:: Saturday, September 25, 2004
NEVER ON AN EMPTY STOMACH
yeah.. so everyone has one of these stories, and I sure as hell have a comical bunch of 'em - most of them ending with me looking like gollum.. after drinkin' / mixin' waay too much shitty canned beers / beer drinking contests / too much access to seafood, cake, red cordial / throwing up everywhere / attempting to sleep it off on a matress.. outside.. IN THE RAIN.. yup.. "never on an empty stomach"..
everyone has one of THOSE stories.. but, it's rare you have one of THESE..
(equally stupid tho'..)
so, last few days.. I've had this idiotic, I dunno.. "lurker virus".. one of those DAMN bugs.. that just wont ever make up it's mind already.. do a fucken influenza and just fuck-off within 3-7 days like any normal self-respecting hiccup for my immune system to dispatch.. so here it is, just pissing around on the edges.. giving me this god awful fever, sore throat, headache.. blah blah blah.. more a nuisance than anything else.. (sometimes these stupid bastards don't even do anything.. and fuckoff as ever mysteriously as they arrived.. heh.. who the hell knows these lesser lurgies?)
now.. everything else I could kill with fishermen's friends, strong curries, orange juice by the gallon (for the vitamin-C), plenty of wacky kidney flushing water.. (it probably ain't a perfect science.. but fukkit.. it usually works for me.. riiight?)
but.. here I wuz.. still with this damn fuzzy headache..
so.. staggered down to me local 24/7 convenience store / petrol station.. (the BP's).. grabbed me a box of panadol.. paid me $3.99.. staggered back home.. checked the box.. yup take 2 pills? cool.. PANADOL will fix that problem!
not today it DIDNT!
I wake up a colourful Tim Burton shade of death, kinda like the morning after without the night before to warrant it.. head's pounding, dizzy, kinda blurry, mouth is fuzzy, sore throat.. so.. drop 2 panadol.. "yeah.. that'd fix it".. on an empty stomach? HA! wot could go wrong!?
so.. I catch a bus into town to do some shopping.. and whoa.. it's an effort not to black out, fall over or sweat profusely.. then.. I get off the bus (somehow..) actually get my shopping done, despite the fact I wuz probably WAAAY too feverish to be in my right mind to be out there.. walking around like I'm a marionette puppet operated via remote from orbit.. (but the panadol had cleared the OBVIOUS signs from me.. hahahha.. STUPID!) - if I kept moving, I wouldn't drop dead! right? RIGHT?
yeah.. so I finally get to a bus-stop to catch a bus home.. some crazed woman walks up to me.. starts swearing her head off at me.. I say "yeah maaan, know wotcha mean".. she agrees with me, seems pleased (probably coz she thinks I'm about as plastered as she obviously is).. and now tries to abuse the fuck out've these people further down the street.. loudly.. while my head spins in peace.. I really dunno HOW the hell I got home alive.. standing on the bus all the way.. "whoa.. wot's gravity trying to do now?"
so.. panadol, on an empty stomach.. woooo..
but.. would it do THAT.. it doesn't seem right?
so I check the box.. the fine print..
"do not use panadol..
. if the package use-by date has expired"
I check the use-by date..
"EXP MAY 07"..
thus explaining, why I spent friday night, at home.. watching STAR WARS IV - A NEW HOPE (just bought on DVD.. wooo!).. recovering from this madness..
once again, NEVER ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.. aaaauaauauauagghh!
:: Spoz 4:45 AM |