:: Friday, November 25, 2005
DONT MAKE ANY LONG TERM PLANS
warning: if you suffer from panic attacks, high blood pressure or any kind've heart condition, I'd avoid reading this post and go look at fluffy bunnies instead..
if however, like me, you have a strange fascination for reading about insane apocalyptic shit that just might kill you.. (y'know.. fer larfs) then, read on :)
consider for a moment Easter Island.. and no you idiots, I'm not talking about where the easter bunny comes from.. I'm talking about a funny little chunk of rock that lies in the middle of the Pacific ocean.. likely named "Easter Island" simply because that's the day that the european explorers found it on.. yeah, highly original name huh? gotta love them european explorers.. brilliant at finding shit.. but absolutely fucked at naming shit..
of course, it's likely those of you not living in the USA, and thus possessing at least rudimentary knowledge of countries we are currently NOT bombing the shite out've "YEEEHAAAAR!! USA! USA! USA!" will be at least vaguely familiar with the image of Easter Island as being that fuck off bizarre place with all the funny looking head statues with the big noses and foreheads on it.. an island with endless expanses of green green grassy hills, big idiot head statues but NO trees.. gee.. that's weird.. a big tropical pacific island with no trees? why aren't there any trees? yeah.. funny you'd ask that..
y'see.. legend has it.. thousands of years ago, the island used to be covered in a big fuckoff lush forest of trees with millions of animals who lived amongst those trees.. a lush and fertile little chunk of rock.. a grinning wonderland in miniature.. and on one fateful day.. some wacky polynesians tribes arrived in little boats.. colonised the island.. made a big wacky stone head worshipping civilization.. and royally fucked the whole place up..
apparently.. to make all those wacky stone head statues.. you had to cut out large chunks of stone in ONE part of the island.. and then, move the blocks of stone all the way to the opposite end of the island to sculpt them.. likely there wuz some bizarre religious practice involved in this.. with the wearing of funny hats (there usually is) and since they were just mere mortal stone age gimps and didn't have any friendly pyramid building aliens to help them.. the only way to move all those stones wuz to cut down a shitload of trees, lay them on the ground flat in a line and make rollers.. and then roll the stones over them to wherever they wanted to go.. and everytime you make another stone head statue you cut down more trees to act as rollers.. sound simple? keeping up with the logic here? ok.. read on.. it'll all seem real relevant soon enough..
so.. here we have a island FULL of trees.. and these wacky polynesians building head statues and chopping down trees.. now, at first.. they probably took a nice moderate approach to things.. probably limited themselves to one crazy head statue a year to appease their gods.. chop a few trees down.. "hey, who's gonna miss a few trees?" some new trees would grow to replace them.. and everything would be xmas.. (no wait, that's one island down).. all the people would be happy.. big shiny head gods would be happy.. wot could go wrong? but of course.. humans are idiots.. humans have ego's.. humans have insatiable appetites and paranoia to match.. so.. before too long.. it wuz a freaking stone head bonanza.. all these people trying to outdo each other to please the gods and guarentee bigger harvests n wot'not.. and I dunno.. please all them wacky topless native chicks with the size of their heads.. just so they could propogate more head worshipping progeny (yeah.. humans are idiots)
as these stories generally go, before too long.. they hit crisis point.. turns out they were chopping trees down faster than new ones were growing to replace them.. if they even WERE growing back.. apparently without the trees holding down the fertile soil.. it just all blew away into the ocean.. "d'oh! that's gonna hurt come next spring".. so before ya know it everything all turns to shit.. as the trees were running out they thought they had to make even MORE crazy head statues to appease the mighty head gods (who'd hopefully magically gift them with more trees).. until finally.. no more trees.. they went insane.. went all hostile with the killing of each other over who to blame.. ran out've food.. and ended up eating each other.. end result.. apocalypse.. NO MORE HUMANS.. (evidence shows they were building those idiotic heads right to the very end - you can even see a bunch of unfinished ones still in the stone quarries..)
now I know wot yer thinking.. "gee these people were idiots.." and your thinking that we are a LOT SMARTER.. dontcha? and then ya wondering.. "ok, SPOZ.. why the fuck are you telling me this shit?"
but, if you simply replace trees with "oil", replace head statues with "post industrialist economy", replace island with "planet earth".. and, oh.. no need to replace the crazy eating of people.. coz, likely we'll see that here too.. now are ya starting to see the picture I'm trying to form here?
"yeah yeah.. I've heard all this hippy crap before.. we've got at least 30-50 years before we run out've oil... and look.. we're making all these wacky solar / electric / hydrogen cars n shit.. we've got PLENTY OF TIME to fix shit! and seriously dude.. they already made a film about that EASTER ISLAND thing.. and dude.. it kinda sucked.."
(well, not wrong about the film.. coz it DID kinda suck.. but anywaze)
according to latest estimates from leading scientists.. we're gonna start running out've oil in only 3 to 5 years.. yup.. you've read right.. ONLY THREE TO FIVE YEARS.. AND WE'RE ALL FUCKED!
I saw it tonight on some science show.. damn near freaked me out..
it's called "PEAK OIL", that tipping point where ever increasing DEMAND outstrips SUPPLY.. the SUPPLY runs out.. and.. yup.. we're ALL fucked.. (do a google on it.. it'll melt yer brain)
and apparently we've only got 3 to 5 years..
and to make matters worse, we're too late to replace everything with SOLAR / WIND / NUCLEAR / HYDROGEN / POO(?) power.. since.. to change our entire infrastructure to rely solely on these would take the luxury of 20-30 years that WE DONT HAVE.. the governments have fucked up.. those pesky oil companies holding onto all those patents and doing nothing have fucked up (which sounds like bollocks conspiracy anywaze).. and once again.. there's gonna be the crazy wars and the eating of people.. and the potential end of ANOTHER civilization.. *sniff* just like the romans too..
so I wouldn't be making any long term plans if I was you..
GLOBAL WARMING? TERRORISM? they're the least of our problems.. watch what happens when our whole civilization.. which depends on OIL for survival.. loses it.. no more planes, trains and automobiles.. no more running water and electricity.. no more ipods and cell phones and idiot ringtones and idiotic plastic products.. no more suburban sprawl.. no more cities with 24/7 gleaming commerce.. billions of people relying on the convenience, the infrastructure, the economy, the employment, the basic food and shelter that petroleum provides.. and sooner than you think.. all that is gone..
if only governments would stop dicking about with coming up with more draconian laws to enslave the population and trying to replace science with religion so they don't question anything whilst the world goes down the toilet.. "oooo.. the mighty gods will save us! lets build more crazy monuments and teach INTELLIGENT DESIGN IN SCHOOLS AND BURY OUR HEADS IN A SAND.. COZ SCIENCE IS A MYTH!! YAY!" then maybe we could have a chance of saving our arses..
and then.. if we dodge that bullet.. would could deal with GLOBAL WARMING.. coz, if one doesn't kill you.. the other one will..
yup.. kinda makes you less worried about that silly 'ol BIRD FLU huh?
:: Spoz 12:01 AM |