:: Thursday, March 03, 2005
30 SECOND SELL-OUT
so, here I was.. ignoring another 3 minute interval of mindless ads, eyes glazing over.. brain fogging over and ears muffled to the sound of yet more mindless and cheesingly retarded advertising jingles.. when a crazy thought occurred to me.. a thought SO implodingly insane it just HAD to be shared.. coz hey, SPOZ's BLOG is just the place for crap like this.. fuck, why else would you read this bullshit day in / day out..
y'see.. the problem I find, is.. nobody bothers pay attention to adverts anymore, sure they're freakingly loud, over hyped and screamingly excited with every aspect of them honed to peak EYEBALL exploding intensity.. but it's like we've been on a diet of 100% and all our teeth have fallen out.. or had so many drugs, all our seratonin receptors are shot and we can't register a mood above "snuh?".. nobody really cares.. shit, the only cool adverts are wacky ones for beer, or fast cars.. coz at least they're kinda funny and have like wacky special effects n shit..
so.. it got me thinkin'.. as I do.. in ways to improve this toilet heap of a planet.. how do we fix this? the problem.. is obviously that the jingles are SOOO fucking annoying (ie: cue ANY hungry jacks ad.. and reach for the chuck bucket) that we just switch off.. and really, if you're life as a musician is reduced to producing inane 30 second jingles.. then obviously, you ain't coughin' up yer A material..
looking around, where DO we find 30 second songs peeps would notice? where ELSE besides crappy advert jingles DO you find 30 second songs?
yup, you guessed it.. and sure.. there's no way in HELL they'd ever agree to stoop so low as to do this? but.. just think.. 30 second PUNK jingles.. not yer shitty BLINK 182 or GOOD CHARLOTTE or AVRIL (why don'tcha just call y'self APRIL and stop being a pretensious canadian stick insect) LAVIGNE.. no, I mean reaaaal PUNK.. like the RAMONES or the SEX PISTOLS.. or the CLASH.. or why not try some DIGITAL HARDCORE and SPEED METAL FREAKS and get them in on the action?.. like ATARI TEENAGE RIOT n shit.. imagine if peeps like THAT wuz used for a advert jingle?
"OI OI OI.. GET A FUCKING HYUNDAI UP YA.. OI OI OI.. GET A FUCKEN HYUNDAI UP YA!!.. OI OI OI!! BOLLOCKS IN A HYUNDAIIAIA!! OI OI OI!! RUN YOU FUCKING OVER IN MAAA HYUNDAAAI.. OI OI OI!! BLEED YOU LIKE A BOMB!! OI OI OI!! BUY IT NOW YAAAA BAAAAAAASTARRDDSS!!! HYUNDAI OI!!"
(note: for extra creepy effect.. replace "Hyundai" with "Carefree"..)
coz hey, if they're writing 30 second songs already.. they'd be perfect for the job! just think.. you'd HAFTA pay attention to the ad.. or they'd fucken KILL YA.. and hey, if jingles already aren't getting you to listen.. these will make ya EARS BLEED!! seriously, just think how COOL it'd be.. (also consider how infinitely more freakingly annoyingly cool it'd be.. wooohahahahaahehehehahaha).. of course, problem is.. these kinda musicians are sooo freaking reactionary and anarchic they'd never agree to sell-out to such a base medium.. but hey, who knows? if enough washed up punks who AREN'T dead of a drug overdose survive to form a band that don't kill each other before the 1st rehearsal.. then maybe we could make this happen..
yeah.. just an idea..
:: Spoz 7:28 PM |