:: Wednesday, June 02, 2004
BAD NEWS TRAVELS FAST?
picking up today's newspaper, I'm greeted by this happy little headline..
OH MY FREAKING PINK N PURPLE SPOTTED LLAMA GAWD... they've discovered there wuz a paedophile chaplain at St.Peters College?? THE SHOCK!! THE HORROR!!! and they're actually gonna ACT UPON IT!!?? WOW!! good detective work there guys.. really.. pat y'self on the back.. niiiice work! SAVING THE KIDS ONCE MORE FROM THE FORCES OF EVIL.. WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
why do I find this so funny?.. well, y'see.. I WENT to that "exclusive private school" WHILST that freaking Chaplain John Mountford wuz in "service".. yup, I was at GROUND ZERO, in the middle of the shit storm whilst all this monkey business wuz going on right under our noses (but, no.. before you ask.. witness to the insanity, NOT a victim.. phew, dodged a bullet there..)
but, to make matters even more stupid.. this was OVER 12 YEARS AGO.. this whole scandal?? ANCIENT HISTORY, OLD NEWS, TELL THE GRANDKIDS, GAME OVER MAAAN.. I mean, fuck.. why has it taken these idiots THIS LONG TO ACT!??
this grand conspiracy of lies has to be the WORST KEPT SECRET EVER.. I mean, we all knew about it back then, way before it wuz fashionable to crack jokes about Priests and Altar Boys.. back 12 years ago.. it wuz a long running joke with us.. WE knew Reverend John Mountford by 2 nicknames - (a) "BEV THE REV" and (b) "MOUNT ME MOUNTFORD".. and we weren't without our evidence..
exhibit #A - every week or so (being the cheesy Anglican School that it was) we had CHAPEL SERVICE first thing in the morning.. mostly just an excuse to bore ourselves to death (and for the teachers to catch up on some extra sleep).. and Reverent Mountford had this tactic.. this shock tactic, to make the SERVICES more interesting.. on one particular service.. THIS was one of his most famous opening lines..
(shouting loud enough to wake the back rows)
"HOW LONG DOES AN ORGASM LAST!!???"
and there he'd go off on some tangent.. about how ORGASMS equate to, um.. I dunno.. christian faith.. which, all in all.. is a horribly messy metaphor to be mixing..
and each week, he'd usually come up with something as equally insane as this.. perhaps to somehow make him seem.. I dunno.. relevant to the "YOOF CULTURE" or some shit.. I dunno.. either way, creeped us the hell out..
exhibit #B - we'd often spot the 'ol Mountford, going for a wander down Hindley Street with some buddies of his.. and considering we'd already suspected he wuz a "little odd" from Exhibit #A.. we were really starting to suspect at this stage..
exhibit #C - his "hands on approach" to the Faith..
we had "LIFE STUDIES" or some shit.. in Year 10 (1991).. and, for one of the lessons each week (if I remember correctly) we had RELIGIOUS STUDIES with the Mountford.. and, you could tell you'd like to leap for the jugular.. when, anytime he spotted a student having a "bad day".. he'd move in for the kill.. "having problems at home? parents gettin' you down? anything I can do?"
and then.. before ya know it.. this rather shady character gets the "boot back to england".. no announcement.. no ceremony.. just a LOT of rumours.. which, funnily enough.. were RIGHT ON THE BALL..
"pssst.. I heard he went for a fiddle with one of the year 9's"..
I mean, WE NEVER WOULD'VE thought we'd be accurate.. coz, lets face it.. private boys school? PAEDOPHILE GAGS were rife.. we suspected half the teaching staff of going for a fiddle.. we'd be cracking prison jokes left right n centre.. "DONT LET HIM BACK YOU INTO A CORNER".. silly us to believe any of this was TRUE!??
we had pity upon the poor bastards in the boarding houses.. coz, they had to LIVE with these teachers..
and yet.. despite it being a running joke.. despite it being obvious to us OVER 12 YEARS AGO.. only NOW.. when it's all FASHIONABLE AND SHIT.. do they FINALLY ACT UPON IT!!
WAKE UP FER FUCKS SAKE!!
:: Spoz 4:01 PM |