:: Friday, April 22, 2005
THE END IS THE BEGINNING.. THE BEGINNING OF THE END?
ok.. so I didn't get that kickarse full-time recording studio ninja job.. I'm not gonna get the kickarse paycheck.. I'm not gonna live it large woopin' up new epic insanity on a whole host of shiny new creative gizmo's in a kickarse innercity pad.. and once again I must delay my crazy dreams of crushing you all like insects with my shiny brilliance.. and accept my mediocrity once again.. and damn I'm real pissed off (well, kinda.. um.. no, actually.. I usually expect this outcome anywaze.. freaking accursed uninspiring universe..) yup, some other office chick admin type thing got my job instead (grrr).. and so, once again.. I'll be hunting down leads to get the hell out've this poo brown expanse of life I live in.. and hope I'm not forced into some mundane drudge that's even worse.. just so I can fit into your box.. and tick off another statistic.. yay!
but while I'm still living in this poo brown existence.. studying it's poo brown'ness.. reflecting philosophically on it.. sniffing it.. gagging on it.. (as I do) it gives me the time I need to find closure to this in my usual sarcastic artistic manner.. to understand what all this time in this post uni / freelance bullshit / randon creative limbo meant.. yup.. that's right peeps.. this crazy SUBWOOFER album I've been working on.. my defining statement of life in the 20's.. of existential oblivion.. 1/4 life crisis of crushed hopes and tiny cubicle compacted urban despair.. is nearing a conclusion, and with this free time of NOT-HAVING-KICKARSE-JOB'ness.. I can fast track it out.. and get it to ya in record time.. (well, record for me.. hahahaha..)
and hey, who know's.. in some reality alien to mine.. perhaps this album will bring me what a normal fulltime job wont.. *cough* hahaha.. yeaaaaah riiiiight..
but really, dwelling in this poo brown'ness making music these last few years.. I've been doing you a service.. coz hey... let's face it.. without music.. without our continually ipod administered medication and therapy.. we'd all be serial killers, arsonists and child molesters by now (especially in a city like this, yay ADELAIDE!).. so, I shall provide you, I hope.. with the ultimate sedative to your internal dialogue of howling nihilism.. and stave off a few mass murderers about to reach boil.. (or at least be a damn nice lightning rod for it).. just think of how many school shootings MARILYN MANSON has prevented.. it's gotta be 1000x more than the ones he started..
yeah, I reckon you'd really dig this album.. I'm damn proud of it.. I reckon it's the best thing I've ever done.. (yes, even better than an entire folder of my shiny artwork..).. I mean shit, I better be after ALL the work I've put into it..
but of course, it's a matter of actually FINISHING this..
I've lived with it for over 5 years..
and now I gotta say goodbye to it..
set it right, before I send it out into the world..
to absolve meself of it..
like my cleansing ritual..
I'll be free of it.. and then YOU'll hafta deal with it..
welcome it into ya homes..
scare ya neighbours with it..
get drunk / stoned / E'd up and multiply like bunny rabbits to it..
and being free of it..
I have two choices..
(a) if album goes really well.. it's just the beginning.. and you and I have plenty more to look forward to..
(b) if it sucks.. (and more than likely I'll accept this fate) I'll quit it all.. realise that which I've been avoiding.. and accept my well defined consumer J Citizen role as a cog in the machine that keeps the stockmarkets up and the deficits down.. just like Ewan McGregor at the end of TRAINSPOTTING.. I'll chose your life.. your career.. your fucking big television set.. rotting away at the end of it all..
I'll be reaching a crossroads..
this album will be nearing it's end..
and quit possibly I've reached my creative end..
will I go out with a bang..?
or maybe, just maybe, it'll usher in a new beginning..
:: Spoz 3:39 PM |