:: Tuesday, January 07, 2003
for some inexplicable reason,
I seem to be hit with a case of apprehension..
a sense of guilt..
like, somehow.. taking that small time out from Christmas to New Years wuzn't the good thing..
like in some way, I should've just kept going.. full throttle.. workaholic.. thru all barriers..
disregarding all personal commitments.. any social norms.. and just ran that marathon dusk to dawn..
and now, here I am.. working on this music.. feeling all sorts of guilt..
coz, this is what I want to be doing..
wot I feel I should be doing..
it's about the music duuuude!
but, considering it's actually fun.. I feel somehow like it's not wot I should be doing..
in this society, fun = not real work = bad
like I should be doing something more mind numbing, more 9 to 5..
like I should be living upto this modern culture of insomniac workaholism..
all work, no play.. till you die..
damn this guilt..
it's a silly feeling..
Centrelink bugging me just when I'm taking a breather also certainly ain't helping..
(they always get me edgy)
but, somehow.. I still got this stupid feeling of guilt..
so, just thought I'd acknowledge it..
and hopefully move on..
coz, it's not really all that helpful..
so, here I am.. hoping to get all these "creative" things out there.. before, various other forces, as they usually want to do.. eventually wear me down (like they do to everyone sooner or later) and conspire to make my life nothing more than a endless grey meaningless drudge..
sooner or later, you give up..?
I sure fucken hope not.
I still got a lot of fight left in me..
I wanna do something meaningful..
I wanna do something that counts..
I wanna leave my mark on the world..
I want them to think back, and smile..
yeah.. that'd be cool..
am I making any sense here?
:: Spoz 4:01 AM |