN :: ICE ON MERCURY :: ID :: IGGY POP & THE STOOGES :: IIAH :: ILLICIT EVE :: IMMIGRANT UNION :: IMOGEN BRAVE :: IMPARTIAL :: THE IMPOSSIBLE QUICHE :: THE INCHES :: INDIAGO :: INSTITUT POLAIRE :: INTERCOOLER :: INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF MOJO :: THE INTERNET :: INTERPOL :: INTERZONE EXPRESS :: INTROVERT :: INUETTE :: INWOODS :: IRAAN SANADZADEH :: IRIDIUM :: IRIE KNIGHTS :: THE IRRESPONSIBLES :: ISLE OF CAPRI :: ISLE OF VISION :: IT'S A HOAX :: IT'S A HOAX (INSTRUMENTAL) :: IT'S WARSAW :: IVORY :: J-LO BIAFRA :: J-WAH :: JACK LONDON :: JACKSON FIREBIRD :: JAMES PARRY :: JANE'S ADDICTION :: JAPAM :: JAPANDROIDS :: JAPANTHER :: JARVIS :: JARVIS COCKER :: JASON SIMON (DEAD MEADOW) :: JAY WALKER AND THE PEDESTRIANS :: JAYNE-ANNE POWER :: JEFF MARTIN & TEREPAI RICHMOND :: JESS KENT :: JESS PORTER :: JESSE DAVIDSON :: JESSE FRANCIS :: JESUS CHRIST POSSE :: THE JEZABELS :: JIKA :: JIMMY & THE MIRRORS :: JIMMY EAT WORLD :: JIMMY MARIN :: JIMMY MOUNTAIN :: JOE MCKEE :: JOEL STERN :: JOEL STERN, CURED PINK & TIMOTHY TATE :: THE JOHN STEEL SINGERS :: JON ADDAMS :: JON MARCO :: JON MORTIMER :: JONNY BLIZZARD :: JORDAN TITO :: JOSH CALLIGEROS :: JOURNEY WELL SPACE WIZARD :: JOY & SPARKS :: JP COE & THE DELEGATES :: JUDGE MENTAL :: JUMP! YOU REVOLUTIONARY :: JUNGLE CITY :: JUNGLEMIRE :: JUPITER :: JUPITER (DUO) :: JUPITER LEAD :: KAB SAVVY :: KAHL WALLIS :: KAMIKAZE :: KAMIKAZE TRIO :: KANGAROO SKULL :: KARL MELVIN :: KASABIAN :: KASAVETT :: KATE VIGO & THE UNDERGROUND ORCHESTRA :: KAURNA CRONIN :: KAZKARIV :: THE KEEPSAKES :: KELLIE LLOYD :: KELLY MENHENNETT :: KELSHY :: THE KEMP BROTHERS :: KHAN :: KID SAM :: KIDS IN CULTS :: KIDS WITH TEETH :: KIKUYU :: THE KILL DEVIL HILLS :: KILLER BIRDS :: THE KILLBOT FACTORY :: THE KILLGIRLS :: KING DADDY :: KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD :: KING KRILL :: KING KRULE :: KING OF THE NORTH :: KINGSTON DOWNES :: KINGSWOOD :: KINS :: KIRK SPECIAL :: KIRK WATT :: KITCHEN WITCH :: KITTEN KONG :: KITTYHAWK :: KOI CHILD :: KORAL :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: KRIS WANDERS :: KRISTINA MILTIADOU :: KURT VILE :: KYLIE BRICE TRIO :: KYRI :: KYTES OF OMAR :: LA FEMME LE FEVER :: LADY GUNG-HO & THE ANGELS OF STRANGELOVE :: LADY STRANGELOVE :: THE LADYBEATLES :: LADYHAWKE :: LAHARA :: LANCE LAZER & TALIBAND :: LARSEN :: LAST DAYS OF KALI :: LAST DINOSAURS :: THE LAST SUPPER :: LATE NIGHT MATINEE :: LATER THAT NIGHT :: LAURA HILL :: LAURA IMBRUGLIA :: LAW & DISORDER :: LAZARO'S DOG :: LC3'S :: LEADER CHEETAH :: LEFT :: LEGENDS OF MOTORSPORT :: LEIGHSTARDUST :: THE LEITMOTIF :: LEITMOTIV LIMBO :: LE GATEAU CHOCOLAT :: LEMURIAN :: LENIN MCCARTHY :: LEO :: LEAPING FELIX :: LES SAVY FAV :: THE LEVITATORS :: LIFE IN LETTERS :: LIGHTS :: LIKE KITES :: LIKE LEAVES :: LIL VALENTINE :: LILY MOJITO :: LILLY SIM :: LILLYS RADIO :: LINE HONOURS :: LIPSMACK :: LITTLE BRIDGET :: LITTLE CAPTAIN :: LITTLE DRAGON :: LITTLE ICE AGE :: LITTLE PRINCE :: LITTLE TWO EYES :: THE LIZARDS :: LO! :: LOADED LEOPARD :: LOCAL REVOLUTION :: LOEMAX :: THE LONDON ROAD POETS :: THE LONELINESS OF A MIDDLE DISTANCE RUNNER :: LONELY FIRE :: LONG WALK HOME :: LONI RAE :: LOON LAKE :: LORDE :: LOST COSMONAUT :: THE LOST SHOW :: LOST VALENTINOS :: LOST WOODS :: LOUIS DONNARUMMA :: LOUISE ADAMS :: LOUISE & THE TORNADOS :: LOUISE ADAMS & THE FRINGE DWELLERS :: LOVE CREAM :: THE LOVE JUNKIES :: LOVE OF DIAGRAMS :: LOVE STEREO :: LOVE ZOMBIES :: THE LUCKSMITHS :: LUKE ASHBY BAND :: LUKE CARLINO :: LUKE DUX :: LUKE ESCOMBE :: LUKE EYGENRAAM :: LUKE GOLDING :: THE LUKE LOUIE TRIO :: LUMONICS :: LYLA :: MAC DEMARCO :: MACH PELICAN :: MACKENZIE :: MAD SHAPES :: MADCLASSIC :: MAGGIE & LOUIS :: MAGIC BONES :: THE MAGNETS :: MAKING :: MAMMAL :: MAMMOTH :: MAMMOTH LOGIC :: MANE :: MANI NEUMEIER & THE BITCHES OF ZEUS :: MANOR :: MARCUS COROWA :: MARK CURTIS BAND :: MARCUS WARNECKE & SAM PORTER :: MARDEN :: MARGARET LLOYD & SEB TONKIN :: MARK CURTIS :: MARLA SINGER :: MARY TREMBLES :: MARY WEBB :: MASSIVE :: MASTER'S CURIOUS DELIRIUM :: MATHEMATIC :: MATHIEU WERCHOWSKI :: MATT BANHAM :: MATTHEW BARLOW :: MATT HAYWARD :: MATTHEW MILES :: MAX SAVAGE :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS :: MAYDAY FAIR :: MAYFIELD :: MCKISKO :: MEAKE :: MEANWELL COLLEGE :: THE MEDICS :: MEGAFAUNA :: MENAGERIE :: MERCY ARMS :: MERE THEORY :: THE MESS HALL :: MESSRS :: METHYL ETHEL :: METZ :: MEZZANINE :: MICHAEL STOWERS :: MICK ARMSTRONG, ANDY ARMSTRONG & STAN BASTIRAS :: THE MIDDLE EAST :: MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS :: THE MILTON EXPERIENCE :: MIKE MCKEON :: MIKE RADZEVICIUS :: MIKE TILBROOK :: MIKEY (EX ARTAX MISSION) :: MINDSHOWER :: MIO :: MIRRORLINE :: THE MISCHIEF :: MISCHIEF THE CAT :: MISS GOLLY GOSH :: MISS RENEE SIMONE :: THE MISSION IN MOTION :: MM9 :: MOGERLAINE :: THE MOLTING VULTURES :: MOMOKO SODA :: MONA LISA OVERDRIVE :: MONDO PHASE BAND :: MONEY FOR ROPE :: THE MONIKERS :: MONKEY PUZZLE TREE :: THE MONSTER SOCIETY OF EVIL :: MOODY BELLES :: MOONFAKER :: MOONHUNTER :: MORALS OF A MINOR :: THE MORNING AFTER GIRLS :: MOTHER'S CAKE :: THE MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS :: MOTHERSLUG :: THE MOTIVE :: MOTOWN CONNECTION :: MOUNTAIN STATIC :: MOUNTAIN STRANGER :: MOUNTAINS IN THE SKY :: MOUNTBATTEN :: MOURGOS GRUND :: THE MOURNING SONS :: MOVE TO STRIKE :: MOVIN' MELVIN BROWN :: MR ROSEWATER :: MR WEDNESDAY :: MUM'S TENNIS FRIENDS :: MUMFORD & SONS :: MUNCHKIN :: MUSCLE CAR VS HIGH STAKES :: MUSTERED COURAGE :: MUTEMATH :: MY DISCO :: MY SISTER THE COP :: MYLES MAYO :: N.A.S.A. :: NAKATOMI :: NAOMI KEYTE :: NAOMI KEYTE & TANNON KEW :: NATHAN KAYE :: NAZZ AND THE RED PONIES :: NEO FIX :: NEOHIP :: NEON BOGART :: NEON ELECTRIC :: NEREEDA :: NERVOUS GERBAL :: THE NEW CABAL :: NEW PANTS :: NEW POLLUTANTS :: NEW TRANSLATION :: NICK MURPHY :: THE NEW VAGUE :: NEW WHITE SNEAKERS :: NEW YORK DOLLS :: NEWTONHEATH :: NICHOLAS ALLBROOK :: NICKER TEENS :: NIGEL KOOP & STEVIE BEE :: NIKAI :: NIKKO :: NIKKO & SNOOKS :: NITIDUS :: NO BIRDS :: NO THROUGH ROAD :: NO ZU :: NOBODY KNEW THEY WERE ROBOTS :: THE NOVOCAINES :: NUVO :: THE NYMPHS :: O' LITTLE SISTER :: THE OCEAN PARTY :: OCEANICS :: ODYSSEY :: THE OFFCUTS :: OH MERCY :: OH MINOR :: OH MY GUARD! :: OISIMA :: OKKERVIL RIVER :: OLD MATE :: OLIVERS ARMY :: OLLIE ENGLISH :: OLLY HOLMES :: ONE THOUSAND COUPLES :: ONION :: ONLY OBJECTS :: ONNIE ART :: THE ORBWEAVERS :: ORELIA :: THE OSCILLATORS :: OSH10 :: OVERVIEW EFFECT :: OWLS OF THE SWAMP :: PABLO LIBIDO & THE WHITE ROBOTS :: PAIGE RENEE COURT :: PALACE OF THE KING :: PALEFACE :: THE PANDA BAND :: PANOPTIQUE ELECTRICAL :: PAPA VS PRETTY :: PAPER ARMS :: THE PAPER SCISSORS :: PARADES :: PARTY :: PATRIARCHAL DEATH MACHINE :: PATRICK SARACINO :: PEACHES & HERM :: PEABODY :: PENELOPE SUICIDE :: PENNY IKINGER :: PERFECT PUSSY :: PERSIA & THE GEORGE GRIFSAS QUARTET :: THE PET SHOP BOYS :: PETER COMBE :: THE PHARAOHS :: PHILADELPHIA GRAND JURY :: THE PHOBIAS :: PHOENIX :: PIMPIN' HORUS :: PINK NOISE GENERATOR :: PINKY BEECROFT & THE WHITE RUSSIANS :: PISTOL SHRIMP :: THE PITS :: PIVOT :: THE PIXIES :: PLACEBO :: THE PLEASURE OF BOOKS :: PLUG IN CITY :: PNAU :: POCKET ACE :: POETIKOOL JUSTICE :: POLY & THE STATICS :: POND :: PONY DANCE :: PONYTAIL KINK :: THE POP-UPS :: POPY JANE :: POPEYE & OLIVE OYL :: PORCHLIGHT PARADE :: POST DEATH POST :: THE PRESETS :: PRESTON'S HISTORIC PUNCH & JUDY SHOW :: PRINCE RAMA :: PRINCESS ONE POINT FIVE :: PROBLEMS :: THE PRODIGY :: THE PRO-TOOLS :: THE PROPHETS OF IMPENDING DOOM :: PSYCHEDELIC P*RN CRUMPETS :: THE PSYCHONAUTS :: PUNK JAZZ MONORAIL :: PURITY RING :: PUT DOWNS :: QUA :: QUANTUM CHAOS :: QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE :: QUEST :: QUESTION QUESTION :: QUIET CHILD :: QUIET IN THE LAB! :: RACHEL CEARNS :: RACHEL CEARNS & THE VALKYRIES :: RADIANT CITY :: RADIO SPECTACULAR!!! :: RADIO STAR :: RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE :: THE RAGING POPULATION :: RAINDROP :: RAPID TRANSPORT :: THE RAPTURE :: RAT TA'MANGO :: RAUCOUSTRA :: RAURY :: THE RAVEONETTES :: THE READYMADES :: REALIST FEW :: REALM :: RED APPARITION :: RED COATS :: RED DESERT OCEAN :: THE RED EARTH BLUES BAND :: RED INK :: THE RED PAINTINGS :: RED SEA :: THE RED SUN BAND :: REGULAR JOHN :: REGURGITATOR :: RELYING ON LUCK :: REJUSA :: THE REMEMBERZ :: RENDEZVOUS WITH RAMA :: THE REPROBETTES :: REPTILES :: RICH DAVIES & AYLEEN O'HANLON :: RICHARD IN YOUR MIND :: RICOCHET PETE :: RIDE INTO THE SUN :: RIN MCARDLE :: RIN & THE RECKLESS :: RINCON :: RINGO STALIN :: RIOT RUNNERS :: RISEMANN :: RITES WILD :: RIVER OF SNAKES :: ROBOTOSAURUS :: ROCKET SCIENCE :: THE ROCKETEERS :: ROGER THAT :: THE ROLLERCANES :: RON THE OX :: THE ROOFTOPS :: ROOK :: RORY O'CONNOR :: ROSS DE CHENE HURRICANES :: ROTE MARE :: ROYAL BLOOD :: ROYAL HEADACHE :: THE RUBENS :: RULE OF THIRDS :: THE RULES :: RUN THE JEWELS :: RUNNING WITH HORSES :: RUNZELSTIRM & GURGLESTOCK :: RUSSIA :: RUSSIAN TEAMMATE :: RYAN MEEKING & THE FEW :: RYAN OLIVER :: SAILMAKER :: SAILORS AND SWINE :: SAINT HUCK :: THE SALVADORS :: SAM WOOLFORD :: SAMPA THE GREAT :: SAN CISCO :: SARAH BLASKO :: SARAH CHADWICK :: SASHA MARCH :: SASHA MARSH & THE DAWNHORSE :: SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS :: SATIN HAREM :: SAUL WILLIAMS :: SAVAGES :: SAVING SAVANAH :: THE SCARE :: THE SCARLET IVES :: SCHOOL OF RADIANT LIVING :: SCREAMING GIBBON :: THE SEA THIEVES :: SEA URCHIN & ALLIES :: SEABELLIES :: SEAMUS ANTHONY :: SEAN DESMOND :: SEAN KEMP :: SECRETS IN SCALE :: SEEKAE :: SERENDIPITY :: THE SERRA :: SEVENTEEN FIFTY SEVEN :: SEX ON TOAST :: SEX WIZARD :: SEX UNCLE :: SEXUAL DAD :: THE SHADOW LEAGUE :: SHADOWQUEEN :: THE SHAKE UP :: SHAMAN SON :: SHAME SPIRAL :: THE SHAOLIN AFRONAUTS :: SHAPES DIVIDE :: SHARK IN THE DARK :: SHE SAID YOU :: SHE'S THE BAND :: SHILOH :: THE SHINE :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS :: SHIVERS :: SHOJI HANO :: SIAMESE :: SIANNA LEE :: SIDEWALKS :: S.I.G.I.T. :: SILENT DUCK :: THE SILENTS :: SIMON & JENNY :: SIMON ABERLE :: SIN CITY :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY :: SIR GERBIL :: SISTER ROSE :: SITARA :: SKELETONS :: SKIES :: SKIPPING GIRL VINEGAR :: SKYBOMBERS :: SKYTHIEF :: SKYE HARBOUR :: SLAMAGOTCHI :: SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY :: SLEEP PARADE :: SLEEPTALKER :: THE SLEEPY JACKSON :: SLICK ARNOLD :: SLINGSHOT DRAGSTER :: THE SLOE RUIN :: SLY HATS :: SMALL AFFAIRS :: SMASHING PUMPKINS :: SMILE :: THE SMITH STREET BAND :: SNAKADAKTAL :: SNAP TO ZERO :: THE SNOWDROPPERS :: SNOWMAN :: ...SO YEAH :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE :: SOJOURN :: SOMNIUM (2016) :: SOMMNIUM (2007) :: SONATINE :: SONIC DEATH MONKEY :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SOURSOP :: SOUTH FROM SOMEWHERE :: SOUTHPOOR :: SPANK ROCK :: SPARKSPITTER :: SPARTAK :: SPECIAL PATROL :: SPEED MACHINE :: SPILT CITIES :: SPINDICKLE :: SPINE :: THE SPIRES :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: ST. VINCENT :: STABBITHA & THE KNIFEY WIFEYS :: STANDARD UNION :: STARS :: STARS YOUNG :: THE STEADY ONS :: STEEL TIGER :: STEERING BY STARS :: STEREOLAB :: STEVE SMYTH :: THE STIFFYS :: THE STILL MOVEMENT :: STONEFIELD :: STOP SAYING HELICOPTER :: THE STORM WILL COVER OUR TRACKS :: STRAIGHT TO VIDEO :: STREETLIGHT :: STREGA :: SUBAUDIBLE HUMM :: SUBMERGE :: SUBTRACT S :: SUBURBAN STANDOFF :: SUGAR ARMY :: SUMI :: SUMMER BLOOD :: SUMMER FLAKE :: THE SUN AND THE SKY :: THE SUNBIRDS :: THE SUNDANCE KIDS :: SUNK LOTO :: SUNSETTLER :: SUPER XX MAN :: SUPERBEE :: SUPERCAINE :: SUPERCAINE DUO :: SUPERCAINE DUO (with DUSTY LEE STEPHENSEN) :: THE SUPERGROUPATOOS :: SUPERPHATASS :: SURES :: SURFER ROSA :: SURVIVING SHARKS :: SUZI STAPLETON :: SWAYBACK :: SWEEPER :: THE SWEET DECLINE :: SWIMMING :: SWIMSUIT :: THE SWISS :: SWORDS :: SXWZD :: SYDONIA :: THE SYSTEMADDICTS :: SYSTEM OF A DOWN :: TABULA RASA :: TALL TALL TREES :: TALVIN SINGH :: TAME IMPALA :: TANTALUM :: THE TANUKI SUIT :: TASH SULTANA :: TAUGHT BY ANIMALS :: TEA :: THE TEDDY ROYALS :: TEENAGE CRIME :: TEENAGERSINTOKYO :: TELEPROMPTER :: TEMPER TRAP :: TEMPORAL LOBE :: THE TEMPS :: TERRA FIRMA :: THANES :: THELMA PLUM :: THEM PLASMS :: THEM SWOOPS :: THESE WILD ANIMALS :: THE THIEVES :: THIS CITY SUNRISE :: THOSE MAGNIFICENT SCREAMING BASTARDS :: TIERSMAN :: THE TIM MCMILLAN BAND :: TIM MOORE :: THE TIMBERS :: THE TIMBERS TRIO :: TINY CONSPIRACY :: TINY SPIDERS :: THEE OH SEES :: THOM LION & THE TAMERS :: THOMAS CAPOGRECO :: THRASHBOARD :: THUNDERCLAW :: TIGER CHOIR :: TIGER ET GHOST :: TKAY & BADCOP :: TKAY MAIDZA :: TODD SIBBIN :: TODD SIBBIN & THE ACADIAN DRIFTWOOD :: TODD SIBBINS & THE OPPOSITE ENDS :: TOKYO CITY SEX SHOOTERS :: DJ TOM LOUD :: TOM CAPOGRECO & DUNCAN CAMPBELL :: TOM SMITH :: TOM WEST :: TOM WEST & TODD SIBBIN :: TOM THUM :: TOM UGLY :: TOMORROW IS :: TONY FONT SHOW :: TOOL :: TORK :: THE TORRENS :: TORTE E MORT :: THE TOSS :: TOTALLY UNICORN :: THE TOUCH :: TOUGH BOYS :: TOXIC SHOCK :: TRACER :: THE TRAFALGARS :: THE TRANSATLANTICS :: TRANSPORT :: TRASH CITY :: TRAVELLER & FORTUNE :: TREETOPS :: TRENT WORLEY :: TRICIA CATFORD :: THE TRIPPING LILIES :: TRIXIE PLAIN :: TRUCE :: TRUCE & THE COLONEL :: TRUCKFIGHTERS :: TRUTH CORRODED :: TTTDC :: TUMBLEWEED :: TUSCADERO :: THE TWOKS :: TWO SUNS :: TWO WAY RADIO :: TYCHO :: TYGER TYGER :: TYRESWANS :: TZU :: UK SPECIAL :: UNCLE CHUNK :: UNCUT WHITE NOISE :: UNKLE :: UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA :: UNPAID DEPT :: THE UNSET :: UNSPOKEN THINGS :: URTEKK :: VALENTIINE :: VALIANT JONES :: VALKYRIES :: THE VAMPIRE PROJECT :: VAN CLEEF :: VAN SHE :: VANE OF BARBS :: VANILLA ICE :: THE VANITY CURE :: VANITY ERA :: VARLIIBA :: THE VASCO ERA :: THE VENICE WHALERS :: VENTOLIN :: VERONA LIGHTS :: THE VILLENETTES :: THE VILLENETTES (DUO) :: THE VINES :: THE VIOLET CRAMS :: VIOLENT SOHO :: VIRTUE :: VNB :: THE VOLUME :: VOLUME = COLOUR :: VOWEL MOVEMENT :: VOXANGELICA :: WALTER MARSH :: WARPAINT :: THE WARRING SIGHS :: THE WARSAW FLOWERS :: THE WARSAW PACT :: WASHINGTON :: WASTED WANDERERS :: THE WATERSLIDES :: WE ALL WANT TO :: WE AS ART, WE AS ARTISTS :: WE GROW UP :: WEED CAPITAL :: THE WEEVILS :: WEST THEBARTON BROTHEL PARTY :: WHERE WERE YOU AT LUNCH :: THE WHISKEY GO GO'S :: THE WHISPERERS :: WHITE LUNG :: WHITE RHINO :: THE WHITE STRIPES :: WILD OATS :: THE WILD THINGS :: WILEY RED FOX :: THE WILLIAM STREET STRIKERS :: WILLIE MCRAE BAND :: THE WINTER GYPSY :: WINTER'S LAMENT :: WINTERCOATS :: WINTERMILD :: WIREHEADS :: THE WITCH :: WITCH HATS :: WOE :: WOLF & CUB :: WOLFMOTHER :: WOMEN MOVING FURNITURE :: THE WOOHOO REVUE :: THE WOOLCOCKS :: WORLD WILD :: WYLDE THROE :: THE X O EXES :: XANGO :: XL VISION :: THE XX :: YANKEE MACHINE :: YEASAYER :: YOSSARIAN :: YOUNG AND RESTLESS :: YOUNG HEARTS FAIL :: YOUNG OFFENDERS :: YOUNG RIVER & THE VULTURES OF VIRTUE :: YOUTH & WONDER :: YOUR MOTIVE FOR :: YUSUKE AKAI :: YVES KLEIN BLUE :: ZEAL :: ZEEQUIL :: ZETA :: ZOE BEHAN ::

:: Thursday, July 31, 2008

WHITE RHINO + DIPLOMAT + SWORDS
"BONE MACHINE" @ URTEXT STUDIOS / Saturday July 26th 2008

There are many great mysteries in this world that science has yet to provide answers for: UFOs, crop circles, Bigfoot, Santa Claus, the Loch Ness Monster, all those disappearing bees, just what exactly they put into Burger Rings (I've heard it's an exotic mix of sulphurous ash, charcoal and saltpetre.. oh no waaiit, that's gunpowder!), but none is more utterly insignificant than the mystery behind the "master plan" that goes into picking all the gigs for Spoz's Rant each week. HOW do I choose one over the another? is it all determined by a single roll of the dice? a flip of the coin? some needlessly complex mathematical equation? ouiji boards? the flight pattern of birds? tea leaves? tuning into the white noise of my tv and bugging out for hours on end? Many of you may've also wondered if such a thing can be "bought". What IS the price of a Spoz's Rant? can it be coerced through bribery, blackmail, extortion, the offering of sexual favours? (*sigh* if only!) can it be quantified, measured or floated on the stock exchange? Indeed I've heard many a rumour, wild and improbable stories over the lengths some of you freak have gone to just to get noticed by this website. Yup, I bet you're reading this right now, waist deep in burning goat carcasses, walls to ceiling covered in arcane sigils written in your own blood, banging both fists on your keyboard and screaming "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!!!?". Regrettably I have no clear answers, sometimes this shit is a mystery EVEN to me! Out've all the ridiculously awesome choices I could've made tonight (and believe me I wish I could've made ALL of them): Children Collide, Spod and Skeletons at Jive? TZU and Poetikool Justice at Producers Bar? (or *cough* your pissy little gig?) what insane unseen force drove me to Urtext Studios instead!?



"WTF.. Urtext Studios!? I thought this rat infested hell hole got shut down yeeaars ago!?" yeah, I know!! I'm as shocked as you are! You need look no further than all my extensive coverage throughout 2007 to stop and wonder just how many laws of physics they had to defy to keep this place from collapsing in on itself poltergeist style. Urtext Studios: down Grenfell Street, just past the neon arrow that screams "SUIT HIRE!" and opposite the sushi train, where all house parties go to die! Urtext Studios: where beer bottles get thrown off balconies and cameras get dropped into plastic cups of pale ale! good times.. goooooood times! Yup, clearly they must be throwing one HELLUVA party tonight if I'm ditching everything else to go see it.. OOOOH YES!



Yup, I blew off VIP doorlisting to both Spod/Children Collide aaand TZU/Poetikool Justice for "Bone Machine": a pissy little art exhibition opening at Urtext Studios featuring the select works of Jolan Lisle-Oakley, Adrienne Locke, Luke Davey, Ben Moss and the always exciteable Jack Wilde!!? woweeeee!! aren't you glad you tuned your browsers to Spoz's Rant for THIS one!!



And why WOULDN'T you want to get a piece of this action tonight!? just LOOK at all these wild and wacky artworks on display! such wealth of culture and creativity from Adelaide's art scene! like this intricate tapestry design by Adrienne Locke: "life ain't pretty for a dog faced boy.."



or this whimsical illustration by Jack Wilde: "quadruple amputee Jon Lovitz flying a nose kite"..



or what about these three prints by Jolan Lisle-Oakley: "Spoz read the Bone Machine catalogue for all of five minutes and now he's just making this shit up as he goes along". Awesome! such wild and whimsical insight! such endless interplay between positive and negative spaces! to be blessed with such captivating wonder!? aaah truly we're living in a renaissance of the arts!



But of clearly I've left the best 'til last, as no coverage of "Bone Machine" would be complete if I didn't make at least a passing mention to this installation by Luke Davey, which is either entitled "100 West 1", or quite possibly "what the fuck is this shit I got stuck up me vacuum cleaner!?"..



Covering close to a quarter of the floor space upstairs in red dirt, rough hewn rock, rows upon rows of plywood houses and sculpture contributions from a wide array of Adelaide's finest, it truly IS the centre piece of the night! Better yet, it's also an interactive piece! As Luke Davey has foolishly provided buckets of textas scattered about the floor so any slackjawed yahoo in attendance can scribble their own junk all over these house and make this work their own!




Awesome! there's no way this stunt is going to backfire on all the organisers now, is there?



Now you may briefly be wondering WHY I'm covering an event such as this. Could it be possibly I've ditched all the drunks and the low life's and now I'm writing for the art wanks? has Spoz's Rant turned a new leaf? will I be spending all my time from now on sipping lattes and discussing the finer points of Frederick Nietzsche!? FUCK NO! Just like every other yammering baboon packing Urtext upto the ceiling tonight, I'm here for two of three good reasons tonight: (a) they were stupid enough to invited me, (b) FREE ALCOHOL BITCHES!! WOOOOOOO!!



Which may begin to explain all these dribbling idiots (some of them all too familiar) mugging for my camera tonight. As for all the 3D glasses? duuuude fucked if I know.. some gimp was handing them out when I walked in tonight. Although I'm beginning to suspect they may have something to do with series of red/blue artworks housed in lightboxes by Ben Moss (that I was suspiciously incapable of photographing tonight.. ooops!) *cough* hey what's that over there!!? *runs*





As for the 3rd reason I'm here? obviously this WOULDN'T be Spoz's Rant without me also sampling (c) Adelaide's finest knuckle dragging selection of flannel, math rock, post grunge and 70's retro white trash. Or for those of you NOT fluent in bullshit: motherfucking live bands yo!





and unlike every OTHER gig ever featured from this human toilet somebody at Urtext Studios; Stan (or quite possibly some other snuffling gimp in a neck beard) has finally ponied up some half decent stage lighting for the stage so I wont be crawling around the floor taking shots of the fucking ceiling all night JUST so I can get something in focus! YEAAS!! With extra bonus points to whoever installed that genius light box above the stage that not only boldy displays the name of all the bands playing tonight, but also manage to fuck up the exposure of every single shot I took if i ever went anywhere near it (aaaaah live band photography, dont'cha just love it? :)



BEFORE THE AFTERMATH (***1/2) myspace ::
The first band tonight would've been the awesome side splitting headache that is Bronze Chariot; but since I've only just woke up a few hours ago in a cemetery just south of the Mexican border (wow.. again!?), clawed myself through six feet of compacted dirt, stole me some replacement clothes, had three slices of toast, freshly squeezed orange juice, chilled monkey brains, hijacked a black hawk helicopter only to crash land it into the Advertiser building to get here (pfffft no big loss); I arrived just in time for the second band instead (yeah I know it's a piss poor excuse, but how else do I explain all these weird bruises I got last night!?). Before The Aftermath, otherwise known as "BTA" or "why the FUCK is that dog howling on my roof at 3AM!?" are everything that is awesome about the stoner rock sounds of the 70's, 80's and 90's badly dubbed onto a cassette tape and melting on the dashboard moments before your car flies into that stobe pole. They're the sound of Meatloaf, Iron Maiden, Cold Chisel, AC/DC and the silent screams of all the braincells I've killed so far tonight, just so I could be nearly drunk enough to appreciate the finer points of all their cinderblock guitars and neanderthal screams. And they're the LAST band you'd probably ever expect to see opening an art exhibition.. FUCK YEAAAAAH!












However, instead of blessing us with their usual meat flavour bludgeonings; tonight's set is a much cruiser affair: more suited to the refined art crowd here tonight (ie: the festive swarm of knuckle draggers busily drinking everything in sight that isn't nailed down and maddly scribbling dick 'n balls all over Luke Davey's installation). So smooth, so easy going, so whistfully nostalgic; Before The Aftermath are just the thing for Sunday afternoons by the barbecue, lazy games of backyard footy, starting fires in caravan parks, wife beatings, lynch mobbings, kicking your dog and for doing burnouts with a beaten up old brown Datsun in your supermarket parking lot. And seriously, what more could you ask for out've life? alcoholics unite! we have your anthem!



SWORDS (***1/2) myspace ::
Speaking of all things brown (and quite possibly Datsun related): many years ago after a few too many pints of piss (in one of those aimless moments when I'm prone to inventing entirely stupid things that should NEVER come to pass) I came up with a genius concept for a live band: nine bass players, one drummer, aka "The Sounds of Brown": the ULTIMATE fuckoff mad science experiment to all things brown. The brown flavours, the brown smells, and oh yes! the oh so very rich sounds of the brown! "Wait.. you mean nothing but a 5-20Hz bottom end cranked out 10ft tall and a hammering beat to drive it home!?" FUCK YEAAAH! Thankfully I was never batcrazy enough to put this idea to fruition; but like all things awesome in this world, it didn't take too long 'til someone else gave birth to their own steaming monument to brown that could be none other than THIS brown band: Swords. A band so diabolical in its infinite browness that they compacted the nine richters of brown down to the density of two! Jolan on the left, Mark on the right, Steve in the middle!? two tuning forks and a metronome fist punching forth the very beast of brown!? YEAAS! Right from the outset, I knew we were in for something special!











But like all the best doomsday machines, Swords are cursed with one teeny tiny (quite possibly fatal) flaw. For all their awesome brown power, for all the arsenal (hehehe.. arse-nal!), being only two bass players and one drummer on stage, there's only so many sounds you can ever possibly achieve WITH the brown. Yes, crazy I know! for surely this shit is limitless! But such was the challenge faced by Swords tonight as they attempted to broaden the scope of brown, with mixed results. Is this "lightly dappled" brown, "low tar mentholated" brown? "Sonic Youth" brown? or "please for the love of God, stop mentioning the colour" brown!? Hmmmm.. as much as I respect the awesome power of the brown in all its infinite flavours and densities, personally I still prefer when they just beat each other senseless with this shit.. fuckit, what do you think?



DIPLOMAT (****) myspace ::
Speaking of acquired tastes, up next we present Adelaide's number one reason to clutch your head screaming, bleed profusely from your eyes and ears, only to be pronounced dead moments after you hit the floor; otherwise known as "Diplomat". Yup, you can always spot a Diplomat fan: they're the one's with dumb grins on their faces whilst everyone else looks like the windswept chipmunk grimace from one of those 1950's G-force simulators. They're the ones walking down the street only to stop every 5 minutes, jam a finger up in their ear, wiggling it about in the vain hope the "phone will stop ringing". They're the ones hugging the speaker stacks at rock concerts, the ones you need to face in conversation. The legally deaf in mismatched shoes, corduroy pants, cardigans and flannel who exclusively work at Big Star. Contrary to popular belief, they didn't get that way through excessive ipod misuse, but through liberal doses of the Diplomat! Oh yes! count yourself lucky to be in their rarefied presence tonight. Not through lack of motivation, but simply through all red tape required just so they can get council approval these days. And if ever you find yourself at a Diplomat gig, and the top of your head is gently tickled by the light snow of falling plaster, there's no need to to run for your life moments before the roof collapses and kills everyone. Oh no! soak it all up with a smile.. death by Diplomat is the ONLY way to go! :)












Still, attempting to describe Diplomat in terms that don't border on the bible or apocalyptic can be tricky at best. Maybe it IS true that deep down below all those layers of thrashing sound and psychotic chug there dwells a gentle soul? Maybe they really DO sound like the very best of 90's post grunge and alternative: like a milk and cookies rendition of Something For Kate meets R.E.M. meets the soft loud dynamic of The Pixies and Nirvana, soothing you gently to an eternal sleep. And granted a true aficionado could easily discern such subtle differences falling between the notes: however, attempting to capture it all on a compact camera inches away from stage without your head exploding is a different matter. Try it for yourself: keep cranking the volume knob on this video, and the minute the sky turns purple? baaby you've hit the sweet spot! :)



WHITE RHINO (***) myspace ::
Urtext Studios experienced a somewhat lengthy delay before the final act could make its way to the stage tonight. I'm not sure exactly WHAT the holdup was. All I remember is what sounded like sirens, a crack team of structural engineers bursting through those doors in hazmat suits, someone (quite possibly a seismologist) frowning at the walls with a tuning fork, and one weird moment when everyone was required to wear hats made of tinfoil, stand on one leg, the lights were killed, a small tingle of electricity followed by a sharp smell of rotten eggs shot through the air, only to regain consciousness moments later to the sight of THIS band: White Rhino. Few words could possibly hope to describe them, although I hear if you gargle some pigment paint, slap your hand against the wall, spit on it, and then surround it all with mad scribbles of deer, horse and buffalo whilst stick figures attack them with spears; you'd be right on the money! White Rhino, verily they're from a different age: some may say the mid to late 90's, I like to think the Mesolithic. It's all there in their furrowed brows, dredlocks, upright held bass and shit eating grins. It's the sound of 10,000 years of civilisation pissed up the walls, beaten with clubs and burnt to the ground.. and damnit, don't the crowds just go fucking apeshit to it!












On face value you'd think some knuckle dragging pack of baboons sounding like a bucket bong cross between Monster Magnet and The Doors as performed by a nu-metal knockoff would be the LAST band you'd ever expect to find headline an art exhibition opening. And normally you'd be correct, at least until you consider the 100 cartoons of beer and the 20-30 bottles of wine this crowd's managed to plough through to get here. Sheeiiit! if you think THIS shit looks prehistoric, take a good look around you and you'll see it coming right back at you in droves: in hues of blue, black and grey, shrieking in unison, banging their fist and pissing on the floors whilst from behind comes the gentle showering of splintered plywood of what was once Luke Davey's masterpiece in urban planning!? Yup it ain't rocket science, it ain't even banging rocks, but in some way it's an all too fitting end to "Bone Machine". Even Tom Waits couldn't ask for a better tribute!



1:01AM - By all accounts the night has been a roaring success. As I speak, packs of wild animals are scurrying madly down the stairwells, knuckle over fist and tagging all the walls, small fires are breaking out amongst the plywood and ceremonial mounds such are these are being hastily erected as humble offering to the gods who blessed us with much good fortune this night..



1:32AM - And so moments before the helicopters arrive and STAR force troops burst in through the doors and windows to subdue this growing unrest, I take my leave and stumble my drunkarse out those doors and into the night. Oh and in case you missed the launch tonight, be sure to check out the exhibition: "Bone Machine" at Urtext Studios (2nd floor / 14 Grenfell St), it's open from July 26 to August 9th.. bring a chainsaw, fun for the whole family! :)



1:42AM - First stop after Urtext: Producers Bar. I probably could've gotten here much quicker, but for some stupid reason I thought it'd be hilarious to walk the entire length of Grenfell street wearing 3D glasses. Which I'd recommend everyone should try at least once, just as long as you don't mind bashing your head into every street sign and stobie pole along the way..



1:59AM - I probably could also provide a perfectly rational explanation for all this shit too, but we all know "rational" went out the window long ago! It's also the same "rational" you'll see later tonight staggering blindly down the medium strip and pissing into oncoming traffic.. weeeee!




3:11AM - Whilst the rest of the night is pretty much blown staggering aimlessly from Grenfell to Rundle Street in a drunken stupour, chasing a vapour trail of voicemail and SMS messages..



3:26AM - One of those nights you always get past the 9th, 10th or 20th beer, when you're forever 5 minutes behind or 5 minutes ahead of all the drunks you're trying to catch up with..



3:39AM - "whoaa fuck! when the hell did THIS happen!?"



3:52AM - Followed by that weird interlude in the middle where you end up at Zhivago for no good reason: "hey! what the fuck are YOU doing here!?".. duuuude, I have NO fucking idea..



4:11AM - Only to collapse dead here at Jive (thankfully at the ONE fortnightly episode of "Gosh" in recent memory not to feature a needlessly stupid lineup around the block), proceed to bump into a whole bunch of drunks I never planned to bump into, completely lose track of all those other drunks I spent SMS'ing all night trying to track down, laugh myself stupid and then throw my drunkarse into a late night bus home without a fucking clue what to make of it all..



Yup I could probably claim that there's a "master plan" to all this: and years hence people will look back at all this and think "wow this is where it all began!". Maybe I'll even pretend that I'm making some kind of profound statement on the nature of society, humanity and everything in between. Maybe I'll even pretend it's "art". But seriously who are we kidding? we all know I'm just making this shit up as I go along: find a band, find a gig, find the venue, dive head first into those speaker stacks and enjoy the riiiiide!! fuckit.. what more could you ever want? :)

Previously on Spoz's Rant: Kytes Of Omar + It's Warsaw! + Mayday Fair

:: Spoz 2:34 PM |
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