:: Thursday, January 12, 2006
CURSE OF THE BLOCKHEADS
it's always the dumbest things you gotta watch out for.. things so stupid.. so simple.. so mindnumbingly retarded.. that they slip below the radar.. sneak past your defenses.. waltz right in and totally fuck up the joint..
take smoking for instance.. it's dumb.. it's really dumb.. we ALL know it's dumb.. it serves absolutely no useful purpose wot'so'ever.. and yet a whole shitload of us are out there doing it regardless.. we ALL know it's bad for us.. we KNOW it'll kill us.. but we do it anywaze.. "hey, you wanna stick this wad of burning leaves in ya mouth and suck all this poisonous smoke down into your lungs till it chokes the life out've ya?"... "SUUUUUURE!!! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING GREAT IDEA!!"..
yeah.. we really should know better.. we're smart.. we're educated.. we're informed and switched on human beings.. we fucking rule the food chain maaan.. and yet.. we're out there doing the dumbest things on a daily basis - smoking cigarettes.. running red lights.. eating ourselves obese.. watching reality tv.. buying top 40 ringtones.. killing each other with semi automatic rifles.. sniffing glue.. and playing tetris..
yeah.. you read me right.. TETRIS!
nooooo.. don't look at me like that! I'm fuckin' serious.. "OH HAHAHAHAHA! SPOZ yoos'a funny baaastard yoo makey me laughie longtime!!".. NO.. shut up.. pay attention.. take it from me.. heed my warning well.. TETRIS WILL FUCK YOU UP! I mean.. suuuure.. it looks so innocent.. rotating those little blocks.. clocking up lines.. multiples.. clocking up high scores.. it seems so simple doesn't it? but the damn thing will RUIN YOUR LIFE!!
yes.. I readily admit.. I'm an addict.. I need help.. I need a freakin' 12 step program.. I need some kinda methadone clinic.. I need 20 tins of tomato soup.. milk of magnesia.. a vomit bucket.. a piss bucket.. some magazines.. tie myself down.. lock meself away and scream like a demented lunatic as evil exorcist babies rain tetris blocks down from the ceiling to attack me.. AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!! GET THE FUCK AWAAAAY FROM MEEEE!! YOU WONT BURY ME IN YOUR COLOURFUL GEOMETRY!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!
yet, here I am.. twiddling me thumbs and making those multicolour blocks rotate even in my dreams.. everywhere I go I see shapes rotating.. I see boxes and I imagine reducing them line by line if only I could flip 'em.. those freakin' multicolour boxes maaan... they're ruining my liiiife!
I buy a mobile phone and it has TETRIS on it..
I buy a television and it has TETRIS on it..
and just when I think I'm safe talking online to someone on MSN, ignoring my phone as it taunts "EAT THE PUDDING!! EAT THE PUDDING!! EAT THE PUDDING!!" they invite me to play hexic.. HEXIC!!?? shit maaan.. that's even WORSE than TETRIS.. that's like 100% pure grade resin TETRIS.. it's the kinda TERTRIS that causes seizures.. I can see it now.. all wide eyed and crazed.. rearranging all the bricks in my house.. "AAAHAHHAHAHA.. THE PIECES DONT FIT!! AAUAHAAHAHAHAHHA!!" (if anyone invites you to play HEXIC on MSN.. just say NO.. HEXIC is baaad.. mmmmmkay?)
(HEXIC - the 100% pure spawn of satan.. be afraid.. be VERY afraid!)
if only I could've developed addictions to much cooler games.. like the SIMS, or FINAL FANTASY, DOOM3, HALF LIFE 2 or freakin' QUAKE 4.. I should get really good at multiplayer deathmatches start my own league and beat people in tournaments for money.. no.. really.. I ain't shitting ya.. there's people out there who actually have careers playing these games for money.. they're like freakin' NFL players with sponsorship deals n everything.. like FUCK maaaan!
but noooo.. it's always the dumbest things..
the simplest things..
the most moronically elemental retarded things..
stupid FUCKING TETRIS!
(they really should put a warning label on it before some freak in SOUTH KOREA dies from it!)
:: Spoz 6:03 PM |