:: Wednesday, April 20, 2005
so.. I wuz walking thru town on the way to some stoner acoustic gig at the Crown n Sceptre last night (hi Heath!) when I heard this freaking cathedral in Victoria Square going insane with the bells n shit.. which could only mean one thing (a) the Allies are bombing Dresden, (b) Quasimodo got laid, (c) it's the rapture and we're all gonna die from the flesh eating zombies and the fireballs (e) there's a new pope and we're all gonna die anywaze..
so, who IS this POPE BENEDICT the 16th? this old geeza they've now elected (in record time apparently) with the wacky secret cardinal ballots and the white smoke.. this geriatric they've chosen to throw the silly hat and gold robes on to lead 1 billion faithful sheep the world over..? well.. first off.. you'd think those idiot cardinals would've done their homework.. I mean shit, if your gonna elect a POPE, you'd do a pretty damn fine toothed background check.. look for dirt.. make sure there's no embarassing drug addiction issues, sex scandals, draft dodging, shady business dealings.. etc.. etc.. the sorta issues that may pose a concern, unless your voting in a US president of course..
so, right off the bat.. we discover this new pope wuz in hitler youth.. wtf?? HITLER YOUTH?? I mean shit.. they put that little factoid in the tv news like it was nothing.. oh hey look, here's the pope as a kid, here he is riding a bicycle.. here he is with his family, look here's a photo of him marching in Hitler Youth.. wuh!? fucken HILTER YOUTH?? the pope wuz a freaking NAZI?? and they still made him POPE!?? wot the fuck were they thinking? as if to say "hey, if you thought Pope John Paul the 2nd was a hardline conservative S.O.B.. wait till you see the creepy emperor palpatine type we voted in NOW!".. damn this dude looks scary.. he makes the old pope look damn near cuddly in comparison (in a senile dribbling, mumbling falling over kind've grandpa simpson kinda way).. but this new one wuz a freaking member of the Inquisition.. like he's everything conspiratorial you'd read about in the DaVinci Code (mental note: must actually READ that book) he's like the headmaster from hell.. damn I'm happy I ain't a catholic.. or religious in any way.. coz right about now, I'd be thinkin' I'd be condemned to hell for wot'ever new sins he'll cook up for the faithful to be guilty about.. yup, that's the great thing about being a random Atheist / Agnostic.. you don't HAVE heaven n hell.. you have no rules.. you have no crazy old bastards in silly hats telling you what you cant do..
so.. congratulations to all you wacky catholic types.. kinda feel sorry for ya.. you've got a nazi as a pope.. now the jews are REALLY gonna hate ya..
note: I'll probably be expecting a LOT of hate mail / comments on this post.. yay! :)
:: Spoz 11:36 PM |