:: Monday, May 30, 2005
EVERY WEEKEND IS A PUBCRAWL AND ALL YOU GOT IS THAT LOUSY T-SHIRT?
As you may know, or not know.. or used to know but after repetive blows to the skull with a cinder block you've since forgotten and now not know.. I'm a keen observer of the human species.. an appreciator of the anarchic elements of humanity.. all the weird quirks, emergent trends, obnoxious habits, utterly stupid shit, all those little erupting memes (to put it in intellectual wank terms) that seemingly erupt from out've nowhere, only to then disappear again when the boredom sets in.. like that retarded / now long gone "flash mobbing" fad that fueled freaks into an SMS frenzy as they roamed the city in packs terrorising random members of the public with umbrellas and bananas for cheap laughs.. seriously.. wot the FUCK wuz up with that? or that weird thing a few years ago.. when it wuz all about young people playing lawn bowls.. or bingo.. or bridge.. or knitting clubs.. and now it's all these lounge and cocktail bars springing up everywhere like mushrooms..
the latest thing I've been observing.. isn't necessarily new.. it's the kinda shit thats probably been around since the Sumerians invented the beer back in 2000BC.. (no, seriously.. look it up.. those wacky mudbrick Mesopotamians started this whole mess..), yup.. it's the phenomenon known as the "organised pub crawl"..
"pub crawl? wot's so freaking special about that?"
yeah.. I ask the same question meself.. since, every weekend.. out on the piss.. going from place to place.. wooping it up like a demented baboon to some of Adelaide's finest live music.. without even intending to I am on a "PUB CRAWL".. if you drink at more than one place in any given night.. then you TOO are on a pub crawl.. it's a no brainer..
and yet.. in growing numbers I see them.. every weekend / every night / without fail for the last few months.. the coordinated / team effort pub crawl.. it's like I can't go anywhere down Rundle St anymore without bumping into another pack of these freaks.. you can easily spot them too.. they're the ones who get all the t-shirts printed up.. like "TEENAGE MUTANT BINGING TURTLES" or "REVENGE OF THE ABSINTHE".. a pack of freaks in green, or black.. or yellow.. like demented chattering pod people.. roaming around and crowding the bar.. like they think they're the coolest shit since the retarded CGI frog ringtone..
don't get me wrong.. it's funny to watch.. but I gotta wonder about the irony of it.. IF EVERY WEEKEND IS A PUBCRAWL why do ya need the t-shirt??
seriously.. if you go out next weekend.. you'll spot them too.. I thought it wuz just a random phenomenon to begin with.. but now the crazy bastards are everywhere.. every night out.. there's a different t-shirt.. a different mob.. is there something bigger going on here?.. are they coordinating an attack? are they the first columns of an invading army? do we need to send in the exterminators to fumigate all the bars / clubs / beergardens to get rid of 'em?
yeah.. I don't wish to alarm anyone here.. coz you know full well I'm not gonna jump to ridiculous conclusions here (hahahahha).. but I think if this continues.. we may hafta consider a culling program to stem the population growth.. maybe relocate some of these packs of pubcrawlers to other habitats.. other cities.. so we can replenish our beer stocks..
will the future wars of this earth be fought over WATER?
nay.. I say, BEER..
if I wuz you.. I'd stock up now..
padlock the fridge..
board up the windows and doors..
load up the shotgun..
pray to wot'ever dark powers you worship..
this could get ugly..
:: Spoz 4:06 PM |