:: SPOZ's RANT ::

The Adelaide music scene: to many of you it might be little more than a touring speed bump between Melbourne and Perth but to us it's a way of life. Feast within, on all its dysfunctioning splendour, as we bring you the highly satirical, laughingly fictional and intellectually imbecile tales from our rock & roll wasteland...
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[::..latest blogs..::]
:: KITTEN KONG
(Album Launch)
with PONYTAIL KINK
and GOONBOMB
:: FLEUR GREEN
& THE KEEPERS
(Single Launch) with
AARON THOMAS TRIO
:: MOONHUNTER
(Single Launch)
with TYMPANO
and THE CRAVES
:: SUBMERGE
(Single Launch)
with LEAD WORM
and ABOLISHED
:: MARK CURTIS &
THE FLANNELETTES
(Single Launch) with
KITCHEN WITCH and
RYAN MARTIN JOHN
:: HALL OF FAME ::
:: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES** :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ARTAX MISSION :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND* :: BOOSTER :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CIRCLE CLAN :: COERCE :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CONCHILLIA :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: DOUBLE HANDED* :: THE DUNES :: EGYPT :: ENCARTA / COLONEL KERNEL** :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA FIRE!*** :: FRIENDS :: GLASS SKIES :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT* :: THE HONEY PIES** :: HORROR MY FRIEND* :: ISLE OF VISION :: JUNGLE CITY :: KAMIKAZE :: THE KEEPSAKES* :: THE KILLGIRLS*** :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: LADY STRANGELOVE** :: LEADER CHEETAH* :: LIKE LEAVES** :: LUMONICS* :: LYLA :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS*** :: MERE THEORY :: MORALS OF A MINOR* :: THE MOTIVE :: MR WEDNESDAY** :: NO THROUGH ROAD*** :: QUIET CHILD :: QUIET IN THE LAB! :: REALIST FEW :: RIDE INTO THE SUN** :: THE SEA THIEVES* :: THE SHINY BRIGHTS* :: SINCERELY, GRIZZLY*** :: SKELETONS :: SOFT WHITE MACHINE* :: SONS OF ZOKU :: SPARKSPITTER* :: SQUEAKER :: ST. MORRIS SINNERS :: STEERING BY STARS* :: SWIMMING :: TEA :: THE TIMBERS :: TONY FONT SHOW** :: TRACER :: THE TRANSATLANTICS** :: TWO SUNS :: TYGER TYGER* :: THE VILLENETTES* :: WEST THEBARTON BROTHEL PARTY :: WOLF & CUB** :: ZETA ::
[::..rant awards..::]
:: 2008 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2009 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2010 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
::
2011 - 1 | 2 | 3 ::
:: RECOMMENDED ::
[::..global..::]
:: NME
:: SPIN
[::..local..::]
[::..blogosphere..::]
[::..miscellaneous..::]
:: XKCD
:: SITE FEATURES ::
[::..video blogs..::]
[::..festival blogs..::]
:: Fringe Festival 2012
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2013
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
11 | 12 | 13 | 14
:: Fringe Festival 2015
- 1 | 2
| 3 | 4 |
5
| 6 | 7 | 8
:: Fringe Festival 2017
- 1 |
2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
[::..b&w episodes..::]
:: A Winter Wonderland
- 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
:: In Limbo - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
:: B&W July 2012 - 1 | 2 |
3
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
[::..special features..::]
:: ARTIST INDEX ::
:: !!! :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES :: 20TH CENTURY GRADUATES (DUET) :: 200 MOTELS :: 4 KINGS LOUD :: 4 VOICE :: 67 SPECIAL :: 78 SAAB :: A.B. ORIGINAL :: A BASKET OF MAMMOTHS :: A.D.K.O.B. :: A RED DAWN :: AAARRR! ALL ABOARD FOR PIRATEY VARIETY :: AARON THOMAS :: AARON THOMAS TRIO :: ABBEY HOWLETT :: ABBEY HOWLETT & THE GOLDEN REALM :: ABLACKWELL :: ABOLISHED :: ACID MOUNTAIN :: ACROSS THE ATLAS :: ADALITA :: ADAM PAGE :: ADELAIDE'S PIPE GUY :: ADNAAN BARAKY :: ADRIAN BELEW :: ADRIAN DEUTSCH :: AFFAIRS OF MEN :: AFI :: AFTER THE FALL :: AIRBOURNE :: ALANA JAGT :: ALANA JAGT & THE MONOTREMES :: ALARM BIRDS & THE SEA THIEVES :: ALIAS & THE JAMS :: ALITHIA :: ALL FLIGHT CREW ARE DEAD :: ALL MADE OF RUBIES :: ALL NIGHT GIRLS :: ALMA KALORAMA :: ALPEN :: ALPHA BETA FOX :: ALPHABETTE :: ALPINE :: ALUKA :: AMBUSH MARKETING :: THE AMCATS :: AMUNDSENS FLAG :: ANDREW HIGGS & THE SAND CASTLE HARUM :: ANDREW P. STREET :: ANDY BULL :: ANDY ROBERTS :: ANGEL & THE BADMAN :: ANGEL EYES :: ANGEL OLSEN :: ANGELIK :: ANGELS OF GUNG-HO :: ANGIE HART :: ANIMAL SHADOWS :: ANIMAL TRAPS :: ANNIE BASS :: ANNIE SIEGMANN :: ANNY DUFF :: ANTHONY ANT :: ANTHONY WIGNALL :: ANTONY OF THE FUTURE :: ANYA ANASTASIA :: ANYA ANASTASIA & THE BIRD WIZDOM CABARET :: ANYA MCNICOL-WINDRAM :: THE APE :: APHELION :: APPARITION :: APPOMATTOX RUN :: ARAKEYE :: THE ARCADE FIRE :: ARCHERS :: ARCHIE :: ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI :: ARGUS & THE LIAR :: ARIEL PINK'S HAUNTED GRAFFITI :: ARLO COOK :: ARMOUR FOU :: ARRAY :: ART OF ESCAPE :: THE ART OF FLYING KITES :: ARTAX MISSION :: AS THE PENNY DROPS :: THE ASTEROID BELT :: THE ATLANTIC STREET BAND :: ATLASIS & AMICA :: ATTILA MY HONEY :: ATTONBITUS :: AUBERON DANCE ACADEMY :: AUDIUM :: THE AUDREYS :: AUGUSTE :: AURA FORM :: AURORA :: THE AUTHENTIC REPLICAS :: AUXILLA :: AVANT GARDENERS :: THE AVES :: AVIATOR LANE :: AWKWARD LOVE TRIANGLE :: BABES ARE WOLVES :: BABYLON BURNING :: BACHELOR OF ARTS :: BACHELORETTE :: BACK$EAT ROMEOS :: BAD//DREEMS :: BAD LUCK CABARET :: THE BAKER SUITE :: THE BAKER'S DIGEST :: BAKEWELL STREET :: BALL PARK MUSIC :: BANG! BANG! AIDS! :: BANJO JACKSON :: BANJO WEATHERALD :: BANOFFEE :: BARCODE :: THE BARON :: THE BARONS OF TANG :: BASEBALL :: THE BASKERVILLES :: BASTARD SONS OF RUINATION :: BAT FOR LASHES :: BATPISS :: BATRIDER :: THE BATTERY KIDS :: BATTLEHOUNDS :: BATTLE POPE :: BATTLES :: BEACH HOUSE :: BEANIE MY FRIEND :: BEARDED GYPSY BAND :: THE BEARDS :: THE BEASTIE BOYS :: BEC STEVENS :: BED WETTER :: BEDHEAD :: THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER & HIS AWKWARDSTRA :: THE BEERBELLY BUSKERS :: BEFORE THE AFTERMATH :: BELITTLE LEAGUE :: THE BELLE CURVE :: THE BELLRAYS :: BELOVED ELK :: BEN GEL & THE BONEYARD SAINTS :: BEN ELY'S RADIO 5 :: BEN REVI :: BEN REVI ALL-STAR REVIVAL BAND :: BERMUDA BAY :: BETTY AIRS :: BIG BAD BARRY & THE DEAD SETS :: BIG DADDY'S DISCOTHEQUE :: BIG RICHARD INSECT :: BIG SCARY :: BIG SKY THEORY :: BIG YAWN :: BILLY BISHOP GOES TO WAR :: BILLY BOB'S BBQ JAM BAND :: BING GOES TO MONACO :: BINKY & THE BUNG MICS :: THE BIRD :: BIRD WIZDOM :: BIRTHGLOW :: BIT BY BATS :: BITCH PREFECT :: THE BITTER DARLINGS :: BITTER SWEET KICKS :: BJORK :: BLACK GOLD :: BLACK LIPS :: BLACKCHORDS :: THE BLACK AND WHITE :: BLACK CORAL :: THE BLACK DOVES :: THE BLACK HEART DEATH CULT :: BLACK KNIGHT :: BLAKE SABAN 3 :: BLAST RHOMBUS :: THE BLEEDING FLARES :: BLEEDING KNEES CLUB :: THESE BLESSED BONES :: THE BLIND HERD :: BLISTERED PALMS :: BLOOD PLASTIC :: BLOODHOUNDS ON MY TRAIL :: BLOW UP BETTY :: THE BLUEBERRIES :: BLUEJUICE :: BLUSH RESPONSE :: BOB DOWNE :: BOB LOG III :: BODY HORROR :: BOHOEFFER :: THE BON SCOTTS :: BOOSTER :: THE BORDERLAND :: BOS :: THE BOTTLEROCKETS :: BOX ELDER :: THE BOX ROCKETS :: THE BRIAN JONESTOWN MASSACRE :: BRENDAWG & THE DROID :: BRIANNA MAHONEY :: BRIARS :: BRILLIG :: BRITISH INDIA :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS :: THE BRITISH ROBOTS (DUO) :: BRONZE CHARIOT :: BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE :: BROKERS :: THE BROTHERS GOON :: BROTHERSISTER :: THE BROUHAHA :: BRUNATEX :: BUFFALO BOYFRIEND :: THE BUMBLEBEEZ :: BURAKA SOM SISTEMA :: BURIED FEATHER :: BURLESQUE BEAUTIES :: BURN THE ASHES :: THE BURNING SEA :: BURNING TOWER :: BURNSIDE MUMS :: BUSHIDO :: BUSTER FIDEZ :: BYE BYE MOUNTAIN :: THE BYZANTINES :: CABBAGE & KINGS :: CABIN CULTS :: CAL WILLIAMS JNR :: CALIFORNIA COUSIN :: CALLERDENIGHT :: CALLING ALL CARS :: CAM GOODALL :: CAMEROM MCTERNAN :: CAMP COPE :: CANDIDA :: CANIDAE :: CANIS VULPES :: CAPTAIN CLEANOFF :: CAPTAIN HELLFIRE & THE WRETCHED BRETHREN :: THE CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRY :: CAPTIVES :: CAR SEAT HEADREST :: CARLA LIPPIS & THE MARTIAL HEARTS :: THE CASIO BROTHERS :: CASKET CASE :: CASS McCOMBS :: CASSETTE KIDS :: CAT DOG BIRD :: CAT PARTY :: CELESTITE :: CENTAURZ :: CENTRAL DELI BAND :: CERES :: CESARE :: CHAPMAN STREET :: CHARLIE MONSOON :: CHASING PHOENIX :: CHEER ADVISORY COUNCIL :: CHERRY GRIND :: THE CHEVRON WHORES :: CHÉRIE DE KLERK :: CHILD :: CHILDREN COLLIDE :: CHINESE NEW YEAR :: CHRIS FINNEN :: CHORAL GRIEF :: CHVRCHES :: CIARAM GRANGER :: CIRCLE CLAN :: CIRCUS ARCADE :: THE CITRADELS :: CITRUS JAM :: CITY CALM DOWN :: CITY RIOTS :: THE CLANGERS :: CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH :: THE CLIQUE :: CLOUD CONTROL :: CLOUD NOTHINGS :: THE CLOWNS OF DECADENCE :: CLUE TO KALO :: COBRA :: COCK :: COERCE :: COG :: COLLARBONES :: COLLIDE/ESCAPE :: COLLIDER :: COLONEL KERNEL :: COLORBLIND :: COLOURISE :: CONCHILLIA :: CONSOLE WARRIORS :: COOKIE BAKER :: COOKIE BAKER & HER SPECIAL SECRET SPELLS :: COOL JUMPER :: COOL JUMPER & TANTIVY FAIR :: COOPS & THE BIRD :: CORPUS :: CORTEZ :: COSMO BLACK :: COSMO THUNDERCAT :: COSMO THUNDERCAT (DUO) :: COUNTERFEIT TRAITOR :: COY CARP :: CRACKWHORE :: THE CRAVES :: THE CRAYON FIELDS :: CREEPERS :: CRUSTY SUITCASE BAND :: THE CRYING GAME :: CUB SCOUTS :: CURSES :: CUT COPY :: CUT OFF YOUR HANDS :: THE DAIRY BROTHERS :: DAISY BUCHANAN :: DAIYE SPA :: DALLAS FRASCA :: DALLI :: DAMN ARMS :: DAMN TERRAN :: DAMNED MEN :: DAMO SUZUKI NETWORK :: DAN DEVLIN :: DANCE TIL YOU CAN'T SAY YEAH! :: DANGER & PLASTIC :: DANGEROUS! :: DANIEL VARRICCHIO :: DANIELE VILELLA :: DANVERS :: DANVERS & GHOST KNIFE :: DAPPLED CITIES :: THE DARDANELLES :: THE DARK LIGHTS :: DAS UBBERDUNG :: DAVE PHILLIPS :: DAY RAVIES :: DAYDREAM :: THE DAYLIGHT BRAVES :: DAYSWORTH FIGHTING :: THE DEAD BELLS :: DEAD END FRIENDS :: DEAD FRENCHMEN :: DEAD JOE :: DEAD POPES OF THE VATICAN :: DEADLY ARE THE NAKED :: DEAFAULT :: DEAR PLASTIC :: DEEP SEA ARCADE :: THE DEER JOHNS :: DEERHUNTER :: DEJA :: DEJA ENTENDU :: DELIA OBST :: THE DELTA RIGGS :: DELUSIONS OF GRANDMA :: DESCRIBE ELIZA :: DESERT CROOKS :: A DEVIL AMONGST THE TAILORS :: DEVIL ELECTRIC :: THE DEVILROCK FOUR :: DEXTER JONES :: DIAMOND SINS :: DIANA SCALZI :: DICK DIVER :: DIE! DIE! DIE! :: DIESEL WITCH :: DIIV :: DIPLOMAT :: DIPSTONE :: DIRT PLAYGROUND :: THE DIRTY MONKS :: DIRTY WOLVES :: THE DIVINE FLUXUS :: DIZZEE RASCAL :: DJ KELE OKEREKE :: DJ SHADOW :: DJ SPOZ :: DJANGO ROWE TRIO :: DMA'S :: DOE :: DOM TRIMBOLI & THE WIZARDS :: DON MORRISON :: DONNARUMMA :: DOUBLE DENIM :: DOUBLE DRAGON :: DOUBLE HANDED :: DOZERS :: DRAWN FROM BEES :: THE DREAMBOATS :: DRILLER JET ARMSTRONG :: THE DRONES :: DROPLET :: DRUID FLUIDS :: DRUNK MUMS :: DUD PILLS :: DUKES OF WINDSOR :: DUMB EARTH :: DUNE RATS :: THE DUNES :: DUNGEN :: DUSTY LEE :: DUSTY LEE & THE ANGELS OF GUNG HO :: DUSTY LEE'S WASTED WANDERERS :: DYSPORA :: DZ :: DZ DEATHRAYS :: EAST END VILLAINS :: ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN :: ECHO & THE EMPRESS :: EDDY CURRENT SUPPRESSION RING :: EGYPT :: THE EL CAMINOS :: ELECTRIC EXILES :: ELECTRIC FIELDS :: ELECTRIC WIDOWS ::ELEPHANT :: THE ELEVENTH HOUR :: THE E.L.F. :: ELLEN KIBBLE :: EL-P :: ELVIS :: EMDEE :: EMERGENCY RULE :: EMILY DAVIS :: EMILY WYATT :: EMPERORS :: EMMA HORWOOD :: EMPIRE VAGABOND :: ENCARTA :: ENDLESS NAMELESS :: ENEMY OF :: ENNIS TOLA :: ENVY STREET :: ES IST SUPER :: EVEN :: EXPATRIATE :: THE EXPLODERS :: EXPLODING PLASTIC INEVITABLE :: EZRA HOPE :: FACEMEAT :: FACEMEAT - A ROCK OPERA :: FAITH NO MORE :: FAIR MAIDEN :: THE FAK :: FAKE LAKE :: FAKE TAN :: FASCINATOR :: THE FAT SACK :: FAT TAILED ANTICHINUS :: FAVOUR THE BRAVE :: FEAR AND LOATHING :: THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS :: FEIST :: FEMME FATALES :: FERGUS O'REGAN :: FEZ FAANANA :: FIGHTERPILOT :: A FILM FOR THE FUTURE :: FILTHY LUCRE :: THE FINISHING SCHOOL :: FINNEN & DAVIDSON :: THE FINNS :: FIRS :: FISHING WITH HENRY :: FIRE! SANTA ROSA, FIRE! :: FIST PUMP, FIST BUMP :: FISTFUL OF TROJANS :: FKA TWIGS :: THE FLEEING MINDS :: FLEUR GREEN :: FLEUR GREEN & THE KEEPERS :: THE FLOORS :: FLORENCE & THE MACHINE :: FLUME :: THE FOLKO-OH-NOES :: FONT PLAYS FONT :: FORCES :: FOREIGN/NATIONAL :: FOREST OF GNOMES :: FORMER CHILD STARS :: FOX FAEHRMANN :: FOXX ON FIRE :: FRANZ FERDINAND :: FRAUD MILLIONAIRES :: FREESTATE :: FRESH KILLS :: FRIDAY'S FOX :: FRIENDS :: FROM THE DEAD SEA :: FULL CONTACT SAFARI :: THE FUMES :: FUNK LATIN UNION :: FUNKOARS :: FUTURE FARM :: FUTURE ISLANDS :: THE FYOOGS :: GALAPAGOOSE :: GALAXY CAT :: GALLEON :: GARDEN RUIN :: GAVIN DE ALMEIDA :: GAY PARIS :: THE GELS :: GEMINI DOWNS :: GENERATION SWINE :: GEORDIE LITTLE :: GERMEIN SISTERS :: GG ALAN BINDIG :: GHOST WALK :: GHOUL :: GHYTI :: GHYTI (DUO) :: GHYTI & THE PHILANTHROPIC ORCHESTRA :: GINDIANA BONES AND THE SEVERAL KIDNEYS OF THE UNDERGROUND TRAIN STATION :: GINFOX VS HELLO NEWMAN :: GIRL TALK :: THE GIVEAWAYS :: GLASS :: GLASS DUNES :: GLASS SKIES :: GLASS TOWERS :: GLISK :: GNARLS BARKLEY :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT :: GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT (Lounge Set) :: GOLD BLOOM :: THE GOOD CHINA :: GOOD BOY :: GOONBOMB :: GOON WIZARRD :: GOTYE :: GRACE: THE SONGS OF JEFF BUCKLEY :: GRACE GOODFELLOW :: GRAFTON PRIMARY :: THE GRAND RAPIDS :: THE GRATES :: GRAVEYARD TRAIN :: GREAT GABLE :: THE GREETING METHOD :: GRENADIERS :: GREY DATURAS :: GRIMES :: GRIMEY :: GROOVE ARMADA :: GROUND COMPONENTS :: THE GROWL :: GUILLAUME SOLO ACOUSTIC :: GUINEAFOWL :: GUN IT :: GÜNTER & THE SAFEWORD :: GYRO :: HAIM :: HAL BIRD :: HALCYON DRIVE :: HALFWAY TO FORTH :: HANNAH FAIRLAMB :: THE HAPPY ENDINGS :: HAPPY SOMETIMES :: HAR MAR SUPERSTAR :: THE HARD ACHES :: HARMLESS HUNTER :: HARMONY :: HARRY FREEMAN :: HARTS :: HAWKS OF ALBA :: HAYSTACKS CALHOON :: HEAPS GOOD FRIENDS :: HEATH WEBER :: HEKYL :: HELLO, LOVER :: HELLO NEWMAN :: HELMET :: HESTON DROP :: HEY FEVER :: HEY LADY! :: HI, I'M RECLUSIVE AUTHOR THOMAS PYNCHON :: HIGH STAKES :: HIGH TENSION :: HIGH VIOLET :: HIGHTIME :: HILLS & TRAINS :: HIT THE JACKPOT :: THE HOLD STEADY :: THE HOLIDAYS :: HOLOGRAPHIC CHARIZARD :: HOLOGRAPHIC COLTS :: HOLY FUCK :: HOLY HOLY :: THE HOLY SEA :: HOLY SERPENT :: HOME FOR THE DEF :: THE HONEY PIES :: HORROR MY FRIEND :: HOSPITAL THE MUSICAL :: HOT WINGS :: HOUSE OF JADE :: HOWL AT THE MOON :: HOWL 'N BONES :: HOWLING BELLS :: THE HOWLING FOG :: HUMBLE BEE :: HUMMINGBIRD :: HUNGRY KIDS OF HUNGARY :: THE HUNTED CROWS :: HURRICANE JANE :: HURRICANES :: THE HUSHES :: HUXLEY :: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT WEEZER :: I HEART HIROSHIMA :: I, A MAN :: ICE ON MERCURY :: ID :: IGGY POP & THE STOOGES :: IIAH :: ILLICIT EVE :: IMMIGRANT UNION :: IMOGEN BRAVE :: IMPARTIAL :: THE IMPOSSIBLE QUICHE :: THE INCHES :: INDIAGO :: INSTITUT POLAIRE :: INTERCOOLER :: INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF MOJO :: THE INTERNET :: INTERPOL :: INTERZONE EXPRESS :: INTROVERT :: INUETTE :: INWOODS :: IRAAN SANADZADEH :: IRIDIUM :: IRIE KNIGHTS :: THE IRRESPONSIBLES :: ISLE OF CAPRI :: ISLE OF VISION :: IT'S A HOAX :: IT'S A HOAX (INSTRUMENTAL) :: IT'S WARSAW :: IVORY :: J-LO BIAFRA :: J-WAH :: JACK LONDON :: JACKSON FIREBIRD :: JAMES PARRY :: JANE'S ADDICTION :: JAPAM :: JAPANDROIDS :: JAPANTHER :: JARVIS :: JARVIS COCKER :: JASON SIMON (DEAD MEADOW) :: JAY WALKER AND THE PEDESTRIANS :: JAYNE-ANNE POWER :: JEFF MARTIN & TEREPAI RICHMOND :: JESS KENT :: JESS PORTER :: JESSE DAVIDSON :: JESSE FRANCIS :: JESUS CHRIST POSSE :: THE JEZABELS :: JIKA :: JIMMY & THE MIRRORS :: JIMMY EAT WORLD :: JIMMY MARIN :: JIMMY MOUNTAIN :: JOE MCKEE :: JOEL STERN :: JOEL STERN, CURED PINK & TIMOTHY TATE :: THE JOHN STEEL SINGERS :: JOHNNY AMERICAN HORSE :: JON ADDAMS :: JON MARCO :: JON MORTIMER :: JONNY BLIZZARD :: JORDAN TITO :: JOSH CALLIGEROS :: JOURNEY WELL SPACE WIZARD :: JOY & SPARKS :: JP COE & THE DELEGATES :: JUDGE MENTAL :: JUMP! YOU REVOLUTIONARY :: JUNGLE CITY :: JUNGLEMIRE :: JUPITER :: JUPITER (DUO) :: JUPITER LEAD :: KAB SAVVY :: KAHL WALLIS :: KAMIKAZE :: KAMIKAZE TRIO :: KANGAROO SKULL :: KARL MELVIN :: KASABIAN :: KASAVETT :: KATE VIGO & THE UNDERGROUND ORCHESTRA :: KAURNA CRONIN :: KAZKARIV :: THE KEEPSAKES :: KELLIE LLOYD :: KELLY MENHENNETT :: KELSHY :: THE KEMP BROTHERS :: KHAN :: KID SAM :: KIDS IN CULTS :: KIDS WITH TEETH :: KIKUYU :: THE KILL DEVIL HILLS :: KILLER BIRDS :: THE KILLBOT FACTORY :: THE KILLGIRLS :: KING DADDY :: KING GIZZARD & THE LIZARD WIZARD :: KING KRILL :: KING KRULE :: KING OF THE NORTH :: KINGSTON DOWNES :: KINGSWOOD :: KINS :: KIRK SPECIAL :: KIRK WATT :: KITCHEN WITCH :: KITTEN KONG :: KITTYHAWK :: KOI CHILD :: KORAL :: KORAL & THE GOODBYE HORSES :: KRIS WANDERS :: KRISTINA MILTIADOU :: KURT VILE :: KYLIE BRICE TRIO :: KYRI :: KYTES OF OMAR :: LA FEMME LE FEVER :: LADY GUNG-HO & THE ANGELS OF STRANGELOVE :: LADY STRANGELOVE :: THE LADYBEATLES :: LADYHAWKE :: LAHARA :: LANCE LAZER & TALIBAND :: LARSEN :: LAST DAYS OF KALI :: LAST DINOSAURS :: THE LAST SUPPER :: LATE NIGHT MATINEE :: LATER THAT NIGHT :: LAURA HILL :: LAURA IMBRUGLIA :: LAW & DISORDER :: LAZARO'S DOG :: LC3'S :: LEAD WORM :: LEADER CHEETAH :: LEFT :: LEGENDS OF MOTORSPORT :: LEIGHSTARDUST :: THE LEITMOTIF :: LEITMOTIV LIMBO :: LE GATEAU CHOCOLAT :: LEMURIAN :: LENIN MCCARTHY :: LEO :: LEAPING FELIX :: LES SAVY FAV :: THE LEVITATORS :: LIFE IN LETTERS :: LIGHTS :: LIKE KITES :: LIKE LEAVES :: LIL VALENTINE :: LILY MOJITO :: LILLY SIM :: LILLYS RADIO :: LINE HONOURS :: LIPSMACK :: LITTLE BRIDGET :: LITTLE CAPTAIN :: LITTLE DRAGON :: LITTLE DUST :: LITTLE ICE AGE :: LITTLE PRINCE :: LITTLE TWO EYES :: THE LIZARDS :: LO! :: LOADED LEOPARD :: LOCAL REVOLUTION :: LOEMAX :: THE LONDON ROAD POETS :: THE LONELINESS OF A MIDDLE DISTANCE RUNNER :: LONELY FIRE :: LONG WALK HOME :: LONI RAE :: LOON LAKE :: LORDE :: LOST COSMONAUT :: THE LOST SHOW :: LOST VALENTINOS :: LOST WOODS :: LOUIS DONNARUMMA :: LOUISE ADAMS :: LOUISE & THE TORNADOS :: LOUISE ADAMS & THE FRINGE DWELLERS :: LOVE CREAM :: THE LOVE JUNKIES :: LOVE OF DIAGRAMS :: LOVE STEREO :: LOVE ZOMBIES :: THE LUCKSMITHS :: LUKE ASHBY BAND :: LUKE CARLINO :: LUKE DUX :: LUKE ESCOMBE :: LUKE EYGENRAAM :: LUKE GOLDING :: THE LUKE LOUIE TRIO :: LUMONICS :: LYLA :: MAC DEMARCO :: MACH PELICAN :: MACKENZIE :: MAD SHAPES :: MADCLASSIC :: MAGGIE & LOUIS :: MAGIC BONES :: THE MAGNETS :: MAKING :: MAMMAL :: MAMMOTH :: MAMMOTH LOGIC :: MANE :: MANI NEUMEIER & THE BITCHES OF ZEUS :: MANOR :: MARCUS COROWA :: MARK CURTIS & THE FLANNELETTES :: MARK CURTIS BAND :: MARCUS WARNECKE & SAM PORTER :: MARDEN :: MARGARET LLOYD & SEB TONKIN :: MARK CURTIS :: MARLA SINGER :: MARY TREMBLES :: MARY WEBB :: MASSIVE :: MASTER'S CURIOUS DELIRIUM :: THE MATEHS :: MATHEMATIC :: MATHIEU WERCHOWSKI :: MATT BANHAM :: MATTHEW BARLOW :: MATT HAYWARD :: MATTHEW MILES :: MAX SAVAGE :: MAX SAVAGE & THE FALSE IDOLS :: MAYDAY FAIR :: MAYFIELD :: MCKISKO :: MEAKE :: MEANWELL COLLEGE :: THE MEDICS :: MEGAFAUNA :: MENAGERIE :: MERCY ARMS :: MERE THEORY :: THE MESS HALL :: MESSRS :: METHYL ETHEL :: METZ :: MEZZANINE :: MICHAEL STOWERS :: MICK ARMSTRONG, ANDY ARMSTRONG & STAN BASTIRAS :: THE MIDDLE EAST :: MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS :: THE MILTON EXPERIENCE :: MIKE MCKEON :: MIKE RADZEVICIUS :: MIKE TILBROOK :: MIKEY (EX ARTAX MISSION) :: MINDSHOWER :: MIO :: MIRRORLINE :: THE MISCHIEF :: MISCHIEF THE CAT :: MISS GOLLY GOSH :: MISS RENEE SIMONE :: THE MISSION IN MOTION :: MM9 :: MOGERLAINE :: THE MOLTING VULTURES :: MOMOKO SODA :: MONA LISA OVERDRIVE :: MONDO PHASE BAND :: MONEY FOR ROPE :: THE MONIKERS :: MONKEY PUZZLE TREE :: THE MONSTER SOCIETY OF EVIL :: MOODY BELLES :: MOONFAKER :: MOONHUNTER :: MORALS OF A MINOR :: THE MORNING AFTER GIRLS :: MOTHER'S CAKE :: THE MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS :: MOTHERSLUG :: THE MOTIVE :: MOTOWN CONNECTION :: MOUNTAIN STATIC :: MOUNTAIN STRANGER :: MOUNTAINS IN THE SKY :: MOUNTBATTEN :: MOURGOS GRUND :: THE MOURNING SONS :: MOVE TO STRIKE :: MOVIN' MELVIN BROWN :: MR ROSEWATER :: MR WEDNESDAY :: MUM'S TENNIS FRIENDS :: MUMFORD & SONS :: MUNCHKIN :: MUSCLE CAR VS HIGH STAKES :: MUSTERED COURAGE :: MUTEMATH :: MY DISCO :: MY SISTER THE COP :: MYLES MAYO :: N.A.S.A. :: NAKATOMI :: NAOMI KEYTE :: NAOMI KEYTE & TANNON KEW :: NATHAN KAYE :: NAZZ AND THE RED PONIES :: NEO FIX :: NEOHIP :: NEON BOGART :: NEON ELECTRIC :: NEREEDA :: NERVOUS GERBAL :: THE NEW CABAL :: NEW PANTS :: NEW POLLUTANTS :: NEW TRANSLATION :: NICK MURPHY :: THE NEW VAGUE :: NEW WHITE SNEAKERS :: NEW YORK DOLLS :: NEWTONHEATH :: NICHOLAS ALLBROOK :: NICK OLIVERI :: NICK OLIVERI & FILTHY LUCRE :: NICKER TEENS :: NIGEL KOOP & STEVIE BEE :: NIKAI :: NIKKO :: NIKKO & SNOOKS :: NITIDUS :: NO BIRDS :: NO THROUGH ROAD :: NO ZU :: NOBODY KNEW THEY WERE ROBOTS :: THE NOVOCAINES :: NUVO :: THE NYMPHS :: O' LITTLE SISTER :: THE OCEAN PARTY :: OCEANICS :: ODYSSEY :: THE OFFCUTS :: OH MERCY :: OH MINOR :: OH MY GUARD! 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:: Tuesday, September 02, 2003

the more I live in this world..
the more I see that it is broken..
corrupt..
twisted..
I dunno, it at least needs a shitload of scotch tape..
perhaps some crazy glue.. a few extra doorknobs..

and being the misguided fool that I am..
I have a few suggestions on how to fix this fucked up little planet we cheerfully refer to as "earth"..

ALL CARS - MADE OUT'VE NERF
dozens of other people have come up with this idea, so.. it's in no way original.. but.. yet more reason why this idea makes sense! we've ALL BEEN THINKIN' IT!! why don't we make all cars from nerf? and while we're at it.. do it to all the vans, motorbikes, trucks, SUV's, wot'ever.. let's nerf up the planes, trains AND automobiles.. lets nerf the roadways.. coz, the sooner we do this, the sooner we elimate any NEED for speed limits, any need for breath testing, no more road fatalities! no more needless death! fuckit, with a car made out've nerf.. you could be a "weekend at bernies" corpse, operated by remote control from somewhere in the north pole, by a clinically dead from alcohol poisoning drunk dyslexic eskimo, who's relinquished his driving duties to his faithful near blind one-eyed walrus named doris, speeding that nerf car down a side street at 200 km/h.. and it'd still be safe! you don't need an airbag.. your CAR is an airbag!
imagine how much more fun the roads would be! they'd be safe for the kids.. playing in traffic will never be the same.. happily bouncing off cars as they colide with you head on, happily swerve, spin and knock about like dodgums.. till they're on their merry little way at a zillion miles per hour.. no more road rage!
and if we made planes out've nerf sooner.. we could've avoided the 9/11 disaster.. that nerf plane would've just bounced off the world trade towers and pinballed itself to a 3 point landing.. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS!?? C'MON!! think of the benefits!
YES! with cars made out've nerf.. everytime you cross the road, it's like a traffic group hug.. spread the love people!! give the pedestrians the GIFT OF NERF!! we know the kids dig it.. so, why dont we nerf the planet? really.. it's a idea that CAN'T GO WRONG!

A REAL JEDI ACADEMY IN EVERY CITY
anyone who's ever bought the Star Wars prequel DVD's.. flipped thru the extra doco's.. and seen Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Samuel L Jackson.. etc, duke it out in training.. doing all those funkin' jedi attack moves.. have probably thought about this idea.. (I cant be the only one.. right?)
for purposes of the film they got kung fu experts n shit.. to combine a whole bunch of martial arts disciplines.. to form the "jedi fighting style".. and I'm thinkin'... it's about time, we bring the public in on this one..
why should only the hollywood elite get the chance to smack-down with plastic light-sabres like professionals.. when the rest of us slobs for years, having been labouring around with bad techniques and crappy posture.. in a world on the brink as it is now, with idiots like George W (Chimp) Bush rattling around like a miniature Emperor Palpatine.. WE NEED JEDIS.. we need training schools.. WE NEED AN ELITE FIGHTING FORCE OF NINJA's TO BRING JUSTICE TO THIS WORLD!! see how well that training worked for Silent Bob, in those KEVIN SMITH movies? it can work for us too.. plus.. finally we'll solve the obesity problem.. as millions upon millions of dumpy nerds finally emerge from their dark moldy junkfood encrusted computer terminals.. to accept the ultimate challenge.. JEDI ACADEMY.. and get some fuckin' exercise!! and if we finally get the nerds out for a bit of fresh air for a change.. imagine how much BETTER our world would be.. finally the stodgy fuckers will think straight.. and finally they might design software and hardware solutions that WORK, for NORMAL PEOPLE!! YES!! coz, if anything can fix this world.. if anything can fight back the armies of TREKKIES choking up the world.. it's an oposing force of highly trained JEDI KNIGHTS!

THE HACKERS WORK FOR US!
We all know MICROSOFT is the BEAST.. but, really.. wot are we doing to stop them? countless tiny individual hackers, and script kiddie wannabies.. are doing their best to bring down the tyrant.. by writing nuisance software who's sole purpose seems to be making consumer's lives a misery.. and making ANTI-VIRUS companies filthy idiot rich.. a world of fear, is not a world we should be living with.. we shouldn't be living in fear of viruses, worms and denial of service attacks.. why are the hackers attacking US to get to THEM? wouldn't it be better.. if instead of them all working individually to piss US off.. we instead.. with a tiny bit of investment.. unite them.. as a singular force.. a software / hardware giant.. to RIVAL MICROSOFT.. a computer company, run.. from the top down.. the bottom up.. by 100% elite hackers.. wot better way to crush MICROSOFT's monopoly.. if we have an equivalent sized rival.. staffed by minions who've spent their entire lives finding weaknesses and exploits in their software.. and just THINK of all the cool shit they could bring us? they obviously know how to fuck up PC's with amazing ferocity.. so, why not get them to work for us.. build us a better future.. use their EVIL for GOOD! the ultimate people's uprising in computing and consumer electronics.. the ultimate in DIY technology..

ALL WARS SHOULD BE SOLVED BY THUMB WRESTLE
it's an ingenious 2-fold plan.. first off, we go to the UN.. and enact a law, that ALL territorial disputes, religious disagreements, battles for resources or CNN ratings.. should now be resolved by thumb wrestle.. for one, it'd eradicate all the senseless killing that goes on in this world.. coz, wot could be more fair than a thumb wrestle? it's next to impossible to train y'self an advantage.. there's not really much muscle density you could build IN a thumb.. and since the "battle" itself.. would play so much to chance.. the risk would be too great for most nations, and they'd willingly accept diplomacy instead.. also, it'd slash defense budgets next to 0.. and put that vast capital towards something ACTUALLY WORTHWHILE.. like, fuckit.. I dunno.. feeding the starving billions in this world, fixing up the environment.. if we took all the money the USA spends alone on ITS military.. and freed it up for domestic / international spending / aid relief / education and health.. how much better would we all be? why do we spend SO MUCH MONEY either preventing.. or causing MASSIVE violence to our own species.. yes, yes.. I know.. it's a dopey DISNEY-ESQUE bambi question.. "why's there so much violence in da world daddy?".. but, if we disarmed the planet, put in place the "thumb wrestling" act.. freed up all that money.. to do GOOD and NOT evil.. then, fuckit.. we'd be much better off..
we'd solve terrorism too.. coz, WOT DEMENTED REASON WOULD TERRORISTS HAVE TO BLOW US UP.. if we actually SPENT MONEY TO MAKE THEIR LIVES AND THE LIVES OF THEIR COUNTRY BETTER!?? HUH?? no point dropping bombs on them.. only to have them drop bombs on us.. violence begets violence.. but, thumb wrestling.. is just a short step away from a handshake of agreement to end all this sillyness.. you just know it's gonna work!

ELECTIONS SHOULD BE RUN LIKE REALITY TV
we all know the bastards are never honest, we know the minute they get into a position of power they're just gonna fuck things up, raise taxes, cut spending to health and education.. raise spending on this ridiculous "war on terror" and the even more ridiculous "war on drugs", pollute the air, sea and land.. and embarass us overseas.. and wot opportunity, wot REAL forwarning do we have.. to wot magnitude they'll make a mess of our country? a few polished political debates? some pre-written spin doctored speeches? some promises we'll know will be broken? some heavily edited soundbytes? fuckall when ya think about it.. and a total mockery of the democratic system.. when we're presented with (at best) 2 candidates.. who merely look / act and think alike.. to further the aims of big business.. FUCK THAT!
no.. I have a better plan.. to REALLY find someone to run a country.. we run the elections like a reality tv show.. with cameras EVERYWHERE to record all their moves.. all their mistakes.. all their scheming.. imagine if you will, a bunch of political candidates dumped onto an isolated tropical island, locked in a compound with 24 hour total camera coverage, put thru a humiliating talent contest.. all without their script writers, spin doctors, minders, image consultants n wot'not.. lets see them crawl thru the mud.. lets see them in their true colours.. lets follow their every move.. as we put them through all sorts of ridiculous and demeaning challenges.. let us sort out the weak from the strong, the dumb from the smart, the decietful from the honest.. lets laugh like idiots.. when we get to VOTE THESE BASTARDS OFF!! and when, finally.. one of them makes it to the end.. they get to run the country for a few years.. BUT, we will still be able to use our SMS / phone votes (or wot'ever) to veto any really STUPID ideas these guys may have.. AND, we'll keep those camera's on 'em..
if we wanna set up a surveillance state.. a police state.. who do we trust less? the people? or the politics? I say.. point it all at them.. and we'll sort the fuckers out..


(note: I'll add more silly suggestions when I think 'em up.. stay tuned ;) )

:: Spoz 5:10 PM |
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