:: Monday, August 11, 2003
just thinkin' out loud here..
(coz, hey.. why else would I write crap here?)
for the last few years.. we've been running around like idiots with our "war on terror", which.. I'm thinkin', has been about as successful as the "war on drugs" (if any of you have seen the movie "TRAFFIC" you'll know exactly wot I mean.. )
so.. here's my useful (possibly misguided) suggestions on how to deal with the war on terror..
1. send SWAT teams into the suburbs, and weed out every single "quiet, unremarkable guy.. seems nice enough, usually keeps to himself", coz if we've learnt ANYTHING from the news, it's these guys who're most likely to waltz into a shopping centre with an arnie load of weapons and peppercorn the place to cinders..
2. remove ALL copies of the book "Catcher in the Rye" and the song "Helter Skelter" from sale.. (whether performed by the Beatles, or covered by Jimi Hendrix or U2). It's a proven fact, that at least once.. maniacal killers have used these cultural icons as their themes.. while we're at it.. I'd be extra careful with SESAME STREET, anything DISNEY or the WIGGLES.. and right away start thinkin' about removing ALL Shakespeare teachin' in highschools.. who KNOWS wot crazy mind they'll inspire to violence!!?? it's always the quiet happy shiney colourful things that tip people over the edge into insanity..
3. there should be NO entry requirements needed to be elible to attend art school.. this is to prevent any future ADOLF HITLERS.. who, rejected from a relatively peaceful world of watercolour paintin'.. decided instead to paint western europe red with blood.. and once we have 'em in art school.. DONT LET THEM OUT!! we've all seen the movie "SE7EN", we've seen countless other serial killer movies - there's a very thin (and often crossed) line between FINE ART and SERIAL KILLING.. just keep 'em locked up in the happy circuit of studio residency's and gallery tours.. and I think the world would be a much safer and much more colourful world to live in.. it worked with Marilyn Manson with his music and art.. so hey, it could work for ANYONE!
4. send UN weapons inspectors to regular trips around the USA.. keep an independant record of all their chemical weapons, biological weapons, nuclear weapons and self help gurus.. be especially vigilant against OPRAH WINFREY.. (she is EVIL I tell's YA!! EEEVIIiiiL!!). I'd also freeze any "hidden" international bank accounts with links to USA foreign arms dealings.. lets not pretend it doesn't happen.. it happened in the past, it's gonna happen now! where else do ya think all these terrorist groups get all their nifty weapons and training from??
5. As part of the usual international aid and fundin' us first world slobs send to the 3rd world (which usually gets diverted to fundin' crazed skirmishes and civil wars anywaze) we should send large shipments of oldskool 80's death metal CD's.. coz, if there's one thing I've learnt about death metal.. is that despite their fans wearing black, growing their hair long, lookin' all freaky n evil and satan growling out funny lyrics about elves, dwarves, magical swords and other tolkienesque bollocks.. they more than likely to be nice to their mom, never drink alcohol, happily work shitty jobs to collect vast back catalogues of SLAYER B-side japanese imports.. and otherwise act real placcid n happy to each other in a decent and respectable way.. it's a proven fact that MUSIC CALMS the SAVAGE BEAST.. so, lets spread the love hey? lets get all those underprivelidged war torn countries head bangin' together in harmony.. they may be scarier to watch.. but at least they'll be friendlier once all that aggression is out've their system..
6. We (the rest of the world) would prefer, in any future HOLLYWOOD movie releases, to remove ALL or ANY references to overblown US patriotism.. just this once, we'd like to see you guys keep quiet without gettin' all schmoopy with the flag waving and the big speeches about it being "not just america's independance day.. but the WORLD's independance day.." look.. we GET IT ALREADY.. over 200 years is LONG ENOUGH to continually harp about beating the english in a turf war.. who cares anymore!!?? you won your independance ages ago.. just fuckin' enjoy it.. and SHUT UP ABOUT IT.. coz, beating the english? really.. NOT SO HARD! we do it aaaaall the time here.. it's fun :)
the more you crap on about "WE THE BRAVE, WE THE FREE".. the more we wanna free OURSELVES from twats like you.. if you really wanna show the USA is a free democracy? start ACTING like one.. get ya populace to actually VOTE in elections for once.. (kick out BUSH at the next election while yer at it.. the world ain't his cowboy n indians fantasy), I mean.. SHIT guys, practice wot ya preach mmmkay?
if we'd just follow these suggestions.. the world would be a much friendlier place..
(as long as I discount the possible tonne of flam mail I'll get from this blog.. hahahhaha.. HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR, OKAY?? if you're name isn't OPRAH or BUSH, I'm not making this personal!)
:: Spoz 4:22 PM |