:: Monday, October 06, 2003
I remember once Joe (aka "The Machine" ) mumbled something about her weekends always being "weird".. weird shit, it seems would always pop it's comically deformed head out've the void.. and play it's mischevious hand..
now, it appears this gremlin of weird.. otherwise known as the ancient chinese curse of "may you live in interesting times" has transferred to me..
or perhaps I'm just having a real run of it lately..
consider my Sunday night..
one of the many cliches of daytime soaps - is murder by throwing people down a flight of stairs.. you have ya hair pullings, the screaming, the gnashing of teeth.. the swelling demented music score.. and BAM! some poor bottle blond trash queen goes hammerin' down the stairs, neck snapping, no pulse, out cold..
let me tell ya from recent experience.. it's not always fatal.. but damn it kills ya lower back..
not the thing you expect from an engagement party on an otherwise calm n sunny mid spring Sunday.. but, that's wot happened to me..
a certain drunken idiot (who, to protect the guilty, I won't mention Craig Bolton's name..), decided upon a seriously demented prank.. demented considering how easy a stunt like this could prove fatal.. but, hey.. that never stops a career drunken prankster like him.. considering just last weekend he wuz seen staggering around stark nekkid n crashing into things.. only to be dragged off flat out on the ground by his arms to the saftey of his bedroom and some hardcore psychiatric restraints by his on / off girlfriend (just ask Stuckey.. he's got video footage on sale on E-bay... must ask him wot the latest bid is..)
the cover for his "prank" wuz to get a photo with me upstairs in this cafe.. so, throwing his hair arm around me shoulder.. gets me to make a happy snap.. and before you could say "cheese".. the dumbarse bastard yoiks me and himself.. arse backwards, down a flight of stairs.. slamming into the bottom with a resounding crashing sound that could be heard thru the entire venue.. a few people came shuffling out to see wot happened.. to see me somehow pick meself up relatively unscaved off've Craig's mangled (still living) corpse..
as I'm increasingly learning.. hanging around Craig you go into the same "fight or flight" response necessary for dealing with the MAFIA, white tigers in a dodgy Las Vegas magician act.. or when negotiating face to face with known terrorists..
so.. in wot could've been the very near end of me.. instead ended with me using the beer soaked fuckwit as me airbag.. making sure he took the brunt of the fall.. and it's a good thing to remember, in situations like this - to let the prankster take the brunt of the injury..
I wuz also surprised he didn't destroy the digital camera, which had only just the week before been returned from repairs.. after later discovering, 6 weeks earlier when it got (ahem) damaged.. that the same idiot wuz responsible..
suffice to say.. later on Craig wuz whisked away by a taxi.. after been found staggering outside the Cafe.. trousers around his ankles.. looking for someone to inspect his prostate..
speaking of taxi drivers... they're real funny bastards, a real slice of life of the bizarre.. got 2 of the weirder ones this morning... the first one, caught by me n a few friends at 6AM.. wuz this right nutta.. who, although not drunk.. had done some speed (and possibly some other drugs he hadn't mentioned).. had no qualms about cramming 4 of us in the back seat.. and as we were cruising down Hindley St.. going past some parked cop cars.. proceeds to give the cops the finger.. a few run redlights later.. and we somehow got saftely to our destination.. damn funny stuff.. but I wish I didn't get involved in so many near fatal / comical situations..
the 2nd taxi driver.. wuz some Indian dude.. very minimal skills with english.. but, he had this real cruisy weird meditative stoner vibe.. I get into the cab.. after spotting it wingin' down King William St.. the dude says "aaaah.. for chance it wuz that I came at this time.. for I sensed you would be here.." then proceeded to call every set of red lights on the way home as "those 4 sets of beautiful red eyes".. after wishing me a future of serene like peace n prosperity.. a big house, a beautiful wife and many many kids.. I wuz dropped off at me destination.. thinkin' I'd just got a taxi-ride with some kinda lo-fi hindu mystic.. but, at least it ended me night on a serene note..
makes me wonder.. do blessings given by dubious indian taxi-drivers actually have any sway on the cosmic balance? coz.. I wouldn't knock it back.. me could use some upbeat mojo.. ;)
:: Spoz 5:25 PM |