:: Thursday, September 16, 2004
BEER DOES WOT NOW?
now don't get me wrong, this WONT be some retarded PSA on responsible drinking.. coz I sure as HELL don't advocate responsible drinking, or actually deem to practice it.. fuckit.. I'm the sorta screaming gonzo who'd run 15-20 beers at a friend's engagement party, get thrown arse backwards down a flight of stairs by the resident alcoholic, then proceed to freak away at an all-night rave / street party.. with only a few bruises to show afterwards.. yeah.. I'm a beer athelete.. I do ALL the WRONG things.. yet somehow.. I do it right..
no.. y'see.. my gripe is on the TV image of alcohol.. I ain't talkin' about those weird ads with the tongue crawling out've that dude's mouth to score beer, or those cool ads they used to had where pubs would magically drop out've the sky to crush people anytime somebody cracked a tinny.. nah.. BEER ADS RULE MAAAN!! - if you're ever gonna hit the sell-out route to adding ya music to advertising (never jingles.. ack!) - if you do BEER and CAR ads.. you really can't go wrong..
no.. wot gets my goat.. is the good 'ol episodal TV.. and NOTHING good ever comes from a casual drink on one of those, unless you watched the SECRET LIFE OF US.. where all sorts of happy drug use and alcoholic excess wuz just part of the background radiation.. (damn that show wuz cool.. why the FUCK did they cancel it??) - no.. they ALWAYS get the damn thing wrong..
y'see.. there's a few rules.. nay, guidelines us career weekender alcoholics follow.. and these same guidelines work well for ALL the mind altering vices.. I don't quite think it's responsible.. but hey, at least you'll have a fun time.. and have a story about the time "some idiot threw ya arse backwards down a flight of stairs".. or that time "you mooned a police search helicopter and wound up in the newspaper" to tell the kiddies..
1. alcohol is not a HAPPY pill.. it's simply a magnifier - if you're happy.. it'll make you REAALLY HAPPY.. if you're sullen and depressed, it'll make you wanna jump off the nearest bridge.. alcohol NEVER solves ya problems.. it just lets shit out.. the good shit, the bad shit.. it doesn't really filter it.. but, wot'evers bubbling below the surface.. it's gonna let on out..
2. the hangover CAN be avoided.. just drink a LOT of water before you crash in a stupor.. (can be hard to coordinate sometimes) make sure you dont drink on an empty stomach.. and try and SLEEP thru any "hangover" wherever possible to avoid any ill effects.. and yeah, I'm 90% good with this.. but as many witnesses will tell ya.. I've had some very scary (hilarious) looking GOLLUM moments too.. oh.. and it really helps not to mix ya drinks like a bandit.. otherwise you're gonna be mixed up all over the pavement afterwards..
3. alcohol likes friends.. bring a few, try to keep everyone rockin' on the same level.. being the ONE loopy drunk or sober guy can be HELL.. so, it's all about the median flow..
now.. this is common sense shit.. the sorta shit you should be learnin' in school instead of cops trying to scare the crap out've ya with CSI style bloodied corpse photos and 70's human crash test dummie doco's..
but, do the TV shows EVER get it right?? NOOOOOO..
it's always - character on a demented downward spiral.. reaches for the pill bottle.. noooo.. reaches for the handgun (music swells) noo.. she reaches for the whisky bottle.. YAY!.. she's at a party.. ducking to the toilets to take little swigs.. and, wow.. she wuz depressed.. but now magic alcohol makes her ALL HAPPY.. she's bouncing around like a loon! YEAH.. it's ESCAPISM!! - I mean.. wot a total load of FUCKEN BOLLOCKS..
I ask ya.. who.. EVER.. when they're shitty, got drunk.. and it made them HAPPY? - if you answered yes.. you probably didn't realise you were happy BEFORE you got drunk.. because you found the right end of week party / gig / rave.. wot'ever the fuck..
miserable + alcohol = NEVER HAPPY.. and I find it hilarious that TV shows always get that wrong..
I dunno.. it's a small thing maybe.. but it really bugs me..
:: Spoz 5:44 PM |