:: Friday, September 09, 2005
as regular trainspotter geeks who read this blog would know all too well.. I'm always one for coming up with new genius (insane) solutions to modern living.. I want nothing more than to make the perfectly dysfunctional utopian society where we can all live in total flailing entropy.. and, with a few minor schemes (scams) and other such, this is all very well possible we could all be living a shiny paradise on earth from here to eternity.. or at least until some crazy super resistant bacterial plague unleashed from the US hospital system kills us all.. or.. the coming of the great white cosmic hankerchief.. or y'know.. the sun blows up in 5 billion years time (and likely the carbon cycle will break down and boil off all the oceans way before then anywaze..) yeah.. seriously.. why ARE we so obssessed with fixing everything when some freak random act of environmental hellfire is gonna wipe us all out by next tuesday anywaze..? arrr fuckit..
so.. back on topic here.. genius solutions to modern living..
a random thought occured to me last night whilst hanging out with some midgets at FAD cafe.. you've probably all seen the adverts on late-night tv.. where the kid with special needs gets a break from his hair pulling stressed out parents when they're sent to spend a care free weekend with some smiling "rent-a-family".. you cheer as you see them skipping along merrily with an ice cream in hand on the jetty by the beach.. throwing frisbees in the park.. getting hit by a bus.. stuffed in a barrel of acid and hidden in a bank vault in Snowtown.. flying a kite.. waving at traffic with a balloon in his hand.. getting hit by traffic.. wow.. ain't it so nice? gives the parent a break.. gives the special needs kid a good time.. wot could be better?
now in a crazy tangent from this.. consider all the "not quite tall enough" people in this world.. and yes.. I readily admit.. I'm one of them.. one of a large number of people.. who are an inch or two shy of being 6 foot tall.. (or a few centimetres shy of being 180 cm's for all you metric fiends).. not nearly tall enough to play basketball.. nowhere short enough to be an embarassing Tom Cruise like celebrity, a gibbering right-wing head of state or an angry comedian.. we ain't tall enough to be a gentle giant or short enough to be an angry chihuahua person.. the tall and short people always get the cool shit.. I mean.. fuck.. how cool are midgets? they get all the cool movie roles lately.. and that mini me guy? Vernon Troy? you seeen the chicks he hangs out with.. whoaaaa!.. and yet, we are the middle children of height.. and dammit.. we're sick of being ignored.. we're sick of being the background radiation.. the people who are always seated in the bland middle of one of those large group photo class shots and ignored at large by society..
but.. it's not like we can do anything to solve this situation.. there is no real cure for this.. (or at least nothing the Chinese basketball team scientists are willing to divulge).. so.. how do we make the not-quite-so-tall-enough people feel better about themselves?
simply put, we start a "weekend retreat with the midgets" program!
just think.. all you not-quite-so-tall's can spend the weekend partying away with hobbits, dwarves, gnomes, miscellaneous forest munchkins and chattering midgets.. you can feel like a giant amongst men.. or better yet.. you could spend a holiday in one of those wacky former soviet bloc european countries where centuries of nutritional neglect and sunlight deprevation has produced generations of stumpy people no taller than the medieval peasant stock they originally sprung from.. or better yet.. that wacky hobbit village set from Lord of the Rings.. for one weekend.. people will treat you special.. coz.. dammit.. look at you.. yer the tallest person there.. yer a freaking tree of a person.. you could crush these other people like the tiny bugs.. YEAAAS! get drunk on all that ridiculous power you now wield in social situations now that your surrounded by an army of midgets.. just THINK of the possibilities!
yeah.. I reckon people would pay good money for that..
:: Spoz 4:04 PM |